************ TO WAKE FROM DREAMS *************
“Clear the front page. We have a new story to write,” Perry White said, walking through the newsroom and toward his office, not looking at anyone, but merely addressing anyone who was listening. “I want the headline to read ‘Reporter Killed in Line of Duty,’ and the rest… the story of how Clark was… murdered…”
He quickly shook his head, trying to shake away the magnitude of what he’d just said, trying to return to Chief-mode. But it wasn’t easy. Not at all… “I’ll, uh… I’ll write this one,” Perry said, his face pale, his voice cracking.
“I’ll write it, Chief,” a voice said. A voice he knew, but at the moment didn’t recognize at all.
He turned to see her standing there, pale, trembling… and breaking a sad gaze that had been fixed on her partner’s – her former partner’s – desk, to look at him, she showed a strength in her eyes that was really more desperation.
She had been the strongest woman he had ever met.
One look and he knew.
She was broken.
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The cold, harsh rain fell on Lois Lane’s bare shoulders as she walked out of the club. She hadn’t remembered a mention of rain in the forecast… but then again… no part of the night had ended up being predictable or routine or anything she could have planned for.
She wasn’t prepared for rain, in her slinky, red, sexy dress with nothing to cover her up. Just like she wasn’t prepared for what had happened earlier in the night.
Just as she wasn’t prepared to now face the world… without him.
“Lane, I’m driving you home. And what happened to that coat I gave you?” Henderson asked, cutting through her thoughts like a sharp knife.
“I took it off,” she said, staring ahead, numbly. Talking to him, but not looking at him. Not looking at anything except the horrifying images that played themselves out before her eyes over and over again. Breaking her.
Rain hit her in splashes on her face and eye lids. Her face was completely wet. The cause now: the rain. Before, it had been wet because… because she’d been crying. Quite a lot.
”Why did you take it off?” Henderson asked. “Jake, get the coat again for Miss Lane. She’s gonna catch a cold.”
“Yes sir,” Lois heard a man say.
She didn’t want a coat. Why should she have one? Her partner, her best friend… *Clark*… was probably lying somewhere alone – no one that loved him knowing his whereabouts – in the freezing cold, bleeding, rain hitting him. Soaking him. His cheek probably pressed roughly against concrete. His body possibly twisted at an awkward angle. Or maybe he was floating in some disgusting body of water…
Why wasn’t anyone worrying about that? Why were they wasting their time worrying about her catching a cold?
When the coat was thrown over her shoulders, though, she did not resist. She did not want to hear anyone talk about how she shouldn’t catch a cold. She just wanted to be left alone. Henderson, however, was making this difficult.
He kept finding her. Kept… insisting.
Something on the ground some feet away caught her eyes in her miserable state. Something glimmering.
She walked over. With each step, she could see clearer and clearer what it was she was walking towards. Something was tearing at her insides and she felt sick. The closer she got, the sicker she felt. With each step a noise boomed in her ears.
A gunshot.
She fell to her knees and picked up Clark’s glasses. The glass was cracked, but there was no mistaking that they were his. They were by the door to the club… the door he had been dragged out of a half an hour before.
She started shaking violently as the tears came again. She had never before cried with such energy that it took over her whole body. It was scary, how hard she was crying. But at the same time, she didn’t care.
“Lois? Lois, can you hear me?”
Henderson – he was on his knees, pulling at her.
And somehow through the fogginess and the sound of gunshots and sobbing and gasping and screaming, she could. Hear him. Every word.
“Let’s go. Let’s get you home, Lane. You can get into warm clothes. Out of the rain. It’ll be okay,” he said again, sounding emotional himself.
“His glasses fell off. He needs his glasses!” she said, her voice sounding lost and sort of pathetic. Foreign, even to her own ears.
“It’s okay. He… he’ll be okay without them,” Henderson said carefully. “I’m going to need those for evidence,” he said, like he hated to bring that up, but had to.
“No. No, you have all the evidence you need in there. They touched EVERYTHING… you can get their prints on wine glasses and on craps tables and even on me. These are Clark’s. I need to get them fixed. He needs them. He always wears them,” she said, rocking back and forth. “They already took everything from him. These are his. These are Clark’s. He needs them. He needs them!”
“Come on, Lois. I need to get you home,” Henderson said.
“I can’t leave without him. We came here together. We’re leaving together!” she cried.
She knew she sounded crazy, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.
“Clark’s… gone,” Henderson said softly.
Lois looked at him, her eyes wide.
It was then that she screamed. Louder than she’d ever screamed before. Louder than when she screamed from the jaws of death she constantly found herself inside.
It was a long scream, her veins in her neck and forehead coming out, blood vessels in her eyes, which were dripping tears as quickly as the sky was dripping rain, turning red, red, red… like her dress. She instinctively leaned her body forward – lowering her chest onto her knees, and pulling at her hair – as she screamed. She screamed until her face was inches from the ground.
The ground… she could still see Clark on the ground.
Beautiful eyes… closed. His body… still. His heartbeat under her hand… no… no heartbeat…
She could hear the gunshots… over and over, over and over, over and over, over and over…
She just kept crying.
So hard.
Screaming.
And Henderson was sure the whole world must have heard that scream.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Clark had been sitting up in the clouds practically on the opposite side of the world, wondering frantically what he would do about this mess, when he heard it.
In seconds he was there.
And nothing could have prepared him for the sight that greeted him.
Lois… huddled on the ground of a dirty city street, her stockings looking ripped at the knees, rain and dirt on her legs and on her dress… her beautiful red dress. She had looked so put together and stunning just an hour earlier in that dress. Now… she looked like a child that had just been abandoned. Huddled. Wet. The rain just hit her, but she didn’t seem to notice. Her head was bent, her hands covered her face. She rocked back and forth. The large coat that covered her was soaking wet, barely doing anything for her.
She sat there, on the street behind the club…
And just cried. Endlessly.
He met Henderson’s gaze and realized the Inspector seemed at a loss. He was clearly trying to console Lois, but it wasn’t working. She was… gone.
“Lois?” Clark said, landing in front of her.
Her head shot up quickly, hope in her gaze. He immediately realized why and silently chided himself. She had heard Clark’s voice. But the moment her eyes fell on Superman, that light of hope was extinguished.
She quickly got to her feet and ran toward him, a desperate look in her eyes.
“Superman. You have to do something. You have to… to… to save the day! You ALWAYS save the day! You have to! Go get him! Save him! Get Clark! Bring Clark back!” she cried, tears falling from her eyes as she pounded her fists into his chest. She looked like she didn’t even see that someone was standing before her.
“Lois, I’m sorry…” he said gently, trying to calm her down. Holding her fists in his hands.
He finally got her to look at him.
“There HAS to be something you can do! You always find a way, Superman. You always have. Every time. Can’t you fly into space and go really fast, and turn the world back! Turn it back to that moment! Make it go differently. Fly in and save him. Or make us duck! Or have us decide not to go to the club! Or change the password so we can’t get in! Or, dammit let ME take those bullets!”
She was bawling now. Completely hysterical.
Clark had never seen Lois like this. Beyond reason. Beyond logic. Talking nonsensically about things like using his powers to turn back time. But what floored him was the last thing she said. Something caught in his throat at her words…and the look in her eyes that said that she meant it.
“Lois, don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. If you’d… if anything had happened to you – “ he started, but then closed his mouth, not trusting himself to continue without revealing his secret.
“Something’s already happened to me!” she cried. “Clark… Clark… I need Clark. I need him! Where is he? Superman, find him! I…I need him!” she cried, continuing to sob as she allowed him to pull her into his arms.
“I’ll take her home, Inspector,” Clark said to Henderson.
“Good. She could really use a friend right now. And if you find… uh, find out… *anything*… just let us know.”
“I will,” he said, and then turned his attention back to Lois.
She was sobbing so hard she seemed short of breath. She was panting and hiccupping, and still the crying would not stop.
He had no idea her feelings were this strong. He knew he was her best friend and she’d be devastated at losing him tonight like that. He could still hear her voice calling out his name in panic and question, after he’d fallen to the ground. He could still feel her hands roaming over him, grabbing at him, looking for some sign of life. He could still feel her tears, falling onto him, and hear her breath catching as the truth began to sink in.
But she was beyond normal grief right now. She was hysterical, illogical, talking about wishing she had died instead. These feelings… they were intense. More intense than he ever could have imagined her feelings for him to be.
Looking at her, it looked like it was over. Him, her, them, life, just… everything. He could see his life being over, in her eyes, and in them, it looked like hers was over too. It was heart-wrenching. And it scared him.
“Lois. Lois, shhh… I’ve never seen you like this. Are you okay? Tell me you’re okay,” he said, realizing he, himself, was starting to tremble. He was actually afraid. Afraid for her. For the state she was in. He’d never seen her in this condition, and it scared the hell out of him.
“He’s not gone. He… he can’t be,” she said, quiet and shaking. “How could I let this happen?” she said, so quietly he wouldn’t have heard her if he weren’t, well, him.
“Let it happen? Lois, you didn’t let anything happen. This was out of your control. You didn’t know what they’d do.”
“I made us come here. Always chasing the story, always wanting to win and be the best. Not caring about danger. But Superman, I only didn’t care when it was ME in danger. If I’d known that Clark could be… that something could happen to… to HIM…” She stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and looked down at something in her hands.
His glasses.
When they’d taken him out of the club, they’d turned him so they could throw him in the car, and his glasses had fallen off. And one of Capone’s thugs had stepped on them. He had heard the glass crack as he was dragged and thrown into their car. They’d broken his glasses – a harsh reminder of the life he was losing. A symbolic gesture from the heartless thugs to follow their violent, horrible act.
He looked down at Lois, pushing his own grief aside to be there for her. Her breathing was quick and she sounded like she was choking on her tears. She was in more pain than he had ever seen her.
She looked up, her eyes searching his, but not finding what they were seeking. They were lost. So lost.
“I would never put him in danger knowingly. I’d never have even gone there if I knew, if I somehow KNEW, that it would be like that, and that he could be hurt or k… or… “ she trailed off, unable to finish, as the tears and sobs took over her voice.
“Lois, I know that. Clark does too… I mean, Clark did too," he corrected himself quickly. He noticed her wince and shake her head at his correction. "You were his best friend. Someone he loved. He knew you’d never put him or any of your other friends in danger if it could be helped. If you knew. Lois, unless you were holding that gun yourself, I don’t see how--“
“He was PROTECTING me!” she cried, looking up at him in a way that made him ache inside. “Don’t you see? He put himself in front of me. He put himself there so I would be okay. He ALWAYS made sure I was okay. Always. In every way! And he... he gave up his LIFE... for me! He didn't even think twice! He d... di... " She hiccupped still from the tears. "He was protecting me."
She dropped her head and shook it slowly.
"He loved me." She looked up at him. "Did you know that?"
"Yes," he said, feeling more horrible about his secret just then than he ever had before.
"You've got to do something, Superman!"
"I'm going to take you home," he said, scooping her up.
She fell limply against him without resistance, simply wetting his neck with her tears.
He was upset to realize that he was still shuddering from seeing her like this. Seeing Lois... his Lois...
...broken.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Jimmy Olsen rolled over in bed, groaning. He’d been on a date with Jenny Fields, the new intern from Metropolis University – in his dream, of course – when all of a sudden her voice sounded exactly like a ringing phone.
He looked at his bedside clock and wondered immediately who could be calling at 2:23 am.
Unless it was 2:23 pm and he’d overslept.
Frantically, he sat up in his bed and grabbed at the phone on what must have been its fifth ring.
“Hello?” he asked, trying to will himself awake and alert by shaking his head and trying to clear his confused, sleepy mind.
“Uh… Jimmy?”
He recognized the voice immediately.
“Chief? Don’t be mad. I guess I overslept. My alarm must’ve – “
“No, Jimmy,” Perry said, his voice cracking.
Suddenly Jimmy was wide awake.
“What’s going on, Chief?” he asked, his heart beating faster and faster.
“Uh… Al Capone and those guys… and… Lois and Clark were…“
“Yeah, they were going to that illegal gambling place tonight. Did they get the story? Should I come in and help them while they write it?” he asked, feeling deep down that that was not why his boss and friend was waking him up.
“Something happened…” he trailed off, sounding choked up.
Lois. Jimmy knew it. Something happened to Lois. She put herself in danger for the last time. He knew one day it would get her… hurt? Killed? Something. He’d never said anything because she never would have listened to him.
He suddenly felt sick to his stomach.
“What happened to her?” he asked.
“Her?” Perry barked.
“Lois… what happened to her?” Jimmy asked, tears stinging in his eyes, but not daring to fall. His father had once told him boys should never cry. No matter what. He never did. But he wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold his tears in much longer. His heart felt ready to leap from his chest as he waited to hear what Perry had to say.
“Lois… Lois is fine. Things got out of control and…” Perry started, sounding about ready to break down. “They shot… Clark. They…”
Jimmy waited. He could hear his heart beating in the silence and darkness. His mouth fell open. Perry had trailed off, but Jimmy could hear him breathing on the other end.
“Is he okay?” he asked.
“Uh, no… “
Oh, no. Jimmy’s mind was moving a million miles a second and he felt light headed. Clark… CK…
“He’s… gone…”
Jimmy couldn’t help what he did next, which was defy his father's orders.
