~Three years ago~Clark found himself standing in a shadowy alley, with Lois’ back to him, holding the Book of Rao.
“Can you ever forgive me for thinking you were him?” Lois said, guilt over having mistaken Zod for the Blur laden in her voice.
She held up the Book of Rao for him to take. Her trust in him was infinite… “Please say something,” she pleaded. “Anything…”
Clark realized that the ring had worked its magic. He was suddenly in that back alley again, ready to say good-bye to Lois with a kiss.
He took the Book of Rao from her fingers, feeling how warm and supple they were in his hands. He pulled her to him, and kissed her. Though this time, it wasn’t to say good-bye.
This kiss was a promise that things would be different. This kiss was to tell her that he’d trust her with the truth…
Clark knew he had to stop Zod, and so left her there in the alley, as he had before, though this time, with every intention of coming back to finish what he’d started.
He headed towards the top of the Daily Planet, though he was uncertain how he could keep from ascending with the other Kandorians. He knew he had to face Zod, and had to try and make things right on Earth.
Zod and the Kandorians were there, just as it had happened the first time. Clark confronted Zod, trying to make him see the error of his ways, but Zod was as defiant as ever.
When Clark lay the Book of Rao on the console, and the other Kandorians began to ascend, Zod pulled out a long, blue kryptonite dagger.
“Blue Kryptonite,” Clark said through clenched teeth.
Zod nodded, lifting the dagger menacingly, “I told you. I’m not going anywhere.”
This was to be the change, the sacrifice. The blue kryptonite would prevent them both from ascending. Would he have to kill Zod? Was that the answer to saving the future?
Clark didn’t know, but he held onto the belief that he had to stay on the earth. The future was too dire without him – and yet, he couldn’t let Zod kill him here and now. Would he be made to trade one tyrant for another?
The sky opened up above them, as Clark looked accusingly at Zod, “You knew blue Kryptonite would prevent you from ascending like the others.”
Zod stepped forward, his eyes ablaze with hate and delusion. “’Better to rule in hell, then to serve in Heaven.’”
Clark felt chills at that statement, recalling hearing Zod using it in the Phantom Zone. Clark realized that Zod would be a tyrant wherever and whenever he went…
Zod swiped the dagger at Clark’s chest, slashing the fabric of his shirt and slicing a wound that felt like cold fire.
“Since you seem to love the humans so much, let’s see you fight like one!” Zod cried loudly as the storm picked up around them, bracing his legs in a fighter’s stance across from Clark.
No matter what time or where Clark traveled, he would always have to face an evil… he had to win this fight, to save Earth in the future. If Zod stayed on the earth, Clark feared the destruction he would bring – it could be swifter and more disastrous than even what Lex would do.
They fought on the rooftop, in the rain, endlessly and tirelessly. At last, Zod trapped Clark, caught in the corner of the rooftop. Zod leaned over him, his face an iniquitous shadow of the man he once was, of the man that was once Jor-El’s friend.
Clark felt the hate radiate from Zod, the cool rain of the earth unable to wipe it away, like a permanent stench of evil. Zod pushed Clark to the edge of the precipice, loathing coating his words, “Unlike you I will lead from the throne, not from the shadows. Every human including the woman you love, will kneel before Zod!”
Those last words stirred anger in Clark, giving him the energy he needed to lunge forward, to stop the tyrant who believed he was winning.“You already destroyed my first home, I won’t let you take this one!”
Suddenly, Clark felt a pain as sharp as ice and as burning as fire rip through him. His shocked eyes met Zod’s victorious ones for a moment that seemed suspended in eternity. Clark looked down, the blazing blue Kryptonite dagger sheathed into his chest.
Was this to be the end then? No matter what Clark did, could he never make things right, never save the earth from the tyrants that attacked it, whether now or in the future?
Zod glanced up, the golden light of the Book of Rao beginning to pull him away from the earth, the blue Kryptonite no longer able to protect him from ascending. Clark had a moment of hope, even as his breath was leaving his body. Zod would not stay on the earth – but would be forced, like the Kandorians, onto another planet. As Zod was dragged into the light, Clark stumbled backwards, falling over the edge of the building.
Clark saw, even as he free fell to the earth, Zod disappear with the rest of the Kandorians.
Zod had been stopped from destroying the earth, but if Clark died… who would stop Brainiac and Lex in the future?
~\S/~
Lois stood in the alley, rooted to the spot.
The Blur had just kissed her. Though, she thought she knew those arms, knew that kiss…
“Clark,” she breathed in amazement, as it all suddenly made sense.
Of course the Blur was Clark! She had imagined him as the Blur many times, and each time he had found a way to make her believe otherwise, or she had thought it was just her love that had added on all that shiny white knight armor…
But the truth was so blinding and absolute, that she couldn’t believe she had ever thought anything different.
The sky suddenly opened up with a rainstorm, and for once, she delighted in it. She felt truth was washing over her, and she couldn’t wait to confront Clark with it. Couldn’t wait to tell him that she knew—
Her euphoria evaporated as she realized she didn’t know how to tell Clark that she knew. He was the one who had kept it a secret from her for so long, after all.
What if he had never intended on telling her? She knew Clark had an overprotective streak in him, but what if it went deeper than that – what if he just didn’t trust her?
Did it matter though, knowing the Blur was planning to confront Zod? Clark was about to go up against a monster, and she didn’t know what he would do, or what would happen.
Would Zod try to kill Clark?
She tried not to panic, but she felt fear well up in her gut, wondering what she could do to help, to stop whatever madness Clark had gotten himself into.
Lois knew she herself couldn’t stop Zod – but could she help Clark?
And, more importantly, would he let her help him?
Lois headed to the Daily Planet, needing to think, to process all this and to find Clark. At the very least, she needed to tell him that she loved him, no matter what and that she would be there for him. She needed to encourage him to tell her the truth about himself – and that he didn’t have to face Zod alone.
As Lois neared the Planet, the early morning sun beginning to push through the clouds, she saw a figure lying in the middle of the street. As she neared, to her horror, she saw that it was Clark, a knife of some kind punctured through his chest.
Was he dead? Was Clark mortal after all? Had she been wrong? What if Zod had killed Clark – and her fantasy of him being the Blur, had just been that – a fantasy?
“Clark!” she cried, rushing over, warm tears welling up from within as she feared she would lose the only man she had ever loved. It didn’t matter if he was or wasn’t the Blur – she loved this man, wholeheartedly, and couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. She kneeled next to him, her hands searching his features for any sign of life. Tears mingled on her cheeks with the rain, as fear cut through her chest. “Okay, okay…” she said to calm herself, over and over, feeling anything but okay.
Her fingers came to the knife, and she realized it wasn’t a normal kind of blade. Desperate to try anything to save him, she pulled the knife from his chest, shocked to see the strange blue stone.
But she pulled it out and tossed it away. After a moment, Clark suddenly gasped for breath, stunning Lois with the truth. No mortal could have survived such a wound…
Yet he was alive! Here was true confirmation that Clark was the Blur – and she had saved him!
She was afraid to face him, though. He had hid his secret for so long, that she feared he would run from her, run from them if he knew that she knew.
Lois darted over to some crates to give him space, turning to watch, as the sun’s rays seemed to heal the wound on Clark’s chest. She watched in amazement and relief that he would live, just before he suddenly sped off.
He was indeed her hero… and the man that she loved.
She just needed him to acknowledge it.
~\S/~
Clark had almost died… had fate been changed yet again?
One moment he had been falling from the roof of the Planet building, watching as Zod and the Kandorians disappeared forever… and the next, he had been lying on the cold, wet ground, fighting to return to consciousness…
He had dreamed… and in his dream, he had been warned that Lex was still a threat.
But he was still here on earth, where hopefully, he could do something about it.
He wouldn’t abandon the earth to the horrible fate that he had seen in the future. He would find a way to stop it…
And Lois—
Where was she?
Clark suddenly felt a thrill of excitement go through him, eager to find her and to tell her the truth. He wouldn’t abandon her either.
He never wanted to see that lonely look in her eyes again, the look that had haunted the Lois of the future. He never wanted to see tears because he had abandoned her, without explanation, without her knowing what he felt for her.
Clark looked up towards the now morning sky. The earth was safe for now. Zod was gone, and Clark would have time to figure out how to stop Lex.
For the moment, there was something else more important to take care of.
Clark had to find Lois.
~\S/~
Lois made her way back to the Planet, still reeling from her discoveries.
Clark was the Blur.
It made so much sense. She had been hiding from the truth for so long, refusing to believe what she already had known in her heart. There had sometimes been moments or strange coincidences that made her think for a fleeting moment that Clark could be the Blur -- but either she shook herself out of what she thought must be a delusion, or Clark found ways to convince her otherwise.
But she had irrefutable proof. No amount of laughing it off or seeming logic would shake her from what she had seen.
She suppressed a sigh. What would he do if she confronted him? Would he make her feel once more like a fool for having believed that Clark Kent and her hero were the same man?
Lois felt a knot of self-doubt tighten in her belly, worried that Clark would find some way to brush it all off, like the time he had rescued her when Ray Sacks had tossed her off the edge of the Planet building. She had wanted so desperately to believe Clark was the Blur, yet he had done everything he could to deny that it could have been him.
Did he simply not trust her?
The thought more than rankled. Trust had always been a hard issue with Lois. It seemed that those she gave it to, always betrayed her one way or another.
And yet, she had found herself trusting Clark…
…and the Blur.
When would he trust her back?
Lois headed to the archive room, a million questions buzzing through her brain. Did anyone else know the truth about Clark?
Who would he have trusted more than her with his big secret?
Lois felt certain that Chloe knew. It sure would explain their close relationship, and how Chloe would often come to Clark’s defense.
Had Lana known?
Was that what had separated them?
Lois felt a tingle of fear up her spine. Would Clark’s secret come between them too?
She was determined not to let that happen. One way or another, she would confront him with the truth – and more importantly, find a way to tell him that it didn’t matter to her. That it simply made her love him even more.
She needed his trust.
Digging through the Planet archives, Lois began pulling files of stories about the Blur, seeing things in a new light. It wasn’t just the Blur who had saved a family from a fire, but it had been Clark.
It wasn’t the Blur who had stopped her monorail from crashing into the asphalt.
It had been Clark.
Her down home farmboy was really the hero of her dreams.
Lois heard a knock at the door and glanced up, startled out of her musings.
As if she had conjured him up from reading about him, suddenly Clark was there before her.
She quickly shut the file she was reading.
Butterflies fluttered furiously in her stomach, as she was unsure how she should breach the topic of what she knew, and even less uncertain if she should say something while they were both at work.
“Uh, just looking for something,” he said awkwardly, heading to a filing cabinet.
“Oh? Well, don’t let me get in your way… Smallville,” she said, her voice trailing off on his pet name for him. He didn’t seem so “Smallville” anymore, all things considered.
As Clark stepped up to the filing cabinets, Lois quickly threw the small pile of newspapers she had been digging through about the Blur into the closest drawer.
“What are you researching?” Clark asked with a curious smirk.
“Uh, nothing… just… well checking some old stories about…” she cleared her throat. “Stuff.”
“Mmm,” Clark murmured, turning back to the cabinet.
She felt flustered, wondering if he had seen what she had been reading, and what he would think of it. It wasn’t just her stories of the Blur she had read – but her colleague’s stories, and even Clark’s. Though his, she noticed, were much fewer, and only included the Blur when there was no one else to credit. Usually, he praised the police for acting quickly, or the firemen for their dedication.
She suddenly felt too close to him, her mind a whirlpool of thoughts that kept swirling towards one purpose – understanding who Clark Kent really is.
Only a short while before, she had been standing over him in the rain, fearful for his life. She kept scrutinizing him, wondering if he was fully recovered. She wanted to ask him what had happened to Zod. She wanted to blurt out that she knew the truth about him.
There were so many things that she wanted to say. How did he keep it all under wraps so well?
He seemed so calm and – normal.
And yet, she felt anything but.
Beyond the stories about the Blur, beyond how she had found him in the street, what really had her shaken up was that kiss in the alley. With every glance Clark’s way, it played itself over and over in her mind. She watched his jaw tick, and his brow knot together as he read, and she felt her cheeks flush red, imagining such intensity would also be on his features if he was kissing her…
She remembered too, the kiss he had laid on her in the middle of the newsroom.
Both of those kisses had been spontaneous and passionate – and yet, one had revealed the man, and the other, the hero.
She longed to know what it would be like to kiss him now that way, knowing that he was both…
She needed to talk to him, to try and tell him that she knew the truth, and that she loved him. But she couldn’t do it here. She needed safer, familiar territory – somewhere where she could still remember the awkward boy she used to tease. Somewhere where she wouldn’t feel so intimidated.
“Hey, um, what are you doing later?” she asked suddenly, hating that she sounded nervous.
“Not much, why?” he said, still glancing through a file.
“Well… uh, if we get through with work early today I thought… I guess I’d like to talk to you later… privately. Maybe, barn later?”
“We’re alone now,” he reasoned, glancing up at her with a slightly crooked smile.
She nodded, very much aware that they were alone. But still not alone enough to talk to him about being the Blur.
“I think it’s better if we wait till later… I—well, is that okay?”
His lips curved up in an almost laugh and he set the file back in the cabinet. “Of course, Lois. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about too.”
She couldn’t begin to let herself speculate on what he wanted to tell her. The way he had guarded his secret so fiercely, she couldn’t see that he wanted to tell her that.
Maybe, though, he was ready to confront his feelings. That kiss had said it all.
But she wouldn’t let him without speaking the truth first.
He had her trust – and now, she needed his.
“I’ll see you later then, I suppose,” she said airly, brushing past him to head back to her desk, her heart pounding a mile a minute.
She couldn’t even make a graceful exit, knocking her shin into a low shelf.
“You okay?” he asked, his hand suddenly on the small of her back, as she leaned down to adjust her shoe.
“Yeah, fine…” she said, feeling the heat of his hand like a brand.
She stood up, looking in his eyes for the first time since he had come into the archive room.
Something tight caught in her throat at his expression. She could see so many things in his eyes that she couldn’t name, yet she could feel.
His compassion, and she thought, his love.
“See you tonight… Smallville,” she whispered, and glanced away.
~\S/~
As Clark went through the rest of the day, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. All the stories of day, no matter what the crime, were lightweight compared to what he had faced in the future. The world seemed full of possibilities again, full of hope.
Though she didn’t realize it, his greatest hope was having a future with Lois.
She avoided him for much of the day, finding many excuses not to stay at her desk, and avoiding eye contact with him.
Sometime in the afternoon, it suddenly dawned on him – did she already know? He remembered Lois in the future telling him that she had learned the truth about who he was after kissing her in the alley...
Was that what she wanted to speak to him about?
If knowledge that he was the Blur was making her this nervous, he felt doubly guilty about how he had abandoned her in the future. She had lived with that knowledge alone since he had left with Zod and the Kandorians – yet without him to talk to, without him to explain.
How long had she suppressed that knowledge before she had told Chloe and the others?
How long until she had known that he had been gone for good?
“Lois,” he whispered to himself, her name caressed and lightly chided under his breath, his guilt getting the better of him. But this time it would be different. He had seen how dedicated she had been to him, how much she loved him.
She deserved to hear the truth from him – and he would tell her tonight.
~\S/~
That evening, Lois drove out to Smallville, wondering if she was making a mistake in confronting Clark about the truth. What if it drove him away -- either in wanting to protect her or because he didn't trust her? Her insecurity made her self-doubtful, and she was tempted a few times along the way to turn around and head back to Metropolis.
At last though, she made her way to the Kent farm, a place she had used to call home. She felt herself smile, wondering how much of the great things that the Blur did everyday was due to the wonderful parents Clark had. She always knew that Clark was a great guy... but the Blur was just so much more.
Lois clamored up the steps of the house and rapped on the screen door. The porch light was on, thought the kitchen was dark. "Clark?" she called, though she couldn't see anyone in the kitchen.
When no one answered, she stepped in the house, greeted by Shelby. "Hey girl. Where's Clark?" she said, leaning down to give the dog a pat. "Or does he keep secrets from you too?"
Suddenly, Whitesnake started playing in the living room. It was a live recorded ballad, and one of Lois' favorites --
"The Deeper the Love." When I look back
On everything I've done
I know you must have cried
A river of tears,
But, you were there
When I was feeling low
To walk me through my darkest fearsThe song made her smile, and she wondered what had prompted Clark to play it.
She walked into the living room, and saw Clark standing there, wearing a dark blue buttoned-down shirt and charcoal pants, his eyes earnestly searching hers. He had lit a few candles around the room, clearly trying to set a mood. He held out his hand to her, a shy smile on his face, asking her to dance.
"What's this all about?" she whispered, surprised by the set up.
He took her into his arms, and they slowly started to dance. "I haven't always been fair to you, Lois," he whispered into her hair, sending a small thrill to her heart.
She thought he had been fair to her, just not truthful.
So when the sun goes down
An' those nights grow colder,
I will be there
Looking over your shoulderShe let him pull her in closer, sudden tears coming to her eyes, listening to the lyrics and wondering if this time Clark was on the same page as her. Was he tired of running from his secrets too?
She settled into his embrace, open to whatever he wanted to tell her. She had come here to confess her heart to him. Now she wondered if he was planning on the same.
We’ll do it together, Smallville, she thought to herself, feeling lulled both by Clark’s embrace and the song being played.
An' the deeper the love
The stronger the emotion,
An' the stronger the love
The deeper the devotion"What do you mean, 'fair'"? she asked quietly, her head on his shoulder.
"I've asked a lot of you... and yet, I haven't been able to give you what you deserve."
She lifted her head to look at him. "And what's that?"
"The truth," he said, his eyes a soft grey.
There were times
I almost let you go
When I thought I needed to break free,
But you were there
To whisper in my ear
Why don't you share my dreams with me?"I know you were just trying to protect me," she whispered, the words catching in her throat.
"Protect you -- Lois, what do you mean?" he said, though his words were gentle.
So when the sun goes down
An those nights are growing colder
I will be there
Looking over your shoulder.She glanced up at him, tears in her eyes. She was afraid he'd run from the truth, but he had just said that he was ready to share it with her. "I mean that I know you, Clark," she said, resting her hand on his chest.
His hand covered hers as they continued to dance to the music.
"Do you, Lois? I know we've had a lot of mixed signals and false starts -- but, it's because I was always hiding. Running from a future that I feared. But now, I know that there's only one way I want to face that future -- and that's with you."
An' the deeper the love
The stronger the emotion,
An' the stronger the love
The deeper the devotion"I came here tonight to make a confession," she admitted. "But it seems you had one as well."
"My confession... is that I love you, Lois. And you deserve more than I've been able to give you. You deserve the truth."
He suddenly leaned down, and kissed her, pulling her close to him as the music swelled. She closed her eyes, recalling his kiss in the alleyway. He was the same man, though something seemed different about him tonight... for the first time, Clark Kent seemed like an open book.
I don't mind, what you're doing to me,
I don't mind, 'cause you're all I can see
I don't mind, baby, you mean the world to meAfter a long moment, he pulled away, just to look in her eyes. His hand came up and cupped her cheek. "Can you see the truth before you?" he asked, his own eyes earnest.
She nodded, words struggling with tears in her throat.
When the sun goes down
An' those nights are growing colder,
I will be there
Looking over your shoulder, baby, baby, baby."It was you -- all along," she said at last. "I realized it in the alleyway last night when you--kissed me."
Her eyes searched his, waiting for his confirmation, wanting to take this next step with him.
She was ready to accept the truth, was he ready to trust her?
So When the sun goes down
An' those nights are growing colder,
I will be there
Looking over your shoulder."I had only ever wanted to protect you, Lois. That is the only reason I didn't tell you that I--"
"--that you are the Blur," she finished for him.
After a slight pause, he nodded in answer. "I thought I had to hide my secret from you. I thought it was for the best. But Lois, I've--seen the future. I had abandoned you -- and yet you had waited for me."
She didn’t understand what he was rambling on about seeing the future. But it didn’t matter – only the knowing the truth and knowing that they’d be there for each other mattered.
"I'd wait for you forever, Smallville," she said as tears slipped down her cheeks.
'Cause the deeper the love
The stronger the emotion,
An' the stronger the love
The deeper the devotion...His thumbs wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I never meant to make you cry, Lois. I only ever wanted for you to be safe."
"Don't you know that when you're in love, you're never safe? Love is always a risk, Clark. But I think it's one worth taking."
"It is, Lois... I've been afraid so often in my life... and yet with you -- I feel stronger."
I never gonna let you go,
In my heart, I know.
I love you, I love you.
Oh baby, I really love you...She laid her head back on his shoulder as the music faded. "With you -- I simply feel home."
They swayed to the music, adrift in each other’s arms.
“Home,” he whispered into her hair. “At last, I feel home, too.”
~The End~
