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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,072 Likes: 24
Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,072 Likes: 24 |
Story is here: https://www.lcficmbs.com/ubb/ubbthreads.php/topics/289580#Post289580Many thanks to BlueOwl. I've been needing to get back into the writing groove, so I asked for three nouns and a setting. She gave me: Cyclone, Moon, Blanket, and the Coast. This all took place on the FoLC Skype channel, of course, which is yet another reason to visit it.  Anyway, it's not much, but I hope yall enjoy.
~•~
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Oh, wow. What a heart-ripper. The parallels between the rescuer and the rescued are so beautiful, and the guilt just jumps off the page. But he can't do anything else. A mother and child likely would have died otherwise. Military and first responders feel the same kinds of pressure to be in multiple places at once - do I show my family how much I love them or try to save people in imminent danger and risk damaging my family relationships? It's all so very good, but my personal favorite is this: “I think that’s the last of them,” Superman called out to an official with a clipboard. He turned back to her. “Is there anything you need, Ma’am? I could get a message to someone…?”
Kim shook her head. A doctor was holding Jake now, freeing her hands to wave the superhero away. “We’re fine. Go home. Go see your—” She checked herself. “Go eat cake.”
He laughed and flew away, disappearing into the night. This is truly beautiful, Mary. Thank you.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 401 Likes: 41
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 401 Likes: 41 |
Superman sacrifices a lot to help humanity. If he didn’t make that sacrifice, that woman and child would have died. It’s touching that woman realized what he gives up. This is a beautiful story with just the right amount of emotional impact. Yes, Superman, go eat cake and a lot of it. Thank you for sharing this beautiful tale!
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,430 Likes: 6
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,430 Likes: 6 |
This story was a master class in engaging the senses. Your writing was so vivid I could almost feel myself struggling against the water.
I feel like this should be part of a bigger story, though. Why did Superman let his guard down so much? I get the feeling that it is more than just guilt over a missed birthday party coupled with putting himself in Kim's shoes. By this point in his hero-ing, Clark would have learned to master his emotions better than that. That he let slip to a total stranger not only that he is a parent, but also the age of his child makes me think that he is so distraught or distracted that he isn't thinking completely clearly. Were it not for his laugh at the end, I would have assumed that perhaps his child had died or was dying; as it is, I am uncertain what the situation is. Is it really just guilt causing him to divulge so much, or is there a larger story? Inquiring minds want to know.
Either way, this was a compelling story.
Joy,
Lynn
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 917 Likes: 2
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 917 Likes: 2 |
Beautifully written. I loved the last two paragraphs. 
Cuidadora
"Honey, we didn't care if you were a Russian or a Martian... You were ours... and we weren't giving you to anybody." ~ Martha in Strange Visitor
"A love that risks nothing is worth nothing." ~ Jonathan in Big Girls Don't Fly
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Posts: 1,011 Likes: 21
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,011 Likes: 21 |
As I said before, I always love rescues told from the average person's point of view ^_^ And being shown a different perspective of Superman's personality is an added bonus. If you ever need more nouns or whatever, let me know 
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,072 Likes: 24
Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,072 Likes: 24 |
Thanks so much, guys! ^_^
Lynn, I guess he did open up a little too easily. I was hoping to chalk it up to his being a new parent still, plus the fact that Jake's description could have applied to his own kid, etc. Maybe Kim is just one of those people that everyone feels comfortable confiding in? *shrug*
~•~
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
@Lynn: I don't think Superman opened up too easily. I think it was a combination of the stress of the rescue (if we think Superman doesn't get stressed during times of danger, he can't require Lois' help in decompressing), Jake and his child both being two, Kim's perceptiveness, and Clark's compassion for people in trouble. It felt quite natural to me. Mary, I didn't mention this before, but Kim's pullback when she almost mentioned Superman's family supports my thought that she's very perceptive. I imagine the following mental dialogue for her. “We’re fine. Go home. Go see your—”
Wait a second, stupid! If Superman wanted everyone to know he had a family everyone would already know! Shut up already!
“Go eat cake.”
Much better. Let him keep his secrets. Of course, that's only my humble opinion, and everyone is entitled to react to a story as he or she sees fit. Especially when it's a masterpiece like this one. Kerth nom!
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Beautifully written in a heart-tugging way. Poor Clark, always torn in multiple directions, always doing the greater good, even when it hurts him. I love the "Go eat cake" line at the end. Glad to see Kim is smart enough to keep that little secret. Thanks for sharing!
(Oddly enough, you posted this the day before we got hit with Hurricane Henri in CT - which hit on my daughters' birthday no less - and now that I finally get the chance to read it, the remnants of Ida is raging outside.)
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 42 |
The sky cracked. For a split second, she could clearly see everything: the seemingly endless ocean all around her and the swirling, grey vortex of clouds overhead looked other-dimensional. By the time she registered the massive tree floating right into her path, she was plunged into darkness again. The storm's intensity was really powerfully described. I am glad he was able to save Kim's little boy, but it also made him think about his own son. Poor Clark! No doubt he wishes he could be in two places at once. The last lines were precious and touching.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,110 Likes: 42
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
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Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,110 Likes: 42 |
Oh wow!! This was amazing!! So much emotion packed in a little story, so well-written! My favorite lines: “Do you have children?”
His flight suddenly wobbled. “Uh, pardon?”
“You do,” she realized. LOVE LOVE LOVE. I am a sucker for moments like this.
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,085 Likes: 39 |
Hi Mary, Aaaand here we go again  “Jake!” she screamed again, but the roar of the wind completely swallowed up her voice. She pushed her hair out of her face and moved forward. The brine was now up to her hip. “JAKE!” I feel like it’s right out of the Thunderstorm scenes from Jurassic park. The T-Rex is surely close now. Just as her strength was about to give out, the tree suddenly vanished. Okay, Jake’s probably a Kent, but I did go to Bugs Bunny editing the scene while it’s playing for the audience. Her surprised shriek was lost to the wind, but even so, a mouth came close to her ear: “It’s going to be alright, Ma’am.” Can still be Superboy. He’s a scrappy 18 y/o pulling her out. KIM: I’m also 18! Not a ma’am  “My baby…please…we have to find him! Please!” Oh, Jake’s a baby! She *is* a ma’am. KIM: Not according to my mother-in-law. “What does he look like?” Good to ask. It could be a dog. A stuffed bear. A dragon. Superman was strangely quiet. “Superman?” Because he missed it? “I was supposed to be somewhere today,” was all he said. “Somewhere important?” Kim guessed. He nodded. “A birthday party.” Being Superman doesn’t pay the bills and Barry did open up an interesting avenue for making money. “We’re fine. Go home. Go see your—” She checked herself. “Go eat cake.” He laughed and flew away, disappearing into the night Nice little -- I guess quiet doesn’t really fit but seems apt here? – bit. Despite the action, it felt like the emotional effects in the stormy quiet of his mind where the true core of this piece  Michael
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