Here we go!! *deep breaths*
The kids were with Clark for the weekend
Nothing special about this... other than it’s breaking my heart again, a little reminder that there’s still separate houses and a custody agreement.
a flutter of nerves when the caller ID popped up on the screen.
“Hi,” she said softly.
Squeeeee!!!!
“Hi, yourself. What are you doing? Are you busy?” His voice was warm and playful and suddenly she longed to see him.
LOVE! I’m all tingly inside!
“I won our last bet fair and square. But I could be persuaded to make another wager,” she joked.
“I’ll take it,” he said, laughing. “Can you be ready in ten minutes? The kids are getting ready now.”
LOL! (But honestly, how can you be sure you’re winning anything fair and square against Superman??
)
“Tell her I’ve got them. And tell her I also said these belong in her softball bag and I don’t want them lost.”
Hah! Love this because I used to play, and Mattie girl... all your softball stuff should be in your bag!! Tsk.
“JP! Shoes. Now. Okay, I gotta go supervise him or we’re never going to get out of here. We’ll see you in ten. Hopefully.”
LOL! I love the realistic details about the kids... and it totally makes me want to share, so sorry not sorry.
So this week, my kiddo (6) is SO EXCITED to go to gymnastics class, that she keeps asking every 5 minutes as soon as she gets home from school. Well, 30 minutes go by and now it’s time to leave. She gets to the car relatively quickly, and then she gets in and buckles herself into a normal seat instead of her high-back booster. And she cries and screams and pleads with me for what seems like 10 minutes (but maybe it’s only 5?) about not being able to sit in a big girl seat because she’s a big girl now (she just turned 6 a month ago). I kept looking for the girl who wanted to be at gymnastics an hour early...nowhere in sight, apparently.
So we were 5 minutes late. ALLLLLL the big feelings. (don’t know where she gets it from...
)
“Okay, love you,” Lois said automatically.
“Love you, too,” he whispered.
OOOOH! The whisper gave me chills! And I LOVE the automatic bit.
She was as giddy now as she had ever been during their early months of dating.
Yay!! I’m right there with her!
casually resting her hand on Clark’s knee and giving it a gentle squeeze
Chills!
Clark’s hand covered hers, giving it a gentle squeeze in return, and she felt herself flush with pleasure.
More chills!! Squeeee!!
Lois watched Mattie’s stance and swing, trying to balance praise and encouragement with constructive critique.
Awww, good momming, Lois!
Also... prediction... I’m like why the batting cages? I mean, I guess it could be any setting, but I’m suddenly seeing one of the kids get hurt. My first thought was JP since he’s trying the machine for the first time, but that’s not terribly dramatic (especially after last part). But maybe Mattie gets hit hard with a pitch from the machine... and it DOESN’T HURT??? Maybe?!
Clark looked up and caught her watching him, and gave her a quick wink. Lois blushed and went back to watching Mattie.
Yay for flirting!!!
when she felt a familiar hand rest on her hip
I’m trying to talk Annette into adding a fire emoji to the boards. Imma make it happen somehow! Anyway: ^^^ maybe that’s a good fire for now??
“No cheating,” she warned.
He raised his hands in innocence. “I would never!”
Hahaha! That’s not true!
“No fair distracting the competition,” he whispered, reaching for her waist and pulling her close.
“I’m not doing anything distracting,” she teased, eyebrows raised. “If the competition is distracted, that sounds like his problem.”
Haha! I LOVE IT!
She leaned back against the counter behind the cages and watched as Clark hit a few more, the sleeveless shirt he was wearing highlighting every ripple of his muscles as he swung. Finally he finished and exited the cage, dropping his bat and helmet into the bag. Then he turned and approached her, placing his hands on the counter behind her, one hand on either side of her.
He’s not the only one distracted!
And GAHHHHHHHH at the counter position. ^^^
“And yet, I won the bet. Again.” she gloated.
“Too bad we forgot to make a wager,” he replied.
She ran her hands down his arms, feeling them ripple under her fingers as he gripped the counter behind her. “I’m sure I can think of something,” she whispered.
He settled his hands on her waist and held her gaze for a moment, his breathing as labored as her own.
... is it getting hot in here?? LOOOOOOVE
rested a hand on the small of her back, guiding her gently through
Gah!! Always gets me!
Clark’s head snapped up.
“What is it?” she asked quietly.
“Another pipe bomb.” He swore under his breath. “There are people trapped. I have to-” he stood and looked at her imploringly.
OH NO!!! I love her easy acceptance his need to leave... I get the sense that that’s never changed all these years. But poor Clark’s guilt and anxiety is much higher when they’re not married, especially now that he’s trying not to mess this up.
Also, I totally need to up my prediction skills...or is this another one of those times where I talk myself out of being right??? How could I forget about the pipe bombs?? I know...you distracted with waffs and flirting and sexual tension and Clark’s muscles in a tank top. Sighhh. Can’t be mad at that, I suppose.
Mattie looked at her skeptically. “We’re out of tokens,” she said finally.
Lois pulled out her wallet and gave her a twenty. “When that’s gone, why don’t we go get ice cream?” Lois asked, knowing full well she was bribing her daughter. Just a couple more weeks, she thought, willing Mattie to be patient long enough to let them explain.
Hee... is she going to catch on to things? Get mad and make accusations? Suddenly find out she has powers and then suspect that Lois had a... OMG is that it? She saw the pic of Lois and Supes at Jimmy’s house...is she going to think that her mom cheated on her dad with Superman and that she’s Superman’s kid?? You’re killing me with this waiting on Mattie’s revelation. (But hell, I’m having fun. Sigh.
)
She shot Clark a text telling him they were headed for ice cream and giving him the vague excuse about errands she’d used on his behalf.
On the short drive, Lois was distracted, worrying about the bombing, and Mattie was quietly suspicious. Thankfully, JP was excited enough for all of them about the ice cream, and he chattered the whole way there about all the flavors he liked and which flavor he was going to choose today. By the time they arrived, Lois and Mattie were both laughing at his enthusiasm.
SOOOO much in this paragraph. LOL at JP!
rested a hand on her thigh, giving her a gentle squeeze. He started to retrieve his hand, but she slipped her own under the table and caught it, bringing it back to her thigh and resting her hand on top of his, stroking it gently.
Chills upon chills!! And ^^^ (wait... does chills *and* fire make sense?)
“No! I’m going to be Superman!”
Lois froze.Clark’s hand gripped her thigh, and she knew he was panicking.
SO... here’s how it went just now. I read the first sentence, and I’m all, “Awwwww how cute!!!” And then BLAM! OH CRAP. I literally gasped and then put my hand over my mouth and just sat for almost a minute, scared to read any further. And then also.... HOW, how did they not even think about this being a possibility? Oh damn...
Ten years of making sure no one ever associated their children with Superman, and now their youngest wanted to dress in his suit and parade around town.
“I don’t know, buddy,” she said slowly. “Superman is a pretty popular costume. I’m not sure if we’ll be able to find one in your size this late in the game. We might just have to see what’s available and go from there.”
EEEEK! Yeah.
Nice try, Lois....
*cough* ... maybe Grandma Martha can make you a Superman costume... I hear she’s pretty good with a sewing machine!
Clark was silent the whole way there and Lois’ mind was racing with ideas she could use to entice JP to choose a different costume.
Awwwww poor Clark!!! I mean, poor Lois too... but of course she’s got the level head of the two, especially when it comes to this.
Lois threaded her fingers through Clark’s and gave it a squeeze. “It’s going to be fine,” she murmured. “He’ll find something else. And if he doesn't…”
I love that she’s trying to comfort him...
“He has to,” Clark insisted. “This is a hard no.”
“Is it?”
He looked at her incredulously. “Yes, Lois. It’s a hard no. I can’t believe you’re even asking that.”
Oh. Wow. Damn. Wow. Ohhhhhhh. This is gonna cause some strife. I love this but I hate this. GAH!
“Do you have any idea how many five year old boys are going to be out trick or treating in Superman costumes?” she replied.
“I don’t care. Not our son.”
Wow. Again. Just... it’s rare that we ever see Clark’s anger, so it’s hugely impactful when we do... and OMG. Here and the “hard no” are just... I’ve still got all the feels going on right now.
“I know why you’re upset,” she said softly. “I understand completely. But I’m not the enemy here.”
“Of course you’re not the enemy,” he said, softening his tone a little. “But I need you to be on my team here. We need to be a united front.”
“What possible reason do you propose we give for refusing to allow him to wear a Superman costume?”
Oh, Clark.
Lois ran a hand through her hair. “I think we need to be careful not to make this a bigger thing than it is. Right now he’s just any little boy in Metropolis who wants to dress up as the city’s favorite hero. He’s one of thousands. If we make a big deal of refusing it -- if he tells people he wanted to be Superman for Halloween but his parents wouldn’t allow it -- that’s a far more suspicious scenario.”
Clark was quiet for a few minutes. Finally he sighed and shook his head in frustration. “I hate it when you’re right.”
POINT!!! And whew... Clark bomb diffused.
Clark closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath before gracing him with a huge smile. “That’s awesome, buddy. You’re going to make a great Superman.”
I want to cry for him and give him a hug! This must be so scary for him!!!
Thanks to Jimmy’s investigative work, the bomber had finally been identified: a twenty year old college dropout who had been radicalized by white supremacists over the internet.
Wooohooo! Way to go, Jimmy!!! (But why do I feel this is not the end of the pipe bombings?? Copy cat? Annie messing with our minds? Who knows??)
Despite the small twinge of jealousy Lois felt, missing those glory days, she overflowed with pride.
Awwwwww!
Perry would have been so proud to see him today.
Lois swallowed a lump in her throat at the unbidden thought of her mentor
AWWWW and... I’m a little choked up, too! (You haven’t made me cry today, though! ... yet.)
She knew the same was true for Jimmy, and she thought sometimes that losing Perry had driven the first wedge between them. She knew Jimmy had needed their support, but Perry’s death had been the first in the string of terrible losses for her and Clark that year, and she was in no position to offer solace to anyone when her whole world was just starting to crumble.
Ohhhhhhhh
(Not real tears, mind you...but you came damn close... literally a sentence after I said you hadn’t made me cry yet...)
Jimmy had witnessed them at their worst as their marriage imploded, personal baggage bleeding into their working relationship. She knew he’d been caught in the crossfire more than once. And she also knew that although he might not admit it, he’d always idolized their personal relationship as well as their professional accomplishments. No one had been happier for them when their friendship grew into love, and no one had been prouder to watch them as they married and started a family. Uncle Jimmy had been a fixture in Mattie’s early life, and Lois knew that when Jimmy looked at their family, he imagined a future for himself that looked nothing like his own dysfunctional family. Watching that marriage disintegrate from a front-row seat had been devastating for him.
I can’t pick a sentence because the whole thing is just perfect and heartbreaking! POOR JIMMY!! Poor everyone.
As usual, Clark had everyone’s sympathy and she was the villain. If she hadn’t been so entirely certain that Clark had never cast her in that role, she would have hated him for it. But he couldn’t help that it was true in this case.
*sharp inhale* POOR Lois! I love the bit that she knew Clark never thought that of her. But still so heartbreaking.
When the divorce was finalized, and Clark left the Planet, Jimmy’s eyes had betrayed his fury over what he clearly saw as her betrayal. And although the years had dulled his anger toward her, their relationship was never the same.
Still so, so heartbreaking! Annie... you’ve broken everyone!!
And when the fog of grief had begun to clear for Lois a few years back, she had begun to wonder if Jimmy was intentionally protecting his heart by refusing to let any of them get too close, and whether that too was her fault.
Ohhh, this is just so beautifully written and so, so sad.
She assumed an engagement was on the horizon, and was frankly a little surprised it hadn’t already happened.
I wonder if Jimmy’s a little gunshy on the idea of marriage.
And watching Jimmy celebrate this professional victory in the bullpen below, she felt something loosen within her. All of the damage to the people she loved had begun to heal, and she allowed herself to imagine a future where they all found their way back to the family they should have been.
Oh, YAY!!!!! *happy, relieved sigh*
but stopped when a blur of red and blue caught her eye. Superman floated through the open newsroom window
... uh oh... is there trouble or is he here to congratulate and celebrate with Jimmy?? Probably the latter, but I had to say the first thing because that was my first thought... you know, since you have me looking for pipe bombs and revelations and angsty relationship pitfalls around every corner...
She knew she should stay in her office, but she was drawn to him.
Heee... love this!
She felt him behind her before he said a word, and she worked hard to keep the smile off her face.
Hah! Love this more! He can’t stay away, either!! But be careful, you two!! You worked so hard to separate Lois and Supes in peoples’ minds... can’t go flirting now and ruin that!!
“You should not be singling me out,” she whispered in a teasing singsong tone, her back still to him.
“I can’t help it,” he whispered.
You tell him, Lois!!
and then dropped his voice so low she could barely hear him. “You look so beautiful today. I miss you. Have lunch with me?”
Oooooh that made me shiver. GAH!
“You need to go,” she replied, knowing they were playing with fire. If there was anywhere in the world they needed to be careful about their interactions, it was a newsroom full of award-winning reporters who had worked side by side with them for a decade.
EXACTLY!!! (But then also... that kind of makes it a little more exciting for them, doesn’t it?? :P)
planning to open her arms for a congratulatory hug, but chickened out and picked the coffee up again.
Awwww poor Lois!
“It wasn’t nothing. As your colleague, I’m telling you it was fantastic investigative work. As a citizen of this city and a mother, I’m telling you that we’re all grateful. A lot of people are going to sleep better tonight.”
“Thank you,” he said, and she could see how much her praise meant to him.
AWWWWW!!!!
do you want to sit down with me and go over some of this research for my election series? I could use someone to bounce ideas off of.”
“Sure!” he said enthusiastically, and she smiled.
Awwwww!!! I love this! Is she angling to give him the partnership experience? He’s past the need for mentorship, but this would be good for their friendship, too. Healing. *happy sigh*
“I know I shouldn’t single you out in the newsroom like that, but I can’t help it.” he said, his voice low and thick. “I can’t resist you.”
GAHHHH... that voice... it’s... GAH. ^^^^^
He wasn’t just offering lunch though. Anywhere you want to go, he’d said. She hadn’t flown with him since before JP was born, aside from one terribly awkward and heartbreaking last-ditch effort on his part to stop her from signing the divorce papers.
I was all happy and sighing at the sweetness of it all and then WHAM.
“terribly awkward and heartbreaking last-ditch effort” ... what an amazing phrase. Breathtaking—literally. No tears yet, but I’m on guard!
(No, I’m not... you totally keep distracting me with the other stuff!)
“Yes!” she said quickly. “Yes. I don’t care where we go. I just want to be with you.”
He let out a breath of relief, and she tried not to hate herself.
Ack! Why do you hate yourself???
“Lois?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she said softly, closing her eyes when she heard the soft click of the line disconnecting.
Gah!!! Waffy chills!
“I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
Awwwwww! Damn oil tanker!!!
Lois sat on the couch in the waiting room, legs crossed, top leg jiggling nervously. Clark rested a hand on her knee soothingly, but she could tell from his ramrod straight posture and the set of his jaw that he was nervous too.
LOVE. LOVE.
He smiled at her, and she felt some of her nerves melt away. “You’re not just trying to get out of cooking, are you?” he teased.
“Hey, I never said anything about you cooking. But if you’re offering…”
LOL awwww
He laughed and she reached up to stroke his cheek, just as the door to the inner office opened and Dr. Booker walked out with another couple. They left quickly, obviously upset, and Lois tried not to think about all the times she’d fled this office in tears.
Awwwwww at the cheek stroke! And
at the last bit!
They sat together on the love seat, hands still linked.
Ohhhh I hope it stays this way throughout the session, but I’m so worried that it’s not going to!
She sat in her chair, nodded at their linked hands, and smiled encouragingly. “I have to say, this is a pleasant surprise. I assume we’re not here today just to talk about co-parenting issues?”
Lois felt herself flush and found herself uncharacteristically tongue tied.
Clark squeezed her hand. “Our relationship has…evolved recently,” he said. “We thought it would be a good idea to check in and make sure we’re being proactive about communicating and…” he trailed off, obviously unsure how to end that sentence.
Awwww... I’m all tingly with excitement but also fear!
Dr. Booker nodded. “Blurry. Say more about that.”
Heh. Is it safe to share about the post-disaster comfort nookie?
Lois shook her head. “I’d like to say it just snuck up on us. But if I’m being totally honest, I know I was scared to discuss it. Like if I pointed it out, it would shrivel up and disappear.”
Awwwwwwwwwwwww
“I was definitely hesitant to push, or even discuss it really,” Clark agreed. “I…We all know I never wanted this divorce. That hasn’t changed. I was scared that if I drew attention to what was happening, she’d panic and run.”
Ohhh that must be hard for Clark to say and Lois to hear, I’d imagine... “we all know I never wanted this divorce”
“We were friends and partners for a long time before we fell in love,” Lois added. “This felt like that time. When we were just friends, but something more was building.”
“That’s not exactly-“ Clark started to disagree, and then stopped.
“Clark?” the doctor prodded. “Do you disagree with this analysis?”
But you were in love from the beginning? (Also, I love that Lois feels like it was like the past, not that it’s the same, but that she can recognize that it’s friends and building to something more... but I’m nervous that she’ll be upset at his interruption.
)
We were absolutely friends and partners for years before we started dating. But my feelings were never platonic. I’ve been in love with Lois since we met.”
She squeezed his hand, swallowing the lump in her throat.
*siiiiigh*
“That’s fair,” Clark agreed
“I never stopped loving Clark,” Lois interjected. “I always wanted to be with him. What happened between us five years ago had nothing to do with a lack of love. And what happened this year was not about falling back in love.”
Way to stand up for yourself, Lois! But also, I’m nervous because I hate confrontation and I want things to be happy and fixed... I’m worried because I know this isn’t an easy thing and it might have to get worse before it gets better... I just hope not too much worse!
“This year…wasn’t about falling in love. It was about trusting. Trusting that we could get back to who we were before without the fighting. That we could go beyond just following scripts for healthy communication and continue to treat each other with kindness and respect when we had conflict.”
Oooh! Well said!
“What kind of conflicts?”
“The kind where Clark calls me out repeatedly for wanting all the benefits of being in a relationship without actually committing to a relationship.”
OH DAMN. She sure said it. (My jaw literally dropped.)
“That’s not what I-” Clark started to defend himself and then looked up and saw the laughter in her eyes.
“I believe you accused me of wanting to play house?” Lois teased, and Clark rolled his eyes good naturedly.
“Things were…very blurry,” Clark told the doctor, borrowing Lois’ description. “I was eager to define them. She wasn’t. I might have pushed a bit.”
“I needed a push,” Lois interjected. “He was right to call me out.”
Well, I just let out the huge breath I’d been holding! You’re not just pleasantly surprising me just to make me fall harder when the angst hits, are you? You wouldn’t do that, would you, Annie???
It…wasn’t the crisis I thought it would be.” Lois smiled and gave a self-deprecating shrug.
Dr. Booker gave them a genuine smile. “That sounds really positive. So, now that we’re caught up, tell me why you are here. It seems like things are going well. What concerns do you have? How can I help you?
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww
“I feel paralyzed,” Clark confessed suddenly. Lois turned to look at him, surprised.
AWWWW poor Clark!!! But way to be brave!!
Lois shifted in her seat, talking directly to Clark. “That’s not- You aren’t pushing too hard. I’m not worried about you trying to control me. I trust you.”
Awwwwwww
“But you are concerned that we can’t do this,” he countered, slipping his hand from hers and running through his hair nervously.
I literally just whimpered... wth? And there goes the hand...
“That’s why you want to go slow. We have to go slow in case it doesn’t work, so we can back out. We can’t tell the kids because we need to make sure we can do this before we involve them. When you say that, it scares me. I’m scared you have one foot out the door already. I’m scared you want to be able to say we tried again, but I’m not sure you really want to try. I’m scared you’re just waiting for this to fail.”
And there they are... the real tears. Oh, Clark!
Lois inhaled sharply. “That’s not fair. I’m here right now. I’m trying. But it’s also true that we have done this before. And all the love in the world didn’t mean we could make it work back then. We have children to think about. It would be foolish to just assume it’s going to magically be different this time and then repeat history. I can’t just ignore that.”
“But things ARE different now. And you know it. The people we were five years ago, that’s not who we are now.”
“I know that. That’s why I’m here.”
They both stopped, at an impasse.
... I’m worried but not as worried as I thought I’d be... *shuddering breath*
“I- I don’t know. I just know it feels risky. I’m scared it won’t work, and it’s going to hurt too much to survive this time.”
Ohhhh I feel you on that, Lois.
The doctor was quiet for a moment, making a few notes. Finally, she looked up and asked, “Is it possible that a part of you is worried that it WILL work?”
“Excuse me?” she asked, suddenly suspicious. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Oh damn, doc. She called Lois out...
If it turns out that you are, in fact, capable of a healthy relationship with Clark, after five years of insisting that you weren’t, how are you going to feel about your decision to go through with the divorce and to stay divorced for four years?
I gasped. Out loud. Whoa. Right? OMG... I’m having tangential feels about my own life...
Lois took a deep breath. She could feel herself retreating and shutting down, a reaction she’d spent years in therapy trying to unlearn. She struggled to continue listening.
Oh no! (I whimpered that quietly out loud...and the dog woke up and was like, huh? Wut?) Come back, Lois! Come back!!!!!
“I don’t have one foot out the door,” she said softly after a brief lull in the conversation. She was unable to let that comment go and knew they needed to address it.
“I didn’t say that to hurt you,” Clark said, turning to face her again. “I was trying to explain my fear. It wasn’t an accusation. I’m not saying it’s true. And if it is true, I definitely don’t think you're doing it consciously. It’s my own fear. I’m scared that you have one foot out the door. I’m scared that this is my only chance, and if you don’t really truly give it a fair chance, I’ll never… I’m just scared.”
LOVE this. So open and vulnerable.
Clark reached out and cupped her cheek, and she leaned into his hand, looking up to meet his gaze. “We’re okay,” she said softly. “I’m trying.”
“I know.”
GAHHHH love it.
Wow... what a part. Wow.
So many parts to catch up on!