Wednesday October 1, 2008
Lois took a sip of her Chardonnay and curled up in the corner of the couch, watching as Kate leaned back into the other corner. The women had been friendly acquaintances for years, ever since their daughters attended preschool together. But it wasn’t until after Lois’ divorce that their relationship developed into a true friendship. Kate had been the only friend who never gave up on her during those dark years when she refused all overtures of friendship and support, and Lois knew now that her brash, outspoken, and sometimes provocative personality hid a softer side, a leathered exterior that protected a tender heart. The truth was that Kate cared deeply about a lot of things, and the top of that list was the clients she represented as an immigration attorney and the select group of people she considered friends.
Now that Kate was also divorced, they always tried to coordinate and hang out during the rare evenings that both sets of kids were with their dads and neither woman had a looming work deadline. But it had been a few months since they’d actually pulled it off, and Lois was grateful for the opportunity to see her friend and have some uncensored, uninterrupted conversation.
Kate eyed her suspiciously. “What is up with you? Something is going on.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lois countered.
Kate gave her a look that clearly said she didn’t buy it, but she was willing to let it go for the moment. She took a sip of her wine and waved an arm at fresh fall flowers sitting on the coffee table. “Those are pretty.”
“Not as pretty as the roses in the bedroom,” Lois said mildly, sipping her wine.
“Holy shit! I KNEW IT. You totally slept with him. Again.”
“You don’t know anything,” Lois replied, feeling the heat creep into her cheeks.
“I absolutely knew it. Last weekend, am I right? You two were practically oozing animal pheromones at soccer on Monday.”
Lois buried her face in her hands, mortified. “Please tell me that isn’t true.”
“Okay, maybe a slight exaggeration. But usually he just looks at you like you hung the moon, and Monday he kept looking at you like he wanted to rip your clothes off. And then you lost your train of thought and trailed off mid-sentence twice just because he smiled at you.”
“Oh my god,” Lois laughed, shaking her head in humiliation.
“Listen, girl… On one hand, good for you. That man is built like a Greek god. And judging by the way you are smirking, he knows what to do with that body of his. But a little unsolicited advice from a friend who cares about you… this kind of thing is only going to make it harder to get over him.”
“I know,” Lois said, not laughing anymore. She knew Kate was right, but she also knew Kate could never understand why these rare nights were more than just a case of raging hormones. “But it’s not like that. We… we have a history. Sometimes…”
“Unless maybe you aren’t interested in getting over him?” Kate prodded gently, eyebrows raised. “Maybe you’d rather get...under him... more often?”
“Oh my god, Kate!”
“What?! I’m just saying… That man is -- by your own account -- sweet, handsome, funny, successful, thoughtful, kind, smart, generous, an incredible father, and apparently the kind of guy who sends roses after a mutually enjoyable evening,” she said, ticking off each attribute on her fingers. The lighthearted tone of her voice took the sting out of her next question. “Is it at all possible that maybe your standards are just a little too high?”
“I didn’t divorce Clark because I thought he wasn’t good enough for me,” Lois said softly.
“No, you divorced Clark because you both cracked under the stress of an unspeakably bad year,” Kate said more gently. “But Lois, that was a long time ago. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life living with the consequences of a decision you made when you were traumatized and grieving. Look, I’m not saying you have to get back together with him if that’s not what you actually want, but I am saying no one would be surprised if you did. And you deserve to be happy.”
Lois shook her head, trying to block out the kaleidoscope of images that accompanied that advice: lazy Saturdays at home together with the kids, late night movies curled up in his arms, his hand warm on the small of her back as they attended functions together, waking up next to him every morning.
“It’s too late,” she argued. “We had our chance and we blew it. It would be too confusing to the kids if we decided to try this again and then split again. We’ve spent years perfecting our dynamic as co-parents. I don’t want to ruin that.
Kate looked as if she wanted to argue the subject further, but something made her hold back. “Well,” she muttered. “Trust me, I’ve seen what’s out there, and you are going to be hard pressed to find someone who measures up.”
“I have no intention of auditioning replacements.”
“Ever?” Kate raised an eyebrow.
“Ever,” Lois confirmed. “If I couldn’t make it work with Clark, there’s no point in trying with anyone else. And I’m not interested in flings or one night stands. I just want to focus on my kids and my career.”
“Lois-”
“Can we go back to the part where we just squeal about how hot he is and try not to worry about how I’m going to die alone?” Lois’ tone was light, but she was beginning to regret telling Kate anything. She’d been basking in the residual glow for the last two days, but now she just felt cold and empty.
“Fair enough,” Kate replied, giving her a supportive smile.
“Or, even better,” Lois continued, “tell me about that date you went on last weekend. I wanted to ask about it Monday but the kids were around the whole time.”
“Ugh, nothing to tell,” Kate replied, launching into a hilarious, rambling account of the blind date that had been foisted upon her by a work friend.
Thursday October 2, 2008
Lois flung the door open and stepped aside. “Come on in,” she said wearily. “No one is ready. I don’t know what is taking so long.”
Clark smiled as he slid past her, one hand grazing over her hip gently in greeting. Her heart stuttered. She’d seen him a couple of times since Sunday night, but always from a distance and always surrounded by the kids. Having him this close was having a dizzying effect.
“Thank you again for getting them from school today. I’m really sorry. I hate messing with your schedule like that, but these pipe bombings are running me ragged. There were three today alone, and I only managed to get to two before they exploded.”
“I saw,” she said, sliding one hand onto his chest. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he said, covering her hand with his and giving it a soft squeeze. “There were a few injuries, but thankfully nothing too serious.”
Mattie appeared at the top of the stairs, and Lois dropped her hand and took a step back automatically. “I’ll ride my bike over in a little bit, okay?” she pleaded. “I’m on the phone with Abby.”
Drawn by the commotion, JP emerged from the living room, remote in hand. “Just a few more minutes? My show is almost over.”
“Come on, guys. I have groceries in the car,” Clark said. “I’m going to make chicken parm.”
“Ooh, you don’t want to miss that,” Lois encouraged. “My favorite.”
“You should come too, Mommy!” JP said sweetly.
Lois stuttered incoherently, caught off guard. “Oh no. Daddy wasn’t… I didn’t mean… It’s not…”
Clark cocked his head playfully and grinned at her. “I have plenty. Unless….you have other plans?”
Bored of this exchange already, both kids disappeared into their respective rooms, leaving the adults alone.
“The kids are obviously in no hurry to leave. I have everything I need in the car. I could make it here. It would be nice to cook for someone who actually appreciates my efforts. What do you say? Dinner’s the least I could do after this crazy week.”
Lois nodded, unable to trust her voice, and Clark disappeared out the front door to retrieve the ingredients. She retreated to the kitchen, clearing lunchboxes and homework from the counter. Clark entered a minute later, carrying a handful of reusable grocery bags and dropping them on the counter. He unpacked them efficiently and then comfortably retrieved the pans and utensils he needed. He dumped a freshly rinsed vine of tomatoes on the cutting board and plucked a knife from the block by the stove.
“Can I help with anything,” Lois asked, feeling adrift.
Clark waved with the knife at the barstools that lined the other side of the kitchen island where he worked. “Sit. I don’t need you in my way.”
She laughed, walking instead of the pantry where she retrieved a bottle of red wine she knew he liked. She returned with it to the kitchen and opened the bottle, pouring two glasses and taking them with her to her assigned seat. She sat one in front of her seat, where she’d sat and watched him make countless dinners while they were married, and slid the other across the marble countertop. He caught her eye and grinned in gratitude before returning his attention to the tomatoes, which he had removed from the vine and laid in a row. He glanced around the room quickly to make sure they were still alone before using a burst of super speed to dice them all in a blur of movement, dumping them into the waiting pot.
“Cheater,” she muttered, mock annoyed, when he had finished, eliciting a genuine laugh from Clark.
“You always keep me humble, Lois.”
They talked about his classes while he cooked, and Lois thought not for the first time that as much as she missed their partnership, this career move had been good for him. He so obviously loved teaching and mentoring aspiring journalists.
In the year before their divorce, Clark had given a series of guest lectures at the University. They’d been so well received, that the department had offered him a position for a year as a visiting instructor. The offer had come just weeks before their divorce was final, and he’d kept it a secret, confessing years later that he’d done so hoping to quietly turn it down when she finally reconsidered. But when she’d gone ahead and signed the papers, he’d submitted his resignation hours later and accepted the new offer immediately. She’d been so numb she couldn’t even react at the time, but later she was grateful. Anything to staunch the pain of seeing each other daily at work.
It came as no surprise to her that he was incredibly popular with both the students and the faculty. But she had been surprised by the way he threw himself into his new career. She’d assumed he would stay for a year, then accept a position at another paper. But he’d enrolled in the PhD program almost immediately, and continued to work as an instructor for years while taking classes and eventually writing his dissertation. In retrospect, she realized it was probably a perfect outlet for him, somewhere to focus his attention during the painful years. And a new social circle of colleagues who had never personally known him as her partner.
She had thrown herself into work as well. Though she avoided the type of dangerous, undercover work she did before becoming a mother, she could still eviscerate with her exposes.
Four years later, Lane and Kent the writing team was a thing of the distant past. Clark’s agent had convinced him to submit his dissertation on ethics in journalism to publishing houses, where it quickly became the object of a bidding war and eventually topped the New York Times’ best seller list for nonfiction when it hit the shelves. And Lois finally had the Pulitzer she’d always dreamed of and a solo book deal of her own.
They were both wildly successful and accomplished. And yet, watching him in her kitchen, she longed for the years when they spent their days cranking out stories in the bullpen of the Daily Planet and their evenings rehashing those stories while he cooked for her.
When the kids finally emerged for dinner, they dominated the conversation, talking over each other and arguing about who was talking first. Lois rolled her eyes at Clark but was secretly amused.
By the time dinner was finally over and the dishes were cleared, JP was already yawning. “They might as well just stay here,” Clark said quietly. “Unless you have plans tonight or tomorrow early?”
Lois shook her head, perfectly happy to have the kids stay. “I’ll pick them up in the morning,” Clark continued. “Do the school run.”
“Okay, thanks.”
Clark turned and hoisted JP into the air. “How about you stay here tonight, but Daddy does bath and bedtime stories?”
“Yes!” JP cheered, as Clark set him back down and gave him a head start up the stairs.
“Do you want to stay or go with Dad?” Lois asked Mattie when they were alone.
Mattie shrugged. “Stay, I guess? Can I go read? My homework is all done.”
Lois nodded. “Shower and pjs first, then you can read until nine. Dad will come say goodnight before he leaves.”
“Thanks, Mom!” she shouted, running for the stairs.
Lois rinsed the dinner dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher while the familiar sounds of the bedtime routine filtered down the stairs punctuated occasionally by Clark’s laughter and JP’s giggles. She stood still at the sink just listening, letting herself pretend for a moment that this was every night’s routine.
“Mommy!” JP’s voice rang out from the top of the stairs. “Come for the bedtime story! Daddy will do all the voices!”
She smiled and wiped her hands on a dishtowel, making her way upstairs. “Coming!”
In the bedroom, JP was already tucked in, and Clark was perched on the side of the bed with Click Clack Moo in his hands.
“Ah, my favorite picture book about the power of collective bargaining and unionization,” Lois teased.
Clark laughed and opened the book. “Farmer Brown has a problem…”
***
“Thank you for dinner,” Lois said as they walked downstairs together, kids tucked snugly into bed.
“Anytime.”
“Hey… Do you have a minute? I know you’ve been here all night and probably are ready to get out of here. But if you have a minute, there’s this section of Chapter Four that’s killing me. I can’t get it right, and I was going to email it to you tonight…but maybe you just want to look at it while you’re here?”
“Sure,” he said as they reached the kitchen. “Just let me finish cleaning up.”
“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I’ll finish it after you leave-”
Lois stopped abruptly as Clark disappeared into a blur of superspeed, washing all the pots and pans and wiping down the counters and appearing back at her side before she could finish the word.
He grinned at her impishly, and she shook her head. “Cheater.”
He laughed and pressed a palm to the small of back, guiding her into her home office. She sat in her desk chair and he dragged over a second chair to sit beside her as the laptop booted up. She pulled up the file and then turned it to him, scooting closer until their legs pressed together.
She watched his face as he read, brow furrowed in concentration. He scrolled up and down a few times, thinking it over.
“It’s too many statistics all at once,” he said finally. “It’s throwing the pacing off. It’s hard to make sense of what the numbers mean. The numbers are compelling, but it all starts to blur together like this.”
“Exactly!” Lois exclaimed, clapping a hand on his thigh and squeezing excitedly. “I keep rearranging them but I can’t get it.”
“You need color,” he said simply. “These statistics need a face.”
He flipped through the notepad on her desk, skimming quickly, then leaned forward and began to type. She leaned in to watch the words appear on the screen, her hand still resting on his thigh.
When he was finished, he sat back and let her read it a few times. Finally she turned to him and smiled. “That was exactly what it needed. Thank you. Rather than fighting with it all week, I should have asked sooner.”
“You needed me?” he teased.
“Always,” she replied softly, no trace of teasing.
“Lois...”
A whimper caught in her throat, and then his lips were on hers. Not demanding or insisting. Just offering.
When he pulled away, his eyes were dark with desire. “Don’t tell me you don’t feel that,” he
whispered, all lightheartedness gone from his voice. “Don’t tell me you don’t miss this, miss us, as much as I do. I’m so sorry, Lois. I know I made mistakes. I know I-”
She cut him off, fingers gently to his lips. “Do not apologize again. Do not. We’ve been through this. We both made mistakes. We were both in a terrible place emotionally. We both share the blame. And we both worked through all of this. Do not apologize to me again for five years ago. I don’t want your apologies.”
“Then what do you want, Lois? You want us to play house — cook dinner together, put the kids to bed together. You want...this,” he gestured to her hand, where it lay still on his thigh, their legs pressed together intimately.
“You want this,” he continued, dipping his head to capture her lips in a searing kiss. And her traitorous body proved his point, straining toward him, lips clasping, breath catching.
He pulled away. “I love you Lois. I have loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. And I have never stopped loving you. I don’t care what a piece of paper signed by a judge says. In my heart, you are my wife. I will love you until I die. Do you really not love me anymore?”
“Of course I love you,” she replied, her voice cracking. “I’ve always loved you. Love was never the problem.”
He stood abruptly, nearly toppling the chair as he stepped backward, throwing his hands in the air. “What does that mean?! How can you say that and then… Just let me love you, Lois. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do!”
“It isn’t just about us anymore,” she said, standing so they were on equal footing again. “Those children sleeping upstairs depend on us. We’ve built a wonderful, healthy, loving family for them. I’m so proud of what we’ve created for them. And I’m not willing to throw that away so we can try again. And then what? If it doesn’t work?”
“Why do you assume-”
“Because my track record is 100%. Because you are the only good, decent, kind man I’ve ever chosen, and I managed to screw that up too. We went through one bad patch, and I cut and ran. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Clark. I don’t know why I can’t make even this relationship work. But I can’t upend their world just because I miss you.”
“I can’t do this. I have to go,” Clark said abruptly, turning toward the door.
“Clark,” she pleaded.
“I have to go, Lois. Now. Before I say something I’ll regret.”
He was out of the room before she could say another word, and seconds later she heard the front door open and close, and then the sound of his truck starting. She dropped into her chair, letting her head fall onto her arms, folded on the desk. She just kept hurting him. Over and over.
Sunday October 5, 2008
“We’re home!” Mattie called, the door slamming behind them. Lois jumped up from her desk, both happy to see her children and also thankful for something else to focus on.
She’d done nothing but stew all weekend, alternating between being furious with Clark for walking out on their conversation the last time she saw him and desperately hoping to hear his familiar thump every night.
“How was your weekend,” she asked, forcing a note of cheerfulness.
“Fine,” Mattie said. “I have homework to finish.”
Lois nodded her assent and Mattie gave her a quick hug before disappearing upstairs to her bedroom.
“How about you?” she asked JP. “Anything fun?”
“We went to a new playground! There was a sand box AND a zip line!”
“Whoa, that sounds like a fancy playground.”
“It was awesome. And I played with Liam’s diggers in the sandbox. They have buttons that really work!”
Lois lost herself in conversation with her sweet boy, listening as he raved about the new park and all the fun they’d had until he tired of the subject and went off to play.
Later, after dinner and baths, JP was back on the subject of the diggers with the working buttons. “I want to put those on my Christmas list. Do you think Santa’s elves can make those? Or maybe Santa can ask Miss Melissa where she bought them.”
“Miss Melissa?” Lois asked, suddenly alert. “Who’s Miss Melissa?”
“Daddy’s friend. From work. Liam’s mom,” JP replied with a look that made it clear she should already know this information.
“Oh,” Lois replied, trying not to react visibly. She had assumed this Liam was just a random boy at the park. She didn’t know any Liams and she knew all his little friends, so it never occurred to her that this was a prearranged playdate. “So, you spent the day at the park with Liam and Miss Melissa today?”
JP looked at her again like she’d missed a memo. “No, we went to the park yesterday. Today Liam came over and played in the backyard and we had lunch.”
“Oh, that’s fun. Did Liam’s Daddy come too?”
“No, Liam doesn’t have a daddy. Did you know the diggers make noises while they dig?”
Lois took a few steadying breaths. “That’s great, sweetie. I bet Daddy can ask Miss Melissa where those diggers came from. We can definitely put those on your Christmas list.”
The rest of bedtime passed in a blur. She checked Mattie’s homework and kissed her goodnight, packed lunches for the next day, and then found herself pacing restlessly.
She hadn’t spoken to Clark, aside from the bare essentials of pick up and drop off logistics, since he’d fled her house Thursday night.
It didn’t help that tomorrow would have been their twelfth wedding anniversary. She’d already been steeling herself for the pain that always came as that date approached. The cascade of sweet memories that stung so much in retrospect. After their fight on Thursday, she’d spent all weekend wandering the empty halls of what had once been their home, second guessing every decision she’d ever made.
She’d assumed he’d also spent the weekend licking his wounds.
But maybe he had meant it when he said he couldn’t do this anymore. Maybe the “this” wasn’t their argument, but their whole relationship.
The more she thought about it, the more she realized that while she had resigned herself never to dating again, Clark may not have those same goals. To her knowledge, he hadn’t dated anyone since their divorce. But maybe the only thing stopping him was the hope that they weren’t too late to fix their marriage. If it was well and truly over, as she’d insisted yet again last week, maybe he’d decided it was time to move on.
She couldn’t blame him. He was, as she’d told him, a good, decent, kind man. And a good partner who deserved to be loved. And it didn’t hurt that he was drop dead gorgeous.
His secret, and his need to protect their children, would keep him from dating casually. But if he met someone who he really connected with, someone who he could build a life with, she had no right to stop him from pursuing that.
The fact that she’d never considered this possibility -- and how it would destroy the family dynamic she was sacrificing her own desires to protect -- made her sick. The thought of him spending his life with someone else -- wooing her, laughing with her, touching her — she couldn’t stomach it.
Her stomach churned as her pacing led to the master deck. Desperate for more information, she pulled her phone from the pocket of her pants, and pulled up the text screen.
“Sounds like JP had a great time this weekend. He can’t stop talking about Liam’s diggers. He asked if Santa’s elves could make him some,” she typed, adding a winking face and hitting send before she could talk herself out of it.
The message was marked “read” almost immediately, and Lois scoffed at Clark and his trusting nature. Turning off read receipts was one of the first things she had done when she purchased her iphone.
Three little dots appeared. She waited.
“He’s adorable. He really did love those diggers.”
Three more dots.
“I hope you had a good weekend.”
Lois paused, wondering how best to lead him where she wanted him. “He said Liam’s mom was really nice. And he liked the snacks she brought today.”
Read.
She waited for the three dots.
Waited some more.
Thump. “What is this?” Clark asked, holding his phone aloft.
“What is what?” Lois asked, heart thudding both from the shock of his sudden arrival and the intensity of his voice.
“Don’t bullshit me, Lois. I was your partner for ten years, or did you forget that? I know an interrogation set up when I see one. I’m not one of your sources. If you want to know something, ask me.”
Lois hesitated, stumbling over her words. “It’s just.. I know it’s none of my business…You have every right…”
“Every right to what?” Clark asked, throwing his hands in the air.
“He said you saw them yesterday at the park and today at your house. And … he said Liam doesn’t have daddy.”
Clark barked a hard, slightly hysterical laugh. “Is that what you thought? It’s true. Liam doesn’t have a daddy. Melissa’s WIFE is back in Portland finishing up the sale of their home and tying up some loose ends. She’ll join her family here in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, Melissa is new in town and has a son the same age as ours who is struggling with a cross country move. I thought a couple of playdates might help him settle in.”
“Oh.” Her face burned.
Oh,” he repeated, stepping closer to her and dropping his voice. “Lois, I swear to god, you are the most incomprehensible woman I have ever met. I told you FOUR DAYS AGO that I would love you until I DIED, and you think I’m off this weekend…”
He trailed off, obviously unable to find the words.
She hung her head, unwilling or unable to make eye contact.
“And what if your little delusional scenario was correct? I met someone new? Someone who wanted to be with me all the time, not just when it was convenient for them. What then?”
“I… I don’t know,” she hedged.
“I’m a free man, right?” He spit the words out like poison.
She didn’t say anything, just held his gaze and watched his anger bleed away.
“Do you remember what you said to me when we were dating, and I got paranoid that criminals would use you to get to me and tried to break up with you for your own good? When you showed up at my house, and I was working with a source that you thought was a date?” Her eyes rose to meet his, but she didn’t respond, so he continued. “Let’s say tonight is perfectly platonic. The night will come when it won’t be. For one of us. How do you think we should handle that?”
She felt herself blanch, hearing her fears thrown back at her in her own words.
“What is this, Lois?” he asked finally, his voice quiet and weary now. “Why are you jealous? You don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me? Is that it?”
“I DO want you,” she sobbed. “I just-”
“Just what?!” he exploded. “Just want every bit of our relationship on your terms? I’m not the only person in this relationship with control issues, Lois. You pull me in and then push me away. You touch me like I belong to you and make love to me like-” His voice cracked and he bit back the rest of his tirade, breathing heavily through his nose a few times before continuing more calmly. “But only on your terms. I can stay for dinner and touch you sweetly and make love to you on my worst nights, but only if I go home alone afterwards. Only if I don’t break the rules and tell you how much I love you.”
It was true. Every word of it. But her pride and fear flared in her as anger. “You’re not a victim here, Clark! I don’t pull you to me. You come of your own volition. You touch me. You flirt with me. You come to my bed and make love to me. Why am I to blame for responding when you are the one initiating?”
“I’m not upset that you respond! I love the way you respond! I’m upset that after you respond, you shove me back into my nice-guy ex husband role! I want more of you, not less!”
“What if I can’t give you more? What if this is all I have to offer?”
“I know that’s not true.” His voice was so confident. So final.
“You’ve always had more faith in me than I deserved,” she whispered.
“I have faith in US. We have been to hell and back. Over and over. We have survived more than most couples could even imagine. It broke us for a while. But we glued ourselves back together. We deserve to be happy, Lois. Why are we torturing ourselves?”
“Mom?”
They froze.
Mattie pulled the curtain aside and poked her head out onto the deck. “I heard yelling. Daddy?”
Lois felt her stomach drop. This was the very thing she had been working so hard to avoid.
“Hey, sweet girl,” Clark said smoothly. “Sorry we were loud. Everything is okay.”
“What are you doing here? I didn’t see your truck.”
“I was out for a run and stopped to talk to your mom about some grown up stuff.”
“Why are you fighting?”
Clark shrugged. “Sometimes families fight. You fight with JP all the time,” he teased.
Mattie looked at them suspiciously.
Lois fumbled for something, anything to say to ease her fears. “It’s okay, bug. It’s just grown up stuff. It’s nothing to worry about.”
Mattie didn’t look convinced, but she hugged them each good night and headed back to bed.
As soon as she was gone, Lois collapsed onto a lounge chair, head in hands. “This is exactly why we can’t do this, Clark.”
He crouched in front of her, lifting her chin gently. “She’s fine.”
“She’s-“
“Fine,” Clark finished, cutting her off. “All parents fight. All kids see their parents fight. My parents were married for 42 years. You think I never saw them fight? This is not traumatic. The important thing is that she sees that this fight doesn’t change how we treat each other. It’s the badmouthing and oversharing and disrespect that damages children. Not overhearing a heated disagreement between parents who love and respect each other and treat each other well.”
Lois recognized the echo of words their therapist had impressed on them years ago, but still all she could see was the confused, worried look on their daughter’s face. Sure, maybe this single incident wouldn’t scar her for life, but that was why it needed to stay an isolated incident.
“What are you really scared of, Lois? You have to know by now that no matter what happens with us, we will love and protect those kids. That we’ll never let our love damage them. You have to know that. So why are you still running? What are you so scared of?”
Clark stood up and stepped toward the edge of the balcony, but before he could take flight she reached for him. He stopped and looked at her, waiting.
“Mattie is still awake. You need to use the front door in case she’s watching for you to leave.”
Clark’s eyes closed and she could see his pulse tick in his neck. Then he nodded, turned on his heel, and walked through the curtain.
