Saturday, December 23rd
Lois didn’t particularly like Christmas. Unfortunately, the calendar once again ignored her preferences and rolled around to late December one more time, and she found herself caught up in the paper’s annual celebration.
The Planet’s Children’s Charity Christmas party was in full swing. Perry wore his Santa suit to give presents to the Angel Tree kids in the middle of the cleared-out newsroom. Jimmy, wearing a huge smile above what appeared to be an oversized elf outfit, trudged behind Santa Perry while pulling a large wagon filled with wrapped gifts. The Angel Tree charity’s organizers had given Jimmy a list of the kids’ names along with gift suggestions for each one. The Human Resources staff had made the purchases and wrapped the gifts.
Lois smiled as she watched the children’s eyes light up. Each one thanked Santa. More than half of them hugged him. Two little girls at the end of the line thanked Santa, then put their presents down and wrapped themselves around his legs. They didn’t let go until Mrs. Emerson, the chaperone from the charity, persuaded them that Santa had other kids he needed to visit.
Lois thought about Christmas at home with Mom and Lucy after her father left. Doctor Samuel Lane hadn’t been in prison like one or both of the parents of these kids. He’d been absent by his own choice, and the gifts and money he sent them didn’t make up for his absence. She understood how hard it was for these kids not to be with family during the holidays.
Maybe her heartache was worse.
She felt the tear coming on, so she turned to move away from the happy kids and ran straight into Clark’s chest and bounced off. “Oops! I’m sorry, Clark. Once again, I didn’t look before I leaped.”
He steadied her with his hands on her elbows until she found her balance. “No problem. It’s pretty crowded in here.” He pointed to the brilliantly illuminated Christmas tree. “And that thing is so big it almost didn’t make it up in the freight elevator. I hope our electric bill this month doesn’t cost us our annual raises.”
She chuckled. “I doubt it will. Oh, I wanted to ask you if you were spending the holidays at home this year.”
He shook his head. “No. I have the vacation time, but I put in my request too late. I’ll be here over the holiday week, slaving away like a dwarf under the mountain.”
“A what?”
He tilted his head. “Lord of the Rings? J. R. R. Tolkien? The dwarves under the mountain? Mining and hoarding gold?”
She got the reference, but decided on the spur of the moment to tease him a little. So she played dumb, put on what she hoped was an expression of angelic innocence, and shrugged like a blonde. “Sorry, doesn’t ring a bell.”
“Oh. Never mind, it was a bit of a reach anyway.” They shared shy grins. “What about you? Are you spending time with Lucy and your mom?”
“Mom rented a cabin up north in one of the state parks. We’ll be roughing it for three or four days.”
“Roughing it? The New Troy State Parks all have clean running water and indoor plumbing and electricity and propane heating. How rough do you want it to be?”
She shrugged again. “There are no pizza delivery places anywhere near the park. And I mean zero, zilch, zip, nada, none whatsoever.”
He fought off a laugh and hid it behind a small smile. “I see. I suppose you’ll have to make up for it after the first of the year.”
“I’m afraid so.” She sighed dramatically. “Oh, the hardships we must endure for family.”
He pressed his lips together for a moment, then said, “Excuse me, but I need to go see about one of those kids. He’s having a little trouble putting his toy together.”
She stepped back and gestured with her head. “By all means, go rescue him.”
He gave her a searching look for a moment, then apparently decided – accurately – that her comment held no hidden meaning or subtle insult. He relaxed and nodded to her. “Will do. You have fun in the cabin with your mom and Lucy.”
She smiled and nodded back as he stepped past, then turned to watch him kneel down beside a little boy. The youngster looked to be no older than six, and apparently he couldn’t quite figure out how to assemble his plastic airplane. Clark gently coached him on how the pieces fit together, then helped him snap them in place. When the plane was complete, he held up his hand for a high-five with the boy and said, “Great job!”
The little boy beamed and thanked him, then beamed again when Clark told the boy that he’d done the important part and Clark had just helped a very little bit. The child jumped up and ran toward Mrs. Emerson to show her his transatlantic airliner, the one he’d put together almost all by himself.
Clark’s smile was immense. He looked so very much like a proud dad at that moment.
Lois turned away before he could catch her watching him. If she ever did have children, she prayed that their father would be half the man that Clark Kent was.
She didn’t dare hope that their father would be Clark. Not now. Not yet.
And probably not ever.
Sunday evening, December 31st
Clark shucked his coat as he walked through Perry’s front door. “Here,” Alice said, “I’ll take that.”
“Thanks. Wow, this is a crowded house. I didn’t know you’d invited so many people.”
She smiled. “My husband likes to have lots of people around him at the start of the new year. I know you’ve been to one of my New Year’s Eve parties before, and we had most of the same people then.”
He shrugged. “I guess I got more used to Smallville’s thinner population density than I thought. It just feels crowded to me.”
“You’re back in the big city now, Clark. But if you start to feel claustrophobic, you can always step outside in the back yard for a few minutes.”
“Thanks, but I think I’ll be okay. I’m going to circulate now.”
“You do that. I’m sure we’ll meet up later. It’s only five hours until 1996 starts.”
Alice left him with another smile and left to hang up his coat. Clark looked around and saw people he’d greeted on his return to the newsroom, others he knew well, and still others he didn’t recognize.
Then he spotted Jimmy. The young man was leaning against the wall and speaking with a woman Clark couldn’t see well through the press of bodies. He started swimming in Jimmy’s direction through the thick current of humanity.
As he got closer, he realized that Jimmy seemed slightly inebriated. His eyes were bright but a little unfocused, and his hand movements were sloppier than usual. Jimmy took a big drink from his glass as Clark maneuvered around Steve Lombard and was startled to see that the woman next to Jimmy was Lois.
He was even more surprised to see that she was standing under a sprig of plastic mistletoe.
Jimmy’s voice snapped into slurred focus in Clark’s ears as he said, “So, Lois, are you waiting for anyone special?”
She took a sip of her drink – ginger ale, from the look of it – and shook her head. “No. I’m just here because Alice throws great parties with good food and good company.”
Jimmy, seemingly oblivious to Clark’s presence, leered at Lois and said, “You sure you’re not waiting for someone to kiss you?”
Clark watched as Lois’ body tensed and her face hardened. In a dangerous tone, she asked, “Why would you ask me that, Olsen?”
Jimmy’s eyes flicked to Clark for a second, then he pointed over Lois’ head. “You’re under the mistletoe and Clark’s right behind you.”
Five things happened so quickly they were almost simultaneous. Lois’s head snapped around to look at Clark with huge eyes. She turned and stepped away from him. She glanced up to look at the mistletoe. She bumped into Jimmy and all but knocked him down. Then she blurted “Hi Clark sorry Jimmy hey I see Pam Wilson and I need to ask her something about something bye.”
Clark blinked at Lois’ blurted utterance, then watched as the partygoers closed in behind her high-speed wake. He reached out to help the still wobbly Jimmy steady himself. “You okay, Jim?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Hey, you want somethin’ to drink? Perry’s got some really good stuff here.”
“I’ll get a soda later.”
“Cool.” Jimmy sipped his drink, then sighed contentedly. “Smooth. ‘Cept there aren’t enough ‘o’s in ‘smooth’ to describe this properly.”
Clark smiled. It sounded to him as if Jimmy had worked on that comment for some time before delivering it. “Glad you like it, Jim. I hope you still think it’s that smooth in the morning.”
Jimmy gave back a smile, albeit a lopsided one. “No worries, mate, as our Aussie friends say. Not working tomorrow. Well, if you don’t want any, I’m going back for seconds. Or is it thirds?” He shrugged. “Anywho. No worries, mate. I need to find Kim, too. She’s my ride.”
As Jimmy toddled unevenly toward the drink station, Clark considered Lois’ reaction to Jimmy’s suggestion of a kiss from him. His first thought was that it was a bit over the top. But maybe she just didn’t want anyone to kiss her. She probably hadn’t realized what was overhead when she’d perched there.
Or – maybe—
Maybe she did want to be kissed and was afraid Clark didn’t want to kiss her.
If that were true—
No. That didn’t bear thinking about now. Maybe later. Right now he had a party to enjoy.
Although – he had to admit to himself that the thought of kissing Lois, even if it made her angry, didn’t make him want to throw up. Might even be fun, in a poke-the-bear-with-a-stick way.
She didn’t know that, of course. He hadn’t realized it himself until now. She was probably trying to ward off embarrassment over a kiss that didn’t happen and wouldn’t have happened.
Surely couldn’t have happened.
Tuesday, January 2nd
Clark smiled as Perry called the weekly staff meeting to order with a slap on the table. Pam Wilson and Steve Lombard each groaned at the sharp noise and grabbed their heads. “Hey, people, it’s the first Tuesday of the new year and we need to hit the ground running! We’ve had good sales over the holiday weekend, but that content was mostly pre-planned articles and we need some fresh ink!” Perry glared at Pam, then Steve, then said, “I don’t care if you’re hung over. You knew today was coming and you should’ve taken precautions.”
Pam began massaging her temples. “I thought I did, Chief.” She let out a painful “Uhhh. I need some more aspirin and something alcoholic to wash it down.”
“No you don’t,” chirped Clark. “Drink water or something like Sprite or 7-Up. Water’s best, though, and lots of it. You need to stay hydrated no matter how many bathroom trips you have to make.”
Several sober people chuckled. Pam did not. “Flush out my system? Is that the idea?”
“Partly. Also because alcohol dehydrates you. And because a woman usually can’t match a man drink for drink. Booze generally hits women harder than men.”
Steve groaned. “You saying it’s my fault she’s got a hangover?”
Perry slapped the table again. Steve grabbed his head again and Pam sucked air past her teeth. “Awright, people, listen up! You folks be drunks anonymous on your own time. Before we get to assignments, I have some other news for you.”
He pulled a mobile phone out of his pocket. “The Daily Planet has agreed to pay half your base monthly charges for one of these babies. I recommend that every reporter get one. You won’t have to hunt for a pay phone to call the office, and we can contact you whenever we need you. Got that?”
Jimmy lifted his hand. “Is getting one of these phones mandatory?”
“No. If you do get one, though, the paper will help you pay for it because you’ll be using it for business at least part of the time. Anyone who already has one just needs to contact Audra Hamilton in Human Resources so she can set up your reimbursement. For those of you who don’t have one, the reimbursement will start as soon as you buy one.” He wiggled the phone. “This one is mine, and each of you will have the number for it in an email when you get back to your desk.”
“I already have one,” Lois said. “Can I get help with the last few months?”
Perry shook his head. “Fraid not. The program started on the first of the year for everyone. Sorry, honey.”
“No problem, Chief.” She turned to the rest of the group. “Mine has helped me a lot already. It’s worth it.”
Clark nodded. “I plan to get one now. This is a great move, Perry.”
Totally deadpan, Perry replied, “I’ll pass that on to the executive committee, son. I just know they’ll be thrilled to hear that you approve of them spending money on you.”
Pam didn’t laugh with the rest, but she did give Clark a weak grin.
Saturday, February 10th
Lois had an early lunch date with her sister that Saturday, and she was looking forward to it. Since Lucy had her own place now, Lois didn’t get to harass her that often.
She got out of the Jeep at exactly eleven-twenty-five and walked into Mike’s diner. Lucy was, of course, waiting for her right inside the door. “Come on, Sis!” Lucy urged. “I’m hungry!”
“Of course you are. You’re no longer enjoying the fruits of my fine culinary abilities.”
Lucy stopped and stared at her, then said, “Your culinary – no, I’m not even. Come on, let’s find a table. It’s busy and there aren’t many open ones.”
Lois began scanning as they walked into the dining area. “Yeah, it’s pretty full, even for this early on Saturday. I don’t see any – wait, is that one empty?”
Lucy followed Lois’ pointing finger. “No, there’s a guy sitting there. Looks familiar, too. No food in front of him, so he looks like he just got here.”
With a start, Lois realized that the man they were looking at was Clark. “Come on, Lucy, let’s go somewhere else. He’s probably waiting for someone.”
“What? No! I don’t have time! I have to go back to the office after lunch. My boss is working up a couple of briefs for a trial starting on Tuesday and I’m doing research on precedents for him. I’ll go ask this guy if he minds if we join him.”
“No! Lucy, wait! Don’t—”
It was too late. She was already headed in Clark’s direction at full speed.
Lois stayed out of Clark’s line of sight but still followed closely enough to hear Lucy speak to him. “Excuse me, sir, but do you – Clark! Hey! Are you here by yourself?”
His face brightened when he saw Lucy. “I am. It’s pretty crowded today. Would you care to join me?”
She grabbed one of the chairs and pulled it out. “We sure would! Boy, I’m glad we ran into you!”
His face morphed into puzzlement. “We? Who is we?”
“Lois and me! Oh, come on, Sis, he’s not going to bite you, not with me here!”
Lois decided to make the best of the situation. “Yes, Punky, I can always depend on you to protect me from strange men and rampaging dogs.”
Lucy plopped down in the chair directly across the table from him. “I always do, don’t I? And don’t call Clark a ‘strange’ man. He’s no weirder now that he was a year ago.”
Lois ignored Lucy’s comment and moved in front of Clark, then she softly asked, “Do you mind, Clark? You don’t have to give up your table if you don’t want to.”
He made a show of looking around the room, then said, “I don’t see any other men sitting alone whom you might accost, so the two of you might as well stick with me.”
Lucy laughed loud enough to draw a couple of irritated looks from nearby diners. Lois looked into Clark’s face and saw a tiny smile trying to bloom, so she sat between Lucy and Clark.
The smile meant that she was safe with him, at least today. “Thank you, kind sir. Just to be clear, we’re paying for our own lunches.”
He nodded. “I’m paying for mine, too. I wouldn’t expect Mike to like dine-and-dash customers. He has a relationship with a certain part-time police officer.” He looked at Lucy. “I think Darren is working today. Are you ready for him to flirt with you quite subtly?”
Lucy’s eyebrows drew together. “I have it on pretty good authority that Darren isn’t all that fond of women in general.”
“Really? That’s not what my sources tell me. In fact, here he comes, so get ready.”
*****
As she drove home in her Jeep, Lois smiled to herself. Darren had indeed tried to flirt with Lucy, who’d griped so much about her new landlord while they ate that Darren had presented her a small cup of shredded cheese “to go with her whine.” Lois and Clark had both laughed like parents over Lucy’s shocked amazement and embarrassment. And it barely bothered Lois that Darren had called her “ma’am” again.
The best part was that she and Clark had gently teased each other without any hint of rancor. It seemed to her that he’d actually put her recent bout of insanity behind him and was letting their relationship re-develop naturally. It was many orders of magnitude better than she could’ve hoped in her fondest dreams when she’d flown back from Smallville that day last summer.
Lots of things were far better now. He might never love as he once had, but at least Clark was still her friend.
Then she considered her feelings toward him. Was it just friendship? Or was it something more? Even if he had gotten past her horrible behavior and forgiven her, had she managed to forgive herself? If so, was that enough to build a closer relationship with him?
Did she dare to – to love him?
Did she dare to risk being betrayed by him again?
The thrill of daring to love him battled with the terror of being betrayed yet again and left her heart torn in two. She was walking between the warring factions in a scarred and desolate no-woman’s land. She wanted to move toward the dare-to-love line, but the terror-of-betrayal line mocked her desire and pulled her back with a leash of fear.
This situation had to be fixed.
She needed to talk to someone. Dana Friskin came to mind. The therapist was a good listener and had always given Lois good advice, so a session or two with her was certainly in order. Her issues with Clark needed to be resolved, no matter what the outcome might be.
Lois decided to call her first thing Monday morning.
Tuesday, February 20th
Clark was concerned about Lois. She’d sat through the regular staff meeting without saying very much. She hadn’t reacted even when Steve Lombard had made a slightly off-color remark about his current girlfriend, something for which she normally would’ve roasted Steve over hot coals. Something was bothering her.
Her only unusual reaction had come when Perry had mentioned – rather casually, Clark had thought – that Lois would be out of the office for part of the afternoon, specifically after the lunch hour. She’d glued her gaze at the table and hadn’t looked up until Perry had moved on with the meeting agenda.
Clark hadn’t spoken to her since then, and since it was almost lunchtime, he thought she might need a sympathetic ear to bend. So he stopped at her desk on his way back from the coffee cart and said, “Hi, Lois. Say, do you have any plans for lunch?”
She glanced up at him and looked back at her desk. “I do, actually. I – I’m meeting someone.” She straightened a small stack of paper and put it down. “My father.”
“Oh. Is – um – is anything wrong?”
She shook her head without looking at him. “No. I just – I’m sorry, Clark. I don’t want to push you away, but I’m not ready to talk about it right now.”
He leaned against her desk and spoke softly. “I understand. If you do want to talk about it later, I’ll be around.”
Now she looked directly at him. “That’s what you said after – what Superman said after he saved the shuttle. And he – you have been around.” Her eyes seemed to moisten. “Thank you. I may take you up on that soon.”
He smiled. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Then he slipped back to his desk and sat. He still had to organize his notes on his current story, review the questions he planned to ask a city council candidate in a Thursday interview, and give his latest completed article one last review for grammar and punctuation. So while Lois’ agitation didn’t vanish from his consciousness, it did slip to the back of his mind. He knew she’d talk to him when she was ready.
*****
Lunch with Lois’ father had gone better than she’d expected. Now it was time for another visit with Dr. Friskin. Just like the previous visit, she had a lot to talk about.
Lois opened the door and hesitantly stepped into the doctor’s inner office. Dana lifted her eyes, smiled, and said, “Hello, Lois. Come in, please.”
“Thank you, Dr. Friskin. Where shall I sit?”
“Wherever you’re comfortable, just like always.”
“Right. I guess I’m – a little nervous.”
“About meeting with me again so soon after our last time?”
Lois squirmed against the chair back as if hunting a comfortable position. “No, no, about telling you about – what I need to tell you.”
“Where do you want to start?”
“Huh. I guess – no, I should start with my father.”
Dana nodded slowly. “That’s fine. Can you review the pertinent facts for me? I want to be up to date on your current situation and make sure I remember everything you told me last week.”
“All right. Um – you know that I’ve had unresolved issues with my father for a long time. Since I was a teen, actually. I know I told you about that, how he abandoned us and chased other women and caught a lot of them.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Anyway, I – I had lunch with him today because I realized something.”
Lois’ voice failed her. How could she talk about this? It was good – great, actually, but also very private and personal and—
“You realized you were hungry?”
Lois’ head jerked up. “What? No! Why would you—”
“Easy, Lois. You said you realized something and stopped talking.”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess I did. Anyway, I – I’ve realized that I have an extremely difficult time trusting people. Men especially. And whenever I think about all the men who’ve treated me badly in my life, I always start with my father. I felt – my dad left us for another woman and I’ve never been able to forgive him.”
“I see. But you had lunch with him today.”
Lois lowered her gaze to the floor. “Yes. I wanted to find out if he was sorry he’d bailed on us all those years before.”
“A meal is a good time and place to have a discussion like that. The sharing of food is a significant level of intimacy that some wounded people can’t achieve.”
She waved as if shooing a fly away. “Well, we achieved it. I told him that my anger at him was hurting me and I needed to get rid of it. I told him that – I said that I needed to forgive him.”
“That’s good, Lois. What did he say to that?”
“That I couldn’t forgive him unless he asked me to forgive him first.”
“Ah. And then?”
Lois looked up. The doctor’s tone sounded almost amused, so she grinned back. “You’ve got that Sylvester-ate-Tweety-Bird smile on your face. I think you know what happened.”
“I don’t know, but I do hope. Please tell me.”
“He – he took my hand and – and he said he was sorry and he had been wrong for all that time and he knew my anger at him was justified but he wanted to change things and – and he asked me to – to forgive him.”
“The tissue box is to your right, Lois. Now. Can you tell what happened next?”
Yeah. This was the good-but-hard-to-say part. “I – I made a scene and jumped out of my chair and grabbed him around the neck and started crying and I think he cried too and we’re going to Centennial Park on Saturday for a picnic and a long father-daughter talk and I’m so happy!”
“There, there, Lois, you just cry all you want. I’m glad you and your father were able to reconnect.”
She blew her nose and wiped her eyes. “Oh, so am I! So am I!”
“Good. Now, this was a major step for you and I don’t want to minimize it in the least, but I think there’s more to this than you’ve said so far.”
“Yes. I – I think I can trust Clark again. Or, at least, learn to trust him again.”
“Oh. Does this have something to do with his assignment last summer?”
Be careful, Lois. Be honest without saying too much. The Secret is still important. “Yes. He told me a big secret that he’d kept from me for almost two years and I exploded and accused him of betraying me and I ran him out of the city. He’s back now and I’m – I think he’s forgiven me. In fact I’m sure he has. And that’s a big part of why I wanted to reconnect with my dad. I knew I was right when I forced Clark out of town even though I wasn’t right, just like my dad knew he was right when he left our family even though he wasn’t right. Neither of us knew how destructive those decisions were, both to ourselves and to others. And we’re both still dealing with the fallout.”
“I’m glad you both understand that all of our actions have consequences. And they’re usually unintended ones.”
“Yeah, well, I’m trying to recover from my actions. I’m glad the people I hurt don’t seem to hold it against me these days.”
Dana smiled. “That’s wonderful. Do you have anything else you want to tell me? Or ask me?”
“Not today, Doctor, but I might be back before too long. There’s a possibility that I’ll have another set of relationship questions to ask you.”
The doctor nodded and leaned forward with her hands clasped before her. “All right. This has been a productive time for you, don’t you think? And, surprisingly, we appear to be done for the day. Do you feel that way too?”
“Yes. If you don’t mind, I’m going to give you back about half of this session so you can decompress a little. I’m sure you get stressed from constantly listening to other people’s problems.”
Dana shook her head. “Only if I can’t help them find solutions. And I think you’ve found some very important solutions, largely without my help.”
Lois stood and reached out to grasp Dana’s hands. “Oh, you helped. I just remembered all those past sessions when you gave me advice I didn’t want to hear.”
Dana returned the gentle grip. “But you did hear it, Lois, else you wouldn’t have put it into practice with your father. I wish you well with your father and with Clark.”
“Thank you. Bye for now.”
“For now, yes. And remember that I’ll be here if you need me.”
Lois dropped her hands and smiled. “Thank you so much.” Then she turned and walked through the door with a steady and firm gait.
See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?
Shut up, Snarky. It was a friendly order, though.
*****
Dana Friskin sat back in her chair and smiled. Lois had come a long way without Dana’s direct guidance, and she’d accomplished a great deal in the past few weeks. Dana’s goal had always been to give Lois the tools she needed to live her own life, and even though there had been a number of rough spots, the young woman appeared to have turned a corner in her life. Lois’ life wouldn’t be strawberries and cream or triple-chocolate fudge from now on, but she’d be able to handle the gruel and thin oatmeal for now.
Dana wished she could trumpet Lois’ victory over herself to all of her patients. If they knew her various traumas and how far she’d traveled to overcome them, they’d stand up and cheer. Then they’d take heart from her progress and believe that they each could defeat their problems – or at least learn to deal with them and not collapse beneath their weight.
Dana stood and turned to the wall behind her desk. She smiled at her therapist’s certificate and her psychology degree. They were worth the time, the drudgery, the panic, the cost, and the lost sleep.
She’d actually helped someone. It was wonderful.
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