Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic The Write Stuff 5/10 - Comments

Terry, this is brilliant as usual. I love the way you string words together, like this:

Please note, people, how incredibly satisfying it is read this passage aloud and listen to the sound of the deliciously arranged vowels and consonants. Listen to the allitteration of the recurring p's, and note how words placed closed to one another tend to repeat each other's vowel sounds, which is a trick called assonance. But not only does this sentence sound like poetry, it's so darn funny, too!

And it's Karen - dear old Major Vukovich - who utters these mellifluous sounds. I don't trust her, Terry, uh-uh! Particularly not after she made Lois swear she'd obey

- which is to say, Lois has just sworn to obey Major Vukovich, probably no matter what.

Ah, well, but at least Major Vukovich is sufficiently ambiguous and richly-textured to be a very satisfying and interesting villain, if a villain is what she is. There are other possible whodunnits, you know, because you've really created such a fantastic gallery of idiosyncratic suspects! That Lana gym instructor had me rolling on the floor in the previous part, the resident Amazon, as she is called here. And there's Mark Wayne, of course, the poor guy whose girlfriend committed suicide because of Claude. He misses her so terribly, and this line actually choked me up a little:

And the way Mark Wayne feels about Claude is neatly summed up in this sentence:

And then there's the Louisiana woman who calls Major Vukovich a pig (and a honey) and who speaks that inimitable Cajun variety of the English language:

(Remind me not to let you hear me speak English with a Swedish accent, OK?)

And there's Maria Zimmerman, née Gomez, the mousy brunette lawyer, and her new young husband, Ben Zimmerman, the twentysomething rather naive boy who looks unimpressive in a towel. I actually found it quite touching the way this somewhat unlikely couple were still so right for one another and seemingly so much in love:

Awww.... And then listen to this:

Awww....!!!! (melts) Terry, don't let these two lovebirds be the murderers, OK?

And then that Claude....!!!! Honestly, I knew he was a swine, but this exceeds my worst expectations. After Maria tells Lois and Katrina how she had sex with Claude absolutely all over the space station, she adds:

Yeah, I'll bet it was - where Claude was part of the action! Honestly, you send that slime of a low-life Casanova to the space station, have him seduce all the women there (though I actually don't understand how they'd all fall for him, Terry), have him make them couple with him like bunny rabbits in a sex-crazed heat, and then you make him write a book about what behavior is the norm on the space station?

And, Terry, you say his name is - well, was - Claude Guilliot. Obviously I'm anything but an expert on the L&C TV show, but I really, really thought that his name was DuBois. Guilliot, eh? Are you sure about that, or have you just invented that name for your story because it's ominous-sounding and reminds one of the word "guillotine"?

Ah, but there's that Karen again. Always that Karen! She gets upset when she realizes she and Lois will have to contact Clark again! I'm willing to bet she doesn't want Lois to talk to Clark! ARRGGHH! I don't trust that Major Vukovich, not for a moment!

Ah... but you know, Terry, I think that is probably the only thing that is missing from your story - a bit of Lois and Clark interaction! Well, there are still five parts to go, so I'm counting on you to supply that before this ride is over. Meanwhile, I'm definitely happy to savour all the great space station stuff, the wonderful gallery of characters, the incredible, snappy, every-line's-a-quote dialogue, the splendid portrait of Lois, and your amazing, graceful command of the English language!

Ann

Darn! Sorry! This reply ended up in the wrong place. Might any of you mighty moderators put it in its proper place, please?

LabRat: Reason for edit - sorry, Ann, missed a few of those quotes after I moved the post. I have to resurrect them manually, along with any emoticons because they don't transfer. So took a few edits before I got them all. <g>

It is possible for mods to move individual posts from thread to thread - as you can see - but it's a quite fiddly, time-consuming business, fraught with peril. I almost had a coronory a moment ago when I thought I'd accidentally deleted Terry's part five in the middle of it.

So, generally speaking, if you post in the wrong thread, it's far easier if you just cut and paste your post into the correct thread and then mail one of the admins to delete the erroneous post. We don't mind doing that, mistakes happen.


LabRat

Terry, I've just gotten caught up with "The Write Stuff" and have absolutely loved it. The pacing, your dialogue, just the overall flow of the story is fantastic. (I've also been laughing at myself for the past five minutes instead of giving you proper FDK because even though Ann mentioned Tom Wolfe earlier, and I'm even in the middle of "The Bonfire of the Vanities" right now, I *just* got the titular pun. Sleep deprivation is apparently taking its toll, or maybe I'm just senile at 22?)

Regardless, that's neither here nor there. The point is! Amazing storytelling.

This was comic brilliance:
Nice. Doesn't really deviate from Lois' true job description. If the Major only knew ...

The conversation with Mark had me riveted, and I loved this:
Hmm. All right. He's convinced me. I think.

And the Major's repeated admission of innocence is pointing straight to her ...
Hmm. Double hmm. I'm almost afraid to trust that instinct, though -- I feel like you've got a lot of surprises in store for your readers, Terry. Can't wait to read the next part!

I'm not sure what the usual protocol is for authors to comment back to those who post feedback, but I feel I need to acknowledge all the extremely nice things FOLCs have been writing about this story. As you know, complimenting one's writing is almost on the same level as complimenting one's children, and I'm growing an immense head from all the praise I've read. (Please don't read that as a plea for negativity!)

If there's a Kerth category for most enthusiastic feedback, I've already got a couple of names to submit, and if there isn't one, there should be. I only hope the rest of the story holds everyone's attention the way the first half has. Thank you, thank you, thank you all!!!

Labrat, thanks a billion for all the trouble you went to because of my clumsiness!


Ann

Hi Terry,

I'm still reading and enjoying this story. I really like these kind of murder-mystery Lois and Clark fics. Though this is mostly Lois, so far.

I enjoy trying to work out who the culprit is, but so far I haven't got a fix on the murderer. I'll keep guessing though and I have a suspicion that there might be more deaths to come. As long as one of the victims isn't Lois. But she's bound to get herself in trouble, and no Superman to come to her rescue. I'm not too worried though, Lois was always resourceful.

I like your witty dialogue too.

Yours Jenni

Hi,

Great part.