It was a rare Saturday evening that a small-town sheriff could take the night off, but Rachel had decided that nine straight weekends was enough and her deputies needed to take up the slack this week. This sheriff needed some “me” time. And since the high schools and colleges would be on fall break for the next week, and since soon they’d all be very busy breaking up fights and arresting drunks and processing traffic accidents from all the parties that were sure to pop up all over the place, she wanted to go into that time well-rested.
Rachel sat back in the recliner in her living room after supper and put the latest letter from Lana back in its envelope. Then she sighed. The girl had latched onto Rachel as her best long-distance friend in Smallville, and Rachel was glad of it. Lana had been in Tulsa for almost a year, and it appeared that she’d not only settled in professionally but personally. She was cautiously dating a man who managed an appliance and hardware outlet, one of the big chain ones, and the guy was beginning to hint about making their relationship permanent. It appeared that Lana was open to such a step, too.
And Rachel had mixed feelings about the news.
She was thrilled for Lana. She’d bounced back from the potential disaster in her affair the year before with Smallville’s mayor and righted herself, with an assist from Rachel and Clark. And if Lana and this guy whose name Lana had not yet revealed to Rachel got happily married and had a dozen kids, Rachel would send a gift for each birth.
On the other hand—
Losing Clark still stung just as much as it had when he’d come back and told her he was staying in Metropolis. They hadn’t spoken to each other for many months, and even though she’d asked him not to contact her, she still felt the void in her heart. She still held out a slender hope that he’d call or write or just show up at her door and declare his undying love for her, even after almost a year.
A slender hope was better than none.
He’d need her new address, of course. She’d finally moved out of her parents’ home and rented a wood-frame house on the west side of town. The neat two-bedroom structure on the lonely gravel street suited her just fine as long as she lived alone.
Sheriffs don’t have many roommates, largely because of the unpredictability of their schedules. And retired sheriffs needed alone time with their significant others. Now Dad – or Mom – wouldn’t have to put a sock on their bedroom doorknob when they were getting up close and personal with each other. And since they’d announced plans to travel in their new RV, they wouldn’t be home much anyway. As long as Rachel checked the house a couple of times a week, it would be there when Mom and Dad came home.
She stood and gathered her sweater around her. It was chilly for mid-fall in Kansas and she thought about turning up the thermostat, then decided not to. Utilities weren’t free and her name was on those bills too.
She picked up the latest Spenser mystery she’d checked out from the library. It was interesting, from a how-will-he-solve-it-this-time point of view, but there was no way Rachel would let a private investigator behave like that in her town. The guy would end up locked away until Mrs. Howard got tired of his wisecracks and slipped him the key to his cell.
Then someone knocked at her front door.
An encyclopedia salesman, she thought sourly. Or someone from one of the churches in the area. Her preferred method of dealing with the occasional door-to-door drop-in was to invite the person to attend services with her and put on pressure for a decision to come with her This Sunday Morning! Invariably she’d be left alone. Kinda late in the evening for any of those folks, though.
She put the book on the coffee table, then opened the door as she mentally framed her response—
Then her mind went blank.
Clark stood in her doorway in jeans, tennis shoes, light green golf shirt, and a dark blue windbreaker.
He smiled cautiously. “Hi. I’m sorry to drop in like this, but do you have some time to talk? I didn’t want to surprise you at your office, so here I am. Maybe not my best plan ever, but it’s the best one I could come up with on short notice.”
She blinked at him and licked her lips.
“Rachel? Are you okay? Did I – is this a bad time?”
She shook herself and stepped back. “No. I don’t – it’s not a bad time. Come on in.”
“Thank you.”
He soft-footed past her and stood in her living room. “Nice,” he murmured. “Very homey. I can see your mom’s accents.”
“Thanks. Where – how did you find me?”
“My mom gave me the address. I called her earlier to find out where you’d probably be, and when I checked your office you weren’t there. Your sheriff’s car is parked in the driveway, so here I am.”
“I see. Uh, can I get you a soda or something?”
He turned to face her as she closed the door. “No, I’m good. I’m really here because you asked me to come.”
“What?” What was that supposed to mean? She hadn’t asked him to do anything lately! Why was he here standing in her living room and torturing her this way? “When did I do that?”
“Last year when I came back to tell you I was staying in Metropolis, you told me to come and tell you in person if – if Lois and I were about to do something – something permanent.”
She took a sharp breath. The amorphous, free-floating anxiety in her chest coalesced into a jagged lump of lead in the middle of her heart.
Stupid Spenser novels. She didn’t used to talk to herself in terms like that.
She must’ve stood there too long. Clark said, “I’m sorry. Should I not have come?”
She shook herself again. “No, no, I – I did ask you.” She tried for a small joke. “It’s just – if I’d known you was comin’, I’d’a baked you a cake.”
He returned a small smile. “With fresh strawberries, no doubt.”
Her smile grew slightly. “Biggest ones I could find.”
He smiled wider but didn’t say anything. He stood there for a few seconds, then started fidgeting and shuffling his feet as if he didn’t know what to do or say.
She had to rescue him. “So – when’s the big day?”
He frowned a little. “Big day?”
She gestured toward his left hand. “The wedding, doofus. When are you and Lois tyin’ the knot?”
He grinned a little and looked away. “I haven’t asked her yet.”
“Oh? Ain’t you jumpin’ the gun a little bit, then?”
He shook his head and looked back at her. “I don’t have any more deep dark secrets to reveal, so I’m pretty confident she’ll say yes.”
“How confident?”
He shook his head. “We went to dinner last night in San Antonio, Texas, at a Mexican place on the Riverwalk. On the flight back to Metropolis, she asked me when I was planning to propose. I asked her what she planned to answer. She said I’d have to wait to hear the answer to the actual proposal.” He paused and smiled. “To evaluate it for quality and sincerity, she said.”
“Ah.” Rachel swallowed and controlled her voice. “Sounds promising.”
“Does.” Then he gestured at the book on the coffee table and grinned wider. “Those Spenser novels are instructive in terse interpersonal communication.”
She took a moment to untangle his sentence, then said, “You mean the guys grunt at each other a lot and say deep things with very few words.”
He nodded. “Exactly.” Then he paused and took a deep breath. “I know you – I know this isn’t what you were hoping for, that I’d come home to be with you. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. But you were right when you told me I can’t live my life to please anyone else. I have to be true to myself while taking others into consideration.” He paused and took a breath, then said, “And I’ve discovered – well, rediscovered, really – that my home is with Lois wherever we are.”
She looked away and closed her rebellious eyes for a moment, then nodded and turned back to him. “Yes. I understand. And I have to live my own life myself.”
He lifted his hands as if he planned to take hers, then stopped. “I’ll never forget you, Rachel. The time I spent here in Smallville with you is precious to me, and I’ll always keep you in my heart.”
Her gaze fell to the middle of his chest. “I hope there’s enough room in there so me and Lois don’t start fightin’.”
He sighed. “I guess I didn’t say that very well. But I meant it. I hope you hear my intent better than my actual words.”
She sniffed once. “You said it just fine. And I do hear what you meant. And thank you for coming to tell me in person. I might’a got mad if I’d heard it over the grapevine.”
“That’s what I thought.” He shuffled uncertainly again, then said, “Well, I guess I better be on my way. Thank you for letting me see your new house.”
“New to me, that’s all. But it suits me.”
“Does.” He stepped to the side as if to go around her. “Good night.”
She put out her hand and touched his arm. “Wait. Uh – I’m glad you came.”
He smiled softly. “I am too. It’s good to see you again.”
She stepped closer. “I’m gonna guess I won’t get a invite to the wedding, so there’s something I need to do.”
“Okay. What is it?”
She reached up and put her arms around his neck and kissed him.
He kissed her back, too. Just not as intently as she kissed him.
She felt it when he was done so she slipped away. She let her hands slide down his chest as she took a step back. “Best wishes, Clark. And give Lois my congratulations. Or is that backwards?”
He grinned. “Doesn’t matter. Thank you. I’ll tell her.”
“Good. Wait – she knows you’re here, right?”
He chuckled. “Yes. I asked her if she minded if I came to see you.”
She waited for him to finish but ran out of patience. “So? What’d she say?”
He smiled wider. “That she didn’t mind if I came as long as I didn’t stay.”
Rachel smiled a little and nodded. “Sounds like her. You – you have a good life, okay? Keep up the good work in both your jobs – I mean, all three of ‘em.”
“Three?”
“Being a reporter, being Superman, and being a good husband. And not necessarily in that order. I seen most all my life how hard my daddy works at it. I expect you’ll put in the same kind o’ effort. And I know you’ll succeed, too.”
“Thank you. For everything. Well – goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Clark. And goodbye.”
His mouth shifted as if he had something else to say, but nothing came out. He opened the door, stepped through, then pulled it shut behind him.
She listened but didn’t hear anything. She peeked out her front window and saw him walking further west toward the corn fields. She watched until she couldn’t see him in the failing evening light.
He was gone. For good this time. And it was time for her to get on with her life.
She had some vacation time saved up. Maybe she’d go visit Lana in Tulsa for a few days after the first of the year. It’d be good to catch up with her in person, and Rachel still wanted to be friends with Lana. And just because she enjoyed being the sheriff of Smallville, it didn’t mean she had to stay there for the rest of her life.
She wouldn’t ever have Clark. She’d miss him – she already missed him, would always miss him – but she wouldn’t quit living because he didn’t love her enough to stay with her. Life was both too short and too long to live it always looking back at what might have been. She could make a good life with some other good man – assuming she could find a really good one.
She’d told Clark that she couldn’t just switch off her feelings. And that was true. But it was also true that she was in control of the direction of her feelings, that she could gradually stop loving him and stop hurting because he wasn’t there. And even though her heart protested that the thought was blasphemy, she knew she could aim those feelings at some other man.
As long as he was in Clark Kent’s class. Or at least very close.
Maybe Lana’s special fella had a friend who was a really good guy. He didn’t have to be a superhero, just a really good man whose heart wasn’t shredded wheat or welded to another woman’s heart, who needed a good woman to walk beside him through life.
You never know what you’ll find in a new place.
#Fini#
Story comments
