Wednesday November 5, 2008
The cool fall breeze sent leaves skittering across the sidewalk as Lois crossed the quad and approached the wide marble stairs of the Mass Communications and Journalism building at Metropolis University. Once her home away from home, it had been decades since she set foot inside.
She hesitated at the bottom of the steps for just a minute, then climbed them quickly, navigating around a group of students gathered outside the door. Inside, the tall atrium was silent and Lois glanced at her watch: five after ten. All the large seminar classrooms on this level would have just begun, leaving the halls empty and quiet.
She walked to the stairwell and glanced over the directory plaque posted outside, then entered and climbed two flights of stairs and emerged into a busier hallway. She passed a couple of small classrooms where students worked at computer stations, keys clicking away, and a few offices with closed doors before spying his name plaque, Dr. Clark Kent. Her heart did a little flip.
She knew he held office hours on Wednesday mornings, but she had no idea if he would be free or busy with a student. She didn’t hear voices, so she hoped for the best. As she approached the open door, he came into view, seated at his desk in a dark suit and a tie she recognized as a one she had bought him. He had the newspaper open on his desk and was reading so intently that he didn’t hear her approach.
She leaned against the door jam, just allowing herself the pleasure of watching him for a minute. Her heart twisted pleasantly in her chest, and she thought, not for the first time, that he was the most handsome man she’d ever seen.
She tapped a knuckle lightly against the metal doorframe. “Knock knock,” she said softly.
His head whipped up and she saw the moment he realized she was there; a wide, genuine smile spreading across his face. He stood quickly, his chair rolling haphazardly away, and took a step toward her. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
He was across the small room in just a few steps, resting his hands on her waist, and bending to kiss her cheek. “I’m so happy you’re here,” he said softly, and her breath caught in her chest.
She reached for his tie, running it through her fingers and then tugging him back for a quick kiss. “I have an interview across the quad at 10:30. I was a little early and… I wanted to see you.” He beamed at her and she was so glad she’d decided to leave early and surprise him. “I was going to text you first and see if you were available, but honestly...I wanted to see this look on your face.”
She basked in his love for another moment and then bumped him playfully with her shoulder. “I can’t believe I’ve never seen your office.”
He stepped back and waved an arm around the small room. “There’s not much to see. Come on in.”
A filing cabinet sat next to his desk, which faced a set of chairs. A large fern sat in the corner, next to a small window that overlooked the quad.
She approached his desk, and two framed photos caught her eye. The first was a shot of Mattie and JP at the beach that summer, posing with a massive sand castle they’d built. But the other made her heart skip a beat. She reached for it without thinking. It was a photo of their first Christmas after Mattie was born. His mother had taken it on Christmas Eve, at their annual holiday party. They stood in front of the tree, lights twinkling behind them. He had his arm around her waist, smiling into the camera, face full of pride. She held a tiny baby Mattie, fast asleep in her arms, but instead of looking at the camera, she was looking up at Clark. The look on her face took her breath away. Utter adoration. It was a perfect moment, captured on film.
For a moment, the familiar, bittersweet feeling of looking at their happy past twisted painfully in her chest. And then Clark stepped behind her silently, resting his hands on her arms and rubbing gently. He nuzzled his cheek against hers, and she felt that tension in her chest unspool. They had so many more Christmases to come. So many more happy memories to make.
She sat the photo back down and turned in his arms, kissing him quickly. Then she dropped her briefcase on the floor, and slid onto his desk, the pencil skirt of her gray suit settling just above her knee. She crossed her legs and gestured to his chair. He smiled at her as he sat and rolled back to his desk, stroking her calf lightly.
“I just finished reading your article,” he said, gesturing to the open paper. “It was fantastic. For weeks all you’ve said about it is how behind you are, how unprepared. But you knocked it out of the park.”
She smiled, pleased with his praise. “I’ve barely slept the last two nights, but it all came together. It’s going to be a five part series. The next four will run in the Sunday editions this month. This week’s is finished, but I’m here to work on the third.”
“You said you have an interview on campus?”
She nodded. “With Dr. Jones in the African American studies department.”
“Oh! You are going to love Tameika. She’s fantastic. So smart. Pulls no punches.”
“I read her book when it came out last year. It was fantastic.”
“Oh, right. I remember talking about it. She’s working on a community lecture series for the Spring, I think. We should check it out.”
Lois nodded eagerly, so happy to be making future plans with him that didn’t just revolve around their children.
“What’s your schedule like today?” she asked.
“Office hours until noon, and then classes at 2 and 3.”
“Take me to lunch in between?” she asked.
“Of course. Do you have to work late tonight? Or can you come over? We all miss you.”
“I have a light day. I’ll get the kids from school.”
He rewarded her with a bright smile, and she suddenly wished she could fast forward through every part of this day that wasn’t spent with him. She glanced at her watch, reluctantly preparing to tell him she needed to head over to her interview when a student burst into the room.
“Dr. Kent! I rewrote that lede like you suggested and I sent it to-” she stopped abruptly when she realized the office was occupied.
“Hello, Morgan,” he said with a laugh, and Lois knew immediately that this was the student whose article he’d shared with her last week. She was a tiny ball of energy in jeans and a sweatshirt with her dark hair pulled into a ponytail. She looked younger than she was and Lois could see in her echoes of Mattie in just a few years. It was no wonder Clark seemed fond of her.
“Sorry,” she said awkwardly. “I didn’t realize you were in a meeting.”
Clark laughed. “It’s fine. This is my wife. Lois, this is Morgan, she’s the one-”
“Who wrote the article about the dining hall,” Lois finished for him. “It’s nice to meet you, Morgan. That was excellent writing.”
“You’re Lois Lane,” Morgan said, awed, and Lois nodded, trying not to laugh. “You read my article?”
“I did. It was very well done. I assumed you were one of Clark’s seniors.” She turned and looked at Clark. “Did you give her my email address?”
“Not yet,” he said. “I haven’t met with her since we discussed it.”
Lois slid off his desk and picked up her bag from the floor. She slipped the strap over her shoulder and retrieved a business card from the front pocket. Then she leaned toward him, resting one hand on his chest and kissing his cheek. “I have to go, or I’m going to be late. I’ll meet you back here for lunch.”
He nodded and squeezed her hand affectionately. She turned and handed the card to Morgan. “Email me. I’d love to read other articles you’re working on or talk about internship opportunities or whatever.”
Morgan nodded, wide eyed. “Thank you! I will!”
Lois shot Clark a final amused smile and slipped out of the room, walking quickly down the hall to the stairwell.
It wasn’t until she was halfway across the quad that she realized he’d introduced her as his wife.
****
“Mommy!” JP yelled with delight when he spotted her from across the gymnasium at pickup time. He ran full tilt across the basketball court and launched himself into her arms.
“Hey, buddy! I missed you too!” she told him, as she hugged him tight.
She stood and held her arms open to Mattie, who hugged her, but with the self consciousness of a tween who wasn’t sure this sign of affection was cool.
Lois signed them out and made sure they had their backpacks and lunchboxes, then led them out to the car. JP scrambled into the backseat, but Mattie lingered for a moment outside the car, something obviously on her mind.
“What’s up, Mattie?”
“Where’s Dad?” she asked cautiously, without the accusation she usually used when asking that question, but with a hesitation that told Lois this was a test.
She gave Mattie’s arm a squeeze and shot her a relaxed smile. “He’ll probably beat us home. I just asked to do pickup because I missed you.”
Mattie examined her face and seemed to decide to accept her answer at face value. She nodded and climbed into the backseat without asking any further questions. Lois slid into the front seat and asked about the math test she knew Mattie had been dreading.
When they pulled into his driveway, Clark’s truck was indeed there waiting, and Mattie shot her a small smile in the rearview mirror.
The kids tumbled out of the car and up the front walk, bursting into the house. “We’re home!” Mattie yelled.
Lois walked through the door just in time to see Clark emerge from the kitchen and hug them both. It had only been a couple of hours since they’d had lunch together, but seeing him with their children always made her heart flutter.
The kids went into the kitchen, where Martha had a snack waiting for them, and Clark stepped toward her, opening his arms. She stepped into his hug, slipping her arms around his neck.
The evening flew by in a pleasant blur, and soon the kids were tucked in bed. During lunch, Lois and Clark had discussed their game plan for the following day, and now that the kids were asleep, they sat with Martha to fill her in. Clark was still nervous, but he seemed far more confident than he had been a few days earlier.
When the plan was settled, Martha went into the kitchen for tea, and Lois yawned and stretched. “I should go,” she said.
“It’s early,” Clark countered softly. “We could watch a movie? Or just talk?”
She reached for him, stroking his cheek gently. She knew he was nervous about the next day, and she suspected that like her, he was longing for more time together after two days apart. “I’m exhausted, Clark. I’ve hardly slept in days and tomorrow is important. I need to sleep.”
“Stay. Please. We can go to bed.” Her heart clenched at his soft plea, and she hesitated, unable to resist him. “I could drive your car home and the kids won’t even know you’re here. Or we can get up early, before they do, and just tell them you came over early.”
“I don’t like lying to them,” she said quietly. “And I don’t like sneaking around. We aren’t doing anything wrong. I don’t know, Clark. I don’t know what the right thing to do is here.”
“It’s fine,” he said softly. “We’ll just leave it for now. We’ll deal with one thing at a time. After we give Mattie time to adjust to tomorrow’s revelation, we can talk about what we’re going to tell them about us and when. You want me to drive your car home and fly you? You look exhausted.”
“No. I don’t want to go home. I want to stay.”
He raised his eyebrows, and waited for her to elaborate.
“I don’t want to hide or lie. I just want to stay. If they ask, we’ll just tell them I was tired and didn’t want to go home. JP is oblivious. Mattie’s going to have way more to think about tomorrow than where I slept. And honestly I want to spend the night tomorrow anyway. I don’t want to be away from her tomorrow night.”
Clark nodded quickly at that. “I meant to bring that up earlier. I definitely think you need to stay tomorrow. Assuming she wants to stay here. She might…want to go back to your house for a while.”
Lois put a hand on his chest. “I think that’s very unlikely. And on the off chance she suggests it, I’m going to push back. I want us all together. She’s going to need to be near you tomorrow, whether she realizes it or not.”
He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead.
“So...we’ll just figure it out. What to tell them if they ask about me sleeping here, I mean,” she said. “Let’s not borrow trouble?”
He nodded in agreement, then wrapped her in a hug. “Let’s go say goodnight to my mom.”
They walked hand in hand to the kitchen, where Martha was tidying up the tea supplies.
“Mom?” Clark said, and she turned to face them. “We’re going to go to bed. I’ll take JP to school in the morning. Let’s let Mattie sleep in. We’ll sit her down and talk to her when she wakes up.”
Martha nodded, and didn’t comment on the fact that Lois was spending the night. They said goodnight and headed upstairs.
In Clark’s bedroom, Lois hesitated, unsure of herself, while Clark found her a t-shirt to wear and an extra toothbrush.
“Is that okay?” he asked, when she accepted them without making a move to change. “Do you want me to go get something from your house?”
“No, no. It’s fine,” she said, trying to shake it off. “It’s just… I’ve never been in your room before. It’s strange. I’m probably just overtired and emotional, but I feel weird and unsettled. It’s different when you’re in my bedroom. It feels like ours. Like you’re back where you belong.”
Clark wrapped her in a hug. “I know exactly what you mean.”
“I want you to come home,” she said quietly, her voice quivering a little. “Not right this minute. I know we need to deal with other things first. But we haven’t talked about that -- if and when we’ll move back in together. Or where we will live. I don’t know, maybe you like this house better. Maybe you want to sell both houses and start over. And I know we need to talk about what to tell the kids. Maybe we should talk about this at therapy next week. But I’m just going to put it out there and say... What I really want is for you to come home.”
She felt him take a deep breath, and he pulled back, cupping her cheek and waiting for her to meet his gaze. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” he said, joy in his eyes. “Yes, we need to talk about details. And I think it’s a really good idea to talk about them in therapy. But there’s nothing in the world I want more than to come home.”
Something inside her released; a fear she didn’t realize she’d been carrying. Her eyes filled with tears, and Clark caressed her cheek with his thumb. “Don’t you know how much I love you? How much I want to come home?”
“I just get scared sometimes. Like this is too good to be true, and it’s all going to disappear.”
He nodded, clearly feeling the same way. And then he kissed her gently. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, when he pulled away.
They changed and got ready for bed in a comfortable silence, and then he climbed into bed and waited for her to join him. She crawled in on her side and slid over to him, resting her head on his shoulder and curling into him. He wrapped his arm around her, the movement pulling the t-shirt up to the middle of her back, and his hand rested, heavy and solid, on her hip. The bare skin of his chest was warm and soft under her hand and she caressed him gently, stroking lightly with her fingertips.
“I love you so much,” he whispered. “My bed is so lonely without you. I’ve dreamed of this so many times.”
She smiled and turned her head to kiss his chest. “I love you too,” she whispered. And then she sighed contentedly and let herself drift to sleep.
Thursday November 6, 2008
The beeping of the alarm clock jolted her from sleep before dawn. She heard Clark reach over and silence the alarm, then felt him roll to face her. She was curled on her side, facing away from him, and his arm snaked around her waist, dragging her back and fitting her against his body.
Her eyes stayed closed, but her mouth twitched into a smile as he nuzzled her neck with soft kisses. “Good morning,” he whispered
She made a wordless groan of greeting, and he chuckled, hugging her tightly.
“No one should be this cheerful in the morning,” she muttered, eliciting a true laugh.
Clark froze. “JP’s coming.”
She tensed and then forced herself to relax. She covered his hand with hers and gave it a squeeze.
The door burst open and JP bounded toward the bed, “Can I open a new box of cereal? Mattie got to choose the last- Mommy!” he catapulted onto the bed, delighted to see her.
“Hey, buddy,” she groaned, silently cursing the Kansas-farmboy early-bird blood that ran through his veins.
Clark laughed, having heard enough variations on that rant to accurately guess what she was thinking, and sat up. “Let Mommy sleep, buddy. She’s really tired. I’ll help you get cereal.”
“I’m awake. I’m awake,” she grumbled.
She sat up, and JP climbed in her lap for a snuggle. She looked from JP to Clark, realizing suddenly that this was the first time he’d ever climbed in bed with both of them, something Mattie had done a million times by the time she was his age.
She met Clark’s eye, and he nodded and swallowed, and Lois knew he was thinking the same thing. He shifted behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head on his chest and sighed, wishing they could stay like this all day.
“Cereal!” JP shouted, bouncing up and down and ruining the moment.
Lois laughed. “All right. All right. Let’s go.”
Clark pulled a pair of cotton sleep shorts from a drawer and tossed them to her. She slipped them on and tightened the drawstring, while Clark tugged on a t-shirt.
When they reached the kitchen, Martha was already at the stove frying bacon, and Mattie was beside her whisking eggs.
“Does no one in this family sleep?” Lois joked.
“Mom!”
“Hey, bug.”
“Did you sleep here?” she asked, surveying Lois’ outfit.
“Yeah. Daddy and I were up late talking, and I was too tired to drive home.”
Mattie looked at her skeptically for a minute and then apparently decided she didn’t care, and went back to her eggs. “Grandma’s letting me do the eggs all by myself. She’s just watching.”
“That’s great! You soak up all Grandma Martha’s cooking lessons, and then you can take over all my cooking duties. You’ll be a better cook than me in no time.”
Clark raised his eyebrows and made a face that clearly insinuated she already was, and Lois picked up a dish towel and threw it at him.
“Hey, hey,” Clark teased. “No throwing things in the house.”
Clark pulled plates from the cabinet and Lois sliced fruit into bowls while Mattie and Martha finished the eggs. JP, who had disappeared briefly, zoomed back into the room, his Halloween cape flapping behind him.
He ran back out of the kitchen and into the living room, where he ran across the couch and then launched himself into the air.
“No jumping on the couch!” Lois and Clark said at the same time, eliciting an amused chuckle from Martha and an eye roll from Mattie.
JP finally stopped moving, but he made up for it with the constant stream of words that flowed from his mouth, all of them revolving around his new idol. Lois tried to follow the stream of consciousness extolling all Superman’s super abilities and comparing him — favorably — to a myriad of fictional villains he could surely defeat if only they were real, but her mind was just not awake enough for it.
A cup of coffee appeared on the counter in front of her and she reached for it with both hands. “Bless you,” she said, and Clark laughed and kissed her on the cheek.
“Oh my god, shut up about Superman,” Mattie said. “Nobody cares.”
Lois choked on her coffee and then tried valiantly not to laugh.
“Mattie, watch it,” Clark said. “That’s not how we talk to each other in this family.”
“He’s so annoying,” she muttered.
“Mattie, I am not kidding.” His tone was steely, and she seemed to remember suddenly that this lack of kindness was the one thing sure to provoke her father - who usually leaned toward long talks about responsibility - to actually hand out a punishment.
“Fine. Sorry,” she muttered.
JP, completely unaffected by his sister’s name calling, continued his superhero soliloquy. “Superman can do ANYTHING! Nothing can stop him.”
“Except Kryptomite,” Mattie retorted.
“Kryptonite,” Lois correctly automatically, and then blanched at the thought of it.
“Why would anyone want to use Kryptonite against Superman anyway?” Mattie asked. “Why would someone want to kill him? Is it because he’s an alien?”
Lois’ hands gripped her coffee cup until her knuckles were white but she kept her voice casual. “I don’t think so. I don’t think most people think of him that way. I think criminals just don’t like that he stops them from doing what they want. They think it would be easier with him out of the way.”
“Breakfast is ready!” Martha said cheerfully, scooping eggs onto plates, and Lois shot her a grateful look.
Lois searched Clark’s face as he ferried plates to the table, wondering how exactly this day had gotten so far off course already. When he returned to the kitchen, she stopped him with a hand on his arm.
“We don’t have to do this today,” she said quietly.
“Lois, if this conversation did anything, it made it abundantly clear we need to discuss this ASAP. No time like the present.”
She was quiet for a second, brow furrowed and jaw clenched.
“Who are you worried about?” Clark asked. “Mattie or me?”
Her silence was all the answer he needed.
“That’s our daughter who has your hackles up, Lois. Put your claws away. I’ll be fine. But I love you for caring.” He kissed her cheek and herded her toward the dining room table.
After breakfast was eaten and the dishes were cleared, Clark went upstairs to shower and dress. Lois went up with the kids and convinced JP to exchange his pajamas and cape for school clothes. Then she crossed the hall and tapped on Mattie’s door.
“Who is it?”
“It’s me,” Lois said “Can I come in?”
Mattie opened the door, fully dressed, hairbrush in hand.
“Hey. I need to talk to you for a minute,” Lois said as she entered the room and pulled the door closed behind her. “You know how a few days ago I said we weren’t ready to tell you the secret yet, but I wouldn’t lie to you anymore to cover it up.”
Mattie nodded her head eagerly.
“Well, your dad and I — and Grandma Martha — we talked about it, and we think you’re ready to know the truth.”
Mattie’s eyes were wide as saucers. “Really?”
“Yes, but before we tell you, I want you to think about whether you really want to know.”
“Of course I-”
Lois held up a hand to stop her. “Listen to me, Mattie. Listen very carefully. Everyone who knows this secret…is in this house. When we tell you, you’re going to have to know that you can never tell another soul. Not your best friend. Not your boyfriend. Not your college roommate. You can’t tell Hannah. You can’t tell Abby. You can’t tell anyone. And you are going to want to tell people. Trust me, you are going to want to shout it from the rooftops. There will be times you want to tell someone because it’s strange and confusing and you need advice. And there will be times you will want to tell people because it’s the coolest thing you’ve ever seen. But you can’t. Not ever. Not even just one person. Everyone who knows this secret is in this house. And it has to stay that way.”
Mattie sat in stunned silence. Lois felt guilty for scaring her, but it was too important to take any chances.
“It’s okay if you aren’t ready. We hadn’t planned to tell you for a few years. If you want to wait, we’ll wait. We won’t lie to you, just like I promised. We just won’t tell you the whole truth until you tell us you are ready.”
The room was silent. Outside the door, in the hallway, she could hear JP blasting around making superhero noises.
“I need to know,” Mattie said finally. “I can keep it a secret.”
“Okay, we trust you,” Lois replied. “You’re going to stay home from school today. Probably tomorrow too. Daddy will take JP to school. We’ll tell him you aren’t feeling well. I’m going back home to shower and change and pack a bag so I can stay here for a few nights. When we both get back, we’ll talk. In the meantime, you can come with me or you can stay with Grandma.”
Mattie nodded, wide eyed. “I want to stay with Grandma.”
Lois held out her arms and Mattie launched herself into them. “I’m sorry I was scary,” she whispered. “I just needed you to know how serious this is. I can’t wait to tell you this Mattie. It’s so awesome. It’s a good secret, I promise. So good.”
When Mattie pulled out of the hug, Lois reached for the door. “I’m going to talk to your dad for just a minute, and then I’m going to run home. I’ll be back soon. You should stay in your room until they leave, because we’re going to tell JP you’re sick.”
Lois took a deep breath, realizing this was the first a million little lies Mattie would have to tell to keep their family safe. Mattie nodded, her mission clear, and Lois walked out.
She opened the door to the master bedroom and stepped inside, looking for Clark. The room was silent. She didn’t hear the shower, so she assumed he was finished, but there was no sign of him.
“Clark?” she called softly.
“In here.”
She followed his voice through the bathroom into the walk in closet, where he was sitting, fully dressed, on the floor. His back was against the wall, his knees pulled up in front of him, just sitting.
“Her boyfriend?” he asked, trying and failing to sound lighthearted.
“You heard,” Lois said, lowering herself to sit beside him.
“Sorry, I-”
“It’s ok.” She put her hand on his knee. “I know it was a little…intense, but it had to be done, Clark. I know she’s your baby and you’re worried about her reaction. But I’m putting your life in her hands. She has to know how serious this is.”
He was quiet for a minute, and they sat together in silence.
“Is there some great irony to the fact that I agonized over telling you because I was afraid you liked him too much, and now I’m afraid she doesn’t like him enough?” he asked finally.
“She doesn’t know him,” Lois corrected gently. “She’s annoyed with her little brother. She would feign contempt for anything he thought was cool, just to get a rise out of him. That has nothing to do with you.”
He nodded, acknowledging that truth at least. She turned to face him and stroked his cheek, and he pulled her into his lap.
“She loves you so much, Clark. This isn’t going to change that.”
“You can’t know that,” he whispered. “What if she is disgusted by me and hates me for making her half Kryptonian? An alien.”
Lois worked hard to control her breathing, fighting the adrenaline coursing through her veins. Every instinct in her body was begging her to protect him, and for a moment she felt an overwhelming urge to throw herself on top of him, taking the metaphorical bullets he expected. She settled for resting her head on his shoulder and a hand on his chest, over his heart.
“That is not going to happen,” she said firmly. “Do not go there. Our daughter would never feel that way. And whatever else you might be, you are her Daddy. She adores you. She has always been Daddy’s girl. Think of all the fun you are going to have with her. Think how she’s going to laugh the first time you do something ridiculous like use your heat vision to make her popcorn. Think how awed she will be the first time she sees you spin into the suit. Think about how much fun you are going to have taking her flying. I know you’re scared, but I PROMISE you, she is going to keep loving you. I have enough faith for both of us.”
He hugged her tight, and then she lifted her head and put both her hands on his cheeks, pulling him in for a gentle, tender kiss.
“You feel that?” she whispered, when she pulled away, resting her forehead against his. “You feel how much I love you?”
He nodded, eyes stormy with emotion.
“You hold on to that today. I love you so much. Your children love you so much. We can do hard things.”
He kissed her again, harder and needier, and she gentled him, slowing their kisses and stroking his face tenderly. When he stilled, she hugged him, rubbing his back and breathing slow and deep.
“You need to take JP to school,” she said finally. “I’m going to go home and shower and change and pack a bag. Mattie’s going to stay here with your mom.”
“Okay,” he said softly. “Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too, Clark. So much.”
