“Oh, shoot! I keep meaning to reply. Sorry about that. I’ll be there. I have the kids that weekend.”
The truth was that she’d been hesitant to respond either way. Her relationship with Jimmy had been strained since the divorce, when he’d clearly seen her as the enemy. Though he’d managed to stay professional in the office, his eyes betrayed his disappointment and blame.
Jimmy’s mentor that had been left vacant after Perry’s death
Gah! You killed Perry?
But I love that Clark kind of steps into the mentor role.
(I know I'm doing a lot of crying and complaining, but the interplay and dialogue and everything is just perfect... the fact that you're making me this upset means you're masterfully nailing the writing!)
“Lois! Can you-” Clark’s panicked voice began.
“GO!” she hissed, cutting him off.
This fills me with SO many emotions. Both sadness and relief, and...I can't even describe other than to say I'm crying actual, legit tears. And that'll be the second time you've made me cry real tears in as many parts. *sniffle*
“His staff meeting went late. He wasn’t going to have time to get you for dinner and get back in time for his class so he asked me to switch nights. He’ll take you to dinner another day this week.”
Ahh, kids don't know. And it does seem early for them to know, I suppose... I mean, what's the handbook say on when to tell them their dad moonlights in tights?
Mattie rolled her eyes as she climbed in the back seat. “Are you sure he didn’t suddenly remember he had a dentist appointment? Or an emergency dry cleaning appointment?”
Lois inhaled sharply. She willed herself not to panic, and then turned in her seat to face her daughter. “Mattie, I know it can be frustrating sometimes when your dad has to run off suddenly. But he’s doing the best he can. He’s a busy man with a lot of commitments, but there’s nothing in the world that is more important to him than you and your brother. You know that.”
“I know,” she muttered. Then she added under her breath, “You have a busy job too, but you’re here.”
Oh, ouch! Mattie is just so much like Lois, but with the maturity and emotions of an 11-year-old who's hurt by Dad being flighty. She's probably thinking horrible thoughts about how important to Clark she is, given she's undoubtedly heard about dads of friends who aren't around much after a divorce.
And poor Lois!!! Whatever her feelings are about Clark and the divorce...she not only has to play the "don't talk crap about the other parent" card but also with the added layer of Superman. Oh, I'm so sorry, Lois.
“You’re not a family. You’re divorced.”
“There are lots of kinds of families,” Lois recited, trying to ignore the sucker punch feeling in her gut.
Ouch. I felt it, Lois.
That seemed like a lifetime ago. Mattie was not even a year old...
I was barely holding on when you started describing the deck... but then I read this and started crying again.
Two chapters later, there was a familiar woosh-thump and a gust of air that ruffled her hair. She closed her book and looked up at the figure in blue silhouetted by the full moon behind him.
Oh wow... loved the detail of her memory... and then this. And I'm suddenly feeling a spark of hope. She's not startled by it.
...I really appreciate it. Appreciate you. I owe you.”
“I’m not keeping tally.”
I'm starting to feel like Superman activities were a big point of contention at the beginning of custody discussions...and possibly to do with the divorce itself??
She sat up and spun around to face him, the chairs so close together that her legs came to rest inside his.
This is okay? I'm even more hopeful!
“Have you…noticed something?” Clark asked. They had no idea if or when or to what degree their children might inherit his powers.
The writing is so beautiful, really. All of it, but loved this, that it doesn't all have to be said in dialogue.
When he didn’t respond, her eyes searched his face and found it filled with dread and fear. “We’ll do it together,” she continued softly. “We’ll get it right.”
Awwww! Gah!!! I love that she’s trying to be so understanding with him... he’s got to be thinking back to how he handled things with Lois finding out. And then there’s the guilt of knowing Lois has the job of not only covering for him but also managing the kids’ feelings about his absences, which we all know he feels guilty about in the first place without knowing that Mattie is hurt by it. Gah! So many good, sad things here!
Clark nodded silently for a moment, his hand still resting on her forearm. His thumb began to rub slowly. “Thank you,” he said finally.
Lois scooted forward until she was perched on the edge of her chair and slid her hands onto Clark’s thighs. He leaned into her, his bowed head resting gently against her forehead.
Ohhhhhh! This gave me chills! How...how...why are they divorced but can maintain this level of intimacy?? I have to know!!
“Maybe I could just put off telling her until she figures it out for herself,” he joked, sitting up and smiling ruefully.
“I...don’t recommend that method,” she replied, arching an eyebrow playfully.
Love, love, love it!
Her heart fluttered at the sound of his familiar laugh and her eyes fell to his mouth.
For a moment, none of this made any sense. How had they gotten from there to here? After everything it took for them to come together, they had thrown it all away.
GAHHHHH! Chills and waffs and almost tears...is it...I mean, part of me suspects that it’s something Superman related that’s keeping them apart...because why else would Lois let Jimmy (and ostensibly others) think she’s the “bad guy” in this situation? But then you say “...they had thrown it all away...” GAHHHHH!
“I can stay,” his voice was low, offering her this chance to give words to what they both felt. “Just a car accident. Police are on their way.”
For a split second she allowed herself to imagine it. Asking him to stay. Not just for the moment, but forever. Confessing how wrong she had been. Begging him to fix their family.
And then she came back to reality.
ACK!!! Ack!! C’mon... what’s wrong?????
“It’s late. I should get to bed anyway. Go save the world.”
Oh. I gasped out loud. Oh... it’s Superman activities that got in the way, isn’t it? It all came to a head or something about priorities and...I don’t know. I don’t know. How does that equal divorce? *whimpers*
She would never admit it, but Clark’s braiding skills put hers to shame.
I love this detail more than I ought to...
Do not believe him if he tries to convince you he’s malnourished.”
Lois grinned. Their son’s appetite was legendary.
LOL!!! I’m assuming he gets it from his dad!
She popped the lid, immediately recognizing her favorite salad from the deli around the corner from the field. She looked up at him, and he shrugged in response. “It was on the way.”
GAHHHHHHH! I can’t handle it! He still knows her so well and loves her...... Oh, Clark, you had to have done something galactically stupid, right? Like break up with her for her own good like Contact?
Kate’s divorce was the stuff of legends. Lois adored Kate, and their girls were close friends, but the drama in their household reminded Lois of everything she didn’t want for her kids. When Mattie had returned from a sleepover at Abby’s house last spring asking Lois what a “golddigger” was, she made a mental note to host playdates at her house for a while.
Hoooboy!
She and Clark had done their fair share of damage to each other in the waning days of their marriage, but they’d always done their best to hide it from the kids.
Noooooo
That time was so painful and dark, Lois hated to think about it. In the span of a year, they’d suffered back to back early miscarriages bookended by losing first Perry and then Jonathan. Perry to a breathtakingly fast cancer and Jonathan suddenly and without warning to a massive stroke. And then the long-awaited pregnancy that should have been something to celebrate after the worst year of their lives was instead plagued by dangerously high blood pressure that ultimately resulted in an emergency c-section at 32 weeks to save her life.
Postpartum depression, a baby in the NICU, and her own feelings of guilt and inadequacy as a mother left her drowning. And like any drowning person, she clawed at those who tried to rescue her, bringing them down with her. Clark, traumatized by his inability to protect the people he loved most, threw himself into saving those he could and controlling everything around him.
Oh. Oh. That’s a lot. Oh, so much. Crying again, those real tears. Oh, so much pain.
Every time she turned around, he was there. Faster than a speeding bullet, he was pulling the crying baby from her arms, whisking the clingy kindergartener off for park outings. She never had a chance to catch her balance or find her rhythm as a mother of two.
No matter how much she begged for space, he was always there. Even when he wasn’t there, he was there. Listening. Hovering outside windows. Spying on her through walls. She was trapped like a rat in a cage.
oH. Yeah... that makes so much sense. And fits everything so squarely into character that now I’m the relieved kind of heartbroken, if that makes sense. I’d been holding my breath, trusting, *knowing* that you would make this in character for them somehow. And there it is. Beautiful and heartbreaking.
same old whispered arguments morphed into passive aggressive comments and a nuclear cold war, a sickening realization formed in Lois’ gut. They had to stop. She couldn’t do to her children what her parents had done to her and Lucy.
She was desperate not to repeat the mistakes of her parents, desperate for her children to grow up in a home -- or homes -- filled with love and respect and peace. If she and Clark couldn’t live in peace together, they had to find peace separately. She didn’t want their children to become pawns, damaged by the dysfunction of their parents.
So, so sad but makes so much sense!!!
Clark had been stricken when she told him she wanted a divorce. To this day, she didn’t think he ever imagined it would come to that. He begged her to wait, to give him time to prove that they could put things right. But she was convinced they were fire and gasoline, and she refused to burn their children.
Love this.
But it was too late for their marriage. By the time the fog had cleared and they’d understood trauma responses better, their own and each other’s, the divorce was final. Clark had begged her until the end not to do it. But it had to be done.
Did it? Really, really?
But Clark had visibly blanched. “This is our home, Lois. I don’t ever want to live here without you.”
Ohhh that made me gasp sharply! GAH!!!
Lois shook her head, perfectly content for the moment.
Yeah, those 5-year-old snuggles are harder and harder to come by... at least with my active kiddo.
“I’ll walk you.”
She smiled and rolled her eyes good naturedly. “Don’t be ridiculous, Clark. I’ll be fine. There are a million people here. Nothing is going to happen to me between the field and the parking lot.”
Awwww so sweet!!
Gahhhh!! Well, Annie... you’ve definitely made me feel more better than worse, so yay!! I did NOT think I’d comment quite that much... hell... yeah, I probably did think I’d comment that much. Like riding a bike for me, I suppose? LOL
Anyway, I managed to finish this part juuuuust under the wire, and now I’m off to therapy...and she’ll be wondering why I’m so upset and have red, puffy eyes. <g> But also, I’m smiling, because there’s hope. Oh, so much hope!! (And my therapist is cool, so I didn’t have to explain what fandom and fanfic was... and she’s very happy that I’ve rediscovered folcdom fanfic reading and writing and community because she can see that it’s a balm to my soul. <3
