Clark looked down at his son, his whole heart, sleeping in the palms of his hands.
Joel was a perfect miracle, and Clark never knew he could feel so much awe. He couldn’t believe that what should have been an almost impossibility, was right before him.
He had wondered for years if he would be the last of his people, and whether his heritage would carry on… and when he discovered that Lois was pregnant, something akin to relief and hope had welled up inside him. This little life proved that he was almost human, and that he would have someone who could carry on his legacy.
From Lois’ experience throughout the pregnancy, Clark expected that Joel would have at least some of his powers. Clark relished that he would get to guide his son through the discoveries, and teach him how to protect and take care of others. He would know how to talk to his son in a way that his father never had, simply because Jonathan Kent hadn’t been Kryptonian. But he had still given Clark a legacy that would also be Joel’s – Jonathan’s faith in humanity.
In Clark’s imagination, he saw his son grow up… he saw how he could steer Joel away from his own pitfalls, and likely have others of his own.
Clark saw how he could be a friend and a mentor to his son… would he want to play football? Would Clark let him? Or like he did, would Joel come to understand that there were more important things to do in the world?
But mostly, Clark felt grounded. He would do his best to raise his son as Jonathan had raised him, and he would teach Joel his Kryptonian heritage, as Jor-El had.
Joel would be his bridge between two worlds, and proof that Clark belonged on Earth, with Lois.
Lois… what an amazing woman.
She had embraced her pregnancy with courage, accepted the unknown fearlessly. Because she loved fearlessly. As much as Clark tried to protect Lois over the years, she always went after any task head on, and this pregnancy had been no different, despite whatever risk there may had been to her.
Lois had given him this tiny miracle, and Clark was simply in awe.
In awe of Lois, his remarkable son… indeed, his heart was full.
~L&C~
Lois woke up, unsure how long she had been asleep. She hadn’t slept with the blue k box open, but she couldn’t remember closing it. She stretched slightly, to see where it still hurt, and while she was sore, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been when she had gone to sleep.
Maybe she still had a bit of Kryptonian healing power left in her?
She grimaced as she sat up in bed… maybe, she didn’t have that much. Even though she had trained and ran a lot in her life, she had never felt such soreness before. But she knew it could be worse… and she already felt better than she had right after the birth.
Slowly Lois tried to get out of bed. As she did so, a wave of nausea came over her. She grabbed onto the small night stand as she was overcome with a strange shiver. It wasn’t quite fever, but there was obviously something not quite right.
Grudgingly, she opened the blue k box and immediately felt a bit better. After less than a minute, she forced herself to close it, thinking she could keep a bit of the Kryptonian with her for a while longer. She irrationally thought that if she could continue to feed Joel breast milk while she still felt these symptoms, she could give him a better chance at being like Clark when he was older. She wanted to delay the exposure to the blue kryptonite as long as possible – at least until she could work up the courage to tell Clark the truth.
Lois opened the box once more, just for a moment, to gain enough equilibrium to head downstairs. She took a few steadying breaths, and then headed out into the hallway.
As Lois made her way downstairs, she realized it must be evening. She had that weird feeling when you sleep through most of the day, and you are unsure what day it actually is. Lois guessed she must have slept at least eight hours or more, and wondered how Clark was faring with Joel.
She glanced into the living room, and saw Joel asleep on Clark’s chest. He saw her come in and smiled at her. “Glad you’re up. I made some formula earlier, but I think he prefers momma’s milk.” Clark’s eyes followed her as she made her way over to them. “How are you feeling?”
Lois managed a small smile. “Better… it helps that I still have a bit of Kryptonian in me. Heal faster, I guess,” she hedged. “Give him here,” she whispered softly, settling onto the sofa next to Clark. Joel continued to sleep; Lois simply settled him on her chest and snuggled into the crook of Clark’s arm.
“Have you seriously been sitting here all day? No Blur duties, nothing?” she asked quietly, so as not to wake the baby.
“Yeah… I took the day off. I kept in touch with Chloe at Watchtower, but taking care of you two was more important,” he said, lightly kissing her forehead.
“You know, I just realized that I need a shower,” Lois said. “Too bad I’m comfortable.”
“Sit here and rest a minute… Isn’t he perfect?” Clark said over her shoulder in awe. “I just can’t stop staring at him. I mean, he’s barely been awake since we brought him home. I’m sure he’ll cry and drive us crazy a lot over the next few months… but all I can think is how amazing he is.”
Lois felt tears constrict her throat. Their son was perfect, but what if she robbed him of just how perfect he could be?
“I think I’ll go up for that shower now,” she said suddenly, gently placing Joel back in Clark’s hands. Lois didn’t quite run out of the room, but she left abruptly enough that Clark wondered whether something was bothering her.
~L&C~
Lois made it upstairs and started running the shower. As she stood under the shower head, sobs wracked her body. It was partly the emotional experience of being a new mother, but she knew it was more than that.
Lois worried about her own frailties… and how she would pass them on to her son.
She suddenly felt dizzy. Lois turned off the shower and slowly got out and reached for her towel. She knew she should have taken the blue k with her into the bathroom, but she wanted to breast feed first, to give Joel a fighting chance and keep him away from blue k exposure.
The rational part of her brain knew that he had been exposed to it all along throughout the pregnancy, but as she returned to being fully human, she wondered about what Jor-El had said… Feeding Joel while she still had blue kryptonite in her system could render Joel – normal.
Lois felt nauseated and leaned over the sink, hoping the dizziness would pass. She knocked her hairbrush into the sink, and the ping it made was louder than it should have been. Her head pounded; she took a few steadying deep breaths to prepare herself to walk down the hallway to the bedroom.
Lois turned to head to the bedroom. Maybe if she just lied down for a bit, she would feel better.
She stepped into the hallway, the cool air hitting her in the face and intensifying the dizzying feeling all over again. Before she could retreat back to the bathroom, the room seemed to spin around her – and suddenly, her world went dark.
~L&C~
“Lois? What happened? Lois? Can you hear me?”
It was like Clark’s voice was coming from a faraway distance.
“Clark?” she said, trying to sit up.
“You passed out, Lois…” he said, wrapping her again in the towel to carry her into the bedroom.
“Where’s Joel?”
“In the baby carrier, downstairs. He’s fine. I’m more worried about you right now. What happened?”
Clark set her down on the bed, and Lois felt nauseous all over again. She needed the blue kryptonite…
“Clark, I’m fine. Just go… I’ll be all right,” she said, not looking at him. “I just need to get dressed, and then I’ll be down to feed Joel.”
Clark knelt in front of her, so she’d look at him. “Lois, this is more than just recovering from the birth, isn’t it?” he asked gently.
“Please. Tell me what’s wrong. I want to help.”
Lois thought she might pass out again. She could barely focus. “Clark—just leave, okay?” She tried to force a smile. “I’ll be fine.”
Clark sighed. “Joel’s awake,” he mumbled. “Okay, I’ll go, but I wish you’d talk to me, Lois.”
He walked out of the room, and like a junkie needing a fix, Lois opened the lead box until the nausea went away. The symptoms hadn’t been so dramatic when she was pregnant, and she supposed it was because now that the baby was born, her body was simply trying to purge what was foreign, hence the fever-like tremors.
Lois closed the box as soon as the dizziness passed, and she knew she had to tell Clark the truth soon. A part of her worried about him rejecting their son if he did lose all his abilities. She knew Clark was strong where it counted, but she worried he wouldn’t be able to help feeling that way… that somehow, Joel wasn’t really his if he didn’t carry on his Kryptonian legacy.
Lois leaned back on the bed, closing her eyes as she tried to think rationally. She needed the blue k, and Clark had never been bothered by it before… but the consequences it could have for Joel – wouldn’t Clark be upset that his Kryptonian heritage might not be passed on?
She took a deep breath, determined to go downstairs and feed Joel. Grudgingly, Lois took the lead box with the blue k, knowing that a reckoning with the truth was coming.
~L&C~
Clark handed Lois little Joel, making sure she was comfortable to breastfeed. He noticed she had come downstairs with the blue meteorite box, and he suddenly began putting the puzzle together about what was wrong with Lois.
“Lois, you know it’s fine if you need to use the blue meteor rock. I’m not the Blur tonight,” he offered generously.
Lois appeared absorbed in the task at hand, trying to find a comfortable angle to hold Joel while he suckled. When she got him into a comfortable position, she leaned her head back and sighed.
Clark tried again, seeing that she didn’t look all that well. “Really, Lois. It’s fine.”
She glanced up at him, and he was surprised to see tears in her eyes. “Is it so fine, Clark?” she asked softly. “If I use the blue k –“ she gestured to their son, and bit her lip as she struggled to continue. “If only I wasn’t feeling so dizzy,” she commented, her head lolling back once more.
“Here,” Clark said, opening the box towards her, then taking a few steps away. “Better?”
She nodded, staring at the box as she gently rubbed Joel’s back. “Clark, Jor-El told me something… about the blue k… it was fine to use while I was pregnant… but I am returning to being normal again and –“
She couldn’t get the words out, but was hoping Clark would make the connection himself.
Lois sighed. “What do you think will happen, Clark, if I continue to use the blue k and feed Joel?”
The truth was heavy in the room, glowing like the blue stone that sat beside Lois.
“But won’t his powers return in the sun, like mine?” Clark asked, uncertainty clouding his voice.
Lois shook her head. “We don’t know for sure, Clark. But because he is just a baby, if I feed him milk, essentially laced with blue kryptonite—he may grow up to be just a normal boy.”
Clark seemed to chew on that thought a moment, while Lois held her breath. “I wish I was stronger for you, Clark. Both of you,” she admitted sadly.
That got Clark’s attention. He sat beside her, opposite from where the blue k lay, wanting to reassure her. “Lois, you’re the strongest woman I know.”
Lois’ eyes fell on the blue meteor rock. “But I can’t be – Kryptonian-strong,” she got out. “And I may take away Joel’s chance at being like his father. I may take away his legacy, Clark,” Lois said, her voice constricted with tears.
“No, Lois. Please, don’t think that… I admit, that knowing my son may have my powers would be fun, though fraught with its own dangers. But Lois, I said may have them… I know that there is a chance he may not. Or he may have completely different powers, and other problems than I had to deal with growing up. But please, Lois, you have been amazing,” he said gently, pushing the hair away from her eyes with deft fingers. “I could never blame you for what powers Joel may or may not have. It won’t change how I feel about him or you… He’s my son. Our son, and that in itself is a miracle.”
Tears were flowing down Lois’ face freely.
“Really? You mean it?”
Joel had finished eating and Lois pulled her nursing bra pad back in place and wiped her eyes. “I was so worried that you—Clark, are you sure? Cause I could just use the blue k when he’s sleeping, and we could feed him formula—“
“Lois,” Clark sighed. “My powers… they are a lot to deal with. And while it might be—intriguing to explain them to Joel someday if he had the same powers, it probably is best if he is just a normal kid. Being me, Lois… it has its moments, but it has its difficulties as well. If I can lessen that burden for our son in any way, then I’m all for it.”
Lois snapped the box of blue k shut and set Joel in the nearby bassinette. She needed to hug Clark. “You’re amazing, Clark Kent,” she whispered into his neck.
He held her close. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
~L&C~
Lois started wearing the blue k bracelet again regularly, and after a few days, began to feel almost normal.
She began enjoying her son, rather than worrying about the effects of blue k, though she secretly hoped that his Kryptonian genes were strong enough to not be affected by the blue k forever…
As she settled into a daily routine with Joel, she started focusing on other things. Like figuring out how to get back to work at the Planet… and get married.
When Clark wasn’t around, she’d often stare at the ring on her hand, half marveling at how far they had come and half terrified of the changes in her life. She still wanted to be the star reporter at the Daily Planet, and while Clark and Chloe promised to help her keep that dream, she also wanted to be there for Joel.
Clark was there for both of them as much as he could be, and Lois did her best to understand and accept the reasons when he wasn’t there.
When she was alone, and Joel was napping, she began thinking about the wedding. Lois knew that she hadn’t managed to tell her family any of the major events that had happened to her, and had kept it a secret for a reason. The General would still think that she was getting married because of the baby, and the fear of disapproval made Lois’ stomach tie up in knots.
Clark and Joel were the best things to ever happen to her. Sure the circumstances had been a surprise, but Lois was happy. Still, she knew the General was a traditionalist, and since she couldn’t explain the extraordinary way things had happened in her life, it all might look unseemly.
What if they just got married in secret?
It sure would be a lot easier to coordinate… Lois knew that she’d eventually have to tell her father and sister, but her real family was here in Smallville. She really only wanted Chloe, Ollie, and Mrs. Kent there to share it with her. But oh, did Lois feel guilty… glancing at her son, she thought she could see some Lane family traits in his eyes, and she knew that despite whatever fallout she’d have with the General, he’s want to meet his grandson.
But she wasn’t sure she could calm the tempest in time for her and Clark to get married. So, Lois decided it would have to be a small wedding.
She’d worry about the consequences later.
~L&C~
The sunlight was strongest in the morning in Joel’s room.
It used to be Lois’ old room, and she had hated how sunny it would get some mornings, especially when she had been up late. But now that her son slept there, she hoped that the sun would help him grow, and become strong like his father.
Three months after he was born, Lois had come in one particularly sunny morning. Joel appeared to still be sleeping, but she got out a onesie and diaper changing materials, ready for when he woke up. As moms do, she kept one eye on the crib as she organized things. She thought she saw movement in the crib, but when she turned she heard a light thump and everything appeared normal.
Lois smirked and peered into the crib. “Was I imagining that or did I just see my little boy float?”
For days after, she looked for signs that he’d do it again. She didn’t tell Clark because she didn’t want to get his hopes up. But hers already were.
Lois thought there might be a chance now. And though she couldn’t prove it, she comforted herself by believing that Joel may not have lost everything that made him his father’s son.
