|
|
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 917 Likes: 2
Features Writer
|
Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 917 Likes: 2 |
Two excellent chapters, continuing the tension yet not making it overwhelming. I'm picturing Dan's smirk, dismissing Lois' concerns as not consistent with his knowledge about Clark. Lois caring about Clark is believable, despite his behavior in front of the goons and shooting her and Jimmy. Looking forward to more.
Cuidadora
"Honey, we didn't care if you were a Russian or a Martian... You were ours... and we weren't giving you to anybody." ~ Martha in Strange Visitor
"A love that risks nothing is worth nothing." ~ Jonathan in Big Girls Don't Fly
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
Thanks for the review, cuidadora. I'm glad you think that Lois being worried about Clark is believable despite everything that happened between the two of them. That was perhaps the aspect of this story I was agonizing about the most.
Hope you'll enjoy part 11.'
It's never too dark to be cool. 
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28 |
Part 8 A massive explosion rocked the building and Clark intensified his grip on Lois and Olsen. He focused all his energy on his ability to fly and with a grunt he managed to lift the three of them off the ground as the shockwave hit them from behind. Speeding on, he managed to stay before the wave until they passed the door. He gave it a shove with his foot as he passed it. The door closed with a resounding thud just as Clark’s reserves ran out. They landed in a heap somewhere in the middle of the staircase that was leading to the street level. Chuckle! What a cool way to use that scene from the pilot, when Clark took off with Jimmy and Lois just as the explosion which Dr. Baines had set went off!
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19 |
Uh oh. Lois has really done it now. She really is too curious for her own good. I really hope Clark tells her the truth now, though I imagine he won't be in the mood..... But now he's even weaker than before because of this exposure  I hope Lois can fix this. Looking forward to more.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Well, the Lane luck strikes again! She got lucky and found the one thing that can gravely harm, even kill, Clark Kent, and she's just exposed him to it. Now he'll have to improvise on his plan and figure out a way to shove Lois out of the target area. Doing both is going to be most difficult.
But I have faith in you. And have I mentioned how excellent this story is? Tight plot, good pace, danger, Clark undercover, Lois probing for the truth even when she's all but terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought, Bill Henderson doing his thing, Dan Scardino being irritating, and Luthor flashing his fangs. Y'all better watch out for the next chapter - it's gonna be a humdinger!
For you folks not from the South that's a good thing.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
Thank you both very much for your feedback, Terry and Blueowl. It means a lot to me.
After Terry has set up such high expectations for the next part, I almost don't dare to post it. Talk about pressure.
Anyway, enjoy. Here's Part 12
It's never too dark to be cool.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19 |
Well, expectations have been met  . I liked how Clark handled the situation. It made sense and was still so Clark. As for Lois, I can't wait to see how she reacts when she learns the truth. I really hope it pleasantly surprises Clark  Looking forward to more.
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 719
Columnist
|
|
Columnist
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 719 |
This is a very intriguing take on the characters. I'm of course eager to read the next chapter!
Silence is violence. End white supremacy based violence
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 777
Features Writer
|
|
Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 777 |
" "It's a big bag, we can share." BAKASI,BAKASI, BAKASI what have you done? So Lois and Clark.. Loving it.
"I'm red-eyed, tired and drunk" Teri Hatcher
"Fun will now commence" 7of9
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
Thank you all so much for your feedback. You're making my day.
Okay, guys. Three chapters and one epilogue to go.
Part 13 is up
Part 14 is up
Last edited by bakasi; 09/01/21 09:01 AM.
It's never too dark to be cool.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19 |
Wow, I feel spoiled ^_^ 3 parts?  Definitely suspenseful with Luthor pulling the trigger and all, and then Lois' rescue... very very cool. And Scardino's interaction with Lois and Clark didn't make me want to slap him, so another very good scene  I can't wait to see what happens next. I really hope Clark is pleasantly surprised by Lois' response (I think he will), and I also hope he gets closer with his parents and repairs/grows that relationship as well. Thanks for sharing.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Yep, that's Lois. Selfless rescuer of seriously injured fake gangsters.
You captured Lois' amazement while watching Clark's injuries vanish very well. I noticed something that eluded me during beta - she only put on her T-shirt when Dan got close. If Clark had awakened earlier or Dan had come later, who knows what might have happened? I think it's an indicator of Lois' trust in this very strange but very dedicated man - she didn't feel that Clark would take advantage of her despite her scanty wardrobe (and what would essentially be see-through clothing when wet).
I liked it when Dan asked Clark about the explanation of his healing and Clark gently told him no. Ah, poor Dan. Doomed to live out his days with an itch he can't scratch - at least, not until Superman starts saving people right and left.
Still a great story. And now the tension is whether or not Lois will leave her window open and whether or not Clark will actually come to see her instead of disappearing again and how the heck did he get her address anyway?
I told y'all it was gonna be good. And the final chapter is just as interesting as the first. Just wait.
No pressure, Bakasi. Everyone already knows how well you write.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback. I was so elated that I finally can login via my laptop again that I just couldn't keep you dangling with a series of cliffhangers. I hope you'll like the last chapter. I think that should wrap up most dangling threads. To wrap up all of them I would have to use the Shakespearean solution: everybody dies. We wouldn't want that, now would we?  Part 16 is up
Last edited by bakasi; 09/04/21 06:29 AM.
It's never too dark to be cool.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19 |
Glad he reconnected with his parents. I hope they can become as close as they were in canon. I can only imagine the hardship the Kents had endured all those years of not knowing if they'd see him again  Also glad he had gathered his courage to see his parents again and to go see Lois again  I wonder if Superman will ever exist in this universe.... Anyway, thanks for sharing this very different version of our favorite duo.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28 |
But the tears were already flowing freely. His throat felt so tight that he wasn’t sure he could say another word. All of a sudden he wanted nothing more than to hang up. He didn’t know how he’d survive if his parents didn’t love and accept him the way he was.
“We could never hate you, son,” his mother said quietly.
He really wanted to say something, but his emotions were a raging beast and his voice hardly worked.
“Bye Mom,” was all he managed to say. Then he hung up. Clark's conversation with his parents is heartbreaking, but true. It is probably one of the many reasons why he was always so hesitate to reveal who he was to Lois, the fear of her anger was great. Still the terror of her utter rejection of him was far greater. Excellent chapter.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
Thank you for your feedback, Blueowl. Thank you for reading all the way through, though this was probably the darkest story I've ever written. I hope you liked it anyway.
Glad to see you're still reading, Morgana. Thank you very much for your feedback. It's always appreciated.
It's never too dark to be cool.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 351 Likes: 13
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 351 Likes: 13 |
Hi Bakasi, I waited until all the chapters were posted to read this story. I thought it was excellent though it’s dark. I still feel sad for what Clark and his parents went through with Clark being taken from his parents at a young age. I’m very happy Clark now has Lois in his life. He deserves happiness. I guess in this world there won’t be a Superman since there are still many who want him dead. Thanks for sharing your wonderful story!
Best,
Leslie
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28 |
Part 12 A jumble of very different emotions washed over him, ranging from panic over despair to white-hot rage. And he didn’t even try to keep that last one from affecting his voice. “I had secured that box for a reason! Does the word privacy mean anything to you?”
“I’m sorry, Clark,” she whispered. I have to agree with Clark here. Lois has never really been good at respecting boundaries. She always wants people to respect her privacy, but not so much the other way around.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28 |
Part 12 “Good night, Clark,” he heard her whisper from behind.
“G’night, Lois,” he mumbled.
Then he was fast asleep. Awww! Reminds me of Honeymoon in Metropolis. 
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
Finally some light in all this darkness, huh? Your whale is getting tired, Morgana. Thanks gor for the feedback  I haven't replied to your feedback as well, shame on me. Thank you very much for reading. I'm glad you liked the story despite it's darkness. As for Superman appearing, I'm not sure about that. I guess Clark would need a lot of encouragement to reveal himself to the world. I guess it would need a catastrophe rivaling Nightfall to persuade him. I have to think about that one.
Last edited by bakasi; 09/13/21 12:02 PM.
It's never too dark to be cool.
|
|
|
|
