Oh boy... here we go. Tissues at the ready and part 5 waiting for me at the end...
Kate eyed her suspiciously. “What is up with you? Something is going on.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lois countered.
*snicker*
“Not as pretty as the roses in the bedroom,” Lois said mildly, sipping her wine.
“Holy shit! I KNEW IT. You totally slept with him. Again.”
Awww! I love it! Perfect dialogue!
But usually he just looks at you like you hung the moon, and Monday he kept looking at you like he wanted to rip your clothes off. And then you lost your train of thought and trailed off mid-sentence twice just because he smiled at you.
Love, love, love... especially the last line!
On one hand, good for you. That man is built like a Greek god. And judging by the way you are smirking, he knows what to do with that body of his. But a little unsolicited advice from a friend who cares about you… this kind of thing is only going to make it harder to get over him.”
But she doesn’t want to get over him!!!
“Unless maybe you aren’t interested in getting over him?” Kate prodded gently, eyebrows raised. “Maybe you’d rather get...under him... more often?”
“Oh my god, Kate!”
LOL! Who wouldn’t???
“No, you divorced Clark because you both cracked under the stress of an unspeakably bad year,” Kate said more gently. “But Lois, that was a long time ago. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life living with the consequences of a decision you made when you were traumatized and grieving. Look, I’m not saying you have to get back together with him if that’s not what you actually want, but I am saying no one would be surprised if you did. And you deserve to be happy.”
GAH!! Love this... and I’m tearing up already. I mean, good tears for now...
Lois shook her head, trying to block out the kaleidoscope of images that accompanied that advice: lazy Saturdays at home together with the kids, late night movies curled up in his arms, his hand warm on the small of her back as they attended functions together, waking up next to him every morning.
*sniffle* Now I’ve got some sad, wistful tears brewing...
“It’s too late,” she argued. “We had our chance and we blew it. It would be too confusing to the kids if we decided to try this again and then split again. We’ve spent years perfecting our dynamic as co-parents. I don’t want to ruin that.
Noooo. You’re scared, I know. But... *sniffle*
“I have no intention of auditioning replacements.”
“Ever?” Kate raised an eyebrow.
“Ever,” Lois confirmed. “If I couldn’t make it work with Clark, there’s no point in trying with anyone else. And I’m not interested in flings or one night stands. I just want to focus on my kids and my career.”
Sounds so lonely and oh, so true.
“Can we go back to the part where we just squeal about how hot he is and try not to worry about how I’m going to die alone?” Lois’ tone was light, but she was beginning to regret telling Kate anything. She’d been basking in the residual glow for the last two days, but now she just felt cold and empty.
Clark smiled as he slid past her, one hand grazing over her hip gently in greeting. Her heart stuttered.
Me too, girl. Me too...
sliding one hand onto his chest.
Squeeeeee!
“Come on, guys. I have groceries in the car,” Clark said. “I’m going to make chicken parm.”
I love how just real life this is, this line, the kids begging for more time... gah!
“You should come too, Mommy!” JP said sweetly.
Lois stuttered incoherently, caught off guard. “Oh no. Daddy wasn’t… I didn’t mean… It’s not…”
Clark cocked his head playfully and grinned at her. “I have plenty. Unless….you have other plans?”
SQUEEEE more!! But I know there’s ouchies coming... so I’m trying not to get too excited.
“The kids are obviously in no hurry to leave. I have everything I need in the car. I could make it here. It would be nice to cook for someone who actually appreciates my efforts. What do you say? Dinner’s the least I could do after this crazy week.”
Gasp!! Yay!
comfortably retrieved the pans and utensils he needed.
Still at home in their kitchen after all these years... which means she hasn’t moved stuff around, either.
Clark waved with the knife at the barstools that lined the other side of the kitchen island where he worked. “Sit. I don’t need you in my way.”
She laughed
LOL! Awww I love it!!!
where she’d sat and watched him make countless dinners while they were married
*sniffle*
“Cheater,” she muttered, mock annoyed, when he had finished, eliciting a genuine laugh from Clark.
“You always keep me humble, Lois.”
LOVE! So much.
this career move had been good for him. He so obviously loved teaching and mentoring aspiring journalists.
Awwww... I’m crying now and don’t know why... Maybe I’m like pre-gaming? I don’t even know...
and he’d kept it a secret, confessing years later that he’d done so hoping to quietly turn it down when she finally reconsidered
*sharp intake of breath*
But he’d enrolled in the PhD program almost immediately, and continued to work as an instructor for years while taking classes and eventually writing his dissertation.
He would, wouldn’t he? Dr. Kent. (still sniffling...I’m so, so crushed about the divorce, still...)
In retrospect, she realized it was probably a perfect outlet for him, somewhere to focus his attention during the painful years. And a new social circle of colleagues who had never personally known him as her partner.
Awww, yeah.
Four years later, Lane and Kent the writing team was a thing of the distant past.
And Lois finally had the Pulitzer she’d always dreamed of and a solo book deal of her own.
Gah...
It both kills me and doesn’t that she finally got her Pulitzer, but she got it alone.
And yet, watching him in her kitchen, she longed for the years when they spent their days cranking out stories in the bullpen of the Daily Planet and their evenings rehashing those stories while he cooked for her.
Yeah... might have to go read me some S2 stuff after this...
Lois rolled her eyes at Clark but was secretly amused.
Clark turned and hoisted JP into the air. “How about you stay here tonight, but Daddy does bath and bedtime stories?”
“Yes!” JP cheered, as Clark set him back down and gave him a head start up the stairs.
The lines of separation are getting a little blurry! (And also the screen is a little blurry because I’m crying...)
“Do you want to stay or go with Dad?” Lois asked Mattie when they were alone.
Mattie shrugged. “Stay, I guess? Can I go read? My homework is all done.”
Is Mattie okay with the blurring lines??
She stood still at the sink just listening, letting herself pretend for a moment that this was every night’s routine.
See?
“Ah, my favorite picture book about the power of collective bargaining and unionization,” Lois teased.
LOL! Too cute!
Lois stopped abruptly as Clark disappeared into a blur of superspeed, washing all the pots and pans and wiping down the counters and appearing back at her side before she could finish the word.
He grinned at her impishly, and she shook her head. “Cheater.”
Freaking love this! And especially the repeat of “cheater.” ... like with the disposal fixing, I like and respect that she doesn’t expect or necessarily want him to fix things or clean things... even though it’s literally no trouble and only a few seconds for him.
pressed a palm to the small of back, guiding her into her home office
EEEEEEEE!!! He did the thing. The small of the back thing! And...yeah... Happy sigh! (also, missing a “her” in there” :))
Lois exclaimed, clapping a hand on his thigh and squeezing excitedly.
EEEEE!!!! (But crap... can’t get too excited because there’s a wham coming... right? Bracing myself...)
When he was finished, he sat back and let her read it a few times. Finally she turned to him and smiled. “That was exactly what it needed. Thank you. Rather than fighting with it all week, I should have asked sooner.”
I love that she still needs him, that their writing still complements each others’...
“You needed me?” he teased.
“Always,” she replied softly, no trace of teasing.
“Lois...”
Oh god... *holds breath*
A whimper caught in her throat, and then his lips were on hers. Not demanding or insisting. Just offering.
*lets breath out slowly*
When he pulled away, his eyes were dark with desire. “Don’t tell me you don’t feel that,” he
whispered, all lightheartedness gone from his voice. “Don’t tell me you don’t miss this, miss us, as much as I do. I’m so sorry, Lois. I know I made mistakes. I know I-”
GAHH!
“Then what do you want, Lois? You want us to play house — cook dinner together, put the kids to bed together. You want...this,” he gestured to her hand, where it lay still on his thigh, their legs pressed together intimately.
GAHHHHHH! I feel like he’s about to reach a breaking point...
“You want this,” he continued, dipping his head to capture her lips in a searing kiss. And her traitorous body proved his point, straining toward him, lips clasping, breath catching.
Love it! ... I’m literally quoting every paragraph... aren’t I? Do you know how many quote brackets I have pasted here in this Word doc just ready go to? (Yes, I’m stalling because I don’t want the ouchies...) I think I did 9 pages’ worth, y’know a few hard returns between each...
He pulled away. “I love you Lois. I have loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. And I have never stopped loving you. I don’t care what a piece of paper signed by a judge says. In my heart, you are my wife. I will love you until I die. Do you really not love me anymore?”
Oh!! *whimper*
“Of course I love you,” she replied, her voice cracking. “I’ve always loved you. Love was never the problem.”
Was it a gasp? A sigh? I don’t know... hitched breathing was involved and I think I might cry again...
He stood abruptly, nearly toppling the chair as he stepped backward, throwing his hands in the air. “What does that mean?! How can you say that and then… Just let me love you, Lois. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do!”
AHHH oh wow...
“Why do you assume-”
“Because my track record is 100%.
OH, OUCH... Oh, Lois...
Because you are the only good, decent, kind man I’ve ever chosen, and I managed to screw that up too. We went through one bad patch, and I cut and ran. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Clark. I don’t know why I can’t make even this relationship work. But I can’t upend their world just because I miss you.”
“I can’t do this. I have to go,” Clark said abruptly, turning toward the door.
So perfect, the dialogue...POOR Clark
“Clark,” she pleaded.
“I have to go, Lois. Now. Before I say something I’ll regret.”
Oh god... what? What’s he going to say? Oh no... I’m scared to read...
She dropped into her chair, letting her head fall onto her arms, folded on the desk. She just kept hurting him. Over and over.
Okay... small sigh of relief because he left, but...
alternating between being furious with Clark for walking out on their conversation the last time she saw him and desperately hoping to hear his familiar thump every night.
Oh wow...
“Miss Melissa?” Lois asked, suddenly alert. “Who’s Miss Melissa?”
“Daddy’s friend.
Oh. But... it can’t be that... right? It wouldn’t be a flirty friendship or potential romantic interest... right? You wouldn’t do that to me...right?
Lois took a few steadying breaths.
It didn’t help that tomorrow would have been their twelfth wedding anniversary. She’d already been steeling herself for the pain that always came as that date approached.
GASP oh, ouch...
But maybe he had meant it when he said he couldn’t do this anymore. Maybe the “this” wasn’t their argument, but their whole relationship.
Noooo!
Clark may not have those same goals.
You should know him better than that... there’s only ever been you!
The fact that she’d never considered this possibility -- and how it would destroy the family dynamic she was sacrificing her own desires to protect -- made her sick. The thought of him spending his life with someone else -- wooing her, laughing with her, touching her — she couldn’t stomach it.
Interesting... and totally makes sense that she wouldn’t even have thought of that, so focused on holding things together and making them work.
The message was marked “read” almost immediately, and Lois scoffed at Clark and his trusting nature. Turning off read receipts was one of the first things she had done when she purchased her iphone.
LMAO!!!!!
Lois paused, wondering how best to lead him where she wanted him. “He said Liam’s mom was really nice. And he liked the snacks she brought today.”
Read.
She waited for the three dots.
Waited some more.
Oh god...
Thump. “What is this?” Clark asked, holding his phone aloft.
“What is what?” Lois asked, heart thudding both from the shock of his sudden arrival and the intensity of his voice.
“Don’t bullshit me, Lois. I was your partner for ten years, or did you forget that? I know an interrogation set up when I see one. I’m not one of your sources. If you want to know something, ask me.”
OH GOD. I gasped out loud... like a loud one. The dog was a bit worried for me... Fuuuuuu...dge.
Lois hesitated, stumbling over her words. “It’s just.. I know it’s none of my business…You have every right…”
“Every right to what?” Clark asked, throwing his hands in the air.
“He said you saw them yesterday at the park and today at your house. And … he said Liam doesn’t have daddy.”
Lois... OH, LOIS! After all these years... still. You should know. But oh... I know how you’re feeling broken and your confidence is shaken and ... all the things! All the things! But... if there ever was a way to hurt Clark...
Oh,” he repeated, stepping closer to her and dropping his voice. “Lois, I swear to god, you are the most incomprehensible woman I have ever met. I told you FOUR DAYS AGO that I would love you until I DIED, and you think I’m off this weekend…”
OHHHHHHHHHHHHH
“I’m a free man, right?” He spit the words out like poison.
Oh god...said that out loud... with a gasp...
gaze and watched his anger bleed away.
Oh... I hope that’s good news...
“Do you remember what you said to me when we were dating, and I got paranoid that criminals would use you to get to me and tried to break up with you for your own good? When you showed up at my house, and I was working with a source that you thought was a date?” Her eyes rose to meet his, but she didn’t respond, so he continued. “Let’s say tonight is perfectly platonic. The night will come when it won’t be. For one of us. How do you think we should handle that?”
EXACTLY, exactly what I was thinking! I almost commented as such, but I want to keep reading...
She felt herself blanch, hearing her fears thrown back at her in her own words.
Yeah...gotta be rough...
“What is this, Lois?” he asked finally, his voice quiet and weary now. “Why are you jealous? You don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me? Is that it?”
“I DO want you,” she sobbed. “I just-”
Say it!!!! Say it!!
“Just what?!” he exploded. “Just want every bit of our relationship on your terms? I’m not the only person in this relationship with control issues, Lois. You pull me in and then push me away. You touch me like I belong to you and make love to me like-” His voice cracked and he bit back the rest of his tirade, breathing heavily through his nose a few times before continuing more calmly. “But only on your terms. I can stay for dinner and touch you sweetly and make love to you on my worst nights, but only if I go home alone afterwards. Only if I don’t break the rules and tell you how much I love you.”
Ohhhhh....
I’m upset that after you respond, you shove me back into my nice-guy ex husband role! I want more of you, not less!”
“What if I can’t give you more? What if this is all I have to offer?”
... love this but gotta keep reading...
“I know that’s not true.” His voice was so confident. So final.
“You’ve always had more faith in me than I deserved,” she whispered.
OHH Awwwwww... gahhhh
“I have faith in US. We have been to hell and back. Over and over. We have survived more than most couples could even imagine. It broke us for a while. But we glued ourselves back together. We deserve to be happy, Lois. Why are we torturing ourselves?”
“Mom?”
They froze.
OH BOY.... shit... is he in the suit?? OMG...
Mattie looked at them suspiciously.
Lois fumbled for something, anything to say to ease her fears. “It’s okay, bug. It’s just grown up stuff. It’s nothing to worry about.”
Mattie didn’t look convinced, but she hugged them each good night and headed back to bed.
Whew? Sorta...
He crouched in front of her, lifting her chin gently. “She’s fine.”
“She’s-“
“Fine,” Clark finished, cutting her off. “All parents fight. All kids see their parents fight. My parents were married for 42 years. You think I never saw them fight? This is not traumatic. The important thing is that she sees that this fight doesn’t change how we treat each other. It’s the badmouthing and oversharing and disrespect that damages children. Not overhearing a heated disagreement between parents who love and respect each other and treat each other well.”
Awwwwwwwwwwwww....
but like... happyish sad tears???
Sure, maybe this single incident wouldn’t scar her for life, but that was why it needed to stay an isolated incident.
Lois, no... don’t talk yourself out of this!!
“What are you really scared of, Lois? You have to know by now that no matter what happens with us, we will love and protect those kids. That we’ll never let our love damage them. You have to know that. So why are you still running? What are you so scared of?”
Eeeeee.......
“Mattie is still awake. You need to use the front door in case she’s watching for you to leave.”
Ouch...
True, but ouch... because I thought you were grabbing him because...
Clark’s eyes closed and she could see his pulse tick in his neck. Then he nodded, turned on his heel, and walked through the curtain.
Nooooo....
Oh hell, I’m glad I have part 5 sitting here...
Time to write up comments!