Authors' Note: This is a co-written story from me (Sara Kraft aka KSaraSara) and my fabulous, talented dear friend, lovetvfan! We're eager to get this out there, so we're going with the ridiculously fast posting schedule of once a day!
There is an nfic version for those who are interested.
So, this started out as a general plan for a fun and waffy fic with a side of angst...and then it morphed. Massively. So much so that, by the time we had KathyB have a look to BR, it seems that two stories had diverged in a Google Doc, and we chose both. Oops! So then we worked to untangle what had been the original story, cutting out chunks, adding others, and tidying up the characterization all around. Now, we've ended up with a story we didn't quite intend to write, but we think it's even better than what we'd planned. And longer. It's so much longer.
Of course, we'd like to thank KathyB for taking the time to offer her comments and suggestions as BR! It definitely would not be the story it is today without her valuable input.
We are both a little fanatic about finding songs that fit the characters and the stories, so it wasn't surprising that we started a playlist/soundtrack. And you probably won't be surprised to find out that it ended up being a really long list, especially given that we had two stories tangled together at one point. So...you may find songs in our playlist that don't seem to fit, but we've left them on the list because all of them in some way inspired what we wrote and we most definitely borrowed lyrics. We, of course, do not own any of the rights to things and we are making no money from the use of them.
Soundtrack can be found here:
You’re What I Look For by Glass Tiger
Superman (It’s Not Easy) by Five for Fighting
To Make You Feel My Love by Trisha Yearwood
I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt
Insensitive by Jann Arden
Completely by Jennifer Day
In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel
The Scientist by Coldplay
Only Human by Delta Goodrem
Say Something by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera
Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi
On Your Shore by Charlotte Martin
I’ll Be There for You by Bon Jovi
It’s Only Love by Def Leppard
Just Give Me a Reason by Pink
Beside You Marianas Trench
Save the World by Bon Jovi
I Am by Bon Jovi
Stand by You Rachel Platten
Love Me Back to Life by Bon Jovi
Superman Tonight by Bon Jovi
Cry by Faith Hill
Iris by Goo Goo Dolls
When You Lie Next to Me by Kellie Coffey
Angel by Sarah McLachlan
I Will Be by Leona Lewis
Open All Night by Bon Jovi
Let Me Be the One by Def Leppard
I love you by Billie Eilish
I’ll Stand By You by Pretenders
All of Me by John Legend
Thank You For Loving Me by Bon Jovi
All About Loving You by Bon Jovi
Now and Forever by Richard Marx
Similarly, we do not own the characters or any of the recognizable dialogue from Lois & Clark; we just like to play with them. (And there might well be a few lines inspired by a Buffy episode...thanks, Joss!)
Set right after the episode Lucky Leon, Clark is left reeling over the fact that his kiss with Lois resulted in his failure to save Mayson Drake's life. Fearing he may never be able to reconcile the two halves of himself, he begins to spiral. As Lois watches her partner come apart, she makes a last ditch effort to save him by taking him on a road trip for a story investigation that doesn't exist.
Love Me Back to Life
by lovetvfan and KSaraSara
Chapter 1
He shouldn't be here. Lois snuck a worried glance over at Clark. She'd been doing it all day, trying not to be too obvious about it. But she honestly didn't need to worry about subtlety or subterfuge. He was zoning out again, pen in hand but his chin resting on his palm while he stared off into space. Earth to Clark, she wanted to yell. This was the third time today she’d caught him zoning, though last time it had almost looked like he was nodding off. At least the workday was almost over.
He really shouldn’t be here. But according to Perry, he was refusing to take more time off than just the day or two he’d had from when it happened until the funeral. He insisted he was fine and needed to work harder on their investigation into Mayson Drake’s death, find who had planted the bomb in her car and what “resurrection,” her last word, had meant.
Lois was no stranger to throwing herself into her work to avoid her personal life or using her anger and grief about a situation to fuel her drive to get to the story. It was part of what had made her an award-winning reporter. But Clark...Clark didn’t function like that. He was trying to, and it wasn’t working.
And while she didn’t think he was outright trying to avoid his personal life, it was hard not to be hurt by it. Even when the evidence of his obvious grief and maladaptive coping mechanisms were staring her right in the face. Well...staring into space. Still.
Lois wondered what she should do, what she could do. He hadn't seemed terribly receptive to her attempts to get him to talk so far. From what she could tell, he was shutting down everyone’s attempts to get him to talk, hers included. But she was his best friend, damn it. Why wasn’t he talking to her?
And why hadn’t he said anything about...
She knew why. It was selfish of her to even think about their first kiss right now when Clark was hurting. She hated herself for it, and felt beyond guilty for even contemplating bemoaning the fact that the kiss and Mayson’s death had happened on the same night. What kind of person had thoughts like that?
She put her hands up to her lips as she remembered the way his lips had felt against hers. How the kiss had been brief and warm for just a moment, and then they’d been drawn back to each other’s lips for a deep and soul-searing kiss. She’d felt like she was floating, her whole body tingling. She opened her eyes, not quite realizing that she’d closed them to delight in the memory.
Her eyes went to find Clark’s lips. Pursed in thought. But at least he was poking at the keyboard this time, seemingly being somewhat productive.
She wanted nothing more than to feel those lips against hers again. For far more than one kiss. She wanted another date, a second chance to end it right by kissing him goodnight thoroughly instead of slamming the door in his face.
But that was going to have to wait.
Right now, as much as she hated delaying the beginnings of what looked to be a promising relationship, her best friend needed his best friend. And maybe...maybe he didn’t realise he could still talk to her about anything even in the midst of this burgeoning relationship? Well, she supposed that wasn’t strictly true...she honestly might have quailed if he’d invited her over to his place for her advice on wallpaper samples or something so soon after their first date and first kiss.
But this was serious. Really serious. The kind of serious that pushed aside all the awkwardness and the only thing that really mattered was being there for your friend, no matter what was going on between you at the time.
She suspected Clark didn’t realise that. Or he was in denial about everything and didn’t realise how he was acting. Or both, maybe.
Ever since the night of Mayson’s death, he’d had late mornings, terse conversations, even more frequent excuses to escape her presence for the flimsiest of reasons.
Even Perry had noticed it, though being the boss that he was, he seemed far more concerned about Clark’s well-being than any potential lost productivity.
And while Perry didn’t know everything that had happened between them recently, he knew enough to gently inquire as to whether she could convince Clark to take any additional time off.
They could both tell that he hadn’t been sleeping well. He had dark circles
under his eyes. And Clark’s usual sunny and friendly disposition was all but gone. That was what worried Lois the most. Even on his worst days, Clark still spared a smile and brief pleasantries with everyone on the path from the elevator to his desk.
Today, he’d shuffled in 37 minutes late without any excuse, hardly even said good morning to her, and forgotten her coffee. Not that she needed him to get her coffee. She could get her own coffee. It’s just that he always did. So she always waited. Because it seemed to make him happy. And it made her feel a little bit cherished.
Such a simple thing. And yet...it almost seemed like everything. An unspoken agreement between them that they hadn’t ever acknowledged or bothered to define. Clark brings Lois her coffee. Maybe it was silly, but it meant the world to her, and she was pretty sure it meant something to Clark, too.
So, yeah. He’d forgotten to get her coffee, and their world as she knew it started to crumble.
She had to do something to help him. She had to get him to talk because that was the only thing she could think of that would help him. People needed to let out their grief, not bottle it up. Right?
Right. So it was decided. She would help her best friend because she cared about him and hated seeing him like this, so un-Clark.
And to be totally honest, it was to help herself, too. Not because she wanted a second date (though she did, desperately), but because she'd gotten a weird feeling today, a dull ache in her chest or maybe the pit of her stomach. She’d missed his morning smile and her first cup of perfectly made coffee, and watching him like this hurt.
She took a deep breath, gathering up her courage, and pushed away from her desk to stand. She walked slowly over to Clark’s desk.
“Hey,” she said softly when she got there, lightly tracing a small patch of wood grain on the corner of his desk with her fingertips.
He looked up from his computer and gave her a small nod. “Hey,” he replied. “What’s up?”
His eyes looked so tired. He looked so tired. “Is it…can I sit?” she asked and gestured to the guest chair at his desk.
He nodded.
She dragged it from the front of his desk over to the side, wincing as it made the occasional squeal as it scraped the floor. She positioned it close to his chair, but hopefully not too close to make him uncomfortable or jumpy.
He eyed her curiously but didn’t say anything, as if it just took too much effort. He was so tired; maybe it did. He wasn’t annoyed. Just quiet.
“So…Clark…I was thinking we could grab a bite to eat after work. Um, not a date. Like, just as friends. Not that I’m saying I want to be just friends! I…uh…I just mean, it seems like you could use a friend, and I’m your friend. I know things between us are, um, a little…different right now, but I wanted to let you know that I’m still your best friend.”
He gave her a small smile. He always seemed to be amused by her babbling. But just as quickly, his face fell back into an impassive look.
“Please don’t do that,” she whispered.
He lifted an eyebrow in question. “Do what?” he asked quietly.
“Pretend you’re okay,” she replied, keeping her voice low so that those who were still around in the newsroom wouldn’t hear. “You’re not okay, Clark,” she pleaded, a touch of desperation sneaking into her voice. “Come to dinner with me, and let’s talk. You can’t keep this all bottled up. It’s not something to deal with alone. Let me help you.”
She watched the emotions play over his face as he contemplated his reply. She wished she could figure out what they were. She was usually much better at reading his emotions.
He took a deep breath and let it out. “Okay, Lois,” he said simply, his voice thick.
She reached out to touch his hand. “Thank you.” She cleared her throat and took her hand back, reminding herself that thinking about how warm his hand was and how just touching him made her heart flip and her chest tingle was not appropriate right now. “I…I’ll be done in about 20, okay?”
He nodded and smiled again, almost a full smile this time, as she got up and made her way back to her desk.
He'd smiled a little at her. That was good, right? They had been a bit half-hearted, but still there. She sat back down at her desk and tried to focus on cleaning up her notes and not on her upcoming dinner with Clark and what the heck she was going to say to him.
She wanted to just call it a day now, but she knew she’d want her notes complete and as fresh from her mind as possible. Perry wasn’t complaining about the lack of productivity, but she knew she needed to do her best to catch up as much of Clark’s slack as she could. That’s what partners were for.
She was just about to finish up when Clark suddenly popped up from his chair and looked around in a panic. He glanced at the elevator. Then the window. Why was he panicking? He finally dialed in on her face as he was grabbing his coat and heading towards the stairwell.
Oh no. Here it comes.
“Lois, I’m sorry. I just remembered I have to get my mom a Mother's Day card before the store closes and then get it in the mail before it's too late. I'll see you tomorrow."
And then he was gone, the stairwell door banging shut in his wake.
It was July.
The anger and the hurt raced to the surface, each demanding her full attention. She held them at bay as best she could while she shut her computer down and hastily gathered her purse and coat. The fat tears started spilling before she made it to the elevator, thankfully alone. She jabbed her finger shakily at the P2 button, hoping that she had indeed parked on level 2 today.
Lois was relieved to see the Jeep sitting on a practically empty level 2. The tears were in full force now, her breath was coming in shuddering heaves. Her shaky hands and blurred vision made it all the harder to get into the car, but she finally made it inside and shut the door.
Then she let the sobs take over, wracking her body. “Why, Clark?” she whimpered between sobs. Why couldn't he trust her?
