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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Don't have much time this morning, so this comment is way too brief BUT was so impressed by this! Great writing and a Lois who seems so "Lois".  c
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Wow, Susan - this was great! So great, in fact, that Carol made two threads  I can't wait for the next part to be up.  Really loved this line: Forty days and nights of pouring rain? Yes, that was closer. Anger of biblical proportions. The lead up was great too... Breeze... Splash... Fire... Tornado... Flood... Volcano... Lois. And I gotta say... I *love* the way Lois delivered her message! Very clever  Can't wait for more, Dave
'I just kind of died for you;
You just kind of stared at me'
- Aurora, Foo Fighters
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Columnist
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LOL! I LOVED the pound of Camembert!
Great start! I'm really looking forward to more.
Irene
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Ooh, this is good!  Excellent beginning, very good characterization, and I love your phrasing! She had resisted his charms for so long. In fact, she had resisted admitting he had charms long before she resisted the charms themselves. I liked that so much I read it out loud <g> But by far, this was the cheesy excuse yet, pun intended. <g> but I think you wanted "cheesiest" there... either that or "most cheesy" Stabbed in the back with the knife of love. Wasn't Cupid supposed to carry an arrow? Wonderfully vivid images! Very logical progression here, from her being angry, to hurt, to finally jump-starting her brain. And the cheese shipment...  So, good plotting, great phrasing, terrific humor -- I cannot wait to see the rest of this, Susan. The only thing I'd change, really, would be the line about actresses in Bally's commercials. When I'm reading about Lois, I don't want to be distracted by Teri <g> But that may just be me PJ
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Oct 2003
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I like 
I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't put any more on us than we can bear. He does however make us come to Jesus every so often.
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
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Nicely set up.
Tank (who almost feels sorry for Clark... almost)
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Columnist
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A package of stinking camembert cheese! Very clever, Lois! And the levels of anger that Lois felt....of Biblical Proportions! This is going to be a fun-filled and clever revelation. gerry
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Hey, welcome, Susan! And what an introduction! Loved it.  Okay, so when are you posting part 2???  (You'll learn soon enough that we're an impatient lot around here ) Wendy
Just a fly-by! *waves*
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Susan, great start! I'll be following this story with interest. I loved your descriptions of Lois's anger and her realisation as to why she hadn't cared about the lame excuses before. Most of all, though, I loved the shipment Clark received at the end. The Bally's gym thing didn't disturb me, but that's because I didn't get the joke. I'm an oversea's folk who doesn't, in any case, watch much television. I think, though, that if I had understood that this was a Teri reference, I would have found it distracting. Thanks for making me laugh. Chris
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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First of all, welcome! Very clever start! I love stories where Lois calls Clark out on his stupid excuses. The gym thing also escaped me, but I don't watch much tv. Please keep writing so that I don't have to write my own Right back at ya. Great start Jen
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Hi, Great start.  The look of terror on Clark's face when she opened them again. And the words that plunged into her like a knife.
"Lois, I'm so sorry. I hate to leave you like this. But I have to go, ummm, pick up my Cheese of the Month shipment." :rolleyes: He is dead. 'Why haven't I cared before?' Lois thought, as the answer came far too quickly for her peace of mind. 'Because I wasn't this deeply in love with him before.' Stabbed in the back with the knife of love. Wasn't Cupid supposed to carry an arrow? Love it!
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Something Stinks!LOL Love it. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
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I like this alot. What a great idea! Loved the cheese shipment & not attached. Go Lois! But bad for Clark. Caryn
"With words one can escape reality..."
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Kerth
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Kerth
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Thank you all so much for your speedy and positive feedback! I’m overwhelmed by your kind words and hope the rest of my story lives up to your expectations.
Pam wrote:
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<g> but I think you wanted "cheesiest" there... either that or "most cheesy"
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Thanks for catching that. It’s funny how many times I’ve read this, convinced that I typed “cheesiest,” but it was actually never there! I’ve fixed that error.
and also:
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The only thing I'd change, really, would be the line about actresses in Bally's commercials. When I'm reading about Lois, I don't want to be distracted by Teri <g> But that may just be me
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That line shows you just how long a few pieces of this story have been languishing on my hard drive! I think you and Krissie are right about that point. I’ll make an adjustment to this and remove the reference to Bally’s.
Maria wrote:
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Was this Lois idea of warning the rat that she thinks Clark is?
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Be on the look out for a direct quote to that effect in a later part. I love that you caught that!
Irene wrote:
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LOL! I LOVED the pound of Camembert!
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and Laura wrote:
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Something Stinks!LOL Love it.
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The phrase “something stinks” and the idea of an actual shipment of cheese prompted this story to form in my head. But then I thought, what would happen if the worst excuse from the entire show had occurred at the worst possible time for their building relationship? I’m glad everyone’s enjoying it so far!
Susan Young
groobie@charter.net
You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie.
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Columnist
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But Susan... You never said when part 2 would be posted!!!
Irene
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Yes, she did! In the story part: The story is complete with six parts, and I will post each part every three days. I hope some of you will provide me with constructive criticism, and I look forward to your feedback. Cool start, Susan! Can't wait to see where you go with it. Bethy
I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Susan WOW, an excellent start! Tricia 
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Dear Susan, From one cub reporter to another, well done on part 1. You've got a lot more courange than me. I look forward to parts 2 onwards. To misquote something I'm watching on TV, "don't stop ... carry on!" Regards, SNL
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Nice! I live for Mad Dog Lane and more to this story...so give give! ~Lois Lane Wanna Be (who tends to be one of the impaitent readers that Wendy described )
"Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen Hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Continue to learn.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is."
~Mary Anne Radmacher
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Posts: 1,293 |
LOL! Brilliant idea for Lois's revenge - boy, how Clark must be regretting his lame choice of excuse - and absolutely perfect last line. My other favourite line was 'gingerly balanced between love and hate' - delightful choice of words. More! Yvonne
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