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What a Gentleman Desires TOCThank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this hair-twisting story. There are no epilogues or sequels anticipated for this story. Comments welcome. This piece was originally entitled "What a Gentleman Wants". I wanted to name it "What Gentlemen Prefer" but I thought it might be too close to the Marilyn Monroe film "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" and give away the twist ending. Darth Michael also suggested "Blondes Preferring Gentlemen" but I thought that might also draw too much attention towards the twist. At the last minute, I changed the title to what is now. I hope it works. If you can think of a better one, please let me know. Thank you for reading and commenting.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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I hope you enjoyed this hair-twisting story. Clark had been able to get Mayson to leave their ‘date’ at Café Americana before it had even begun with a few innocent questions about her former boss Bill Church, CEO of CostMart. Oh, that’s funny. Clark deliberately tried to tick Mayson off so he wouldn’t have to dump her. CLARK: At least I didn’t jump dimensions to get away from her. Lois had realized that Clark’s judgment wasn’t swayed by a pair of brown eyes that weren’t her own. CLARK: So, simply telling her that he’s not interested in tacky blondes wouldn’t have been an option? Nothing could stop them now! Uncle Mike had been hired to cater it. Metropolis is quite the small world, isn’t it? Clark was hoping to catch Lois’s eye with his tuxedo, even though she had seen him in one before. Maybe if he tried a fireman uniform which he’d then start to remove to rhythmic music? LOIS: Maybe try a blue suit and a cape instead? Perry had said that Alice got amorous when he put on his monkey suit. So, he wants to suggest that they take out the bongo drums like he did with Cat? “It’s me, Lois,” he replied, his brow furrowing. “Clark?” she positively squealed. /scratches head/ “No, it’s Prince Charming here to escort you to the ball,” he said wryly. “What are you doing here?” He just said… And considering, maybe the bleach has gotten her brains. “No!” she exclaimed. “I’m…I’m not ready. Yes, not ready. You better go on without me, Clark.” Cold feet? Also…so he can meet and dance with Mayson? CLARK: Oh you! Mayson wouldn’t let me dance with her considering how I implied she was a dirty girl. MAYSON: But I am a dirty girl. And I need to be punished. You should take me out into the woods and lock me up in that nice cabin I have out there. “I’ll be a while,” she replied. “I… I… uh… tore my dress.” /scratches head/ “Don’t you have another dress?” he asked. Not one that shows as much skin as this one did. Even before she tore it. “Clark, I bought this one especially for the ball,” Lois returned. So? “I’m sure you will be lovely in whatever you wear.” Did he say the same thing to Lana after she tried on her prom dress and then managed to stumble into the path of a fertilizer truck spraying the fields? “Oh, Clark!” she practically sobbed through the door. “You don’t understand. You’ll never understand.” /Fails Lois in Communications-101/ He had to admit that when it came to women and the panic they put themselves in over their clothing, he was a novice of understanding. Wasn’t he the one who tried on, what, twenty suits before meeting Lois for the shuttle launch? And doesn’t he always get his briefs in a twist when a sudden gust of rains ruins his hair by painting it to his head? His mother never seemed to worry about such things and he had no sisters to torment him with such experiences as a teenager. Maybe if he told her that he doesn’t mind how she looked? “Please, Lois. Let me help,” he said. She was in crisis. He could hear it in her voice. Every fiber of his being wanted to be the one who rescued her. ANOTHER LOIS: At least he only tries to rescue me when I’m working on some building’s façade. “No!” she gasped, and then said, almost shrilly, “You can’t come in here.” Something was wrong. Was someone holding her captive? That’s why they need a safe word. Like…octopus. LOIS: No, I don’t want to eat sushi tonight. The octopus from last time really didn’t sit well with me. Clark wanted nothing more than to glance through the door to reassure himself of her safety, but he didn’t. But…but…what’s the worst that could happen? The dress might be hanging around her waist and she isn’t wearing a lot underneath. Still better than reading about the police finding her dead body the next day in the Metropolis Star. . What if she wasn’t lying and was standing on the other side in her underwear. That would be a huge violation of her trust, so he refrained from lowering his glasses. But if a Lois Lane prances around naked with a Superman in town, wouldn’t that be just begging for trouble? “I’m pretty good with a thread and needle,” he said, twisting two fingers behind his back as he skirted very close to the edge between truth and lie. So…he knows someone who’s pretty good and could take the garment there in minutes, flat? “I know I do,” he heard her whisper to herself so softly that any other man wouldn’t have heard her. “But I would rather dance with you.” * Oh, God! Why now? Poor doe. , wiping it on the sleeve of her schlumpy robe. So, the dress turned back into a robe after she ripped it? “I’m not dressed,” she confessed. “I don’t mind,” he said. Lois smiled, as a feeling of everything would be all right washed over her. Nothing helps her ego like a suggestive remark? Then, she froze, realizing that she couldn’t let Clark see her like this. Dressed in a schlumpy robe? What if she stripped out of it? She unlocked the bolt. “And you must stay in the living room.” She’s quite scared. What’s up with her? “Come on, Lois. It’s me, not some peeping Tom.” Well…he *is* an investigative reporter. It would be investigating. “You’re a reporter, Clark…” “And a reporter is known for his unquenchable curiosity.” See? Of course, that might just be her projecting… “I have a peephole, Clark,” she reminded him, using it once more to glance out at him. “Still not ready!” she called. Lois already knew what she had available hanging from her rack, so she started pulling down boxes from her shelves to search through them. So, she’s not going to fix her dress, then? The last thing she wanted was for him to peek into her bedroom as she sat on the floor in her schlumpy robe and dug through boxes. If they couldn’t dance at the ball, perhaps Clark would concede to do so here. Huh? Superman! Lois placed a hand to her cheek as she bit down on her bottom lip with indecision. What was she doing? Giving up her rescue opportunity for a boyfriend? Her heart started to flutter in that way that only Clark could make it do. Superman made her heart pound, but with Clark, her heart felt as if it could take flight. She has the hots for Superman, but the thought of a relationship with Clark makes her want to take for the hills? “In other words, hold my hand,” the singer continued. “In other words, darling, kiss me.” Yeah. That. Lois knew how she felt. Unsure. Unconfident. Scared. An idiot. Oh so wrong. LOIS: What! I do hate it, okay? he would never use any of those words to describe her. Especially the last one, if he knew what was good for him. Just with a quick count on his fingers, he could recall over ten occasions he had seen her dressed to the nines, and that was when she hadn’t been undercover. The night when she and Lex tried to go to the opera. The morning when she and Lex tried to get married. He liked that Lois wasn’t one of those women who fretted constantly about her wardrobe, and usually seemed to take no time whatsoever to get ready and yet always looked amazing. LOIS: Does he have *any* idea how long it takes each morning to achieve that look? If they didn’t get out of there soon, Perry would send a posse after them. JIMMY: You guys? Lois, are you in there? I can hear you breathing. Are you exercising? Was that Clark I just heard? “What is the name of that girl in the photo on your bookshelf at home?” His brow furrowed. What girl? What photo? What bookshelf? “I don’t…” he sputtered, sitting down on her settee. “You kissed more than one girl behind the Frosty Freeze?” He was the quarterback, so… Lois laughed. “You mean it’s a real business? I thought I made it up.” Clark was pleasantly surprised at how relaxed she sounded when admitting to being wrong or making a mistake. That’s because she didn’t actually admit to it. LOIS: What is Clark implying there? “Sorry. You’re right. You treat everyone you meet with respect. I don’t think he was very respectful of Lex. And he dumped his partner into a garbage bin. . “So, I wondered if the old saying still held true. Do gentlemen prefer blondes?” Awww…she’s confronting him. Lois stood before him in a silver evening gown, looking ravenously beautiful as always, only now with platinum blonde curls. “So?” So, what? Clark had no idea what to say. So, gentlemen preferred blondes, but Clark preferred someone else to her. Maybe Clark preferred natural blondes? Lois pushed out of his arms and marched through her bedroom door, slamming it in his face. She couldn’t believe he had gone there. There of all places! CLARK: This was a test to see if he would like her now that she had blonde hair and she had failed beyond her wildest nightmares. Oops? “I… She kissed me. Anyway, you told me to,” Clark said. “I didn’t want to kiss her.” Clark groaned and his shoulders slumped. “But you said to stop ‘repeating myself’ and to ‘try something new’,” he explained. “So Mayson was that ‘something new’.” She could also be the ‘something new’ at their wedding. Let’s add a bride’s maid dressed in blue, Cat’s older than Lois and Clark by quite a bit, so we have the something old, and maybe he could borrow one of Jimmy’s girlfriends? He looked even more lost. “So, stop trying to get you to love me and find someone new, but not Mayson?” “Stop chasing after blondes and try a brunette for once. I’m not a blonde!” “Oh, thank God!” Clark exclaimed, embracing her. “It’s a wig, then?” A burst of sunshine appeared disguised as Clark’s smile. Awwwww I… I bleached my hair blonde first.” She slowly brought the wig down to her lap. And now Tank’s going to be very happy and Lois will be bald? Resurrected LEX: . “When I said polka dotted earlier, I never knew that it was actually possible.” “I do! I do!” he said, raising his hands in self-defense. “But I don’t have to love that hair.” “We can fix this,” Clark insisted, taking her hands in his. “Together, we can accomplish anything.” Lois smiled with relief, acknowledging silently that Clark had finally gotten something right. What an adorable ending to a funny story And great fun to BR, too! Michael
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Part 3 - fantastic With Clark’s good luck – or bad luck had Bobby not opened his eyes – Clark had been able to get Mayson to leave their ‘date’ at Café Americana before it had even begun with a few innocent questions about her former boss Bill Church, CEO of Cost Mart. Then, after a few scary moments in the courtroom when it had appeared that Mayson was as dirty as Lois had initially thought, Mayson had become their secret source in the District Attorney’s office on Intergang. Martin Snell had been arrested, Baby Rage’s trial scheduled, and Lois’s uncle Mike’s restaurant saved from the Southside gangs.
Everything was good in Clark’s world again. Yay. Everything is right ... and you skipped a load of scenes from the episode that are nothing at all to do with the WAFFYness needed for this story. Yay. Clark was hoping to catch Lois’s eye with his tuxedo, even though she had seen him in one before. Oooooo, I love a man in a tuxedo. Especially a 'super'man. “Clark?” she positively squealed. Squealed! Is that in delight, or in horror. Does she not want to see him? “I’ll be a while,” she replied. “I… I… uh… tore my dress.” Oh dear. That's not good. And with how long it takes a women to accessorize everything to match her dress ... if the dress needs to change ... then everything needs to change, and it will take another 2 hours to be ready. “Clark, I bought this one especially for the ball,” Lois returned.
So? “I’m sure you will be lovely in whatever you wear.” Aww. Clark is so lovely. Something was wrong. Was someone holding her captive? Clark wanted nothing more than to glance through the door to reassure himself of her safety, but he didn’t. What if she wasn’t lying and was standing on the other side in her underwear. Eeek. Dilemma ... what if she needs help, what if she's naked? Should he look, shouldn't he look? Could he use a needle and thread? Yes. Was he good at it? Not particularly. I would have though that he'd be plenty good at repairing his clothes, having lived for years on his own and wandering round the world. Then again ... he probably just popped back to Kansas whenever there was a hole in his socks that needed dealing with! But I only want to dance with you, he wanted to say aloud, but didn’t. Awwwww. “I know I do,” he heard her whisper to herself so softly that any other man wouldn’t have heard her. He heard!!!! Yay. “I don’t mind,” he said. A streak of horror crossed his face as he flushed redder than Superman shorts. “I mean, I don’t mind waiting until you get dressed.” Still trying to show that he's a gentleman, and would never have impure thoughts about his partner! *sigh* she wants you to have impure thoughts, Clark. “I’m going to unlock the door, but I want you to wait until the count of fifteen before coming inside,” she said, raising her hand to her top most lock.
“I can do that,” he replied with a determined nod.
She unlocked the bolt. “And you must stay in the living room.” What's she up to? What doesn't she want him to see? “No matter how you look, Lois,” he said. “I will still love you.” “One Merriweather Award. Two Merriweather Awards. Three…” Superman made her heart pound, but with Clark, her heart felt as if it could take flight. Hmmmm.. so lovely. She did feel flustered. “I wonder what it would take to fluster you.”
“You.” Yup. The only thing that can fluster the Man of Steel ... is the intrepid reporter Lois Lane. hosted by the Daily Planet and Inter… Cost Mart Inter Cost Mart. I like that. I think we should rename it InterCostMart ... You, Clark Kent, are the epitome of a modern gentleman Absolutely. Do gentlemen prefer blondes? Ta da! The punch line. “Then why on earth were you kissing Mayson Drake?” she asked.
“I… She kissed me. Anyway, you told me to,” Clark said. “I didn’t want to kiss her.” Huh! When did she tell him to kiss Mayson Drake? I don't think I would have approved of that. Stop chasing after blondes and try a brunette for once. I’m not a blonde! Oh yes. I remember her saying that. I knew Clark had misinterpreted it. “Oh, thank God!” Clark exclaimed, embracing her. “It’s a wig, then?”
“Um… yes,” Really? A wig? “I love you, too, Clark.” She told him. Yay! He tilted her head in his hands and brushed his lips softly against hers. Lois greedily opened her mouth and deepened the kiss. *slithers to the floor in a puddle of goo* I… I bleached my hair blonde first.” She slowly brought the wig down to her lap. “And I messed up.” She took a gulp of air, her eyes filling with tears again. “You know what they say, if at first you don’t succeed, dye and dye again.” Oh my! Oh dear. It can't look good. “I do! I do!” he said, raising his hands in self-defense. “But I don’t have to love that hair.” LOL. Lovely, teasing, caring Clark. Woo hoo! Loved it. So glad you wrote this from my idea. I'd had it in my ideas pile for over a year ... based on the phrase Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, and that many fics had pointed out that Lois notices Clark's tendency to attract blondes. What if she thought HE was attracted to blondes and the only way she'd get him to notice her ... and there you have it. Thanks for writing this for me Virgina. *hugs*
KatherineKent/Victoria Lois: "You put up with me for the same reason I put up with you. It's because I'm completely in love with you." Clark: "And I love you ... Did we just make up?" Lois: "I think so."
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Awwww What a great part, what a great story! Loved the ending, and did not see anything 'blonde' coming up till it happened in the story--and even then, was surprised again when the wig came off and she had a hair dilemma underneath ... Personally, I really like the title as is. I think it fits perfectly. Wonderful WAFF, great writing...very touching and cute teasing at the end Laura
"Where's Clark?" "Right here."
...two simple sentences--with so much meaning.
~Lois and Clark in 'House of Luthor'~
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Feedback! Yea! You guys are the greatest! LWhite: Thank you for reading. Wow, okay, I didn't see that coming. I like the title, personally. I'm glad the title works. I wasn't sure. Enjoyed reading all three parts of this! Thank you. LMA: Hi Laura, thanks for reading. Awwww What a great part, what a great story! Thank you. Loved the ending, and did not see anything 'blonde' coming up till it happened in the story--and even then, was surprised again when the wig came off and she had a hair dilemma underneath The blonde theme was there from the beginning, but it's intentionally subtle. Every woman Clark spoke to was blonde. Every woman Lois asked about was blonde. Lois doesn't have regular problems. She has super problems. /crickets chirp at my bad joke./ Yeah, sometimes I go for the cheap laugh. Personally, I really like the title as is. I think it fits perfectly. Phew. Wonderful WAFF, great writing...very touching and cute teasing at the end Thank you. Yes, I wasn't going for Revelation or angst. I could have made that turn, but I wanted to keep the story at 3 parts. I wanted to write fluffy banter-filled fun (I needed a break from angst). Hope I delivered.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Virginia posted: I wanted to write fluffy banter-filled fun (I needed a break from angst). Hope I delivered. You did I really love the banter--any time Lois and Clark have fun with each other and are going back and forth. You did a great job capturing it
"Where's Clark?" "Right here."
...two simple sentences--with so much meaning.
~Lois and Clark in 'House of Luthor'~
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Darth Michael: I love your hair-raising img. Oh, that’s funny. Clark deliberately tried to tick Mayson off so he wouldn’t have to dump her. CLARK: At least I didn’t jump dimensions to get away from her. Perhaps that's just revisionist history as he's recalling an incident from his past. So, simply telling her that he’s not interested in tacky blondes wouldn’t have been an option? Clark usually isn't so uncouth. Nothing could stop them now! ER: /suggests that the Prankster should come back for a visit and test his freeze ray on Lois/ CLARK: That's strange. I've been talking to Lois for the last five minutes and she hasn't interrupted me or insulted me. She only stands there and glares at me. Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't look this gift horse in the mouth. Metropolis is quite the small world, isn’t it? Amazingly so. Maybe if he tried a fireman uniform which he’d then start to remove to rhythmic music? He can't do that while wearing a tuxedo? LOIS: Maybe try a blue suit and a cape instead? CLARK: Hey! I've got one of those! LOIS: You do? CLARK: Um... /coughs/ I mean, I know where I can get one. So, he wants to suggest that they take out the bongo drums like he did with Cat? Bringing up Cat won't do his chances with Lois any favors. “It’s me, Lois,” he replied, his brow furrowing. “Clark?” she positively squealed. /scratches head/ What? The hair dye can't affect her memories or give her an airy personality? Gee, that's not any fun. He just said… And considering, maybe the bleach has gotten her brains. Perhaps Lois is a bit more focused on her problems than the man outside her door at the moment. Cold feet? Also…so he can meet and dance with Mayson? CLARK: Oh you! Mayson wouldn’t let me dance with her considering how I implied she was a dirty girl. MAYSON: But I am a dirty girl. And I need to be punished. You should take me out into the woods and lock me up in that nice cabin I have out there. Lois has realized she has done something stupid to get a man and doesn't want to further humiliate herself by letting anyone know about it. “I’ll be a while,” she replied. “I… I… uh… tore my dress.” /scratches head/ She's lying. Not one that shows as much skin as this one did. Even before she tore it. Her berka is out getting dry cleaned? Did he say the same thing to Lana after she tried on her prom dress and then managed to stumble into the path of a fertilizer truck spraying the fields? No, he offered to spray Lana off with the garden hose first and then use an industrial hair drying to dry her clothes (while she kept her eyes closed for safety reasons, of course). /Fails Lois in Communications-101/ It wouldn't be a VirginiaR story without that aspect, now would it? Wasn’t he the one who tried on, what, twenty suits before meeting Lois for the shuttle launch? And doesn’t he always get his briefs in a twist when a sudden gust of rains ruins his hair by painting it to his head? Good point! But usually people cannot see in oneself traits that one notices in others. Maybe if he told her that he doesn’t mind how she looked? Doesn't he say that? ANOTHER LOIS: At least he only tries to rescue me when I’m working on some building’s façade. WRONG CLARK: That’s why they need a safe word. Like…octopus. LOIS: No, I don’t want to eat sushi tonight. The octopus from last time really didn’t sit well with me. CLARK: /grumbling to himself/ It never does. But…but…what’s the worst that could happen? The dress might be hanging around her waist and she isn’t wearing a lot underneath. Still better than reading about the police finding her dead body the next day in the Metropolis Star. He's not leaving, is he? What if she wasn’t lying and was standing on the other side in her underwear. ER: /has an idea for Clark... but then it slips away./ CLARK: That's too bad. I could use a good idea for times like these. LOIS: Times like these? How often do you need to look through my door and check if I'm clothed? CLARK: But if a Lois Lane prances around naked with a Superman in town, wouldn’t that be just begging for trouble? LOIS: My body is only for Superman to see, not others. CLARK: I could tell her I'm Superman! LOIS: Say what? So…he knows someone who’s pretty good and could take the garment there in minutes, flat? CLARK: I can sew, but not when anyone is watching. So, go wait in your bedroom and I'll bring it to you and let's say, half an hour? “I know I do,” he heard her whisper to herself so softly that any other man wouldn’t have heard her. ER: /Lois admitted it OUTLOUD!/ It's part 3 of 3. Did you want her feelings to remain unexpressed? So, the dress turned back into a robe after she ripped it? No, she was wearing the robe the entire time. She never put on the dress because after the fiasco with her hair, she had decided not to attend the ball. “I’m not dressed,” she confessed. “I don’t mind,” he said. ER: /has some ideas on where the plot could head next./ Sorry that would requiring a change of boards mid story, which isn't recommended. Nothing helps her ego like a suggestive remark? From the man she likes, of course. Or perhaps it was his embarrassment regarding the suggestive remark. Dressed in a schlumpy robe? What if she stripped out of it? LOIS: Well, he definitely wouldn't notice my hair then... /slips out of robe and opens door/ CLARK: Lois! What have you done with your hair? And that dress! It's straight out of the Emperor's closet isn't it? (i.e. The Emperor's New Clothes... Got an evil idea for a story that I'd never write... well, post... well, no... best not.) She’s quite scared. What’s up with her? She's having a bad hair day. Well…he *is* an investigative reporter. It would be investigating. CLAUDE: How do you think I made it into Lane's bedroom? HA! See? Of course, that might just be her projecting… Her personality onto his? So, she’s not going to fix her dress, then? She was lying about the dress. The last thing she wanted was for him to peek into her bedroom as she sat on the floor in her schlumpy robe and dug through boxes. ER: /doesn't think so. He's sure there are worse "last things" Clark could do./ CLARK: Giving up her rescue opportunity for a boyfriend? Is Superman so fickle that he'd stop rescuing Lois because she was locking lips with another man? SUPERMAN: Depends on the man. Clark? Not so much. Lex, Dan, any other man out there, very much so. She has the hots for Superman, but the thought of a relationship with Clark makes her want to take for the hills? No, a trip to Lois knew how she felt. Unsure. Unconfident. Scared. An idiot. Oh so wrong. ER: /Can't believe that Lois said such things about herself./ LOIS: What! I do hate it, okay? She's also not saying them aloud. The night when she and Lex tried to go to the opera. The morning when she and Lex tried to get married. Yes, those are probably included on the list. LOIS: Does he have *any* idea how long it takes each morning to achieve that look? CLARK: It takes be about 3-5 seconds. JIMMY: You guys? Lois, are you in there? I can hear you breathing. Are you exercising? Was that Clark I just heard? Yep, that posse. He was the quarterback, so… a lot? Also, who said that he was the quarterback? Is that the only way he'd get the game ball at his apartment? /help me out, football fans, I really wouldn't know./ That’s because she didn’t actually admit to it. LOIS: What is Clark implying there? /mad/ CLARK: Um... that blondes are more fun and I should really be getting to Mayson at the dance? I don’t think he was very respectful of Lex. And he dumped his partner into a garbage bin. Selective memory. CLARK: What? THEY both deserved it! EW: And I think Clark was very polite to Luthor during HiM despite Luthor trying to take his wife. Awww…she’s confronting him. No, interviewing him. It's a time-honored technique. Lois stood before him in a silver evening gown, looking ravenously beautiful as always, only now with platinum blonde curls. ER: /lost control of his jaw/ Maybe Clark preferred natural blondes? So many bad jokes not appropriate for these boards... trying to suppress self... LOIS: There are natural blondes? Do they automatically qualify for disability? Lois pushed out of his arms and marched through her bedroom door, slamming it in his face. She couldn’t believe he had gone there. There of all places! ER: /confused by this Lois-like behavior/ CLARK: /me, too./ Isn't it in her nature to slam doors in Clark's face? She could also be the ‘something new’ at their wedding. Let’s add a bride’s maid dressed in blue, Cat’s older than Lois and Clark by quite a bit, so we have the something old, and maybe he could borrow one of Jimmy’s girlfriends? LOIS: Don't worry. I'm sure Martha has something Green for me to borrow. CLARK: So, we can just forget my idea? Okay. “Oh, thank God!” Clark exclaimed, embracing her. “It’s a wig, then?” ER: /can't believe what the lunkhead said and then falls off the chair laughing so hard at him./ ER: And now Tank’s going to be very happy and Lois will be bald? Resurrected LEX: /love that he and Lois are soul mates/ So, a change in hair doesn't qualify for a Tank award? She has to lose it all? (Hmmmm, thinking we should add that category to next year's Kerth Awards. Best Lois Haircut Story.) ER: /can no longer comment due to laughing too hard at Lois's dilemma/ Well, these things can't be helped. What an adorable ending to a funny story And great fun to BR, too! Thanks, Michael. Thank you for your Beta and all the giggles you've supplied.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Virginia posted: I wanted to write fluffy banter-filled fun (I needed a break from angst). Hope I delivered. You did I really love the banter--any time Lois and Clark have fun with each other and are going back and forth. You did a great job capturing it Oh, good. Thanks.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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KatherineKent: Hello, Muse! Thank you. I couldn't have done it without you. Yay. Everything is right ... and you skipped a load of scenes from the episode that are nothing at all to do with the WAFFYness needed for this story. Yay. Well, now that I know how to do this technique I'll have to try it with other stories. Oooooo, I love a man in a tuxedo. Especially a 'super'man. Yes, he knows how to wear a tux. Squealed! Is that in delight, or in horror. Does she not want to see him? That would be a squeal of panic. Oh dear. That's not good. And with how long it takes a women to accessorize everything to match her dress ... if the dress needs to change ... then everything needs to change, and it will take another 2 hours to be ready. CLARK: Wow, that's just... Why again hasn't anyone developed a formal tux-like dress for all women to wear to these kind of events? LOIS: Because men like variety. Also, I was lying about the dress. It's more likely that Clark would tear his tux. Isn't he? Eeek. Dilemma ... what if she needs help, what if she's naked? Should he look, shouldn't he look? Often on the show, Clark is shown having this dilemma. Wanting to look at Lois when it isn't appropriate to do so. (HiM and the Phoenix are two examples of this). I would have though that he'd be plenty good at repairing his clothes, having lived for years on his own and wandering round the world. Then again ... he probably just popped back to Kansas whenever there was a hole in his socks that needed dealing with! Can he repair clothes? Yes. Can he repair a formal dress, so that Lois doesn't look like the bride of Frankenstein? Not so much. LOIS: Was that a comment about my hair? That sounded like a comment on my hair. CLARK: Is it cheating to use one's super powers to advance oneself in a relationship? LOIS: Not if the relationship is with me. Still trying to show that he's a gentleman, and would never have impure thoughts about his partner! *sigh* she wants you to have impure thoughts, Clark. Of course he has impure thoughts. Otherwise he wouldn't have noticed what he had said could be misconstrued as impure. Plus, the recognition of said impure thoughts make them flash quickly across this mind. What's she up to? What doesn't she want him to see? She doesn't want him to see her before she's ready. She did the same thing during another episode. I can't recall if it was in Lucky Leon before their date or during AtAI before he got the phone call from Mazik. (Or maybe both.) “No matter how you look, Lois,” he said. “I will still love you.” KK: /completely stunned he admitted this/ It kind of slipped out inadvertently, which is why he changed it upon repeat. “One Merriweather Award. Two Merriweather Awards. Three…” KK: /lol/ In the U.S., we're taught to count 1-Mississippi, 2-Missisippi, etc. when learning to time the length of seconds. I figured Merriweather would be a good substitution for our reporters. Thank you. Yup. The only thing that can fluster the Man of Steel ... is the intrepid reporter Lois Lane. That's true. She keeps him off his toes. Inter Cost Mart. I like that. I think we should rename it InterCostMart ... Bill CHURCH: No, no. It's pronounced "ENTER Cost Mart". Now, go shop! Do gentlemen prefer blondes? Ta da! The punch line. Well, Clark did seem to prefer blondes until Lois... Huh! When did she tell him to kiss Mayson Drake? I don't think I would have approved of that. She told him to try something new, so Mayson was the something new. LOIS: Oh yes. I remember her saying that. I knew Clark had misinterpreted it. That's the fun in such stories. "Noises Off!" is a good example of misinterpretation and confusion in a farce. I recommend the Chris Reeve version with Carol Burnette. That's what she was looking for in her closet. Something to cover her head. Well, without a revelation we needed something to be confessed. CLARK: I confessed I don't like blondes as much as Lois. LOIS: No. You confessed that you don't like them at all. CLARK: I did? LOIS: Yes. Trust me, you did. *slithers to the floor in a puddle of goo* Oh my! Oh dear. It can't look good. Not if the platinum wig was the better look. LOL. Lovely, teasing, caring Clark. CLARK: Teasing? I was being honest. Woo hoo! Loved it. So glad you wrote this from my idea. I'd had it in my ideas pile for over a year ... based on the phrase Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, and that many fics had pointed out that Lois notices Clark's tendency to attract blondes. What if she thought HE was attracted to blondes and the only way she'd get him to notice her ...
and there you have it. Thank you. It's definitely a different direction that I've ever gone before with the characters. I wasn't sure I could do this plot justice. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for writing this for me Virgina. *hugs* You're welcome. *return hugs*
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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KatherineKent: Hello, Muse! Hello Author. Yay. Everything is right ... and you skipped a load of scenes from the episode that are nothing at all to do with the WAFFYness needed for this story. Yay. Well, now that I know how to do this technique I'll have to try it with other stories. I'll believe that when I see it. (oops did I say that out loud?) Squealed! Is that in delight, or in horror. Does she not want to see him? That would be a squeal of panic. I think Lois squeals in panic quite a lot ... dangling over a vat of acid, dangling from a pole on the side of the building, dangling ... um, I see another pattern. Isn't he? Yeah. Can I keep him? CLARK: Is it cheating to use one's super powers to advance oneself in a relationship? LOIS: Not if the relationship is with me. LOIS: He can absolutely use his super powers in every aspect of our relationship. Mmm hmm. Still trying to show that he's a gentleman, and would never have impure thoughts about his partner! *sigh* she wants you to have impure thoughts, Clark. Of course he has impure thoughts. Otherwise he wouldn't have noticed what he had said could be misconstrued as impure. Plus, the recognition of said impure thoughts make them flash quickly across this mind. I love seeing that 'gentleman' Clark is not always ... a gentleman in his mind. In the U.S., we're taught to count 1-Mississippi, 2-Missisippi, etc. when learning to time the length of seconds. I figured Merriweather would be a good substitution for our reporters. I've done the same, but sometimes it is 1-one thousand, 2-one thousand, etc Do gentlemen prefer blondes? Ta da! The punch line. Well, Clark did seem to prefer blondes until Lois... You know ... what if the real punch line is that Clark does prefer blondes ... but Lois just knocked him off his feet unexpectedly. Maybe ... if Lois wasn't around, he really would be after all the blondes! Oh yes. I remember her saying that. I knew Clark had misinterpreted it. That's the fun in such stories. "Noises Off!" is a good example of misinterpretation and confusion in a farce. I recommend the Chris Reeve version with Carol Burnette. Seen it, got it. Plus ... I played Poppy (the assistant stage-manager) in a local AmDram production 15 years ago. Thank you. It's definitely a different direction that I've ever gone before with the characters. I wasn't sure I could do this plot justice. I'm glad you enjoyed it. You did fantastic. Thanks for writing this for me Virgina. *hugs* You're welcome. *return hugs* *hugs again*
KatherineKent/Victoria Lois: "You put up with me for the same reason I put up with you. It's because I'm completely in love with you." Clark: "And I love you ... Did we just make up?" Lois: "I think so."
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Kerth
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Kerth
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LOL...they're never going to make it to that party. I wonder what they'll end up doing in her apartment for the rest of the night. /groobie's mind is always in the gutter/ Fun story - thanks for sharing!
You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie.
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More FDK! groobie: Thank you for commenting. LOL...they're never going to make it to that party. I wonder what they'll end up doing in her apartment for the rest of the night. /groobie's mind is always in the gutter/ Fun story - thanks for sharing! That's a distinct possibility. Feel free to explore what you think might happen next. I don't mind, and I doubt KK does either. a) Lois and Clark spend the night trying to dye her hair brunette again, falling asleep on the bed from sheer exhaustion and failure. b) Clark shaves Lois's head (with clippers and a razor, being that he hasn't gotten to his reveal yet), and the fall asleep in each other's arms laughing over what to tell everyone in the morning. In the predawn hours, Clark flies off and buys Lois a brunette wig to cover up her bald head, so she doesn't have to say anything. Nobody at work notices Lois's hair, because they're too busy gossiping about how close Lois and Clark have grown and why they didn't show up at the ball. c) Lois puts the wig back on and they go to the ball. Lois says that she's writing a story to see whether blondes have more fun. Then she taunts Mayson all night by sneaking kisses with Clark after pulling him aside only when Mayson is watching. She determines that blondes have more fun, but gentlemen prefer brunettes. d) Groobie writes Nfic variant on one of the above and posts it on the Nfic boards... or comes up with her own idea what to do about Lois's hair. Whether or not this actually happens, Readers are ecstatic thinking about the possibilities. That was fun. Oh, dear. Now, you've woken up my muse. I'll never get to sleep.
Last edited by VirginiaR; 11/08/14 03:18 AM. Reason: Fixed Typo
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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I love your hair-raising img. Got it from here: http://blog.codinghorror.com/ Your quip just triggered it Quote: So, simply telling her that he’s not interested in tacky blondes wouldn’t have been an option? Clark usually isn't so uncouth. LOIS: So my feelings are less important than his manners? CLARK: That's strange. I've been talking to Lois for the last five minutes and she hasn't interrupted me or insulted me. She only stands there and glares at me. Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't look this gift horse in the mouth. And the semi-undressed state of her is no give-away? CLARK: They’re giving away half-dressed Lois-concubines? Quote: Maybe if he tried a fireman uniform which he’d then start to remove to rhythmic music? He can't do that while wearing a tuxedo? I believe that that’s less common. Apparently, firemen, policemen, and supermen are much better liked at the ladies-night events. /points at various television entertainment programs/ Quote: So, he wants to suggest that they take out the bongo drums like he did with Cat? Bringing up Cat won't do his chances with Lois any favors. Maybe. But it would be lots of fun to watch over the next 50 or so parts Lois would be ticked off at him. /scratches head/ EW: What? The hair dye can't affect her memories or give her an airy personality? Gee, that's not any fun. /thinks blondes should live up to their image/ Seriously, though, it was just plain old wonder what she’s up to. LOIS: Did he just call me ‘plain’? And *old*? Perhaps Lois is a bit more focused on her problems than the man outside her door at the moment. Her problems are more important than Superman standing in her apartment, hoping to score? /scratches head/ /EW reveals something unfathomable/She's lying. Her berka is out getting dry cleaned? It’s also called a Lex-protection-dress? No, he offered to spray Lana off with the garden hose first and then use an industrial hair drying to dry her clothes (while she kept her eyes closed for safety reasons, of course). Now, considering where he’d get the industrial hair drier, one wonders about the garden hose Quote: /Fails Lois in Communications-101/ It wouldn't be a VirginiaR story without that aspect, now would it? Quote: ANOTHER LOIS: At least he only tries to rescue me when I’m working on some building’s façade. WRONG CLARK: <thinks she should also rescue her while she’s in the shower. In case she slips> No, but she could be made non-living while he’s wating in the next room. LOIS: Times like these? How often do you need to look through my door and check if I'm clothed? LOIS: My body is only for Superman to see, not others. CLARK: /thinks he got a good idea/ I could tell her I'm Superman! LOIS: Say what? /doesn’t like people impersonating her favorite chew-toy/ ER: /Lois admitted it OUTLOUD!/ It's part 3 of 3. Did you want her feelings to remain unexpressed? It’s still kind of unexpected in a VirginiaR story’s part 3? LOIS: Well, he definitely wouldn't notice my hair then... /slips out of robe and opens door/ CLARK: Lois! What have you done with your hair? shock And that dress! It's straight out of the Emperor's closet isn't it? (i.e. The Emperor's New Clothes... evil Got an evil idea for a story that I'd never write... well, post... well, no... best not.) Quote: She’s quite scared. What’s up with her? She's having a bad hair day. Quote: Well…he *is* an investigative reporter. It would be investigating. CLAUDE: How do you think I made it into Lane's bedroom? HA! LOIS: ER: /doesn't think so. He's sure there are worse "last things" Clark could do./ CLARK: /thinks about leaving instead of just walking into her bedroom and kissing her/ Is Superman so fickle that he'd stop rescuing Lois because she was locking lips with another man? SUPERMAN: Depends on the man. Clark? Not so much. Lex, Dan, any other man out there, very much so. Maybe he should not say that in an interview? Quote: She has the hots for Superman, but the thought of a relationship with Clark makes her want to take for the hills? lol No, a trip to <cloud 9> CLAUDE: She wants to do me nine times? Can I take the blonde one instead? She seems to be more fun in bed. She's also not saying them aloud. CLARK: So, thinking it would make it okay? LOIS: Not for you! Also, who said that he was the quarterback? Is that the only way he'd get the game ball at his apartment? /help me out, football fans, I really wouldn't know./ No idea. I just assumed. EW: And I think Clark was very polite to Luthor during HiM despite Luthor trying to take his wife. During HiM? CLARK: What? THEY both deserved it! LOIS: ER: /lost control of his jaw/ <EW thinks this is extremely entertaining and makes a notch on her keyboard/ Quote: Maybe Clark preferred natural blondes? So many bad jokes not appropriate for these boards... LOIS: There are natural blondes? Do they automatically qualify for disability? ER: /confused by this Lois-like behavior/ CLARK: /me, too./ Isn't it in her nature to slam doors in Clark's face? Yes. But that doesn’t mean one doesn’t try to figure out the reason why. LOIS: Don't worry. I'm sure Martha has something Green for me to borrow. CLARK: So, we can just forget my idea? Okay. She has to lose it all? (Hmmmm, thinking we should add that category to next year's Kerth Awards. Best Lois Haircut Story.) That’s evil! Thanks, Michael. Thank you for your Beta and all the giggles you've supplied. You’re very welcome! Michael
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EW: Well, now that I know how to do this technique I'll have to try it with other stories. KK: I'll believe that when I see it. (oops did I say that out loud?) Let's just say, some time will have passed before Lois and Clark will see each other in Wrong Clark again. I think Lois squeals in panic quite a lot ... dangling over a vat of acid, dangling from a pole on the side of the building, dangling ... um, I see another pattern. A dangling problem? CLARK: I see no problem here. She just needs someone to hold her up. LOIS: But who's holding *you* up? EW: I couldn't resist. But you need to leave him on the boards for others to borrow. CLARK: LOIS: He can absolutely use his super powers in every aspect of our relationship. Mmm hmm. There was a reason that there was no revelation in this story. I love seeing that 'gentleman' Clark is not always ... a gentleman in his mind. It's part of his disguise. I've done the same, but sometimes it is 1-one thousand, 2-one thousand, etc Yep. I've heard that technique as well. You know ... what if the real punch line is that Clark does prefer blondes ... but Lois just knocked him off his feet unexpectedly. Maybe ... if Lois wasn't around, he really would be after all the blondes! Clark prefers his soul mate, but alt-Clark prefers blondes? Seen it, got it. Plus ... I played Poppy (the assistant stage-manager) in a local AmDram production 15 years ago. That play is so timing driven, I'm always amazed when everything goes off without a hitch. That must have been fun. (You didn't have to eat sardines, did you? ) Thanks for the fun.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Seen it, got it. Plus ... I played Poppy (the assistant stage-manager) in a local AmDram production 15 years ago. That play is so timing driven, I'm always amazed when everything goes off without a hitch. That must have been fun. (You didn't have to eat sardines, did you? Nope, but I did have to rip my skirt off and show my underwear, shout that I was pregnant, then wear a pregnancy fat-suit ...
KatherineKent/Victoria Lois: "You put up with me for the same reason I put up with you. It's because I'm completely in love with you." Clark: "And I love you ... Did we just make up?" Lois: "I think so."
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Sorry. I thought I hit submit before leaving this afternoon. Well, better late than never. ER: So, simply telling her that he’s not interested in tacky blondes wouldn’t have been an option? EW: Clark usually isn't so uncouth. LOIS: So my feelings are less important than his manners? /mad/ CLARK: CLARK: That's strange. I've been talking to Lois for the last five minutes and she hasn't interrupted me or insulted me. She only stands there and glares at me. Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't look this gift horse in the mouth. ER: And the semi-undressed state of her is no give-away? CLARK: They’re giving away half-dressed Lois-concubines? /very excited about this prospect/ CLARK: Lois is undressed? Hmmm. I guess she is. EW: Oh, sorry. Bad me. I got Lois being frozen in TEHI in her apartment confused with the Prankster freezing her at the office. LOIS: I was just insulted, wasn't I? CLARK: So, sorry, I usually tilt down my glasses when I look at you so... well, never mind. ER: Apparently, firemen, policemen, and supermen are much better liked at the ladies-night events. /points at various television entertainment programs/ I can't imagine a Superman costume to be that easy to strip out of. ER: So, he wants to suggest that they take out the bongo drums like he did with Cat? EW: Bringing up Cat won't do his chances with Lois any favors. ER: Maybe. But it would be lots of fun to watch over the next 50 or so parts Lois would be ticked off at him. I'm already working on a 50+ part story, Michael. I'm not falling for that trick... again. Seriously, though, it was just plain old wonder what she’s up to. LOIS: Did he just call me ‘plain’? /mad/ And *old*? /splat/ And you all wonder why she bleached her hair? Clearly, she's insecure about her looks. LOIS: Does EW hate me? Her problems are more important than Superman standing in her apartment, hoping to score? /confused/ LOIS: Superman saw my blonde hair? Wait. That's not Superman. That's Clark. CLARK: ER: /scratches head/ EW: /EW reveals something unfathomable/She's lying. ER: / Stunned that Lois would break character like that/ /shrugs/ It happens. EW: Her berka is out getting dry cleaned? ER: It’s also called a Lex-protection-dress? LOIS: It's also called, what Clark gave me for my birthday in 1994. Now, considering where he’d get the industrial hair drier, one wonders about the garden hose /has naughty thoughts/ Hello?! Smallville. Farming community. Hoses are everywhere. ANOTHER LOIS: At least he only tries to rescue me when I’m working on some building’s façade. WRONG CLARK: <thinks she should also rescue her while she’s in the shower. In case she slips> ER: /knows Clark would never do that but like to tease him anyway/ CLARK: LOIS: Why is he whistling? EW: He's not leaving, is he? ER: No, but she could be made non-living while he’s waiting in the next room. He has super hearing and super speed. He has a 99% chance on getting there before she became undead. CLARK: I don't like those odds. I better break down the door. LOIS: /stares at Clark in shock/ Hello! I'm not dressed. CLARK: Lois, what happened to your hair? ER: /Lois admitted it OUTLOUD!/ EW: It's part 3 of 3. Did you want her feelings to remain unexpressed? ER: It’s still kind of unexpected in a VirginiaR story’s part 3? It is? ER: Well…he *is* an investigative reporter. It would be investigating. CLAUDE: How do you think I made it into Lane's bedroom? HA! LOIS: /explains how her and Claude's relationship really ended/ CLARK: I believe I shall investigate your living room and kitchen, Lois. Maybe he should not say that in an interview? Superman is pretty good at keeping secrets. EW: And I think Clark was very polite to Luthor during HiM despite Luthor trying to take his wife. ER: During HiM? /huh/ Michael has clearly forgotten that Mr. and Mrs. Kent spent their honeymoon at the Lexor and then Mr. Luthor stopped by Daily Planet to get his Lois on before his Tsunami machine was tested. CLARK: What? THEY both deserved it! LOIS: /doesn't quite remember it that way/ CLARK: What? You weren't sharing your story. That's rude. ER: /confused by this Lois-like behavior/ CLARK: /me, too./ EW: Isn't it in her nature to slam doors in Clark's face? ER: Yes. But that doesn’t mean one doesn’t try to figure out the reason why. Does one ask why the sky is green or the grass is blue? CLARK: Um... yes? She has to lose it all? (Hmmmm, thinking we should add that category to next year's Kerth Awards. Best Lois Haircut Story.) ER: /seconds that idea/ That’s evil! EW: /points to shiny badge on lapel./
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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LOIS: So my feelings are less important than his manners? /mad/ CLARK: /gives up on ever winning this one/ LOIS: I was just insulted, wasn't I? CLARK: So, sorry, I usually tilt down my glasses when I look at you so... well, never mind. I can't imagine a Superman costume to be that easy to strip out of. You could build a Velcro tape in the back and just rip it off via the front? Or maybe use body paint instead? I'm already working on a 50+ part story, Michael. I'm not falling for that trick... again. And you all wonder why she bleached her hair? Clearly, she's insecure about her looks. LOIS: <horrified about her fate> Does EW hate me? It does seem that way. No nookie with Clark. Sent to freezing cold places without decent facilities or a beauty parlor. Quote: Her problems are more important than Superman standing in her apartment, hoping to score? /confused/ LOIS: Superman saw my blonde hair? <yes, apparently they really are.> Wait. That's not Superman. That's Clark. CLARK: <oops?> LOIS: It's also called, what Clark gave me for my birthday in 1994. Hello?! Smallville. Farming community. Hoses are everywhere. Oh. Right. My bad. CLARK: <is always prepared> LOIS: Why is he whistling? So, she should from now on wear makeup in the shower? He has super hearing and super speed. He has a 99% chance on getting there before she became undead. 99%? I’m not convinced he’d… CLARK: I don't like those odds. I better break down the door. See? LOIS: /stares at Clark in shock/ Hello! I'm not dressed. CLARK: Lois, what happened to your hair? ER: It’s still kind of unexpected in a VirginiaR story’s part 3? It is? Kinda. Yeah… Michael has clearly forgotten that Mr. and Mrs. Kent spent their honeymoon at the Lexor and then Mr. Luthor stopped by Daily Planet to get his Lois on before his Tsunami machine was tested. Oh. R…right? Does one ask why the sky is green or the grass is blue? CLARK: Um... yes? ER: /seconds that idea/ That’s evil! EW: /points to shiny badge on lapel./ Michael
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Pulitzer
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I did like that story. I have to admit I never expect Lois to dye her hair.
John Pack Lambert
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John: Thanks for reading. I did like that story. I have to admit I never expect Lois to dye her hair. Well, if I had been obvious it wouldn't have been a surprise! It was KK's requirement for the story. Groobie wrote a great sequel... What a Gentleman Desires: The Continuation. She has a great way with words and turn of phrases I wish I had. Thanks for checking out my little romantic comedy.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Kerth
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Kerth
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Awww, shucks. Thanks for the compliment.
You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie.
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