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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,082
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,082 |
Welcome to the boards! Great first fic - I was really engaged in the story. But then, the ending!  Susan
You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie. 
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,702
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,702 |
What?!  Jackie
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,454
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,454 |
Yes, there absolutely has to be more! He can't let her just walk out like that believing that she's not good enough for him! And there's no way that he'd let her, now that she's told him that she loves him Wow! This was so, so good! The emotions just leapt off the screen! I was reading along, thinking 'yes, yes, I can see this, I can imagine him thinking/saying that', and then suddenly you just caught me right in my heart with this: You don't want to fall for me, Farmboy," she said shakily, her eyes on Clark's hands holding her own. "I'm broken." Her eyes closed for a moment. "And I don't think you can fix me," she whispered.
Clark's heart constricted.
He leaned in close, his lips barely brushing her ear.
"Let me try," he breathed, his voice eliciting a shiver of longing that rippled through Lois. Lois's words brought a lump to my throat. Clark's reply made me shiver too. Excellent, excellent writing! So, come on, we need a part 2 - and then we need more from you! Welcome to the wonderful world of Lois and Clark fanfiction writing! And may there be many more stories from your keyboard in the new year!  Wendy 
Just a fly-by! *waves*
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 221
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 221 |
Thank you guys so much for the amazing feedback! Am surprised and humbled -- seriously, thank you. I was so worried about posting the fic in the first place that I'm just giddy y'all want to read more! (And, Wendymr, I'm so so so excited that passage grabbed you -- it's always kind of stood out to me, too).
Again, thanks much for the incredible words of encouragement. I think I'm going to have to carve out some time to plot out a sequel, after all. :-)
~ Crystal
"Not all those who wander are lost." — JRR Tolkien
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,363
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,363 |
What!? That's it? Surely you wouldn't leave us here.  This was awesome raw emotion here. Please write a sequel. 
I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't put any more on us than we can bear. He does however make us come to Jesus every so often.
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 271
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 271 |
You have got to be kidding if you expect us to believe that all ends there!!!!  So, when's the next post?????????  
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 103
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 103 |
You don't want to fall for me, Farmboy," she said shakily, her eyes on Clark's hands holding her own. "I'm broken." Her eyes closed for a moment. "And I don't think you can fix me," she whispered. Oof! "Let me try," he breathed, his voice eliciting a shiver of longing that rippled through Lois. Holy cow, double oof! This is fantastic. I love your storytelling and it is just a wonderful, wonderful first fic. I'm counting on your promise of a sequel! I can't wait to read more from you in the future. Chriscy
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627 |
What?!  Good. Really good. JD
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Wow. What a reversal of roles. Instead of Clark deciding unilaterally that they can't be together (for a really dumb reason), Lois decides they can't be together (for a less dumb but equally selfish reason). I like the setup, and I love the insight into Lois's thinking.
And her seeming selflessness is actually selfishness. She's trying to protect herself from the hurt of knowing that she will disappoint Clark if they get too close, so she's putting a stop to it (she thinks!) by playing the "I'm broken and you can't fix me" card. It seems that this Lois isn't much different from the self-centered Mad Dog in season 1 after all.
Oh, you simply must give us the next scene. Does Clark chase her, or is he rooted to the spot by her revelation? Does she lose her resolve the next time Clark comes by her place with a Lethal Weapon video and a half-gallon of chocolate ice cream (Ben and Jerry's, maybe?) and a carton of double-fudge crunch bars?
This is too good to be a stand-alone. We, your hungry readers, eagerly await the next term of estrangement. In this case, once is definitely NOT enough!
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
Ditto! Great start but there has to be more. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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