Table of Contents
From Part 1:”My best friend is…” She gestured at nothing in particular about nothing in particular, at least not that he could discern. “I... I...” More gestures. Back and forth. “You! I...” Back and forth.
And then she stopped in front of him with a look of horror, her eyes tracing the contours of his face as if she couldn’t quite make something add up. “I dug a bullet out of your shoulder, Clark. *Your* shoulder. Right there, I dug it out.” She reached up and ran her hand across his left shoulder. A tear slipped down her cheek and her voice hitched. “And you were lying on the ground, and I thought you were going to die, and that was you all along.”
“I’m fine, Lois,” he tried to reassure her, but as usual, he had managed to find the exact wrong thing to say, he realized belatedly. All she would need was a few seconds.
This was going to be every bit the horrific scene he had always imagined would happen when he told her. And he steeled himself for it, trying desperately not to let himself crumble in the weight of her teary gaze. Because sooner or later she was going to connect the rest of the dots and -
He shook his head and embraced her anyway. “I’m so sorry, Lois.”
“All along!” Lois continued woefully. “A bullet, Clark!” The springs were winding up. “A bul -“ Snap. “YOU LET ME THINK YOU WERE DEAD!”
He cringed inwardly as she pulled away.
********
Now read on...Clark was Superman. That meant he couldn't die, at least not from a bullet or three. Memories of her grief over Clark's death plus his "miraculous" resurrection just a few days ago washed over her anew. Of course now she knew exactly how Clark had survived Clyde Barrow's bullets. There was no magical cloning process that had helped Superman revive his dead friend.
It was just as well Clark had fallen asleep while she had been pouring her guts out to him, believing she might have been feeling something more for him than just friendship. Her face reddened, not only with embarrassment over her narrow escape but also because of her growing anger.
"HOW COULD YOU?" she screamed at him as she could no longer hold in the flood of emotions. She resumed her assault on his chest with her fists, beating uselessly against him. Tears streamed down her cheeks, blurring her vision.
"Lois, please," pleaded Clark, who grabbed her hands between his own and held onto them. "Let me explain!"
"Get out! Get out! Get out!" Lois screamed, struggling to free herself from his grip. But the toll of her emotions was too great. It was just too hard. Her legs gave way and she began to fall.
Clark held onto her and pulled her into his chest, resting her head on his shoulder. Despite the turmoil, Lois could feel herself calming down slowly but surely, something only Clark seemed to be able to do even when she was mad at him. The great, tearing sobs slowed to the occasional sniffle in just a few short minutes.
She thought back to the dreadful incident just a short while ago. Visions of Clark falling to the floor of Georgie Hairdo's casino went through her mind. And then there was the great emptiness that she had felt over the next day, thinking she had lost her best friend. That had been the worst, believing that her own careless actions had led to the death of her partner. But he had never died in the first place.
Now her world was turned upside down. She didn't know what to think anymore. Everything she had thought was true was seemingly wrong. Clark didn't love Mayson Drake as she had originally believed, but now Clark wasn't even who she had thought he was. He had always been somewhat of a contradiction, facing danger without flinching and saving her life a number of times in the past, yet at other times running away from danger ostensibly going for help which never arrived except in the form of a red cape and blue spandex.
Now with his identity revealed, everything was beginning to make sense. He had disappeared so many times in the past only to reappear moments later in his superhero guise. It was clear that Clark had wanted to keep his identity secret from the world for obvious reasons, but she was his best friend. And he had let her believe that he had died protecting her. That led to the one question that overrode everything else.
Disengaging herself gently, she pulled away from him until she was able to look him in the eye.
"Why, Clark?"
She watched the consternation on his face as his hand swept through his hair nervously.
For long moments, he appeared to be deep in thought until finally, he looked up and said simply, "I was wrong."
Apparently at her silence, Clark continued onwards after a few moments. "I didn't even know what I was doing at the time. After I had been shot, I went back to Smallville to hide out. My life as Clark Kent was over, so I didn't even know if I was even going to come back to Metropolis. Of course I had to because Superman couldn't disappear at the same time Clark Kent died. But I honestly didn't know how it would affect you."
Lois looked askance at him in utter disbelief.
"How can you possibly say that after all this time? You didn't think I'd care that my best friend and partner had been killed right before my eyes? Do you really think so little of me?" Lois asked angrily.
"No!" Clark exclaimed in a bit of a panicked voice. "That isn't it at all!"
"Oh yeah, Clark? Then what is it? Why couldn't you have come over here and at least had the decency to tell me that you were alive? That I *hadn't* been at fault for the murder of my best friend because he *wasn't* dead?! That I didn't have to mourn the fact that I'd never told him that I -"
She stopped short. She couldn't tell him that. He didn't deserve to know. She took a shuddering breath. "Why, Clark?"
The anger had abated for the moment, and she was left with an empty, hollow feeling. Clark didn't love her after all. The look on his face said it all. Pure, unadulterated shock. As if he couldn't believe her gall in insisting she'd had the right to know. He couldn’t even think of an answer to tell her, probably afraid to do more damage by telling her that she really didn't mean that much to him.
Was that why he got such a kick out of teasing her, accusing her of being jealous? Was it an ego trip for him? Kind of like the attention she'd - foolishly - lavished upon him when he was Superman? A little game he played - How big a fool can I make Lois Lane?
But that didn't follow. Clark just wasn't like that. He wasn't.
Was he?
Did she really know Clark Kent?
She eyed him carefully. He was still looking stunned.
********
She... she thought *she* was to blame?! And she... His breath caught again at the mere idea of what she *hadn't* said. Hadn't told him *what*? He couldn't think of what to reply to first. Or even what to say.
"Lois..." he choked out.
"What, Clark?" she asked, sounding defeated, maybe a bit irritated.
Her anger was back. Though not full-force, a fact which he was grateful for. "I... How could you think it was your fault?!" he blurted out, a desperate note to his voice.
She blinked and turned her eyes to a point somewhere to his left, avoiding his stare. Her voice was quiet, and he almost had to use his superhearing to hear it.
"How could it *not* be my fault, Clark? It was my idea to go into the club... Barrow... h-he killed you for protecting me."
He didn't even think; he just gathered her in his arms and held her close. "Oh, god, Lois. I'd die a thousand times over to protect you," he whispered softly to her.
His heart lurched when she choked out a sob. He held on a little tighter. "Don't you know, Lois, I'd do anything for you? I love you," he murmured into her hair.
It took a moment to register why she'd suddenly gone still in his embrace. He'd done it again. Told her he loved her. Told her the last thing she wanted to hear.
Clark stilled, afraid to move, trying to cling desperately to the last moment of calm before the storm.
The moment didn't last long; she pulled away from him.
Surprisingly, her voice held no hints of accusation. "What did you just say?"
"I..." He concentrated on his shoes for a moment. "I'm sorry. I said..."
No. He was sick of apologizing for his feelings! "I said I love you, Lois. And I'm not going to apologize for it any longer. I love you."
********
She couldn't breathe. He loved her. He was alive and he loved her. And he'd lied to her. Callously.
No, regardless of her uncertainty now where Clark was concerned, she knew Clark didn't have a cruel bone in his body. But it still didn't explain why he hadn't come to her instead of letting her believe he'd been killed.
"Then why, Clark? Why didn't you tell me you were alive last week? When it happened?"
He looked uncomfortable. “Well, what was the point? If Clark was dead, I thought it would be best to let everyone get used to that. Or at least... that was what I thought.”
She punched his chest again. “You... you... *idiot*!” she exclaimed, turning away from him. “When will you learn not to make decisions for me? When will you learn, Kent, that you are not in charge of people’s feelings? I didn’t want to get used to that!”
He laid a gentle, light hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Lois, you’re right. I was wrong to keep that from you.”
A tear slid down her face and she blinked. She wasn’t going to start crying again. “If you really love me, what were you about to do? Disappear and live without me? Some love that proves.”
His voice changed. “I didn’t want to do that, Lois!” He sighed. “Do you think I didn’t torture myself endlessly thinking about you? About how maybe I’ll never get to work with you again, or hear you go off on a tangent, or go on stakeouts with you... or invite you over for pizza and a movie and have you fall asleep beside me... don’t you think I thought about all of that? But I had to protect my secret.”
She whirled around to face him again. Looked at his face. Looked down. Considered her words. It was too early to admit her feelings. He deserved to suffer before that. protect his secret from her, he said? Did he think she was going to print those news? That she was going to go running out into the streets yelling out that Clark Kent is Superman? “Okay, I didn’t know,” she said finally.
He looked uncertain. “Didn’t know what?”
“That you didn’t trust me.”
He cringed. “I do, Lois.”
How dared he. “Then why did you feel you had to protect your secret from me?” she almost yelled out. She noticed to her horror that she was shaking. “How... how *dare* you tell me you love me, trust me, how dare you say all these things to me and then tell me you were still going to protect your secret from me?”
He reached out and grabbed her arm. “Lois, listen to me. I know I was wrong. I said that. I know I was wrong.”
“Yeah, you bet you were wrong.” She was not going to cry again. She was not going to cry again. She was not going to cry again. She took a deep breath.
“And Lois, I do love you, and I trust you, and I should have known better than to turn away from you.” His face was now dangerously close to her face.
She swallowed.
“Oh, Lois, you can forgive me. Say you can. I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t.”
Could she forgive him? It would be so easy to forgive him. Just say yes, and then lean in...
“I don’t know, Clark.” She looked down. Safer that way. “I want to.”
“Oh, Lois...”
The desperation in his voice tore at her heart. Just look up, lean in for a bit... give him hell later...
No. She couldn’t forgive him until she was absolutely sure she could. “Clark, don’t do that. Don’t beg me. I need to know... I need to know everything.”
His voice turned urgent. “Anything, Lois, just ask.”
What *did* she want to ask him? She could start with why he didn’t tell her even before the... the incident in the casino. “So why didn’t you tell me? Ever? What were you waiting for? Assuming you were ever going to tell me.”
He gasped quietly, but didn’t say anything.
“Well? Is there a reason?” she urged.
“There is... do you really want to know?” he asked, sounding reluctant.
Good God, why was he stalling? Was it something horrible? Did he really not trust her? Did she want to know?
Yes.
Yes, she did. She had to know. She had to know to forgive him.
“Yes, Clark... Oh, God, just say what it was.”
He paused before saying anything, and then touched her cheek tenderly. “Because I love you, Lois. I love you, and you love Superman. And... it kills me every time when I see how differently you treat us. Me.”
He... he was jealous of himself? She considered his words. Yes, she supposed she did treat Clark and Superman differently. She thought of Clark as her best friend, and... she did love Superman. For a while. But not since several months ago... and she *had* entertained the idea of Clark as a date, before he had gone and made it clear to her that he didn’t feel anything towards her.
Which was clearly another lie, but one she supposed she could live with.
Suddenly, cupping her face in his hands tenderly, he pulled her towards him and brushed his lips over hers. A second later he came back with slightly more pressure.
Clark was kissing her.
Superman was kissing her.
Clark, who was also Superman, was kissing her.
And it was nice.
More than nice. It was amazing. The most fantastic kiss she’d ever experienced.
She pulled back, reluctant, nervous, silent, and stared into his hooded, brown gaze. She felt just like she had when she’d kissed Superman, that time on the air strip after the pheromone scare. Or that time when he had flown up to stop the Nightfall asteroid.
That was Clark! a small voice interjected.
She narrowed her eyes. Yes, it felt like those times with Superman. But it also felt like that time in the honeymoon suite at the Lexor, when she’d practically been bowled over by his prowess. Shooing the maid away had seemed like some event happening at the end of a distant tunnel. She’d spent a full span of minutes wondering how on Earth the hick from Kansas had learned to kiss like *that*.
The urge to drown in his desirous gaze was hard to resist, but she looked at him. Really looked. Probably for the first time, she realized.
He appeared relaxed, almost drugged, and remained still and quiet under her scrutiny. His lips were parted slightly, and warm breath fanned out. He swallowed tightly, convulsively, as though he were trying to remember how to breathe and wasn’t quite being successful at it. As though he were the one drowning, not her.
Drowning in a kiss...
In one kiss, she’d brought the most powerful man on the planet into a stupor.
And for the first time, the image of her cape-clad hero coalesced with Clark.
And it made sense.
Superman was her Clark.
*Her* Clark.
The man she’d once told she would love if he were ordinary as he’d stood there in all his spandex glory. He had bristled. Made a confusing statement that he couldn’t see how he could believe her, under the circumstances.
Under the circumstances.
She had always wondered about that.
The *circumstances* were finally clear.
Jealous of himself. She had half-heartedly decided earlier that it was feasible. Now she really understood, and the truth was like a finger of ice, slipping down her spine. She’d professed to love him, *all* of him, after thoroughly rejecting his other half, the half that he seemed cling more tightly to when describing himself.
Ouch.
As far as her relationship with Clark, she reluctantly admitted she hadn’t been perfect either.
<I love you, and you love Superman. And... it kills me every time when I see how differently you treat us>
He was right. She did treat him differently - as Superman and as Clark.
Superman got fawned over. Gazed at adoringly. Thought about wistfully. She’d told Superman that she loved him and wanted a future with him.
Clark got... overlooked.
No, worse than that. Clark got laughed at. Sneered at. Dismissed.
Rejected.
<I do love you... like a brother>
<I’m sorry, Clark, I just don’t feel that way about you>
Rejected.
Yet what she’d said to him wasn’t true, and she’d already realised it. Acknowledged it. Given up denying it.
She *did* love Clark. Had loved Clark for a long time. She’d just refused to let herself admit it.
“I’m scared, Clark.” The words escaped without any conscious effort on her behalf, and when she heard them pierce the lengthy silence she flinched.
Raising her gaze to his again, she caught sight of his troubled expression for only an instant, before it disappeared to be replaced by a concerned frown. “Scared? Why, Lois? Scared of... You’re not scared of *me*, are you?”
“No!” She had to rush to reassure him. She’d hurt him enough. Too much.
“Then what?”
She chewed her lip for a few moments before trying to explain. “Of... of myself. Of the... the *stupid* things I do when I fall in love. Of just winding up in another federal disaster - but this time with someone who means more to me than anyone’s ever done before. If it went wrong - you and me - I think it would kill me.”
***********
Lois scared? Lois terrified to take the risk of a relationship?
But that didn’t make sense. She’d come within seconds of marrying another man just a few months ago. That wasn’t the action of someone who was afraid to jump into a romantic relationship for fear of being hurt.
Or was it?
He’d suspected all along, after all, that she wasn’t in love with Luthor. Had never been able to figure out why she’d been dating him and, most of all, why she’d agreed to marry him. She’d never actually denied it when he’d accused her of not being in love with the man, after all.
This, though, made sense, at last. If she hadn’t been in love with Luthor, then she wouldn’t have been exposing herself to the same risk of being hurt. Whatever she’d been seeking by deciding to marry him - companionship, security, a safe haven against all the changes that had been happening all around her at the time - Luthor wouldn’t have had a chance of breaking her heart. Because she wasn’t in love with him.
Unlike...
His jaw slackened. The significance of what she’d said was just sinking in.
*She would be risking her heart if she had a relationship with him*
She’d just told him that he meant more to her than anyone ever had before.
*She was in love with him*
And, just like that, he knew what to say.
“Lois.” He took a step towards her and gathered her into his arms. “Lois, don’t you know that nothing worth fighting for comes easy?”
She met his gaze, her brown eyes shimmering. “And you think I should fight for you?”
He shook his head, giving her a wry smile. “You don’t need to fight for me. I’m already yours. You’ve got me, hook line and sinker.” He paused, bringing one hand up and caressing her face. “I mean, you take risks every day of your life. I’m sure you’ve taken years off my life with all your narrow escapes. You of all people *know* that risks are part of daily living.”
“Yeah, I know, but...” She sighed. “Okay, maybe I’m a coward, but I don’t want to get hurt again the way I was before.”
“I can’t promise that I’ll never hurt you.” Only a fool would promise anyone that. “I can swear that I love you more than my own life and that I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you.” He dipped his head and kissed her again lightly. “But anyway, Lois, you love me, don’t you?”
She nodded.
“And are you going to stop loving me if we don’t become a couple?”
This time she didn’t react immediately. But, after a few moments, she shook her head. “I’ve tried, Clark. I’ve been trying for months not to love you, and it’s not working.”
“Just like I couldn’t stop loving you even when I wanted to.” He gave her a gentle hug.
“When I was so horrible to you?” Her voice rose, becoming almost shrill. It was rare that Lois would allow anyone to see her upset. He hugged her tightly.
“You were never horrible. You just... didn’t feel the same way as I did.”
“I was horrible!” she insisted. “And all because I was trying to tell myself that I wasn’t in love with you.”
“You loved Superman,” he had to point out. The knowledge still hurt, but he couldn’t pretend it hadn’t happened. They had to acknowledge the truth if they were to move on.
She nodded. “Yeah. Though you were probably right all along. It was just a crush - I mean, how could I really be in love with someone I barely knew?”
She sounded bitter, and suddenly Clark knew that he couldn’t allow her to take all the blame. “It wasn’t like that. Not really. You knew me - Superman - better than you realised. Better than I realised. There were times when I know I couldn’t have gone on without you. Plus, you’d never have felt the way you did about Superman if I hadn’t encouraged you.”
“Yes.” She met his gaze. “You did encourage me. That’s why I thought maybe...”
She didn’t finish the sentence, but he knew what she meant. That was why she’d thought she and Superman could have a future.
“I know.” He touched her face again. “I’m sorry. I... made a lot of mistakes. But I’d never had a secret identity before...”
“And it never occurred to me that my best friend could disguise himself as someone else.”
“But now that you know...” He drew back and searched her face. “Are you willing to take a chance on me, Lois? Knowing all about me? That you’re not just getting the guy you work with, but someone who has to fly off all the time to help other people? I’m not going to be a very reliable boyfriend, I gotta warn you of that.”
Lois grinned. “I’m hardly going to be the perfect girlfriend, am I? My job always comes first, I work crazy hours and I’m always getting into trouble.”
She’d bounced back already. Clark grinned back at her. That was his Lois, and he loved her. “It sounds like we’re a perfect match.”
She was about to reply, but then something small and furry began to wind itself around their legs. He looked down. The tiny cat looked back up at him and started purring.
“Looks like Pulitzer approves,” Lois said with a smile. “I guess you’ve got yourself a deal, Clark Kent. If you’re sure you want me...?”
“Oh, I’m sure, trust me!” And he tugged her close to him again and the world melted away as he claimed her willing lips with his own.
And, somewhere in the deepest recesses of his subconscious, he might just have heard a faint “Meow!”.
~ THE END ~ (c) CrazyWritersRUs 2005
