Friday October 31, 2008
Lois sat in the pickup line at school, tapping her fingers nervously on the steering wheel. She’d left work early to pick the kids up today so they could get home, have an early dinner, and get ready for trick or treating. Clark was picking Martha up at the airport and would meet them at her house shortly. It was entirely normal for them to be celebrating the holiday jointly with the kids, but nothing felt normal anymore.
She hadn’t seen Clark since he had reluctantly left her bed the previous morning, and she ached for him. She had no idea how she was going to mask her feelings for him while they spent the evening with their children and his mother.
His mother. That was a whole separate issue. If she’d been nervous before about seeing Martha Kent, now she was a plain old hot mess. She found herself caught between wanting to avoid her completely, hiding for the duration of her visit, and wanting to play the part of the perfect daughter in law in a desperate attempt to convince her that she was worthy of another chance with her son.
The car in front of her inched forward, and Lois followed it.
There was also the issue of JP’s costume. She’d tried, over the intervening weeks, to gently persuade him to choose something else. But to no avail. The Superman costume hung in his closet waiting for it’s debut tonight. He was giddy with anticipation. She stood by her argument that allowing it was less suspicious than forbidding it, but she’d be lying if she didn’t admit it made her queasy.
She inched up again and rolled her window down. “Hi, Mrs. Kent!” the perky teaching assistant greeted her. “Mattie! JP! You’re up.”
Lois’ heart clenched at the greeting. During her marriage, she’d always rolled her eyes and ranted when people who didn’t know her well addressed her as Mrs. Kent. She’d chosen not to take Clark’s last name when they married because her name was a part of her identity and she couldn’t imagine giving it up, not to mention the nightmare it would have been professionally.
Clark had loved to tease her about it when it happened, and she enjoyed their back and forth sparring about the patriarchy and its expectations. But secretly, it had always thrilled her to hear it. She was his, and he was hers, and the whole world knew it whether she took his name legally or not. Hearing it now made her feel melancholy and wistful, like she was grieving something she’d never even had.
Mattie and JP scrambled into the backseat, buckling quickly.
“Is Grandma Martha here yet?” Mattie asked, as Lois inched forward, making her way out of the school lot.
“I’m not sure. I think her plane has probably landed by now, but I haven’t heard anything from your Dad. I’m sure we’ll beat them home, but probably not by much.”
JP bounced in his seat excitedly. “I can’t wait to show her my costume!”
Lois couldn’t help but smile at that. The cheap, polyester costume with the padded chest was unlikely to impress the woman who designed and sewed the original.
“Me too!” Mattie added. She had finally settled on a Dorothy costume that could not have been any cuter, and she was particularly excited about the stuffed dog she’d dug out of the back of her closet and planned to carry in a little basket as an accessory.
“I’m sure she’s going to love them both,” Lois assured them.
The kids bickered the whole way home about whose costume would be best, who would get the most candy, who was going to sit by Grandma Martha at dinner, and a litany of other subjects Lois eventually tuned out. By the time they pulled in the driveway, her desire to see Clark had less to do with her ache for him and more to do with being ready to foist his children off on him.
Lois got the kids inside and started emptying lunch boxes and checking backpacks for notes home from teachers. A few minutes later, she heard the stampede of children down the stairs yelling for their grandmother. They burst through the front door and out into the yard, and Lois realized Clark must have driven to his house and walked over so he wouldn’t have to drive home later.
Lois smiled and continued tidying up the kitchen. She heard the front door open and close again, and seconds later, strong hands slid around her waist and whispered, “I figure we have somewhere between two and three minutes-”
He didn’t get any further before her mouth was on his. When they pulled apart, breathless, she clung to him, hands stroking his neck and playing with the collar of the blue and white dress shirt that poked up from under his charcoal sweater. “I missed you so much. I’ve been thinking about you all day. I have no idea how I’m going to make it through this evening without making a fool of myself.”
He laughed, and her heart soared at the naked joy on his face. After so many years of hurting him, nothing felt better than making him happy.
“I talked to my mom on the way here and asked if she could keep the kids tomorrow night. She said she was happy to. Want to go to New York for tiramisu? Or somewhere else? Name it.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Yes, what?” he teased. “New York? Or somewhere else?”
“Yes, I want to fly with you. I don’t care where we go.”
He bent and kissed her, sweet and slow and full of promise. When they pulled apart, she could hear the front door opening and closing. He kissed her again, quickly this time, and then stepped back just in time for the children to burst into the room with Martha on their heels.
“Lois! Thank you so much for letting me join you all tonight. I’m so looking forward to it,” Martha said, smiling.
“Of course,” Lois replied quickly. “We’re so glad you came. The children have been asking for weeks how much longer until your visit. They’re beyond thrilled to have you here.”
“Come see my costume! Come see my costume!” JP yelled, jumping up and down.
“They’re in rare form,” Lois muttered to Clark. “They’ve been amped since they got in the car.”
Clark laughed and grabbed JP, swinging him up into the air, eliciting a delighted shriek from the little boy. “Halloween is in the air!”
“Sugar is in their systems,” Lois countered with a laugh. “I happen to know both of their teachers sugared them up at their class parties and sent them home.”
“Well, I brought everything we need for a healthy dinner. Maybe we can get some real food in them before round two.”
Lois turned to the kids. “Why don’t you take Grandma Martha upstairs and show her your costumes. I’ll help Daddy start dinner.”
The kids immediately grabbed their grandmother by the hand and started rushing her toward the stairs. As they made their way up to their rooms, Clark turned and smiled at her. “It’s just a stir fry. Quick and easy, and I don’t need any help.”
“Good, that’s what I was banking on,” she replied, stepping back into his arms and raising her lips to his.
***
“Are you ready?” Clark called from upstairs.
Martha and Lois called back in the affirmative, and Mattie and JP sauntered down the stairs in their costumes, starring in their own private fashion show. Mattie looked absolutely adorable in her blue checkered dress, sparkly red shoes, and braids. And she was right, the toy dog really completed the outfit.
But it was JP who took her breath away. He zoomed around the entryway in the familiar red and blue suit, hair slicked back, one hand up as if he were flying. And for a moment Lois truly could not breathe. He looked so much like his father that she wasn’t sure if she was going to cry or be sick. He was both the most precious thing she’d ever seen and utterly terrifying.
Clark finished descending the stairs and walked straight to her, rubbing his hands gently on her arms. “Breathe,” he whispered. “It’s going to be okay.”
“I should have listened to you. I’m sorry. This was a terrible idea. We should have said no,” she whispered, trying to control her trembling.
“No, you were right. It was smart not to turn it into a battle. He’s adorable. No one else is going to be looking at him like you are. No one else is going to see what you see.”
“Clark, he looks just like you. I can’t breathe.”
“Come on! Let’s go!” JP shouted, grabbing his candy bucket on his latest lap around the room.
“Can you take them outside and set up the chairs and everything?” she asked, trying to pull herself together. “I just need a second. I’ll be right out.”
He nodded and squeezed her arms gently. “Ok, guys! Let’s go set up home base, and then we can get started!”
Lois retreated into the kitchen, resting her hands on the counter and taking a few deep breaths.
“He looks exactly like his Daddy did at that age,” Martha said quietly from behind her. “Of course, he didn’t wear the suit then, so I usually see the resemblance just as strongly when he’s dressed in normal clothes.”
Lois turned shakily. “Clark wanted to forbid this, and I talked him out of it. I said it would be more suspicious if JP made a big fuss to his friends and teachers because we wouldn’t allow it. I’m an idiot. Why does he listen to me?”
“People see what they expect to see,” Martha said gently. “He’s going to walk around this neighborhood looking for all the world like a little boy who looks just like his Daddy wearing a silly child’s costume. You were right not to make a big deal of it. You’re a good mother, Lois. Trust your instincts.”
Tears pricked her eyes, threatening to spill over.
“Oh, honey. You do know that, right? You’re such a good mother. I know I’m biased, but those children are wonderful, and that’s as much you as it is Clark. Lord knows, Clark never stops singing your praises.”
Any hope of containing the tears was long gone. They slid down her cheeks unbidden.
“Lois, Kate’s here,” Clark said, walking into the kitchen and stopping abruptly when he saw her tears. “What-? Mom, can we have a minute, please? Tell the kids we’ll be right out?”
Martha nodded and slipped out of the kitchen, and Clark wrapped her in his arms. “What happened? Is this about the costume?”
“Yes. No. Sort of,” Lois responded shakily.
“Well, that was very informative,” Clark joked gently. “Thanks for clearing that up.”
Lois laughed, wiping away the tears. “I was upset about the costume. And then your mom came in and told me it would be fine and to trust my instincts because I’m a good mother. It just surprised me. And then I started crying.”
“Why would that surprise you or make you cry?” he asked, pulling back and cradling her cheek in his hand. “Of course my mom thinks you’re a good mother. She adores you.”
“I thought she hated me,” Lois confessed quietly.
“Lois,” Clark struggled to find a response. “You need to talk to my mother. Have a real conversation with her while she’s here this week. She loves you. She asks about you every single time I see her. She misses you a lot.”
Lois started to cry again and buried her face in his chest. “God, I’m sorry I’m such a mess today. This week has been…. I’m just really overwhelmed.”
He rubbed her back gently as she struggled to pull herself together. She pulled back after a minute and took a deep, steadying breath and wiped her tears away. “I’m okay. This all just caught me off guard. We need to get back out there.”
He dipped his head and kissed her gently, and she felt her heart flutter in her chest. He pulled away just enough to rub the tip of his nose to hers playfully. “It’s been a crazy week. But I love you so much. And we’re going to have fun tonight. Stop worrying and come play with us. Also I’m pretty sure the “special drinks” Kate brought are for grown ups only. Let’s see if you can keep your hands off me after a drink or two,” he teased.
“Doubtful,” she laughed. “I can barely manage it stone cold sober.”
He laughed and tightened his grip around her waist.
She ran her hands up his chest and around his neck, and laughed at the twinkle in his eye. “I adore you,” she said finally “Let’s go take our babies trick or treating.”
He let her go and slipped his hand into hers, tugging her through the downstairs, to the front door. “One more kiss, and then we’re on our best behavior,” he teased. She made it worth her while.
When they finally exited the house, she saw Clark had set up at the end of the driveway as they did every year. Camp chairs, a small table, and a bowl full of candy awaiting trick or treaters. They would leave the bowl unattended with a sign for the first half of the night while they took the kids around. And then they’d gather back at “home base” where the adults could enjoy a beverage with friends while handing out candy, and the kids could run off their sugar and celebrate. Given that Halloween fell on a Friday this year, Lois suspected there would be no such thing as bedtime for any of the neighborhood children.
Kate stood next to the table, talking to Martha who was in one of the camp chairs, while JP flew through the front yard.
“There you are!” Kate said when she spotted her on the porch. She held up a thermos and travel mug. “I have a present for you.”
Clark jogged down the steps, on his way to join his mother.
Kate made her way up the front walk, and Lois descended the steps to meet her.
Lois accepted the cup gratefully and smiled. “Do I want to know?”
“Hot apple cider and spiced rum. Happy Halloween.”
“You are the best,” Lois said, taking a sip. “Where’s Abby?”
“She and Mattie are already next door,” Kate said, pointing to the neighbor’s porch where they were ringing the doorbell.
“Come on, Mommy! I’m ready to fly!” JP shouted, running laps around the yard in the warm glow of sunset.
Lois laughed, allowing herself to see him without the cloud of fear. He was absolutely precious. She watched as he ran to Clark, who scooped him up and ran with him, through the culdesac, holding him aloft, and her heart nearly exploded with love.
“Oh god, you slept with him again, didn’t you?” Kate asked in a whisper, looking from Lois’ face to the object of her affection.
Lois turned to Kate and raised her hands in self defence. “Yes, but-”
“Oh,” Kate said, before she could say anything more. A wide grin settled across her face. “Oh. It’s not just that, is it? You finally figured it out.”
“Figured what out?”
“That fact that you are completely, hopelessly in love with him.”
Lois rolled her eyes and looked away, taking another sip of her drink. But she didn’t deny it.
“This is why you’ve been avoiding me?”
“I wasn’t avoiding you,” Lois said quickly, turning to her. “I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to talk about it yet.”
“But you’re happy?”
“So unbearably, unbelievably happy.”
Kate put an arm around Lois and squeezed her in a half hug. “Then I’m so happy for you.”
“What are you two whispering about?” Clark teased as he looped around the yard with JP aloft.
“Wouldn’t you like to know!” Kate replied suggestively.
Lois blushed and laughed and felt a warmth spread across her chest that might have been the cider, but felt more like her life settling into place.
***
An hour and a half later, they were back at home base, ready to sit and relax for a bit. The kids' buckets overflowed with loot, and they had accumulated a couple neighborhood friends along the way. Mattie and Abby were in a driveway a few houses down comparing their hauls with their friends, while Martha had taken JP into the house to use the bathroom and get a drink.
Lois shivered and ran her hands over her arms. It had been an unseasonably warm Halloween, and the thin cotton of her long-sleeved t-shirt had been plenty while they were walking around the neighborhood in the twilight. But the temperature had begun to drop once the sun disappeared completely, and now that they weren’t moving, the cold was starting to get to her.
“I’m going to run in and grab a sweater,” she said, setting her empty cup on the ground beside her chair. By the time she stood back up, Clark’s arms were raised, sliding his sweater over his head. He held it out to her, wordlessly and she smiled gratefully at him.
She slipped the soft, warm sweater over her head, taking an unsteady breath as his scent enveloped her, and her world tilted a little.
She pushed her arms through the sleeves and turned to thank him. But when she met his eye, the smug grin he gave her was all the confirmation she needed to know her desire for him was written all over her face.
She flushed and rolled her eyes at him, then retrieved her mug from the ground and took it to Kate, who was pouring refills.
When she returned to her seat, she saw that Clark had scooted their chairs closer so their armrests were touching. She dropped into her chair and crossed her legs, resting her arm on the armrest casually, hyper aware of the places their arms touched.
“How’s work, Kate?” Clark asked. “I read about the Acevedo decision. That was some good work.”
Kate shot him a genuine smile. “It was tough. I was really worried the judge wasn’t going to grant asylum based on that stupid felony conviction that should have been pled down to a misdemeanor. Sending him back to Colombia would be nothing short of a death sentence. Now hopefully we can work on getting the rest of his family here.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask… One of my seniors is a DREAMer who has written a couple pieces for me about immigration. Profiles of undocumented workers, mainly. He’s really talented, but I don’t think he’s interested in making reporting a career. He wants to do something in the nonprofit sector, some sort of immigration activism. If you have any ideas or contacts for him, I’d love to connect you.”
“I’d love to talk to him,” Kate said immediately. “Remind me before I leave and I’ll get you a few business cards with all my office contact info.”
Lois stretched her fingers, deliberately brushing against Clark’s hand, and he flipped his hand over in silent invitation. She hesitated, her heart thumping as she thought about the people all around them. Then she slipped her hand into his, threading their fingers together and was rewarded with a gentle squeeze and a flash of a grin so quick she nearly missed it.
She sipped her drink and listened to Clark and Kate talk while she watched the older kids squeal and chase each other up and down the street, wondering how many more Halloweens they would have before Mattie decided she was too grown up to trick or treat.
Behind them, the front door slammed shut, and in her peripheral vision, she saw Martha coming down the front walk with JP. She squeezed Clark’s hand, and then slid hers from his and laid it back on her own armrest.
JP bounded past, racing to catch up with his sister, and Lois smiled as his cape fanned out behind him.
“Whew,” Martha said, sitting in her chair. “I forget sometimes how much energy little boys have.”
“Oh, I bet Clark was a terror at that age,” Kate teased. “Tell us!”
Lois laughed. “You’re delusional. Clark has been practically perfect since birth.”
“Now, now,” Martha interrupted. “It’s true that Clark was an exceptionally sweet, good natured little boy. But he was hardly perfect. At JP’s age, he was a ball of energy. Always getting into something or disappearing into the barn and giving me heart attacks.
“Forget JP’s age,” Kate said, waving a hand dismissively and raising her eyebrows. “I want the real dirt. What was he like as a teenager?”
“Well, I can’t help you with any dirt there,” Martha said. “By that point he really was practically perfect.”
Clark sat back and threaded his fingers behind his neck, preening. “I can’t help it. Someone has to be perfect.”
Lois rolled her eyes at him. “Oh, please.”
The night stretched out pleasantly, easy conversation filling the lulls between trick or treaters. Martha bonded quickly with Lois’ new next door neighbor, a popular local folk artist, and they wound up lost in conversation about her latest exhibit. JP made his way back, crawling into Lois’ lap to snuggle, occasionally sitting up to greet the last trick-or-treat stragglers. Eventually Kate corralled Abby and they made their exit, and the younger kids started to trickle home.
JP finally gave up the fight and fell asleep with his head on her chest. She stroked his hair and gazed at his sweet face, overwhelmed with her love for him, this baby she fought for so long and so hard.
Clark leaned in close, stroking his hair. “Sometimes I look at them, and I still can’t believe we made them.”
“I know,” she agreed. Then she breathed a little laugh and then traced the S on his chest.
“That does make it a little extra surreal,” he admitted, laughing.
She looked up and caught his gaze, unable to put into words what she was feeling. He sighed and cupped her cheek, thumb stroking gently. “I don’t want to wait until tomorrow night to see you,” he said, his voice strained. “It’s too far away. Come over tomorrow. We’re going to watch the game. I promised the kids we’d do build-your-own personal pizzas for lunch before it starts. It’s going to be fun.”
She nodded, already missing him, and knowing tomorrow would stretch out endlessly if she had to wait until the evening to see him again.
“I want to kiss you so badly,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers.
“I know. Me too.”
“I need to take them home and put them to bed,” he said as he sat back, the regret palpable in his voice. She nodded. “Stay here. I’ll take all of this up and put it away. Then I’ll come back for him.”
Clark stood and made a couple of trips to the garage, ferrying chairs, the table, and leftover candy. Lois flagged down Mattie and waved her over for a hug, telling her she’d see her the next day. And Martha drifted away from her new friend, coming to say goodbye to Lois and join Mattie for the short walk to Clark’s house.
When Clark returned, he crouched in front of her and watched her stroke their son’s hair and kiss him goodnight.
“I hate this,” he said quietly, loathing in his voice.
She looked up, surprised by his tone. “Leaving?”
“Taking him from you. I hate when he falls asleep in your arms, and I have to take him. I feel like a monster, prying your baby out of your arms.”
She inhaled sharply and reached for him, resting a hand on his cheek. “Clark. That’s not… I never… I love when he falls asleep in my arms and you take him from me. That’s when he feels most like ours. When we share him. I wish…” she took a ragged breath and pushed on, “I wish you were taking him to his bed in our home, instead of your home, but that’s my own doing. I’ve never, ever, for a single second resented you for loving our baby.”
“Do you want me to take him up to his room here? You can bring him in the morning?”
She shook her head. “No, he’s expecting to wake up at your house. I don’t want to confuse him. I’ll be there in the morning.”
Clark nodded and reached out his arms, then hesitated.
“Here,” she said. She shifted him in her arms, getting a better grip. Then she lifted him and placed him in Clark’s outstretched arms. “You didn’t take him from me. I gave him to you.”
And then his lips were on hers, and she didn’t care who saw.
