Lucy was out of the apartment by the time Lois got up on Wednesday morning. Just as well, Lois thought. Didn’t need another wrestling match in the living room. Someone might get hurt.
Lois deliberately refused to consider that someone – Clark – had already been deeply hurt. She had a job to do and she didn’t need any distractions today.
*****
Lois stepped off the elevator to the newsroom at seven-fifty-one. She paused at the top of the ramp and checked Clark’s desk.
Empty, just as it should be.
Maybe – just maybe – he’s finally taking her seriously.
She sat at her desk to review her notes from Monday and move forward with her latest story, the one that didn’t reveal Clark Kent’s secret identity to the entire world.
*****
Just before nine-thirty, she glanced at the near left corner of her desk where Clark always left a cup of coffee for her. It was always exactly the way she liked it, with the right amount of sweetener and cream, and it always tasted perfect. It also always came at the perfect time, when she needed a quick caffeine jolt in the morning.
But it wasn’t there.
Of course it’s not there, she told herself.
The huge liar can’t bring me coffee because he’s gone. And me having to make my own coffee is a small price to pay for that victory. Her sense of satisfaction was momentarily tempered with a smidgen of doubt – but just for a moment. Was Clark actually gone or was he just waiting for her to talk to Perry? Were they in cahoots, trying to talk her out of her totally justified and completely reasonable reaction? Was Clark waiting at home for Perry’s call to come in and renegotiate his terms with her?
She had to know.
*****
Perry leaned back in his desk chair as he read through the wire report from San Francisco detailing the minor quake that had shaken the city’s eastern suburb two hours earlier that morning. The geologists and vulcanologists and psychics were predicting that The Big One, the quake that would slide much of southern California into the Pacific Ocean, was imminent. It wasn’t until the reader– in the fifth paragraph – saw the scientists’ definition of “imminent,” which was defined as “within the next five hundred to ten thousand years,” that the reader’s panic might subside. The psychics’ suggested timeline, however, implied that any SoCal resident who read the headline must move east of Nevada before the evening rush hour or risk drowning in salt water. He decided that he’d send it to Pam to rewrite it and remove the hot buttons from the headline and content.
Before he could lift his phone, a knock sounded at his door.
Lois stuck her head in. “Hey, Chief, you heard from Kent today? He call in sick or something?”
He frowned. At least the young man had a name today and wasn’t just “that guy” or “the liar.” He shook his head and said, “Clark’s not coming in today, Lois. You know why, too.”
She shrugged. “Just wanted to make sure.”
She made to leave, but Perry stopped her. “Come on in. Need to chat with you.”
Her brows drew down and she tilted her head, but complied. “Shall I sit?” she asked.
“Close the door first, but yes, have a seat. This might take a minute.”
She sat. “What did you want to talk about?”
“Couple of things. First off, I know you’re ticked off at Clark.” He lifted his hands as she leaned forward. “Hold it. I want to ask you a question. When should he have told you the secret?”
“What? When should he – That doesn’t make a da—”
“Yes it does! Was he supposed to tell you what he could do the day I partnered him with you? When you two went to Smallville? While you were engaged to Luthor? Maybe when you thought he was shot dead at Georgie Hairdo’s? Or some other time?”
She fidgeted angrily for a long moment, then barked, “Some time before he did tell me!”
He waited for her to elaborate. When she didn’t, he said, “That’s all you’ve got?”
“It’s enough for me!” she snarled.
“Okay, fine. The second thing is that Clark’s not in Metropolis, but he’s still working for the Planet. I’ve assigned him to be our roving Midwest reporter on a travel and human interest basis, writing articles and essays to broaden the typical Metro’s world view. There’s a whole lot of reality outside this city, and people need to see it.”
She frowned, crossed her arms, and sat back. “As long as he’s out of town, I don’t care what his employment status is.”
“Well, I’ve already discussed it with Jerry Palmer upstairs, and he told me that four months is about as long as that assignment can last. Clark will have to either officially resign or come back to this office at that time.”
Her eyes narrowed. “He comes back here and I print it.”
“No, you won’t.”
Her lips drifted apart and her head turned. With some surprise and some asperity, she said, “I’m sorry, Chief, but I thought I just heard you say that you wouldn’t let me print a Pulitzer prize-winning article.”
Perry leaned back in his chair, trying to remain calm. “I can’t stop you from going somewhere else and printing it. What I can tell you is that if you do, you’ll never work for me again.”
Lois’ eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “What? I won’t – you mean you’d fire me?”
Perry lifted his hands to either side and pasted on a political smile. “C’mon, Lois, you’d be too big for us. We couldn’t possibly hold you back from fulfilling your journalistic density.”
“Wh-what? My – my density?”
“Oh, sorry, I meant your destiny. I watched ‘Back To The Future’ with Alice over the weekend.” He leaned forward and got more serious. “Look, Lois, you have to know that the woman who breaks that story will have her choice of jobs anywhere. She’d be a celebrity in her own right. Talk show hosts would pay her buckets of money for an interview. Publishers would stage death matches to win the rights to that book. She might even have her own TV and radio programs. She could investigate and uncover the secret identities of other heroes. Just think, not even Batman would be safe from her nose for news. And I wonder how those other heroes would take that.”
Her eyes widened and her lips parted as he listed some of the possible outcomes of revealing Clark’s other identity. For a moment he thought she’d changed her mind. Then she regained her composure and frowned again. “You can quit pulling my leg now, Perry. I meant what I said and I’ll do it no matter what you say.”
He shrugged and lowered his hands. “Okay, Lois, it’s your choice. I just wanted you to know where I stood on the subject.”
She stood and huffed at him. “I get it. I follow through on my threat and there’ll be blowback. I already knew that.”
“You didn’t think it all the way through, though, did you?”
She put her hands on her hips. “I’ll admit that you brought up some unintended consequences I hadn’t considered. But you haven’t changed my mind one iota.”
He nodded. “Fine. I just want you to remember one more thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Clark’s not the only one who’d be hurt by this. You’d be painting crosshairs on everyone in Smallville, not to mention the Daily Planet. Some bad guy would threaten to hurt or kill someone Clark cares for unless Superman does or does not do something. And that—” he pointed at Lois “—includes you.”
He paused as her eyes again widened. “Come on, Lois, don’t tell me you didn’t think of that.” She didn’t move. His eyebrows rose and he added, “Ah. You didn’t think of that.” He shook his head and exhaled loudly. “Talk about your collateral damage,” he jabbed.
She stood stock-still in front of the desk for maybe three more seconds, then spun and all but ran out of the office.
Perry had not enjoyed that conversation, but Lois had to know she wasn’t just threatening Clark. She was pointing a loaded firearm at everyone Clark had ever known or spent time around, including herself. And he was sure that aspect hadn’t crossed her mind until now.
He looked down at his desk and frowned. He’d forgotten for a moment about the envelopes Clark had left. He’d intended to give Lois’ to her while she was in the office. But maybe it was better if someone else handed her Clark’s farewell message.
He didn’t know what Clark had written to all these folks, but he knew it would cause a ruckus in the newsroom. Perry thought about not delivering them for a long moment, then shook his head. Surely Clark had written what he would’ve said in person had he had the chance. And he wouldn’t deliberately blow up the Planet’s reporting staff.
He’d leave that job to Lois. She was much better at it than Clark ever could be.
He picked up the phone. “Jimmy, I need you in here when you get a minute.”
*****
Jimmy put down his desk phone and frowned. The call from Perry had come while he’d been sorting pictures of previous Fourth of July celebrations in downtown Metropolis in preparation for a series on the holiday and the city’s acknowledgment of it. He thought for a moment, then decided he could park his train of thought on a siding while he found out why Perry needed him with an uncharacteristic lack of urgency.
He knocked on Perry’s door and stuck his head in. “Got something for me, Chief?”
The editor nodded. “Two things. First, give this article to Pam and let her whip it into shape. We need it for the afternoon edition. Second, I want you to pass out these envelopes to the people whose names are on the front. Don’t worry, this isn’t a layoff or a salary reduction. These are personal messages.”
Jimmy frowned. “Personal messages from whom?”
“You’ll see. You’ve got one in there. Oh, you need to deliver all of them before you read yours.”
Well. That wasn’t mysterious at all. “Okay. How many?”
“Nine. No, I have mine, so it’s eight. Here you go.”
Jimmy leafed through the envelopes, reading the names. “Lois, Pam, Jack, Eduardo, here’s mine—”
“Jimmy! Please – just deliver them. Then go back to whatever you were doing.”
“Got it.”
The errand took him about four minutes, then he was back at his desk with his envelope. The writing looked like CK’s script, which made him look across the newsroom.
Not at his desk. Curiouser and curiouser. Too bad he could never remember where that quote came from. He’d always wondered about it.
He tore open his envelope and began reading.
*****
Lois knew that Jimmy had dropped something on her desk, but she couldn’t have said what it was if someone threated to set her on fire. If she printed Clark’s secret, it would put dozens – maybe hundreds – of innocent people in real danger. The secret was far bigger than she’d allowed herself to consider. Releasing it into the wild might be the worst possible thing she could do in her entire life if she lived to be two hundred.
Maybe Clark had a point in keeping The Secret a secret after all.
She shook herself and focused on the noise level in the newsroom.
It was far lower than normal.
Several people were looking at what appeared to be letters, and they seemed to be stunned. One woman – Pam Wilson from the rewrite desk – stood grabbed the first person who walked past her, then thrust the letter into the other woman’s face and appeared to say, “Read this!”
Jimmy held a piece of paper in his hand and a shocked expression on his face. What was going on?
Then she saw the envelope with her name on it. Lois Lane.
Puzzled, she tore it open and pulled out a single sheet of paper.
~~~~~
Lois:
I know you think I lied to you about my secret without regard for your feelings. I know you believe I haven’t been honest with you since the day we met. And I freely admit that you do have some valid complaints on that score.
But you should ask yourself a question, one to which I wish I could hear the answer.
Did you
lie to me
when you told me you loved me?
Because I believed you. I really believed that when I told you the secret – and I wanted to tell you before you figured it out on your own – you’d be upset, maybe really mad, but I also believed that we could work through that problem and come out of it stronger. I believed that the love I thought we shared was strong enough, deep enough, powerful enough to withstand anything.
I was wrong.
You’ve all but told me that I’ve broken your heart. For that, I’m deeply sorry. I wish I could go way back in our relationship and figure out the right time and place and way to tell you. And I truly wish I hadn’t hurt you this badly.
But I want you to know that you’ve hurt me, too. I opened my heart to you, totally and without reservation, and you stomped it into the dust under your feet. You crushed the dreams of my future quite thoroughly, dreams I’ve cherished almost since I met you. You’ve convinced me that we have no chance of a future together, whether as romantic partners, friends, co-workers, or even citizens of the same city. I don’t know if you’ll believe me, but I promise that I will never look for you. I will never check up on you. If we meet again at some event, while covering some story, or just walking down the same street, I assure you now that it will be a complete and total accident. If you have a stalker in your future, I give you my solemn vow that it won’t be me. I intend never to see you again.
I hereby give you what you said you wanted. I’m gone from your life. We’re done forever.
Goodbye.~~~~~
He hadn’t signed his name to it.
She sat there as rock-still as if she were a clubbed baby seal. If the letter hadn’t been hand-written in Clark’s precise script, she wouldn’t have thought it could possibly come from him.
Various reactions cascaded through her mind and caromed off each other.
He was gone from her life, just like she wanted.
She’d never see him again.
There was no turning back now.
She’d hurt him terribly.
He’d reacted by trying to hurt her just as terribly.
He’d already hurt her terribly.
He’d never lie to her for the rest of her life!
She’d miss him for the rest of her life.
The betrayer was gone!
Then Jimmy Olsen slammed his hand down on her desk and startled her into nearly falling out of her chair.
“What did you do!” He thrust a piece of paper in her face with his other hand. “What did you do to CK? Why did you make him leave?”
“What? You mean he – let me see what he wrote—”
He snatched his letter back. “He didn’t mention you at all! He just said there was a conflict in his life he couldn’t resolve! But I can read between the lines! The only thing that would make him leave the Planet is that the two of you hit an iceberg and sank! And I can’t believe whatever happened between you two is that terrible!”
She pushed her chair back and tried to mollify him. “Jimmy, look, it’s a complicated—”
“I don’t care!” he shouted. “You made my friend leave! And I thought you cared about him! I know he cares about you! I thought you loved each other! What’s the matter with you, Lois? Are you suicidal or just stupid? How many people—”
“Olsen!” Perry’s voice rang out.
Jimmy spun and lifted his letter. “Chief, look at this! Clark’s gone! Lois ran him off! We have to find him—”
“Jimmy! Stop it! Come in my office and stop shouting!”
“But we—”
Perry snapped his right index finger up between them and glared at Jimmy, then pointed to his office with that same digit. Jimmy pressed his lips shut, gave Lois one last furious glare, then followed his boss’ finger to the office and closed the door behind them.
Lois looked around to others in the office. Everyone seemed to be either staring at her malevolently or whispering to someone else and pointing at her.
Great. Now she was the workplace Jezebel, the one responsible for Clark leaving. Rumors would start to swirl about her, just as they had when Claude had betrayed her. They’d referred to her – just not to her face – as Frigid Bridget, the Ice Queen, the Cold Shoulder, and a few others she hadn’t bothered to remember. When Claude had left just weeks after, they thought she’d run him off. She hadn’t, although she’d been glad he’d left. And she’d worked past the worst of the aftereffects of the wreckage Claude had created and remade herself into Mad Dog Lane.
But it was different this time. She hadn’t run Claude off. He’d left on his own, dodging accusations about his plagiarisms and leaving her personal reputation shredded in his wake.
She had run Clark off, and not because of anything evil, bad, or even unethical that he’d done. It was her fault this time.
She reminded herself of Clark’s betrayal, of his lies, of his deceit and pretense of honesty and love. She hardened her heart against everyone else’s contempt and judgment.
She’d do the same thing with her own self-contempt and self-judgment.
*****
Clark pulled into the Kent’s driveway at eight-nineteen on Tuesday evening. As he’d expected, his mother popped out of the front door before he turned the key off.
He stepped out of the truck and caught her as she ran to him, then lifted her and spun around twice. “Clark,” she shouted into his ear, “I’m so glad you’re home!”
He put her down. “Me too, Mom. I assume you have dinner ready for me?”
“Of course I do! Come on in! Your father has some great ideas for your office and he wants to talk them over with you while you eat!” She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the front door. “Come on, slowpoke! Your food’s getting cold!”
Her enthusiasm amused Clark and he found himself hurrying to keep up with her. The smile he felt surprised him, but he knew it was because he was coming home to find unconditional love and acceptance. He might not have that with Lois, but he had it with his parents.
He’d make sure it was enough.
*****
Still in full uniform, Rachel walked into her father’s hospital room and caught her parents gazing softly into each other’s eyes. The sight made her smile, like it always did, but this time it also twanged against her heart because there wasn’t anyone in her life to gaze into her eyes like that.
She knew she didn’t need a man to be a success, to be true to who she was, to be all that she could be, even if she wasn’t in the Army.
She also knew that deep down, she wanted someone to love her like that, to love her for who she was, someone she could respect and love right back.
But that was a subject for a later time. Right now she needed to check on her daddy.
“Hey, old man,” she said. “How you doin’ tonight?”
Both Mom and Dad turned to look at her, those wonderful smiles still in place. “Hey, Sheriff,” he drawled softly. “I’m doing okay. Tired, but okay. They think I’ll be able to go home Thursday, Friday at the latest.”
She stopped beside the bed opposite her mother and touched his arm. “’Bout time. I’m gettin’ tired o’ comin’ by here every night an’ findin’ you two makin’ goo-goo eyes at each other.”
His smile changed to amusement. “I nearly lost the two of you, sweetie. I’m just enjoying being here to see my wife and talk with her. Besides, your mother and I have a license to make goo-goo eyes.”
“Yeah, just hold the line right there and I’ll be fine with it.”
Her father laughed quietly, then flinched. His face contorted for a moment, then smoothed out as he exhaled and resumed breathing easily.
Rachel’s smile disappeared. “Dad, I’m sorry. Are you okay? Do you need a nurse?”
He shook his head and smiled again. “No, I’m fine. My chest is still a little sore.”
“Bruises from the wreck?”
“No.” He grinned wider. “From you sitting on my chest and saving my life.” He reached out and took her hand in his. “Thank you. From the bottom of my heart – and I mean that literally – thank you.”
“Aw, Dad – I’d’a done that for anyone.”
“I know. But you did it for me. You saved my life, sweetheart. You seriously impressed a couple of doctors and a few nurses.” His smile nearly obscured his eyes. “And you did it all without your pants.”
Rachel felt her face redden. “I – uh – I was kinda hopin’ nobody’d tell you that part.”
“Oh, sweetie, every nurse who looks in on me says something nice about you.”
“Oh? What kind of things?”
“Mostly how my daughter is such a wonderful woman and a terrific sheriff and so I must be a really great dad.”
All three chuckled. Then Rachel said, “Dad, I gotta go home and get some shut-eye. My deputies have done great with me not there all the time, but I’m still sheriff and I still gotta do my job. You know how that works.” She leaned down and kissed his forehead. “I’ll drop by tomorrow sometime.” She turned to her mother. “Mom, you stayin’ the night again?”
Janey nodded. “One more night. I have to get some laundry and grocery shopping done before your father comes home.”
“Okay. Oh! I think I forgot to tell you. Martha and Lana dropped off a bunch more food this mornin’. Lotta canned goods and frozen stuff this time, enough to fill up the pantry and the freezer in the garage. Don’t know if you seen it yet ‘cause you been busy.”
Her mother smiled and shook her head. “You already told me. Now you go on home and get some sleep before you pass out again.” Janey walked around the bed and hugged Rachel. “I love you, honey, and I want you to be healthy so you can restart my heart when I need it.”
Rachel returned the hug, then pulled back a bit. “No problem. But you’ll have to be patient cause I’m gonna put my pants on first.”
Comment thread here
