Tuesday October 7, 2008
Lois heard the front door open and closed her laptop.
“Mom! We’re home,” Mattie called.
She exited her office and stopped short when she saw Clark standing in the doorway. Usually on Tuesdays he just dropped the kids in the driveway and ran off to his night class. They hadn’t spoken since their fight Sunday night and she was unprepared to see him now. She inhaled slowly and took another step toward him.
“Can I come in?” he asked gently.
“Of course.”
He crossed the threshold and pulled a small bunch of wildflowers from behind his back, offering them to her.
“I owe you an apology,” he said. She looked up to meet his gaze. “I was angry and frustrated, but I shouldn’t have yelled. I should have taken some time to cool off before we talked. I hate when we fight.”
She could feel Mattie’s gaze on them from where she hesitated on the stairs and realized this apology was as much for their daughter’s benefit as her own. She marveled again at how Clark always knew the right thing to do.
“I shouldn’t have yelled either,” she said finally, closing the distance between them. “We were both upset. I’m sorry too.”
He held the flowers out to her, and she took them. “Thank you. They’re beautiful.”
He held her gaze and reached out to cup her cheek. Then, in a voice loud enough only for her to hear, he added, “There won’t... come a night when things aren’t platonic. Not for me. That’s not going to happen. I don’t want to pressure you to make a decision you aren’t ready to make because you are scared of what will happen if you don’t. I want more of you, but if this is all you can give me for now, I’ll take it.”
One more step and she was in his arms. She closed her eyes and just let herself feel the strength of his arms around her, let the knot that had been in her stomach for days untwist a little.
“I need to go to work,” he said softly, rubbing one hand down her arm.
She took a step back and looked up at him, lifting the flowers slightly. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
She watched him walk down the front steps, heart twisting in her chest. When she closed the door and turned back around, the children were long gone.
She found Mattie in her room, listening to a Taylor Swift CD and working on homework.
“The flowers are beautiful. Did you help your dad pick them out?”
Mattie shook her head. “He already had them when he picked us up from school.”
“Have I ever told you that when I was growing up, my parents fought all the time?”
“Really?” she asked, suddenly interested.
“Yeah, it was really hard on me and Aunt Lucy. That’s why I was so worried about you.” Lois had broached the subject with her daughter repeatedly the previous day, receiving only noncommittal shrugs in reply.
Mattie shrugged again. “It’s not a big deal, Mom. Everybody fights sometimes. Dad said one time Grandma Martha got so mad at Grandpa that she made him sleep in the barn for two nights! I’m going to ask her about it the next time she calls.”
Lois laughed, genuinely happy for the first time in days. “I wish we could hear Grandpa’s side of that story.”
“Do you think Grandma Martha will come for Halloween again this year?”
“I don’t know. We can call her in a little bit if you want.”
Mattie bounced with excitement. “I think I've figured out what I want to be this year -- a pop star!”
And just like that, she had moved on.
While Lois half listened to her costume ideas, Clark’s words from Sunday night echoed in her head. “We’ll never let our love damage them. You have to know that. So why are you still running? What are you so scared of?”
Maybe he was right. Maybe it wasn’t only her kids’ hearts she was so desperate to protect.
Saturday October 11, 2008
Lois tapped her hands on the steering wheel and craned her neck, trying and failing to see what the holdup was. Jimmy’s new house was a 30 minute drive without traffic, and she’d been banking on a clear ride in the middle of a Saturday. They were just a few miles away now, but they’d been at a dead stop for 10 minutes.
“How many more minutes?” JP whined from the back seat.
“I don’t know,” Lois said, refraining from pointing out that they would have been there by now if JP had been ready to go on time.
Her poky little puppy was always the last to be ready to leave. After asking him ten times to put his shoes on, she’d found him slithering across the kitchen floor shoeless. “What are you doing?” she’d asked, exasperated.
“I’m going to my shoes,” he’d replied. “I’m moving like a python!”
“Any chance you could move like a cheetah?”
That had finally got him moving, but by the time he made it to the car, they were already 15 minutes later than she had planned.
The song on the radio finished and the DJ’s voice cut in, warning about a five car pile up at the next exit. “That would do it,” Lois muttered, sitting back and resigning herself to a long wait.
“We have reports now,” the DJ continued, “that Superman is on the scene-”
“Superman!” JP piped up from the backseat. “Do you think we can see him from here?”
“I doubt it,” Lois said, suppressing a smile.
“I wish I could see him lifting up the cars!”
“Do you think anyone is hurt?” Mattie asked worriedly.
“I’m sure if they are, Superman will get them the help they need quickly,” Lois reassured her.
Traffic started to creep forward and the wreck came into view. Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be any serious injuries, though a handful of drivers and passengers were being checked by paramedics.
“There he is!” JP yelled. “I see him!”
Sure enough, Superman stood off to the side, talking to a uniformed police officer. And then he hovered off the ground for a minute before disappearing into the clouds.
“That. Was. AWESOME!”
Lois couldn’t contain the grin this time. She also couldn’t help but wonder if someday the little boy in the backseat would be the one disappearing into the clouds, leaving a trail of awed children in his wake.
Five minutes later, Lois backed into a parking spot on the street two houses up from Jimmy’s new brownstone. As the kids spilled out onto the sidewalk, JP spotted Clark. “Daddy!” he yelled, barrelling into him. “We saw Superman!”
“Wow, bud! That’s pretty exciting,” Clark said, giving him a quick hug and reaching for Lois’ door.
“Lucky for us,” she said quietly as she stood. “Who knows how much later we would have been if he hadn’t showed up.”
Clark gave her a private smile, eyes twinkling. He leaned past her to retrieve the wrapped gift from her passenger seat and as he straightened, Lois noticed a streak of dark oil on his cheekbone, just under his hairline. She reached for it automatically, smoothing it away with the pad of her thumb.
His eyes met hers and her heart skipped a beat. “You had, um…” Her voice trailed off and she shrugged.
“Thanks,” he said softly.
“Come ON!” JP called, eager to get inside and check out the snacks.
“Now he’s in a hurry,” Lois muttered, and Clark laughed as he stepped away, grabbing JP’s hand and leading him to the front steps.
Lois and Mattie followed them up the steps and through the front door, where the party was in full swing.
“There you are, CK! I was looking all over for you,” Jimmy said, clapping him on the back.
“That’s my fault. I texted him from the car and asked him to come help me wrangle kids and gifts,” Lois lied smoothly, waving a hand at the gift in Clark’s arms. “Where should I put this?”
“Oh thanks! You didn’t have to do that,” Jimmy said, taking the gift and placing it on a table with a bunch of others. “Clark, I was looking for you to show you my office. Lois, you should come too now that you’re here. You’ll love this.”
They dutifully followed Jimmy down the hall and into his office where one full wall was covered in large, framed photos. On closer inspection, Lois realized they were all shots Jimmy had taken for the Daily Planet over the years. Nearly two decades of breaking news and community profiles.
“This is amazing,” Lois said, eyes slowly roaming the walls.
“Isn’t it?” Jimmy agreed, nearly giddy. “Claire did it all. It was a surprise. I don’t even know where she dug up some of these old photos.”
“Is that you, Mom?” Mattie asked incredulously. “With Superman?”
Lois crossed the room and followed Mattie’s gaze to a photo of her younger self cradled in Superman’s arms, flying through the open window of The Daily Planet’s newsroom.
She reached out a hand, but stopped short of touching the glass. “That feels like a lifetime ago,” she said quietly.
“Did you know your mom was the one who named Superman?” Jimmy asked an awed Mattie. “When he flew her through that window, we didn’t even know what to call him. Your mom was the one who decided the S must stand for Super.”
“No. Way.”
“Way,” Jimmy replied. “Back in the day, Superman used to show up and save your mom’s butt all the time. Your dad’s and mine too, sometimes,” he added sheepishly.
“Really? Why doesn’t he come around anymore?” Mattie asked, awed.
“Because your mother no longer runs head first into every dangerous situation she can find,” Clark joked. “Metropolis is a big city and Superman is a busy guy. We never really hung out with him socially. We were just in need of his services frequently.”
Lois roamed the wall reminiscing until JP started to get restless. Finally they all made their way to the kitchen where Clark drifted off to talk to old colleagues and Lois helped the kids get snacks and stopped to chat with her boss.
Gavin Edwards had taken the helm at The Daily Planet three years ago, after a prolonged search for Perry’s replacement. They had been through a number of interim editors after his diagnosis and death, and there had been speculation for a while that she might be the forerunner for the position. But her brief foray into the position years ago had cemented her belief that she wasn’t a good fit for administration, and she had zero desire to leave her position as a special contributor.
In truth, no one could replace Perry, but the fact that his successor was so different from him eased the transition for those who were mourning his loss. Where Perry was a gruff, fatherly figure, Gavin was young and energetic and gregarious. A breakout star at The Washington Post, he’d been one of the youngest reporters ever to win a Pulitzer and had quickly risen in the ranks there, taking on leadership and editorial roles that had won him high praise before being recruited to lead The Daily Planet.
Lois was skeptical at first of an Editor in Chief who was only a few years her senior. But he’d proved to be shrewd and fair, and they’d quickly build a rapport. He treated her like an equal and gave her the freedom to pursue her stories mostly as she saw fit, trusting her to deliver. When she’d won her Pulitzer two years ago, he’d been thrilled for her and entirely unsurprised.
The rest of the party passed in a blur, full of boring but pleasant small talk and less boring but also less pleasant shop talk. Lois let herself be drawn into a conversation about the spate of pipe bombs that had been detonated in various locations around the city. So far no one had been able to ascertain a pattern, and everyone wanted to speculate about who was doing it and where they would strike next.
Later, when the kids were busy in the small backyard playing with Jimmy’s dog, Lois excused herself to use the restroom. When she came out, the photo display in Jimmy’s darkened office caught her eye. She let herself be drawn back into the room, clicking on a table lamp and zeroing in on the photo of her and Superman.
As she stared at it, her mind swirled with memories of those early years. The wild stories and close calls. The nights she spent sitting by her open window hoping Superman would appear. The nights she fled her apartment for the safety of Clark’s arms. Her fury when she discovered his secret. Her deepening love for him once she truly knew him. Her absolute terror when he left for New Krypton. Her steely resolve while she waited for his return.
She heard a creak from the doorway and glanced over her shoulder to find Clark watching her. He took a few steps into the room, coming to a stop just behind her, close enough that her body tingled with awareness.
“They really had no idea what was to come, did they?” Clark said, nodding at their photo.
“Do you ever wish you could warn him?” Lois asked, her voice tight. “Tell him to walk out of that interview at The Daily Planet and run the other way?”
“Never,” he said immediately. “There’s no pain that would be worth giving up all that joy. Is that what you wish you could tell her? To run the other way?”
Lois shook her head. “There is so much I wish I could tell her, but not that.”
“What would you tell her?” he asked softly.
“I’d tell her not to forget who she was. Or who you were. To remember how it feels to be brave.” She turned to face him, looking up at him through unspilled tears. “I used to run toward the bombs, sneak into the burning buildings. I never backed down from a fight, and I always trusted you to save me if I went too far. When did I start running away? When did I start being so scared all the time? When did I stop trusting you to catch me when I fell?”
He slid his arms around her waist. “Lois, I will always, always catch you.”
“I don’t know how to do this, Clark,” she said, her voice breaking.
“Do what, Lois?” he asked, resting his forehead against hers. “What do you want?”
“Us. I want us back.”
His mouth was on hers as soon as the words were out, and Lois felt her heart swell in her chest until it felt like it would explode.
When they pulled apart, Clark’s brow was furrowed and she could see his brain working furiously.
“I don’t think I’ve seen that look on your face since the last time I watched you dismantle a bomb,” she teased.
“I… I don’t want to mess this up,” he admitted. “I’m scared.”
“Me too,” she whispered. “Me too.”
“We need to talk. Really talk. But not here and not with the kids around.”
“Come over tonight after I get them to bed?”
He nodded. “Text me when they are asleep.”
He dipped his head and kissed her again. Less desperately this time, more tenderly. “I’m going to check on the kids,” he said as he stepped away from her, his hand lingering on his arm like he couldn’t bear to let go.
“Thanks. I’ll be out in just a minute.”
He disappeared down the hall, and she made her way back to the bathroom, took a few shaky breaths, and wiped away the smudges under her eyes before she went to join him.
***
Lois stepped out onto her balcony and inhaled the cool night air deeply. She held her phone in her hand, trying to work up the courage to text Clark. She’d felt so brave in Jimmy’s office, but all that courage had deserted her now. She took another deep breath and tapped out a message, erasing and rewriting three times before settling on a scintillating “kids are sleeping”.
Seconds later, there was a familiar whoosh and thump, and he was standing in front of her in the same jeans and sweater he’d been wearing earlier.
“That was fast,” she teased.
“I couldn’t wait one more second to do this,” he said, closing the gap between and capturing her mouth in a kiss that made her knees weak. Her hands slid up, one resting on the side of his neck, the other tangling in his hair. When he finally pulled away, her eyes took a moment to focus and her breathing was ragged.
“We need to talk,” she whispered, half hoping he would ignore her. It was so much easier to let their bodies do the talking.
His hand cupped her cheek, thumb stroking gently. “I know. Do you want to sit out here? Are you warm enough?”
She nodded, and he let his hand slide from her cheek, capturing her hand instead and leading her gently to the lounge chairs, where they sat facing each other as they had the night he dropped by to thank her for getting the kids from school while he rescued a plane full of travelers. Had that only been three weeks ago? Everything had changed so much since then.
“I’ve already laid all my cards on the table here, Lois,” he said softly. “I love you so much. I’ll do anything in my power to make this work. Talk to me. Tell me what you are thinking.”
Lois closed her eyes and summoned every ounce of bravery she’d ever felt. “I love you, too,” she said finally, looking down at their intertwined hands. “I’ve always loved you. Those years without you, when you were there but not, when we barely managed to be civil... they nearly killed me. I can’t go back to that. I can’t drop the kids off at your house twice a week and go home to cry. I can’t go back to feeling like my heart is being ripped out of my chest every time I see you.”
“I can’t do that either,” he agreed softly. “I don’t know how I survived it once. I couldn’t survive it a second time.”
“That’s why I think...why I thought...that what we had was enough. We’ve built this amazing, albeit nontraditional, family. You are the best father I could ever imagine for my children. And the best partner to me. I love how we parent together. You’re my best friend. You’re the first person I think of when I need advice or a shoulder. I am so scared to risk all of that for...whatever this is.”
He held both her hands in his, caressing them gently. “We can have all of that and more,” he whispered. “We can have all of that and everything we used to have too. I love what we have. I do. I’m so much happier now than I was a few years ago. When I’m coaching and I look to the sidelines and you smile at me…when we talk about our days at work or chitchat about mundane kid stuff while making dinner together...when you email me chapters of your book and ask for my edits...when you laugh at my stupid jokes….my heart explodes. I’m so, so happy. And it feels greedy to ask for more, when I know that four years ago I would have cut off a limb to be here now.”
“That’s exactly how it feels,” she said softly, lifting her head to meet his gaze. “Greedy. It feels like tempting fate. I feel like Icarus.”
“But-”
“And I know you think my hesitation has nothing to do with the kids. But it does. Because if we fly too close to the sun, we aren’t the only ones who tumble into the sea. They’re old enough to understand now. If they watch us reunite and then crash and burn, it will damage them.”
Lois thought briefly of her own parents’ brief reunion, shortly after she and Clark married. Their blissful honeymoon phase had lasted only a handful months before they were back at each other’s throats, each of them demanding her loyalty as they berated and denigrated the other. Eventually her father retreated back into his job, and her mother moved to California to start over near Lucy. Her mother had remarried a couple years later, though that marriage seemed to make her just as miserable as the last, and on the rare occasion her mother remembered to call for the kids’ birthdays or holidays, it usually devolved into a litany of complaints.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” he said, squeezing her hands gently. “That was unfair, and I’m sorry. I know your concern for them is genuine. I worry about them too. I want them to have the childhood I had, the role models I had. The last thing in the world I want is to break their hearts.”
“So where does that leave us,” she asked, stomach twisting, her gaze falling again to their hands.
“It still leaves us here. Together. It’s scary, but it’s real. We can have all of this and more. We can have the friendship, and the family, and...more. We can be gentle with each other’s hearts and find our way back. I want to be with you all the time. I want to wake up with you in my arms. I want to stay up late talking to you once the kids are in bed. I want to make love to you just because I love you, not because it’s the only way I can survive a bad night.”
“I want that so much,” she whispered, her voice tight with fear.
“We can have that. I promise you. Please, please let me prove it to you.”
They sat in silence for a minute while she soaked in the confidence in his voice.
“We have to go slow,” she said finally, raising her eyes to his. He nodded reassuringly and she could feel him tremble, with anticipation or nerves or both, she wasn’t sure. “We can’t tell the kids yet. We have to figure this out first before we involve them.”
He nodded again, waiting silently for more conditions.
“That’s it,” she said, smiling at his surprise. “We have to slow and we can’t tell the kids yet.”
“Yes,” he whispered. “Yes. Yes. Yes, I promise. Of course. I’ll go as slow as you want. As slow as you need. Just tell me what you want.”
What did she want? What was slow? This was unlike any “new” relationship she’d ever been in. How do you date someone you’ve been in love with for almost half your life? How do you move slow with someone who has seen you at your best and your worst and has decided the worst isn’t the end of the road?
“I don’t know,” she said finally, a note of amusement slipping into her voice. “I have no idea what to do next, what it means to take it slow in this case.”
A smile spread across his face, warming her. “How about we start with this,” he said softly, cupping her cheek and tilting his head forward until his lips grazed hers so lightly it felt like a dream. A tiny sigh escaped her lips, and he pressed forward, obviously taking it as a sign of approval. He kissed her again, sweet and gentle, before pulling back. “And now...maybe we go downstairs and watch a movie? Just...be together. No kids, no neighbors or colleagues or friends or...anyone. Just us?”
Suddenly there was nothing in the world she wanted more than to curl up beside him on the couch with his arm around her, the way they had done so many times. She nodded, and he stood and offered her his hand. She took it, feeling the spark of anticipation when her skin touched his.
They walked downstairs quietly, hand in hand. Together in the living room they chose a cheesy romcom on Netflix that they’d seen years before. And when she sat beside him, curling toward him and resting her head on his shoulder, it took all her will to keep the tears at bay.
“You’re so quiet,” he said, stroking her arm and hugging her tighter to his side. “What are you thinking?’
“I was thinking about all the times in the beginning of our relationship when I spent the evening like this, scared to death. Not of whatever criminal was threatening my life that week, sending me into your apartment and your arms for protection. But of what I was feeling for my best friend. Of the way my heart raced when he stroked my arm like that. The way I couldn’t imagine my life without him, but also couldn’t imagine being brave enough to tell him that. Maybe I wasn’t as brave then as I remembered.”
Clark shifted behind her, pulling away just far enough so he could look into her eyes. “You were brave then. But you’re braver now.”
He kissed her on her forehead and shifted back into his previous position, snuggling her close, and she nestled her head back against his shoulder. She sighed contentedly and closed her eyes, half listening to the movie but mostly just allowing herself to feel safe and loved.
The next thing she knew, Clark was shaking her gently and whispering her name. She opened her eyes and looked up at him, warmth flooding through her. “Hey.”
“Hey. It’s late. You should go to bed, and I should go home.”
“I can’t believe I slept through the whole movie,” she said, uncurling slowly and yawning.
“You didn’t miss much.”
She rolled her eyes and ran a hand down his arm. “It’s not the movie I missed out on. ”
“We’ve had an intense few weeks. I think you needed some rest.”
Lois couldn’t argue with him there.
“Do you want…” Clark stopped, shook his head and tried again. “Tomorrow Mattie has… We could…”
Lois slid one hand up his chest, resting it on his neck. “What are you trying to ask me?”
“I don’t want to push too fast,” he admitted. “But I thought maybe we could carpool to soccer tomorrow. It’s the last game of the season. We could do something to celebrate — go out to lunch. Or come back here and hang out.”
Lois nodded. “I’d love that. I’m sure the kids would too.”
Clark exhaled slowly, relaxing his shoulders. Lois tugged gently on his neck, lowering his lips to hers. They traded gentle kisses for a few minutes until Clark sat back and took a shaky breath. “I have to go. The longer I stay, the harder it is to leave. You need to sleep, and I should go patrol.”
She nodded in understanding, and they stood together and walked through the kitchen to the back door that led out on the patio. He took a step back and spun into the suit, then leaned down to kiss her one last time.
“I’ll pick you up at eight,” he said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and kissing her on the forehead. “I love you.”
Then, without waiting for a reply, he took a couple steps and rocketed into the night sky.
Lois leaned against the door jam looking out into the dark and whispered, “I love you too.”
