Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: Future Perfect 2/?

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FDK for Future Perfect Part 2 go here, please. If you're in here at all, thanks for reading again!

Chriscy

Hi,

Great part.

More ASAP, please.

MAF

Primero...yo amo el gato (la fotografia) de Maria!

Chriscy this is great. This story is starting out great for a first fic! Lois is so...Lois and Clark, well I can just see him just trying so hard...so Clark.

Keep it coming! I cannot wait for your next post!

Wow. Is this amnesia caused by the wreck, or did it happen BEFORE and that's why she ran off the road? Or is this some kind of time-slip, or a mind-switch with an alt-Lois?

Nah. It's probably something even more mundane than that. But Lois is in for a whale of a shock when she finds out that there's a Superman - and that she's married to him.

I definitely want to be a fly on the wall for that encounter.

amnesia again....Oh My God.

Poor Clark

Lois needs a new brain....Oh Yessssssssss

Karla

Haven't had time to read this yet, sorry, Chriscy. Hoping to, later.

But just wanted to address this:

Oh, I wouldn't say that! There are some readers for whom kidfic isn't to their tastes - Wendy, me , Tank for three that I can think of. But there are also many readers who love them.

It isn't any different, I don't think, to any other genre out there. Some like, some don't. I wouldn't say the majority don't like stories of this nature. Many of our top authors write kidfic and are enormously popular. Nan Smith, for one.

Besides, there are always exceptions to any rule. I'm finding the time travel dilemma element of your story intriguing enough that it interests me despite my aversion to cute kids. <G>

LabRat

Study... no... studying is overrated... come back here and post more!!

Yes, and ditto me - I just tune out the kid parts and focus on Lois's confusion and disbelief at finding herself ten years into the future, and a future she simply can't believe is her own. That alone makes for a fascinating story. So keep this up!

If you don't mind, I'd like to make another editing suggestion. I noticed as I read through that there are several places where your grip on tenses slips - you switch into present tense. Here's a few examples:

Obviously, that should be 'was'.

Couldn't.

Again, all should be 'was'.

It's easy enough to fix; just have a read through your file and watch for any tense switches. You're obviously talented with words and telling a story, and it's a shame when readers might get distracted by something as simple as a misplaced tense.

Keep up the good work!


Wendy

Like Sheila said... Lois is being so Lois in this story. That's to say, if a handsome stranger tells her she's married to him, and that the two adorable kids climbing all over her are theirs, she sure as heck can't just take his words for it. The kids resemble both him and her, but what does that prove? She's wearing his wedding ring, but anybody can have a ring engraved, can't they? There are photographs of him and her all over the place, but they could be faked, surely? There's this weird new technology all around that she doesn't recognize, but what does she know about the latest prototypes? Surely it's all a set-up of some kind, surely she is the victim of a horrible practical joke? So what is the Lois thing to do here? Well, she'd better run from this hunky stranger who's obviously trying to snare her with his monstrously elaborate hoax, hadn't she?

But, Lois. How do you explain that your face does indeed look ten years older? And Perry's face does, too. If I were you, that would cinch it for me - it can't all be a hoax! So how about going back to that handsome Clark guy, who claims to be your husband, and ask him what he knows about your life? Not that it's such a bad idea to contact Lucy, either. I'll bet she has an interesting story of her own to tell you, and I'm so looking forward to what Chriscy will make her tell you in her next chapter!

And Chriscy, I would like to comment on what I think about LC kid stories. I love the idea that Lois and Clark should have kids, but I really dislike it when the kids take over the story. I particularly dislike it when the kid stories have little or no room for Lois. But that most definitely isn't the case in your story, so I love the kids here!

Ann

This is so funny, because as I read your comments (I tried to hold off for at least a day and read them all together, but I didn't have the willpower...plus I was trying to get away from studying ), I find myself wanting in on the discussion as a reader!

I am so glad. Thank you! It's a bit of a peeve for me to be reading a fic and think that the character is OTC, so I've tried hard in that respect. And it's true! When it comes to Lois Lane, sprezzatura isn't Clark's middle name.

But yeah, I don't think I'm up to - or experienced enough yet - to get myself into that kind of challenge. I'd much rather sit back with some Haagen Daz and read Yvonne Connell's stories. LOVE her stuff, I could go on all day about'em.

Karla, you've actually hit a strong theme that will play a part in the end!

Right, right, different strokes, absolutely. I understand!

And Wendy, you're awesome, I really appreciate this. Regardless, I hope you hear from them soon and get the job; Western's the best.

I was going to write the entire story and post it up in parts, but I wanted to test the waters first and see if it's worth continuing, which is why I posted the teaser chapter. I have never been more thankful, because really, as I read your comments, they're shaping the story.

It's not so much (well, maybe a little) because I'm what my old drama teacher would call an audience whore, but I realize that I am writing for an audience, so it's good to understand people's opinions on what makes a good story. One thing I've learned is that I can't do it all my way because there are so many ways and things to improve, if I keep an ear out for what everyone thinks.

So, I really, really appreciate all the comments about the storyline. I'm learning so much here, it's fantastic!

Chriscy

I was going to point out the switch in tenses, but Wendy got in first, so...

I like this. I can feel Lois's confusion. I also like the way you have her go to familiar places and gradually accept that maybe, just maybe, the world really has changed, even if she can't remember any of it. Your description of Lois's reaction to seeing her older face was great!

Since the question of kidfic has come up, let me add my thoughts. I'm not, as a general rule, a kidfic fan. Babies really don't hold that much fascination for me, and cute stories where people gush endlessly about some podgy tyke who can't even hold up its end in a decent conversation just don't do it for me.

However, there are stories out there that are exceptions to the general rule that I don't like next generation stories. (Jenni Debbage and Irene Dutchak are two authors whose stories spring to mind here. Jenni even made that wretched Family Hour baby tolerable to me, something which, until I read her This Child Belongs To You I would have said couldn't be done!)

Why am I saying all this? Because, until I read this thread, it hadn't actually crossed my mind that you had written kidfic. Yes, there are children in it, but you've done a fantastic job of distracting me from them. You are writing from the point of view of a pre-season one Lois and as such she's not keen on kids, herself.

So, there you have it. Your fic has kids in it, but you're doing a good job of keeping me interested nonetheless.

Chris

This is so good it is beyond words. I can really feel that Lois is slowly coming to grips with the new reality, but she is teetering on the edge of sanity (at least I would be )

Looking forward to more.

James

Oh Wow this is interesting. Poor Lois! Wow, now what will she do. She has been sleeping with a stranger for a long time and doesn't remember. She is going to have fun rediscovering him<g> Laura

Stop fighting it, Chriscy! You'll never win. Before long, I guarantee, you'll be doing the old 'feedback dance' with the rest of us. That's constantly hitting the refresh button within two point five seconds of posting a story part, for those uninitiated into this tradition, in the hope that a new comment has arrived.

It's fatal. You won't escape.

Now...part two:

Well, starting from the viewpoint of a reader who isn't that interested in kidfic - you immediately had me feeling sympathy for the kids. I could feel their anxiety as they got upset over Mommy acting strange. WTG! Trust me, this is an achievement. <g>

Lois's panic and fear were also beautifully and very vividly portrayed. I was with her all the way on her flight for the car. But she did check the address . So a small part of her wants to go back, methinks. Well, maybe the part that likes cute guys, but not the part that doesn't like kids.

The interaction with Lois and Perry was lovely - you have him nailed.

And that last scene...beautiful. Once again, her emotions just leap off the screen. Poor Lois! And poor Clark! He must be frantic by now, wondering where she's gone and what's happened to her!

More soon, please!

Oh and on the subject of a beta. If you want one, then I'd say it's worth it, even if this is the only story you ever write. Though I don't think I'm alone in saying I certanly hope that isn't the case!

You will be submitting this to the Archive once it's done, won't you? /me looks hopeful. If so, then a beta just tidying things up here and there will mean less work for your Archive editor. Something we always encourage. <g> Although, I do have to say that generally your copy is very clean and certainly wouldn't present a lot of hard work for a GE. When it comes to the odd typo or error though, every little helps.

LabRat

More.

All you need is a crescendo MUAHAHAHAHA laugh now to seal your point.

So that's what it's called! The feedback dance, huh? I knew it had to have a name. :p

Just to let everyone know, I scrapped a key scene in the next part and now I'm sort of stuck, but I have the scene after that written. Fear not, because my exams are done and I'm just enjoying not really doing anything (and not having to do anything, which is the best part, really ), so I'll be spending a significant amount time trying to figure the hole out. Which means, provided my Muse co-operates, the next part will come out soon in the next couple days.

Sorry and thanks for staying with me!

Chriscy