Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Comments: What he gave up

I like this. It has the right tone, and the imagery is sharp. The ending is uplifting and the writing is crisp. Welcome to the fandom!

(I think writing good comments is sometimes harder than writing the fic itself.)

Catherine, this left me almost breathless. The unbelievable poignancy of it. The heart-wrenching melancholy of it.

I'm so impressed with your choice of imagery to tell this story and the feelings it conveys. Superman sits perched on the highest ledge of the city's tallest building. Talk about him being separated from the rest of the people in the city. Yet he can't leave Metropolis because
Ageless; immortal; eternal alien; widower forever. After a time, words like "grief", "sorrow", "tears" and "sadness" lose their meaning, and you don't use them in your vignette. All that is left is a chain holding two wedding rings, the smaller fitting perfectly inside the larger one, and the question of when you can let this chain with its rings go, by dropping it from the highest ledge of the tallest building in the city, and letting it be crushed on the street below. Letting it be crushed somewhere between the two people who wore the rings: somewhere between his perch, isolated high above humanity, and her grave, disintegrating below it.

The beauty and stark loneliness of your vignette is amazing, Catherine. Somehow, the return of Lois at the end of it didn't quite dispel that feeling of numb despair.

Ann

Catherine, I'm in absolute awe. This left me totally breathless and tearful. Personally (beware, beware, personal POV coming up! ), I'd have left out the final paras making it all a dream. But that's my dark side talking. The whole thing is very, very powerful!

Kaethel

Very well done, Catherine! I loved it; such powerful writing, such intensity of emotions... amazing!

If you'll allow me a comment...

I'd suggest that you make it 'how her ring seemed to fit...'. It took me a while to understand you were referring to the rings.

Great job! Keep it up!
See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Wow. I love the imagery in this. The despair in Clark.. and the fact that Lois didn't die of old age. And then you turned it from fact to future fear. This is great!

Truly beautiful, Catherine. You have a fine sense of atmosphere and poetic description. Seems to be the day for reading poignant fic here. This was perfectly pitched and didn't once descend into being maudlin.

Reading others comments, I swither about the final paragraphs. I think they work and they do make the piece less dark. But OTOH dark is sometimes good. <G> I think it would work very well either way, but I think I like it just the way it is, on balance.

If you want to send this to the Archive , Catherine, it'd be very welcome!

LabRat

Wow. This is an amazing vignette, a real punch to the gut. Haunting imagery, and very atmospheric.

I wasn't expecting it to be a contemplation of the future; that was an interesting touch. I wonder what it means that he thinks she'd die not of old age but of a bullet? The ever-present fears of one day being too late to save the person he loves most in the world?

I'm really impressed by the power you were able to pack into this short piece and I look forward to seeing more of your work.

Hi,

Great piece.

Catherine, this was such a haunting vignette. Such lush, melancholy writing — it literally hurt (in the best possible way!) to read.

This, in particular, got me right *there*:
Oh, God. What an emotional punch in just two short sentences.

Wonderful — and to see that it was a dream at the end was such a surprising relief. Thanks for sharing this!

Nicely done. Well written. The emotions were logical as well as heartfelt. We were able to feel right along with Clark.

I too felt that it could have ended as a vision of a distant future. The likelihood is that, barring some kryptonite trap, Clark is probably going to far outlive Lois no matter how she dies.

It is pretty much his fate to end up alone.

Tank (who feels that it is even more likely that Clark will have lonely 'golden years' because he doesn't believe that the pair could ever have children)

Catherine

WOW! I love it.

Tricia

This is a very nice first story! I do like the last few paragraphs making it into a dream. The main reason it fits well is that it reflects how Clark really views his sacrifice for Jimmy in Brutal Youth. It wasn't really a sacrifice, in his opinion, because it meant that he would have fewer years without Lois.

That, to me, gives the story even more impact than if it had been left as reality.

While I would have liked it without the ending bit, I also loved the end. It made Clark seem more...human. He didn't mind giving up years for a friend, because for him, it was a few less years of lonely existence. So in a way, he was selfishly glad, and that's an interesting thought. Without Lois, I can't see Clark being very happy.

The part that got me the most was how their wedding rings fit inside each other. And the fact that she died by violence (as sort of befits her life).

I really enjoyed this story! Hopefully you'll want to write more someday