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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 247
Hack from Nowheresville
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OP
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 247 |
Just got caught up with this story and I like it immensely. What beautifully-telegraphed emotions. Clark sighed and shook his head. He looked down at his trembling hands. “I don’t … I just don’t know what the right words are, Lois. Tell me how to fix this — how to — to fix us,” he breathed. Because I’ll break you. And that would absolutely kill me. It's heartbreaking to see both of them hurting. And then the revelation... Can't wait to see what comes next.
Chris
"Superman is a guy who's seen wonders we'll never see and Lois is to him, one of those wonders."
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 26
Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 26 |
The character emotion is so evident in your writing. Loving how you tie in their thoughts so perfectly within the dialogue and events around them. Great part, but come on!!! You gave me hope with: “Clark, I — ”
“Lois, I’m — ”
“ … love you, too.”
“ … Superman.”  and then shattered it with: “And to think — ”
Her breath hitched.
“ ... I thought I was in love with you.”
Lois Lane, federal disaster, strikes again, she thought dully.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Please no! FROM PART 4
I knew you wanted to tell me
In your voice there was something wrong
But if you would turn your face away from me
You cannot tell me you’re so strong
— “The Path of Thorns (Terms),” Sarah McLachlan
PART 3
Unravel me, untie this cord
The very center of our union is caving in
I can’t endure
I am the archive of our failure
— “Black and White,” Sarah McLachlan
PART 2
So it's better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and did
Hurts us all the more
— "Full of Grace," Sarah McLachlan
PART 1
Deep within I'm shaken
By the violence of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
— "Do What You Have to Do," Sarah McLachlan I am a huge Sarah McLachlan fan and using her lyrics to begin each story is not only creative on your part, but amazingly fitting for this story. Just promise me you'll use the lyrics to "Ice Cream" by the last part. Great work, please post again soon!!! -Seema
"We must be the change we wish to see in the world." -Mahatma Gandhi
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Ahh!!! He did tell her! Finally!! You know, we haven't seen this kind of thing on these boards for a long time, where Clark told Lois his secret just because he felt that she needed to know, not because she had already figured it out on her own, or because he was angry and lashing out at her. Thank you, editor, I was so glad to see this!
On the other hand, I was sad to see Lois's reaction. I wish she could see that she shouldn't be so angry now, that he has finally levelled with her. Of course, this is the kind of reaction that we rather expect from Lois. But it is also true that after a while, she usually gets over her anger. I'm hopeful that you, editor, will give us a happy, or at least a hopeful, ending. Your story has certainly been very beautiful so far!
Ann
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 139
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 139 |
wow !!! what a great story and i like that line, you can really feel clark's sadness Forgive me, Lois, he silently implored. I thought you’d understand — because I thought you loved me, too.
Hello...DUH!!!!
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,761
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,761 |
Nicely done! What I mostly enjoy about this story is how emotional it is. Looking forward to the next part (although I'm sorry it'll be the last). AnnaBtG. 
What we've got here is failure to communicate...
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
Wow great part! Now get back here and post the rest! Loved it. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 693 Likes: 6
Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 693 Likes: 6 |
Finally the revelation, but oh the heartbreak  You've done this incredibly well with both Lois and Clark's reactions just perfect. I loved the scene with Perry with Clark making the comment about the story playing to Lois' strengths and Lois thinking he was patronizing her. That is SUCH a Lois reaction-to assume that after her near-marrige to Lex, that people wouldn't think her capable of the same level of quality work. Of course, everyone knows that's not how Clark meant it, but at this stage in Lois' development, it's how she might take it. Good job.
Spike: "There's a hole in the world...feels like we ought to have known."
-Angel
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
This is an incredible insight into Lois's heart. I can’t stand people who won’t talk to me just because I’m a reporter. Don’t they know I’m a human first, a journalist second?
This is such a telling line! And it's so unlike Lois's public image. Deep down inside, where even she doesn't look very often, she wants to be treated as a person and not as a cardboard cutout. I wonder, given the title of this piece, if you're going to put your toys back together. This would be a logical conclusion, but I'd bet you're going to get Lois over her brokenness. With Clark's gentle help, of course.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,454
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,454 |
Really, really good! You are so talented at the heartbreaking emotional stuff, you know. I hope this will be far from the last story from your keyboard! You're so good at keeping this in character - neither of them prepared to step up and say the scary words soon enough, both hesitating, only saying part of what they need to say. And saying the wrong thing, or the right thing too late. Great revelation, and I can so see Lois's reaction to it, as well. This will have rocked her world, especially after rejecting Clark for Superman and having Superman reject her in return. And now Clark's not the perfect guy she thought he was... Can't wait to see what you have for us in the final part! One tiny nitpick: “If you think I’ve ever had nothing but respect and admiration for you, you’re so — you’re just so wrong,” I think you mean anything but respect and admiration here. Wendy
Just a fly-by! *waves*
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 221
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 221 |
Good God. Am blown away by the feedback you've all given. Thank you so much -- honestly, I never expected such glowing comments! You guys have made me push myself to get this out as soon as possible (which is the best thing ever, don't worry), and I just hope it's been worth the read. And, Wendymr, I'm grateful for your nit-picking! I just can't believe that made sense when I wrote it at 2 a.m.! Seriously, guys, thanks again. You've been fantastic, and I'll do my best to get out the last part as soon as humanly possible.
~ Crystal
"Not all those who wander are lost." — JRR Tolkien
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,082 |
Oh no! Lois didn't take that revelation too well.  Fix your toys soon! Susan
You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,363 |
This is so...sniff, sniff...sad. The way you portrayed Lois and Clark's emotions was phenominal! Poor Clark, so alone. I cannot wait to see what happens next! BRAVA! 
I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't put any more on us than we can bear. He does however make us come to Jesus every so often.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627 |
Ugh. This is too much for me to handle. Which is why I want more.  JD
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,702 |
That was great and so sad. Can't wait for more.
Jackie
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
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Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great part.
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,992
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,992 |
WOW! I've just caught up with this story. It's excellent.  The revelation is wonderful. Lois's reaction is very understandable. Heart-wrenching! I'm enjoying this immensely and can't wait to read the next part. Tricia 
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