He knew that he should be doing anything else but the thing that he was doing. He should be anywhere else on earth but where he was, which was outside of Lois Lane’s apartment window, watching her silently and trying to work up the courage to make his presence known. Surely someone somewhere needed him worse than she did - needed him in that life-or-death way that was both the blessing and the curse of his entire existence. Often – so often that he was sure it must be a statistical impossibility – she did need him like that, needed him to save her from whatever feat of brilliant-stupid-reckless-daring she was attempting in pursuit of the almighty story. How many times had she put her life on the line for a few columns of ink that had long since been tossed in the trash? He’d lost count now. And he knew there was more to it than that, for he, too, was a journalist down to his very heart and soul, but no story had ever been worth the life of Lois Lane. No story ever could be. Since he couldn’t seem to convince her of that, however, he had simply stayed close and listened for her call, and when she called, he had always come, in one guise or another.
It was a simple enough arrangement, and until recently it had formed the foundation of his life in Metropolis. Now, however, the foundation was eroding, his whole life crumbling more quickly than he would have believed possible, even knowing the power of Lex Luthor was behind it. There was no longer a Daily Planet, no longer a "Lane and Kent." Perry was heading for Florida, of all places, to work on his tan, and Jack was in jail for a crime Clark was sure he hadn’t committed.
And Lois...Lois didn’t love him.
It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to him, let alone made him feel as though he’d been punched in the gut and didn’t know where to find his next breath. She’d made herself perfectly clear on the subject from the very beginning, and it was only his own foolish, hopeful heart that had allowed him to believe that maybe, just maybe, his love for her wasn’t just so much wasted emotion. She’d put paid to that, however, kindly but decisively, and then she’d undone all the attempts at kindness by asking for Superman. He’d known her to be thoughtless before, but he’d never suspected her capable of such cruelty.
He should just leave...really he should. He should be anywhere, answering anyone else’s call. It never worked that way, though. It never had. The whole world could be shouting for him, and he would somehow hear Lois Lane’s slightest whisper and rush to her side, even if it were just to offer himself up for another round of her special brand of torture. So here he was, staring into her window like a superpowered voyeur as he tried desperately to gird himself for the coming conversation.
She was in her living room, wearing a satiny blue nightgown that hugged her slim form and dipped low enough to make his heart pound and his groin tighten. She would probably be shocked to know that he was capable of such a typically male response. To Lois, Superman was far too noble for such base reactions, and Clark was the safe friend, practically asexual in his comfortable dependability. How he wished just then that either was true, but no, he was neither noble nor asexual, and he’d long since faced the fact that Lois Lane draped in sackcloth would have the power to stir him; Lois Lane in satin lingerie left him incapable of higher brain function.
Still, the thing for which his body was clamoring was quite clearly not on the night’s agenda, so he somehow mustered the willpower it took to drift away from her window and up above the clouds, where he gained control of his more traitorous parts and gave himself a stern reminder of all the reasons she’d given him to be angry with her lately. It seemed to work, too, and when he swooped back to her window, all he would let himself think of was her breaking his heart in one breath and then asking for Superman in the next.
She heard him this time, as he’d meant her to, and she jumped up from where she’d been reading, sounding a bit startled as she said his name.
“I heard you wanted to see me,” he said, taking care to keep his face blank and his voice neutral.
“Yes,” she said, smiling nervously at him. “Please come in. I’ll just...put on a robe.”
He let his eyes sweep over her blatantly, indulging the impulse just once. And then he indulged another, this one even less admirable: “Unless it’s lined with lead, Lois, it’s a waste of time.”
He felt a twinge of guilt when he saw her startled by his crass remark, but then his hurt from earlier in the day made its way back to the fore, and he shook off the guilt and wrapped himself in the pain he was feeling. What a farce this was! Whatever she had to say, he was going to hear it and then get away from her once and for all.
“I...guess so,” she stammered. “Anyway, I’m just trying to figure out...well, there've been a lot of changes going on in my life and I'm trying to make the right decisions, but I can't until I know...how you feel. Is there hope for us, Superman?”
As she spoke, she walked up to him and put her hand lightly on his chest, and he felt like she’d stolen his breath. He shook his head, fighting the urge to step away. “Lois, I do...care for you. But...there are things about me you don’t know. Things you may never know. Reasons why you and I aren’t a good idea.”
“It doesn’t matter. I know you. And I don’t mean you the ‘celebrity’ or you the ‘superhero.’ If you had no powers – if you were just an ordinary man leading an ordinary life, I’d love you just the same. Can’t you believe that?”
He had to force himself to answer calmly, still desperately wishing for some distance from her. “I wish I could, Lois. But under the circumstances, I don't see how I can.”
He saw the tears in her eyes and hardened his heart to them. “I don’t understand,” she said softly. “What circumstances? Why won’t you believe me?”
Bitterness had lodged itself in his heart like a shard of glass, and suddenly he wanted to return some of the pain and embarrassment she’d dealt him that day. “You’re not in love with me, Lois,” he spat, stepping backwards, moving away from her soft touch, her sweet scent. “You’re in love with an actor. A guy who dresses up in a spandex suit his mother made for him. And without the flashy suit, you wouldn’t give me a second look.”
“That’s not true!” she cried. “It’s not true!”
Without stopping to think about it, he spun into a whirl of color before her astonished eyes, and when he stopped, he stood before her as Clark Kent. “Tell me again that it’s not true, Lois,” he said softly. He felt a thrill of victory when she backed slowly away from him, her face pale, her eyes wide with shock. He stepped forward, deliberately crowding her. “Tell me you didn’t hand me back my heart this afternoon and give me the let’s-just-be-good-friends speech.” He held his hands up and turned around, giving her a 360 degree view. “Here’s your ordinary man leading an ordinary life. The second banana. The hack from Nowheresville. The Farmboy. The one you could never love as anything more than a friend.”
“Oh my God,” she whispered.
“I’m leaving, Lois. If I loved you less, I might be able to stay, but I...can’t. I can’t hang around waiting to see if maybe I’ll get to be your consolation prize. But before I go, I want to say this: if you believe in me at all – if you believe in Superman at all – please don’t marry Luthor. I can’t give you any proof, but I have reason to believe that he’s responsible for numerous crimes, including the destruction of the Planet. He’s a dangerous man, Lois, and I’m not going to be here to protect you anymore.”
“Wh…where are you going?” she whispered.
He shrugged. “I’m not sure. I’ll probably travel again, like I did before. There’s nothing left for me here.” He stepped forward and brushed a kiss against her cheek. “Goodbye, Lois,” he whispered, just before he spun into the suit and streaked off into the night sky.
_______________________________________
Disclaimer: This is a work of appreciative fiction based on the television series “Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman.” This chapter uses situations and dialogue from the episode “Barbarians at the Planet,” written by Dan Levine and Deborah Joy Levine. No copyright infringement is intended to the rightful owners of these characters and situations.
Author's Note: Hi all! I discovered "Lois and Clark" with the release of the DVD's, so I'm a relative latecomer to the fandom. I've been lurking around here for some months now, however, and have decided to take the plunge and actually post something. I'm not at all new to fanfiction, but I haven't written anything in several years, so I'm feeling a bit rusty. I welcome any and all feedback, however, and am always interested in suggestions for improvement. Thanks for reading.
