|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Nice quiet little chapter...
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,358 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,358 Likes: 1 |
I guess I can be first! Been waiting for the next part. It seemed kind of slow but probably due to the breakneck pace of the first two parts . But as usual your story telling is excellent. You might want to edit the story because you put the beginning Jonathan and Martha telling the Lanes about their finding Clark in the spaceship in twice. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I liked the part where Clark was including Ellen in on the medical team even though Sam's expertise will probably be the most useful but if they go for the transplant they might need her as some sort of support in the O.R. It seemed like sort of a setup chapter and expect the fireworks to re-ignite in the next chapter. Mike
Create all the happiness you are able to create. Remove all the misery you are able to remove.
Jeremy Bentham
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823 |
Ellen pinched the bridge of her nose, as if warding off a headache. "Of course you would marry an alien," she mumbled under her breath. Then, looking at Jonathan and Martha, she added, "Uh...no offense." I laughed and laughed at this. It's perfect.
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,358 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,358 Likes: 1 |
Ellen pinched the bridge of her nose, as if warding off a headache. "Of course you would marry an alien," she mumbled under her breath. Then, looking at Jonathan and Martha, she added, "Uh...no offense." I laughed and laughed at this. It's perfect. It totally is emblematic of Ellen and Lois's relationship. Mike
Create all the happiness you are able to create. Remove all the misery you are able to remove.
Jeremy Bentham
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,358 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,358 Likes: 1 |
Another totally Ellen moment: He'd known all along that he would have to prove his claim of being Superman. He'd thought long and hard about what he could safely do to show that he wasn't lying to them. He couldn't risk a spin change or flying, fearing that it would consume too much energy to do so, thereby putting unnecessary strain on his heart. Carefully, he sent a thin beam of his heat vision at the wick. For a moment, it smoked, then a bright flame burst into existence.
"That's ah..." Sam sputtered, seemingly unable to get anything else verbalized.
"I know," Clark said, nodding his head once in agreement.
"A parlor trick, no more than that," Ellen mumbled, as if trying to convince herself.
"And this?" Clark asked gently.
He picked up one of their steak knives, which he'd placed nearby in case Sam and Ellen had needed further persuasion. With a swift thrust, he brought the blade down on the bare flesh of his arm, point downward in an effort to stab himself. The sharpened steel struck his skin, buckled, bent, then finally snapped, leaving not so much as an indentation in his arm.
"That...is a little harder to explain," Ellen admitted. Clark could see that she knew the knife was very real. After all, it had come from the set Lois had owned before they'd gotten married and purchased a newer set of cutlery for themselves. We all love our Ellen moments Mike
Create all the happiness you are able to create. Remove all the misery you are able to remove.
Jeremy Bentham
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,358 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,358 Likes: 1 |
Another totally Ellen moment: He'd known all along that he would have to prove his claim of being Superman. He'd thought long and hard about what he could safely do to show that he wasn't lying to them. He couldn't risk a spin change or flying, fearing that it would consume too much energy to do so, thereby putting unnecessary strain on his heart. Carefully, he sent a thin beam of his heat vision at the wick. For a moment, it smoked, then a bright flame burst into existence.
"That's ah..." Sam sputtered, seemingly unable to get anything else verbalized.
"I know," Clark said, nodding his head once in agreement.
"A parlor trick, no more than that," Ellen mumbled, as if trying to convince herself.
"And this?" Clark asked gently.
He picked up one of their steak knives, which he'd placed nearby in case Sam and Ellen had needed further persuasion. With a swift thrust, he brought the blade down on the bare flesh of his arm, point downward in an effort to stab himself. The sharpened steel struck his skin, buckled, bent, then finally snapped, leaving not so much as an indentation in his arm.
"That...is a little harder to explain," Ellen admitted. Clark could see that she knew the knife was very real. After all, it had come from the set Lois had owned before they'd gotten married and purchased a newer set of cutlery for themselves. We all love our Ellen moments Mike Actually you missed an opportunity to have a totally Ellen moment. You could have had the knife been part of a set she gave them when they got married... Mike
Create all the happiness you are able to create. Remove all the misery you are able to remove.
Jeremy Bentham
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
I guess I can be first! Been waiting for the next part. It seemed kind of slow but probably due to the breakneck pace of the first two parts . But as usual your story telling is excellent. You might want to edit the story because you put the beginning Jonathan and Martha telling the Lanes about their finding Clark in the spaceship in twice. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I liked the part where Clark was including Ellen in on the medical team even though Sam's expertise will probably be the most useful but if they go for the transplant they might need her as some sort of support in the O.R. It seemed like sort of a setup chapter and expect the fireworks to re-ignite in the next chapter. Mike Thanks, Mike! Sorry about the double posting of that one part. I guess it got copied twice when I prepped my "board ready" version of the file. Oops! It was definitely a set-up chapter. Lots more coming soon!
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Ellen pinched the bridge of her nose, as if warding off a headache. "Of course you would marry an alien," she mumbled under her breath. Then, looking at Jonathan and Martha, she added, "Uh...no offense." I laughed and laughed at this. It's perfect. Excellent! Glad I could make you laugh - totally my intention!
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Ellen pinched the bridge of her nose, as if warding off a headache. "Of course you would marry an alien," she mumbled under her breath. Then, looking at Jonathan and Martha, she added, "Uh...no offense." I laughed and laughed at this. It's perfect. It totally is emblematic of Ellen and Lois's relationship. Mike Thank you! I hoped that line would nail it!
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Another totally Ellen moment: He'd known all along that he would have to prove his claim of being Superman. He'd thought long and hard about what he could safely do to show that he wasn't lying to them. He couldn't risk a spin change or flying, fearing that it would consume too much energy to do so, thereby putting unnecessary strain on his heart. Carefully, he sent a thin beam of his heat vision at the wick. For a moment, it smoked, then a bright flame burst into existence.
"That's ah..." Sam sputtered, seemingly unable to get anything else verbalized.
"I know," Clark said, nodding his head once in agreement.
"A parlor trick, no more than that," Ellen mumbled, as if trying to convince herself.
"And this?" Clark asked gently.
He picked up one of their steak knives, which he'd placed nearby in case Sam and Ellen had needed further persuasion. With a swift thrust, he brought the blade down on the bare flesh of his arm, point downward in an effort to stab himself. The sharpened steel struck his skin, buckled, bent, then finally snapped, leaving not so much as an indentation in his arm.
"That...is a little harder to explain," Ellen admitted. Clark could see that she knew the knife was very real. After all, it had come from the set Lois had owned before they'd gotten married and purchased a newer set of cutlery for themselves. We all love our Ellen moments Mike Actually you missed an opportunity to have a totally Ellen moment. You could have had the knife been part of a set she gave them when they got married... Mike I actually thought about that! But figured Ellen would *kill* Lois if she allowed that to happen to something she bought them.
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,466
Top Banana
|
Top Banana
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,466 |
Yay! I really like people knowing the secret. Having Dr. Klein and Sam and Ellen involved just makes this whole scary/sad situation seem a little less hopeless (and a lot less lonely for Lois and Clark). Clark chuckled. "He does. Or, rather, I do."
He removed his glasses and undid the first few buttons on his dress shirt, just enough to pull the material apart to reveal the S shield and blue suit beneath. For a moment, no reaction registered on Dr. Klein's face, save for a look of utter confusion. Then, slowly, it seemed to dawn on the man. His demeanor changed. Confusion gave way to shock. Weariness melted away as his eyes widened and his mouth opened up into a small O.
"Are you telling me...?"
"I am, Dr. Klein. It's all true. He and I are one and the same."
For a long moment, Dr. Klein studied the face before him, saying nothing. Then, finally, "My, God. I mean, I always knew you were close...and always felt like Lois was closer to Superman than a mere friend...but this..." His voice trailed off. He looked pointedly at Lois' belly after a moment. "But that would mean..."
Lois smiled warmly as her hand fluttered to her stomach. "That you were wrong."
"For the first time, I am thrilled to hear that," the doctor said, returning the smile. I really liked this part of their conversation with Dr. Klein...and the doctor realizing just how 'wrong' he was . The friendship that they all share really was evident in your writing here... If it was possible, Dr. Klein's mood darkened further. "I should have seen this coming," he lamented.
"Hey," Clark said, standing and touching the man on his shoulder. "No one could have known. I didn't even suspect that anything was wrong, until the other day."
"I'm your doctor," Dr. Klein argued.
"And I am a complete biological anomaly," Clark reminded him with a grin. "Normal isn't normal for me. Even if we'd been looking for damage, chances are, we wouldn't have found anything." I hadn't thought about the fact that Dr. Klein would potentially feel guilty for not seeing this issue for Clark on the horizon. Clark did a great job of talking the doctor's guilt down--and in a real matter of fact sort of way. With all the work Bernie needs to do for Clark, getting rid of some of his guilt is a really good thing, I'd guess. He needs to be able to concentrate. Oh--last bit...I wanted to also mention that I think Clark is handling everything really well. You've definitely written some fear into him for the situation, but you've added a lot of level-headedness and also maturity. Lois, too. I'm really looking forward to seeing them lean on and depend on each other in these next chapters... Great job--can't wait for more Laura
"Where's Clark?" "Right here."
...two simple sentences--with so much meaning.
~Lois and Clark in 'House of Luthor'~
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 332 Likes: 1
Beat Reporter
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 332 Likes: 1 |
Yay! Ellen gets to learn the secret too. She doesn't get left out.
"Who's asking? Clark... or Superman?"
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
This bothers me. "I suppose that's true," the doctor grudgingly agreed. "How are you feeling otherwise?"
"So far, since that one attack, I've been feeling okay. Like my usual self, to be honest. The worst part has been forcing myself to not use my powers." Maybe I'm reading something in here that isn't intended, but I always look for "bad guy" angles any time Clark can't be Superman for a while. And I can't escape the feeling that this is exactly what some really, really evil genius has come up with to keep Superman out of his hair. The fact that it's also deflecting the best team of investigative reporters on the East Coast is just a bonus. Anyway, I think this is an original and very interesting tale. And don't worry about this chapter moving a little slower. You can't run a distance race at top speed or you'll crash and burn. I'm sure you're saving enough for a finishing kick. Loved the Ellen stuff, too. "Of course you married an alien." Translated, that may mean, "Lois, you never liked any of the young men I suggested to you, the ones with excellent breeding and well-established families and lots of old money." You're posting the next part when?
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425 Likes: 1
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425 Likes: 1 |
Two revelations for the price of one. (Three, if you count Sam and Ellen separately.) Each unique and perfect for the characters involved.
Looking forward to part five.
Joy, Lynn
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,358 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,358 Likes: 1 |
This bothers me. "I suppose that's true," the doctor grudgingly agreed. "How are you feeling otherwise?"
"So far, since that one attack, I've been feeling okay. Like my usual self, to be honest. The worst part has been forcing myself to not use my powers." Maybe I'm reading something in here that isn't intended, but I always look for "bad guy" angles any time Clark can't be Superman for a while. And I can't escape the feeling that this is exactly what some really, really evil genius has come up with to keep Superman out of his hair. The fact that it's also deflecting the best team of investigative reporters on the East Coast is just a bonus. Anyway, I think this is an original and very interesting tale. And don't worry about this chapter moving a little slower. You can't run a distance race at top speed or you'll crash and burn. I'm sure you're saving enough for a finishing kick. Loved the Ellen stuff, too. "Of course you married an alien." Translated, that may mean, "Lois, you never liked any of the young men I suggested to you, the ones with excellent breeding and well-established families and lots of old money." You're posting the next part when? Terry, I agree that this part bothered me also. I recently finished "Lonely is the Man" and it covers the story of Clark at age 250 finding his next love. One of the points of the story was that everyone thought the original Clark had died (the remainder of his and Lois's offspring and their offspring had died) due to his being very frail the last time anyone saw him (doing a heroic thing) and he disappeared. Well he actually had just quit being Superman and without the strain and the help of plenty of sun he basically rejuvenated back to his late 20's. This reference in this chapter keeps me wondering (back to that regeneration thing) that if he just kept himself under control for a period of time wouldn't the heart repair itself. Now we know how hard that would be for him, in the referenced story he had offspring to keep up the heroic stuff while he just went into retirement. It continues to be part of this story that just doesn't fit for me. Mike
Last edited by Mike M; 05/19/14 06:44 AM.
Create all the happiness you are able to create. Remove all the misery you are able to remove.
Jeremy Bentham
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 624
Columnist
|
Columnist
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 624 |
I shouldn't read this story when I'm feeling depressed. I read chapter 3 when I was already down, and it was so sad!!!!!!!! I think I almost cried.
I read this chapter when I was in a much better mood.
I'm glad that Lois and Clark have a better support system now that Dr. Klein and the Lanes are in on the secret. Something that confused me as I read, though, is that at the beginning of the conversation I assumed that Jonathan and Martha didn't know about his heart, but by the end it seemed like they had already known. I guess that they would have called when they found out that Superman had collapsed after the bridge collapse, but they wouldn't necessarily have known about the results of the tests that Dr. Klein ran. It would have been less confusing if there was a mention of having talked to Clark's parents before the Lanes came over.
You're doing a great job of capturing the characters' emotions, especially how distraught Lois and Clark conflicting with their joy about their baby.
"It is a remarkable dichotomy. In many ways, Clark is the most human of us all. Then...he shoots fire from the skies, and it is difficult not to think of him as a god. And how fortunate we all are that it does not occur to him." -Batman (in Superman/Batman #3 by Jeph Loeb)
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Hi, Laura! Yay! clap I really like people knowing the secret. Having Dr. Klein and Sam and Ellen involved just makes this whole scary/sad situation seem a little less hopeless (and a lot less lonely for Lois and Clark). Well, yes and no. They are less alone, but now there are more people who know Clark's secret, so that can't be comfortable, even if they can implicitly trust them. I really liked this part of their conversation with Dr. Klein...and the doctor realizing just how 'wrong' he was notworthy. The friendship that they all share really was evident in your writing here... Thanks so much! I hadn't thought about the fact that Dr. Klein would potentially feel guilty for not seeing this issue for Clark on the horizon. Clark did a great job of talking the doctor's guilt down--and in a real matter of fact sort of way. With all the work Bernie needs to do for Clark, getting rid of some of his guilt is a really good thing, I'd guess. He needs to be able to concentrate. Yes, yes he does. Poor guy would feel totally guilty, I think. Remember how nuts he got when the Lakes took the green K? Oh--last bit...I wanted to also mention that I think Clark is handling everything really well. You've definitely written some fear into him for the situation, but you've added a lot of level-headedness and also maturity. Lois, too. I'm really looking forward to seeing them lean on and depend on each other in these next chapters...
Great job--can't wait for more dance Thank you so much!
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Yay! Ellen gets to learn the secret too. She doesn't get left out. You know she'd snoop and try to find out anyway!
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Maybe I'm reading something in here that isn't intended, but I always look for "bad guy" angles any time Clark can't be Superman for a while. And I can't escape the feeling that this is exactly what some really, really evil genius has come up with to keep Superman out of his hair. The fact that it's also deflecting the best team of investigative reporters on the East Coast is just a bonus. Without giving away anything, it's definitely not a villain doing this to Clark. He actually does have a heart condition. You'll see... Anyway, I think this is an original and very interesting tale. And don't worry about this chapter moving a little slower. You can't run a distance race at top speed or you'll crash and burn. I'm sure you're saving enough for a finishing kick. Loved the Ellen stuff, too. "Of course you married an alien." Translated, that may mean, "Lois, you never liked any of the young men I suggested to you, the ones with excellent breeding and well-established families and lots of old money." Thank you! I definitely wanted this to be a slower chapter. You'll see why in the next few. Gotta love Ellen. Always wondering why her daughter has to be so weird. You're posting the next part when? My plan is to maintain a late Sun/early Monday and late Thursday/early Friday schedule. (Times dependent upon when my 9 month old daughters allow me to use the computer.)
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Two revelations for the price of one. (Three, if you count Sam and Ellen separately.) Each unique and perfect for the characters involved.
Looking forward to part five.
Joy, Lynn Thanks, Lynn! Have to admit, the revelations were fun!
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|