MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING
PART 4
He was broken out of his thoughts by the sound of the organ, signaling the beginning of the ceremony. The entire church stood up.
He tried. He did. But his shaking legs would not support him and in the end, he leaned forward, resting his hands on the pew in front of him. He couldn’t stand. He couldn’t look. He couldn’t even be there. But… there was nowhere for him to go now.
* * *
Lois stood before the closed doors, which led to the church. She stared at them, still shaking all over. She felt light-headed and sick. The music was playing. It was almost time.
Her mother’s question rolled over in her mind countless times and still she could not answer it. *Did she know?* It was a seemingly simple question, but layered with meanings, all of which made her dizzy to think about.
Did she know if she should do it? Get married? Did she know what she wanted? Did she know what she had to do now? Did she know why she hadn’t been able to get Clark out of her mind? Did she know if she maybe actually loved…
No… no… why was she thinking all of this? No. She was getting married today. She had to get married today! She was not a girl to say yes to a marriage proposal and then merely fail to show up because of intensely cold feet. This was big. She hadn’t just told someone she would meet them at the Italian restaurant down the street and then had to cancel because of a late night at work or something.
This was a wedding, for god’s sake! *Her* wedding!
She could not just back down.
She just… had to pull herself together.
If she was going to cancel this wedding, she should have done it long ago. If she wasn’t in this for the right reasons and wasn’t sure about Lex, then she should not have accepted the proposal to begin with. But she had. She had accepted. And if she had made a mistake, didn’t she have to live with the consequences? She had made many mistakes in her life… and she always stuck around to live with the consequences. She should have learned long ago to not jump into a situation without checking the water level first.
This was no different.
The doors were opening.
Oh, god.
She had to go! She had to… get married.
Her feet began to move and she was walking forward. She wasn’t sure how it was possible; it didn’t seem as if any part of her mind was working properly. But something propelled her forward.
She tried to focus on her task… to get to the front of the aisle without falling over. And to get through the ceremony so she could begin doing it. Living with the consequences of her own decisions, that is. So she could put her worrying thoughts about everything else to rest finally. Surely, once she was married, she would stop obsessing about Clark… right?
Clark… where was he?
She looked around. She barely recognized anyone.
She eventually saw the worried face of her mother. And… Rachel… she could see Rachel. Rachel looked pretty. Really pretty. Her stomach clenched, realizing Clark *was* there. He had kept his word. He was there…
But where?
She finally saw his profile… he was sitting… and he wasn’t looking at her. He looked like he was hyperventilating. He looked…
Oh god.
It was over.
All she had to do was look at him and it was clear. If it hadn’t been clear before, she surely knew now.
It was over.
*Everything* was over!
****** “You are a strange one, Clark Kent.”
“Am I?”
“Yeah… but I think I’ve got you figured out.”******
She remembered how it had all begun. How sweet his face…
And now, this would be how it would all end…
She had ruined it. Their friendship and everything she had grown to depend on, to cherish, to look forward to, everything she loved… was gone.
She was not the only one that had to live with the consequences of her decisions either.
Clark… he had lost her because of her decision. He had lost a friend he had been so good to.
She’d never listened to him. Never given him a chance.
He had told her he loved her. She could remember now. How he had looked. And the expression on his face of hurt. He’d looked so hurt… so defeated. And she’d ignored it; she hadn’t really seen him that day… she’d… been cold. Asked for someone else. Someone she wasn’t even thinking about just now! He… didn’t matter as much… Why?
****** “Clark?” She heard her own voice, sounding seductive.
“Just a sec, Lois, I….”
She could feel the heat of his gaze, the intensity of his attraction, on her… She loved it; she loved… *******
She was getting closer to him. Not Lex… Clark… there he was.
He had come! He was there!
He stared down, like this was the hardest thing he had ever had to do and her heart turned over. How could she have been so cold? Put him in such a painful situation. She could see it now. She could finally see it all now, so clearly…
It was over.
This was… goodbye…
******* he bent down to kiss her sweetly… “Goodbye, Lois,” he said.******
Goodbye.
And he had gone.
It was not the only time a sweet, but quick kiss had been followed by the word “goodbye” from him.
The first time he had come back.
This time…
She remembered last night. The kiss. How it had felt. How it – how *he* – had thrown her thoughts into a whirl which was still causing her pain and confusion, calling into question everything she had thought she’d known as a certainty.
She was no longer sure about anything it seemed, except…
There was one thing that was becoming clear, though, through the fog. One thing that pushed itself forward. If she could just focus on that one thing that she knew for sure, it wouldn’t be too late to do whatever it was she had to do.
Something was clear in her mind – her cluttered, confused mind – somewhere. She just had to find that one certainty and…
Oh god.
She was there.
With Lex.
At the front.
“Dearly beloved…”
A tear escaped her eye.
It was too late.
As the priest went on, Lex grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze.
His hands… they were cold. Or were… were her hands cold?
Something was cold…
She looked up at him.
She had been dating him for months, but – like finally being able today to see Clark clearly that day in the park, *finally* she could recognize this too. She barely recognized the man standing next to her. She had been dating him for awhile, but had never really looked at him.
She had never really looked at – really seen – anything in her life too clearly until right now. But…
It was too late.
It was all too late.
******“Honey, when you’re married to Lex Luthor… and the man you love is married to someone else, after he slipped through your fingers… well, then you might be able to say it’s too late,” her mother had said.*******
She looked over her shoulder, looking for Rachel and Clark in the crowd.
She found them immediately. Clark still was not looking at her. She could see the look on his face. Like he was in physical pain. He was breathing hard and Rachel put a hand on his, reassuringly. He grabbed her hand with his other hand and squeezed back, not looking at her.
She turned again, facing forward. Trying to focus on the priest.
No!
Her mother had been right… oh, god… why hadn’t she done something then? It wouldn’t have been this bad. But….
She had to do something now.
She couldn’t marry a man she barely knew.
The only man she truly knew, who truly mattered… he was right there. He was always right there. Clark. It was… always Clark. And even though he couldn’t look at her now; he was there once more. His friendship was unwavering and solid and she was a breath away from losing it. Losing everything. And now she knew. He was honestly all that mattered. More than Superman, she had slowly figured out. And definitely more than Lex.
*Why* did it take her so long?
She turned once more to look at Clark and saw that he had stood up and turned. He was… he was leaving.
“Lex,” she whispered. “I… I can’t.”
The priest kept talking, oblivious to their quiet conversation.
“Lois… what are you talking about? You’re doing fine.”
“I can’t do this. We can’t get married,” she said.
He looked at her.
She turned and looked at Clark and… finally… he was looking at her, too. From the door. One hand on the door, he was just standing there… looking at her for the first time today. For whatever reason, he finally could. And she was so grateful, because something in his gaze gave her the strength to continue.
“Lois, we are in the middle of our ceremony. We are not stopping,” Lex said, before turning back to the priest.
“I don’t… I don’t love you, Lex. And you can’t love me,” she continued, still whispering. “You barely know me.”
“I can’t believe you’re trying to pull this. You’re having cold feet… now please… let’s get this over with.” He turned to her, then, his eyes showing her something he had never allowed her to see before. Something… something Clark had mentioned about Lex. He was no more than a stranger to her. And he had hidden things from her. He had hidden his true self from her. “There is no one to save you now, dear,” he whispered, his voice like acid. “You are mine and you are getting married to me. If you do a thing to stop it, mark my words, you *will* regret it.”
She closed her mouth, her shock at his true nature overwhelming her.
“…any reason why these two people should not be married…”
She had to do something!
*****“no one to save you now, dear”… *****
“…speak now or forever hold you peace…”
His voice was like a breath of fresh air after feeling like you were drowning.
“These two people should not be married.”
Clark…
She turned and looked at him, standing there. Strong and solid… the most gentle and caring man she had ever known.
*He*… was saving her…
She smiled at him, her eyes shining with tears. He walked toward the altar.
He met her gaze and held it steady with his, as if asking permission to continue. And her look must have said it all.
“They do not love each other,” he continued. “… and should not be married.”
The priest looked around, from Lex to Lois to Clark.
Lex looked about ready to kill Clark.
“Kent,” he breathed.
Clark held a hand out to Lois and she took it quickly. He pulled her behind him so he was standing between her and Lex.
“Is this true?” the priest finally asked, pulling himself together.
Lois could not say anything, but she nodded at the priest.
There was nothing more true.
She did not love Lex.
She didn’t even really love Superman. Not the way she had imagined she had. Not the way she had convinced herself she loved him.
Lex stared at Clark for a long moment and in that time, Lois worried he was going to try something. Try to hurt Clark for ruining the wedding. But Clark stared right back, not backing down and she felt something inside of her swell with pride and… something else. Something that went deeper than the friendship with him that she treasured and feared losing.
Lex eventually looked away and turned to the guests. “I’m sorry everyone. There won’t be a wedding today. Lois and I are taking a rain check. We apologize for the inconvenience. There will still be free food and drinks at the Lexor,” he said, before disappearing out a side door, one last look at Clark.
Everyone in the church began to murmur, shocked tones filling the room. And they stood up, finally.
“Clark… he’s going to kill you!” Lois said, once Lex was gone.
“Let him try. Are you alright?” he asked.
She nodded, tears falling, and she launched herself into his open – waiting – arms. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I… I thought it was too late…”
He put a hand on her head. “It’s alright. It wasn’t too late. You didn’t do it. You didn’t marry him,” he said, his voice sounding emotional now too.
“Because of you… you saved… I can’t believe… after everything… oh,” she trailed off. “Thank you, Clark.”
He said nothing; he just hugged her tighter.
* * *
The dress was off and she felt… free. Liberated.
Her mother had found an earlier flight, finding that her work as mother was done for awhile, and wanted to get back home sooner.
That was fine with Lois, as she had a lot she needed to sort through on her own. She was more than grateful for her mother’s help in the last few days, and they shared one of their most genuinely happy goodbyes to date. There was something of promise in their relationship to come and it made Lois feel really good.
Clark had left to go do something – one of his strange exits that she never understood, but had recently been missing a lot. And that left Lois with Rachel. She asked Rachel to help her with her dress, but she knew she should use the opportunity for more than that. There was something she needed to do.
She walked out of her bedroom in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, finding Rachel looking out her window.
“This view is great. The window is so big,” Rachel said, wondrously.
“Yeah,” Lois agreed. And for the first time, she didn’t feel inclined to add in her mind that it was the perfect window to fly in and out of. “Rachel… I need to apologize to you.”
Rachel looked at her in shock. “For what?”
Lois gestured to her couch and they both took a seat. Lois turned to her.
“For last night. I know I was drunk, but it doesn’t excuse me. I behaved appallingly, asking you all those questions. And… I’m not sure what’s going on with you and Clark, but I won’t get in the way. I like you. And… I want him to be happy. You have to know that that is the most important thing to me,” she said.
“Okay, Lois, you’re about ten steps ahead of me here. First of all, you were fine last night. It was clear you were going through something. I can understand that. And second of all… there’s something going on with Clark and me?” she asked, smiling, sounding excited at the prospect.
“Well… isn’t there?” Lois asked, her cheeks turning red.
“If there is, it’s news to me!” Rachel said, laughing. She reached forward and squeezed Lois’s hand. “Okay. I’ve always had a bit of a crush on Clark. And I’m sure I always will. But… we’ve been friends for a really long time. And I’m content to have my crush, knowing it’ll never go anywhere. It’s something to dream about. Something to fantasize about,” she said. “If you know what I mean.”
“I do,” Lois said, realizing that she and Rachel were alike in a few ways. This was exactly the kind of thing she realized she felt for Superman earlier today or sometime last night… or just at some point in her crazy musings from the past few days.
“When we came home from the senior prom, we sat on the swings in my backyard and talked for a long time. We even discussed dating. Each other,” Rachel said, glowing at the memory, seeming as giddy as she had undoubtedly been then. “We weren’t sure if we should date. But… he kissed me,” she said, quietly. “And… it didn’t feel like I always thought it would. It was nice! Don’t get me wrong! But when we broke apart, we both laughed and decided we should stick to the friendship. It was a good decision and we both are glad we made it. Because we’ve been able to stay friends. Good friends. And now we’ve been friends for almost twenty years. That kind of thing doesn’t come along every day. We both knew we weren’t soul mates or anything. That if we dated, it wouldn’t lead to marriage or anything. So it was a matter of deciding whether we should date for awhile or stay friends forever. And the choice was easy. I don’t see him like I used to and we’ve both enjoyed these last two days. But not because it’s the beginning of something. It’s just… a reminder of something. It’s a reminder that we are friends and always have been and that we have fun together and should keep in touch a little better. Besides,” she added. “How could I ever want something to happen with Clark knowing he would never look at me the way I’ve always seen him look at you?”
Lois opened her mouth to say something, but closed it. She was speechless.
“I was hoping everything would work out, but I honestly wasn’t sure it would when I saw you make it all the way down the aisle. But then… it did! I’m glad. It sure did make for an exciting wedding, though. The weddings in Smallville have nothing on this one! The bride and groom always end up getting married when the ceremony is in Smallville. Every time. No exceptions. No one ever speaks up like Clark did. In Smallville, you forever hold your peace! This was great!” Rachel said, smiling ear-to-ear.
Lois laughed.
When she’d met Rachel in Smallville, she had thought her kind of annoying. But then she had saved Clark’s life and she was glad for her existence, if not for anything else. But she hadn’t thought she was anything special. Just a typical small town girl who was clearly still interested in her prom date. She hadn’t noticed how great Rachel was. How wonderful. She was a unique and incredibly special person… and she was glad she could see that now.
It wasn’t surprising she hadn’t seen it then; she hadn’t seen much for what it was until about an hour ago.
“Thank you, Rachel. You’ve been… well, I’m just glad you’re here. I hope you’ll visit Metropolis again. If you do, I promise I won’t give you the third degree!”
“Sounds good, Lois,” she laughed. “You know, I wonder if Clark can get in touch with Superman about maybe taking me back tonight. This has been fun, but I need to get back to reality. Smallville reality,” she said, with a face.
“Superman?” Lois asked. “He took you here?”
“Yeah… as a favor to Clark for I don’t know, something-or-other. It was really great too! Faster than a plane. Less hassle too.”
Lois laughed, surprised that hearing this didn’t make her jealous at all. She had been so jealous seeing Clark out with Rachel yesterday. But hearing her talk about flying in Superman’s arms today didn’t bother her at all.
She smiled, realizing why. In the space between yesterday and today, she had learned to actually listen to her heart. It had been crying out, but keeping its ways, its message, mysterious to her. But finally, she had figured that darned thing out. And not a moment too soon.
“Well, if anyone can get in touch with Superman, it’s Clark.”
Saying his name, Lois felt butterflies in her stomach. She had no idea what was going to be said when she and Clark were finally alone, but… she knew one thing. She owed him a lot. Starting with the truth.
* * *
Clark spun back into himself in a dark alley and walked onto Main Street. He decided to walk back to Lois’s apartment, so he could think over everything.
Everything which had seemed so wrong and suddenly become so very right.
Lois… did not marry Luthor. It was over.
Not their friendship – although that would need some careful handling and a lot of talking over.
Not his life – which he had thought to be the case when he’d sat down in that pew.
But Lois and Luthor. *That* was over. It was all over.
He wanted to fly. To soar through the sky. But… he couldn’t. Not as Clark anyway. And he really had no desire to become Superman again just now. He just wanted to walk – like the ordinary man that he was – and marvel at the turn of events.
He’d been sitting in that church, finding it suddenly hard to breathe, as the reality of what was happening crashed down on him over and over. It hurt. It ached. He had never felt such pain before. When it eventually became too much to bear, he stood up to leave. He just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t sit there and listen to the exchange of vows or the priest pronounce them husband and wife. He just… couldn’t.
He’d made it all the way to the door.
And then…
He heard her voice. Her quiet whisper – almost like a plea – saying she did not want to get married.
He felt like his heart had stopped. And she continued.
She didn’t love him. And she recognized that he didn’t love her too. She had seen what he had known to be the truth. She had seen it on her own! Before it was too late. And before he had walked out on her life, which he had planned to do because of the pain he had been feeling.
She ended the wedding, and in doing so, stopped the friendship from ending instead. It was… brave and smart and just wonderful. His heart turned over as the words poured out of her mouth.
When Luthor’s evil voice began threatening her against stopping the wedding, it took all of his power not to run up there and punch him. But to do so would have been to reveal his secret to everyone. And when he honed in on the priest, he had realized his opportunity was coming up. And he would not lose it.
While Lois was shocked into submission, only seeing Lex Luthor’s true colors for the first time, he would not be. He was not afraid of his enemy. And… he had too much to lose to not do anything.
And she had been grateful to him for it. He had been afraid she would be upset that he had done that. Stepped in for – seemingly – no apparent reason. But she had been grateful and they had shared a hug. They had finally hugged each other and he could feel it. He could feel the friendship which hadn’t slipped away like they’d thought. It had been a bit abused and taken a few hits. But somehow… it had come out stronger. And he could feel that.
That friendship saved him. In turn, it saved her.
And in the end, it saved them.
He didn’t know what she wanted now. He didn’t care. For the first time in a long time, things actually seemed possible again. He was hopeful again. That, for him, was enough.
* * *
Clark stood outside his apartment with Rachel and placed her suitcase on the ground.
“Rach… thanks for coming. Thanks for everything. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here. You made these last few days not only bearable… but I had a good time with you. I didn’t even think it was possible for me to smile, but you made it happen repeatedly. I can never thank you enough,” he said.
“Clark… I am just glad it worked out. If I had to spend the rest of my life seeing that look on your face, I don’t know what I would’ve done! You looked so sad! I am going home knowing that all is right with the world. Clark Kent is once again the carefree, happy guy he always should be.”
He hugged her, a big smile on his face.
“You know, I still owe you a night of dancing,” he said.
“Oh and I’ll hold you to it! We can’t dance in these Metropolis bars, though. Next time you’re in Smallville, mister, we’re doing some real dancing!”
“Of course,” he said.
“And Lois has to come too!”
“I don’t know how easy it’d be to convince her to come to Smallville to do some ‘real dancing’, but I’ll try,” he said, laughing.
They just looked at each other for another long moment.
“Thanks again,” he said.
“Any time. And let’s not go so long again without spending some quality time together, okay?”
“I agree,” he said. “Hey… there’s something I have to do. But Superman should be here any minute. Do you mind if I take off?” he asked.
She smiled. “I was just about to tell you to get lost. Go find her. Don’t waste any more time.”
He smiled. “Okay.”
He walked away, and moments later, Superman flew down from another direction to take her home, as promised.
* * *
Lois sat in her apartment, knowing that as soon as Rachel was off, Clark would be by. She didn’t know what to say to him. They hadn’t had a moment alone since the church.
She was nervous.
She wasn’t sure what his feelings were now that she had run them through the mud for so long. But… if he only wanted her friendship, she would find a way to reconcile herself to that. She had to. She would not lose him.
She also had to ask him why he had done it. Why had he spoken up? She’d been so grateful because he had saved her… but that didn’t explain why he had done it at all.
He’d looked like he was about to book it. Out of the church; out of her life… so it just made no sense.
She’d have to ask him about it… but at the moment she wasn’t worrying over it. She was just grateful he hadn’t given up on her completely. That after everything, he *could* have still done that.
She went into her room and changed into a pair of sweatpants and a comfortable sweatshirt. She stood in the doorway to her bedroom and looked around her apartment, feeling incredibly happy about her life for the first time in a really long time.
She walked to her bed and sat down and smiled, at that.
Things seemed possible.
Her relief at Rachel’s admission that there was nothing going on between her and Clark was the final piece of proof she needed. She’d known her own feelings, but the feeling of being bowled over with relief did not go unnoticed by her by any means and just solidified it all.
She laid her head down on her pillow, feeling tired and dreamy. She tried to stay awake. Clark was coming over. Stay awake…
Clark…
Her Clark…
She hadn’t lost him…
And with that soothing thought, unable to fight it, she fell asleep.
* * *
Lois awoke, seeing Clark sitting beside her, staring at her with a look… a look that made her feel incredibly special. And just really loved. “What time is it?” she asked.
“It’s late,” he said. “I didn’t want to wake you; I know you haven’t slept much. But… I didn’t want to leave you alone. Who knows what is going on in Lex Luthor’s mind right now.”
She sat up and rubbed her eyes, trying to pull herself from dreamland. She looked at him. “You were right about Lex, Clark. He’s… he’s… I don’t know. Not what he ever appeared to be. That’s for sure. And I’m so sorry that I never listened to you. About anything.”
He looked at her for a long moment, a serious expression on his face. “Lois, you need to know that I would never make something up about someone just to keep you away from them. If I thought you could be happy, I’d back away, even if it was the hardest thing I had to do. If I ever say that I don’t trust someone, that I think they’re no good… it means that I mean that. That I would think that even if it had nothing to do with you.”
“I can see that now,” she said, quietly.
“I just could never prove anything where he was concerned. I’m glad you didn’t end up married to him, learning about his true nature when it was too late.”
“Thank god,” she murmured, pulling the comforter up around her, suppressing the chill that she could feel coming, if she allowed herself to think of how it could have turned out. “And maybe if we work together, we can find something out… prove your suspicions… and put him away for a long time… if, that is, you could still… be partners with me?” she finished nervously.
“I’d love to be partners with you again, Lois.”
She smiled. “Good. Because I was not going to take no for an answer.”
He smiled. “I wouldn’t think you could.”
“Why did you do it, Clark?” she asked.
He stared at her for a moment, a look of surprise in his eyes.
“Why did you stop the wedding? I didn’t want to get married and I was about ten seconds away from doing it myself, assuming I got the guts up to do it, but… you couldn’t have known that…”
“I… I guess I saw something when you looked at me. Something pleading, maybe… in your eyes… and I just… I couldn’t not do something,” he stammered, nervously. Lamely.
She smiled. “I’m glad you did it. I don’t know what I would have done if…”
“Well… you needn’t worry about it anymore.”
She smiled and lost herself to her thoughts for a moment.
“So you stopped my wedding because of a look you *may* have seen from me?” she asked suddenly, a moment later, tilting her head, realizing this – like many of his lame excuses – seemed incredibly thin.
“Yeah,” he said, not meeting her gaze.
She smiled.
“You are a strange one, Clark Kent.”
He smiled and looked up. “Am I?”
“Yeah… and… I’m not sure I’ll ever figure you out,” she said, crossing her arms.
He stood up and walked to the bed, sitting down beside her. “Maybe someday you will.”
“I’d like to,” she said, growing serious suddenly.
“Why did you decide you didn’t want to marry him in the end, Lois?”
“I guess… I could only imagine one man up there with me. And… it wasn’t Lex,” she said, her heart feeling like it was in her throat with butterflies fluttering about in her stomach. Being honest with herself was one thing… and that was hard enough… being honest with him was making her downright nervous.
He nodded, like he knew who she meant. And she knew he had no idea.
“It wasn’t Superman, either, Clark,” she said, which made him look up at her in surprise, hope evident in his eyes, try as he might to hide it. “Clark… last night… you asked me if I was jealous of you and Rachel and I said ‘no’ so quickly. It was sort of an instinct… and sort of a defensive mechanism. Mostly it was denial. And… I hurt you because of it. Making you think I could never be jealous where you’re concerned.”
“It’s okay,” he said, shrugging.
“No, Clark… you don’t understand. You see, I *was* jealous. It just came as a surprise to me and… I didn’t realize what it was immediately. And I didn’t mean to hurt you. Ever. Especially not repeatedly,” she said, tears filling her eyes. “And I came so close to losing you. You have no idea…”
“I have a pretty good idea, Lois. I came just as close to losing you.”
“How did everything get so messed up?” she asked, shaking her head.
“You know… I have no idea. But let’s try to never let it happen again,” he said.
“Agreed.”
They smiled at each other and just looked into one another’s eyes.
“Thank you for saving me, Clark.”
“Thank you for saving me,” he said.
She touched his cheek and he closed a hand over her smaller one, closing his eyes. He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers softly, questioningly.
“I won’t be able to handle it if this is another kiss that ends in ‘goodbye’,” she whispered, placing her other hand on the back of his neck.
He shook his head, and opened his eyes so he could look into hers. “There won’t be any more ‘goodbyes’, Lois. Will there?”
“No…”
He kissed her again, a little more deeply, and her heart felt like it was soaring inside of her. Flying…
And suddenly, she realized what it was. The one certainty in her life that was trying to push itself forward when she was walking down the aisle. The one thing she knew for sure when everything else was so confusing.
She had known that amidst the chaos and confusion, one thing was clear, but she had not been able to pinpoint it and acknowledge it.
But she knew now.
That one thing was right there in her arms. Kissing her. That one thing was right there in her heart.
And now that she knew what it was, she would never forget. And she would most certainly never let it go again.
***************
