I really am swamped so I haven't had a chance to read these yet, so I am posting to let you know I intend to read them soon.
UPDATED:
OK, had a chance to read these parts.
Love the progression of the relationship.
Now, for some critiques.
While I've been reading these, something has been smacking me in the face and I just realized it with part 7. You really don't need to include the trademark symbol with brand name items. I realize that you probably are trying to error on the side of caution, but you already are 'borrowing' Batman, Superman, Lois Lane and Clark, which are all trademarked names as well. It just knocks me off my stride to see them.
In the line
“How about you go and shower and get relaxed for bed and I’ll go and whip up something by the time you get out of the shower,” Clark offered innocently.
If I were Lois, hearing a member of the opposite sex mention the word bed would send warning bells off in my head. Maybe saying "get relaxed for the evening" would sound better.
The last one is an odd criticism and please feel free to ignore me on it. Let me use an analogy to explain.
Most of this story seems to be a view of a forest from a helicopter. We hover over particularly nice scenes, and speed over dozens of trees to get to the next one. However, when it comes to descriptions of people's attire, we've landed in the clearing, with magnifying glasses drawn, and examine the moss on the north side of the trees.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love that kind of detail. I'm very visually oriented and you paint a lovely picture of the way people look. It just seems odd to me to get this wonderful indepth disection in one paragraph, and then the settings of the rooms and locations are barely touched on.
I wouldn't know where to begin to fix that, if it needs fixing at all. It could be just me.
Otherwise, I'm am loving this story and really am interested in what happens next. I'm glade we've found a nice glade and are in a holding pattern over it.
James
