|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
Thank you very much for your feedback, cuidadora and Blueowl. I appreciate that you always, take the time to comment.
I'll try to post more frequently.
Part 6 will be up, soon
It's never too dark to be cool. 
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Still tense and exciting! And the "Shamrock of Horrors!" Much better than my suggestions.
Hey, y'all, I told you this was good. And bakasi is proving me right. Keep it up, lady!
I know you will, too, cause I done seen the rest and it's outstanding.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19 |
Clark (Chuck) and Lois are already working well together ^_^
I wonder how they're going to go about the Planet's 'bombing'.... And I'm looking forward to seeing how Luthor responds to it all.
I hope Clark heals and recovers his strength quickly!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28 |
The threat had left his mouth before Clark had a chance to stop himself. He wasn’t even sure if he meant it. He’d never been trained to be a killer. Some people in the military had seen him as the perfect assassin. But the majority of the people of Bureau 39 had been afraid that a being as powerful as he was could become a terrible threat to humankind if used as a super-soldier. Clark was glad that they had never forced him to kill people. That went against his every instinct. Really intense, but Scardino was belittling Clark by calling him Edgar.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
I was hoping you'd appreciate the Shamrock of Horrors, Terry. I'm glad you like the adjustments I've made. Clark (Chuck) and Lois are already working well together ^_^
I wonder how they're going to go about the Planet's 'bombing'.... And I'm looking forward to seeing how Luthor responds to it all. They make a good team, huh? You'll find out about the bombing, soon. I'll post the next chapter tomorrow. My tomorrow, for you it might very well be later today, depending on what time zone you're in. @Morgana: The relationship between Dan and Clark is a little strained, though for slightly different reasons than in canon. Which reminds me that I always wanted to write a story where Clark and Dan had to work together to save Lois. If only I could come up with a decent plot. And if I had the time.
It's never too dark to be cool.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 917 Likes: 2
Features Writer
|
|
Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 917 Likes: 2 |
Really enjoyed this chapter. Definitely intense. You certainly brought me into both Clark and Lois' emotions brilliantly. Looking forward to where you take this next.
Cuidadora
"Honey, we didn't care if you were a Russian or a Martian... You were ours... and we weren't giving you to anybody." ~ Martha in Strange Visitor
"A love that risks nothing is worth nothing." ~ Jonathan in Big Girls Don't Fly
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
You certainly brought me into both Clark and Lois' emotions brilliantly. Glad you enjoyed this part. From now on, the story will focus more on developing the relationship between Lois and Clark, though I certainly won't forget the A-plot. Part 7 is up.
Last edited by bakasi; 08/13/21 02:12 AM.
It's never too dark to be cool.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19 |
I'm glad Lois was picking up on how Dan was making Clark uncomfortable. I also hope they can get out of there without too much issue  Poor Henderson, having to juggle all of this. I wonder how Perry will respond to all of this.... Looking forward to more, as always.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 917 Likes: 2
Features Writer
|
|
Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 917 Likes: 2 |
A fast-moving chapter. Lois and Clark are working together well. Dan is still a jerk. And rather oblivious to how Clark is perceiving his "jokes," which aren't particularly funny, rather are hurtful in their double meaning. Also He's rather stupid to push Clark's buttons if he has any inking of what Clark can do. Maybe he thinks Clark's morals won't cause him to retaliate? And a cliffhanger! Looking forward to more of the relationship developing, assuming the Dastardly Duo don't mess up the plan too much.
Cuidadora
"Honey, we didn't care if you were a Russian or a Martian... You were ours... and we weren't giving you to anybody." ~ Martha in Strange Visitor
"A love that risks nothing is worth nothing." ~ Jonathan in Big Girls Don't Fly
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
Looking forward to more of the relationship developing, assuming the Dastardly Duo don't mess up the plan too much. Dastardly Duo, that's funny  Thank you both for your feedback, cuidadora and Blueowl. Part 8 is up
Last edited by bakasi; 08/13/21 01:50 AM.
It's never too dark to be cool.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19 |
Glad they got out of there, and dang, Luthor is not going to be pleased when he hears of Lois' death. I am curious to see what exactly his reaction is going to be, especially if he truly does love her.....
Looking forward to more ^_^
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 917 Likes: 2
Features Writer
|
|
Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 917 Likes: 2 |
Excellent chapter with the tension and close calls. I agree with Scardino that he's probably giving more away about Clark than he'd want revealed to Lois and especially Jimmy. Will be interesting to see Clark's reactions to that in addition to Perry and Luthor's reactions to all that's happened, or what they think happened. Hope Clark can find a safe place to recover completely before he has to face danger again. Looking forward to where you take this intriguing story next.
Out of curiosity, any idea about how many chapters this will be? Or is that giving away too much information to your readers?
Cuidadora
"Honey, we didn't care if you were a Russian or a Martian... You were ours... and we weren't giving you to anybody." ~ Martha in Strange Visitor
"A love that risks nothing is worth nothing." ~ Jonathan in Big Girls Don't Fly
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
Glad they got out of there, and dang, Luthor is not going to be pleased when he hears of Lois' death. I am curious to see what exactly his reaction is going to be, especially if he truly does love her..... Thank you for your feedback, Blueowl. Actually, I'm never sure about Luthor's true feelings for Lois. @cuidadora: I'm glad you liked this chapter, although Clark practically shot at Lois. Telling you how many chapters this will be, won't be giving away too much. I just don't know the exact number. Should be about 16.
It's never too dark to be cool.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Still good. Still tense. Still edge-of-the-seat fascinating.
There are twists coming! Of course, with a writer of Bakasi's caliber, you already knew that, right? So just expect the slight case of whiplash - it won't hurt too long. You'll probably even enjoy it.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
Thank you, Terry. Your comments mean a lot to me. Part 9 is up
Last edited by bakasi; 08/17/21 06:30 AM.
It's never too dark to be cool.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28 |
Part 6 It was an understatement. Her hair was badly tousled and both her blouse and her skirt were torn. Blood stains made it appear like she’d suffered a bleeding nose. She’d stuffed a tissue into her nose to support that impression. To top it all off, a bruise was covering her left cheek. She gave a rather pitiful sight. Clark felt slightly sick to his stomach as he saw her. His first impulse was to apologize, but then he realized that her appearance wasn’t his doing. Whoa! Years ago BJ wrote a fabulous story called, Master of Disguise. Lois used all her talents to blend in and get the goods on Luthor. If anyone gets a chance, by all means read it! That being said, reading about Lois emerging from that bathroom made me realize she has to pull off many disguises in order to get the story. As we can see here, her hand at making herself look beaten up was so professional, it made Clark sick. Well done Lois. Well done Bakasi!
Last edited by Morgana; 08/17/21 03:36 PM.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28 |
Part 7 “I can’t tell you everything right now, but we could use your help,” Lois said urgently. “Luthor is supposed to think that the two of us died in the explosion.”
“Explosion? Die?” Jimmy squeaked.
Clark was just finished exchanging the fourth charge, as his hearing picked up another sound.
“Do you see them?” The sound of the voice let Clark’s blood run cold. It was Ray.
“No,” Joe whispered back. Cliffhanger!  Now I know why I shouldn't read fanfic at work! To quote our favorite female reporter, "This story just keeps getting better and better!" Onto Part 8 ... at lunchtime.
Last edited by Morgana; 08/17/21 03:36 PM.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19 |
You've done something that is nearly impossible. You have me actually being okay with Dan and sort of liking him..... Anyway, I love that Lois is seeing proof of Luthor's evil actions. Release the Mad-Dog. *rubbing hands* And the call Clark made to the Kents..... Man. How much exactly did they miss out on his life? And they only just now learned something can hurt him  And him afraid they won't still love him if they knew the truth. So sad  Looking forward to more.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
Now I know why I shouldn't read fanfic at work! To quote our favorite female reporter, "This story just keeps getting better and better!" Thank you very much. Perhaps I should warn you that there will be a few more cliffhanger waiting for you. @Blueowl: I'm glad that I managed to get Clark's fears across. And now on to the next part Part 10
Last edited by bakasi; 08/20/21 03:03 AM.
It's never too dark to be cool.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28 |
Thank you very much. Perhaps I should warn you that there will be a few more cliffhanger waiting for you. No worries! I deliberately decided not to read anymore after Part 7 so I could binge! Going to read the latest posting this evening when the house is quiet.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
