Thursday November 13, 2008
Lois pulled her t-shirt on, glad to be out of her work clothes and back in something comfortable. She opened the lid of her jewelry box and took off her earrings, setting them in their spot. She closed the lid and then hesitated before sliding open the bottom drawer and pulling out two rings. She held them in her hand, letting the pain wash over her as she remembered taking them off for the last time.
Clark’s voice, telling her that if she wanted to wear them, she should just put them on, echoed in her ear. She ached to wear them with a desperation that surprised her. Almost without thinking, she slid them on, first the wedding ring, then the engagement ring, and held her hand up to examine them.
Marrying Clark -- finally, after so many obstacles -- had been by far the happiest moment of her life to that point. And in the years that followed, seeing those rings on her finger never failed to remind her of his love and give her a little shock of happiness.
She knew she didn’t need to wear the rings for him to love her. He had certainly proved his unfailing, unceasing love for her while she wasn't wearing the rings. But she missed that solid reminder, that thrill of looking down at her hand and seeing the ring he’d given her, that flare of pride when a stranger surreptitiously glanced at her left hand and found the rings there. And, if she was honest, she also missed the thrill of watching women check out her gorgeous husband, and then seeing the subsequent flicker of disappointment when their gaze fell to his ring.
And she missed being his wife. She knew he thought of her that way despite all legal evidence to the contrary, and she loved him for that. She knew he loved her, and was committed to her, and wanted to continue to build a life with her. But she couldn’t help feeling that they were missing something. She tried to argue with herself. She was a modern, progressive woman. She didn’t believe couples needed to be married. She knew plenty of couples with wonderful, long-term partnerships that didn’t involve marriage. And she knew as well as anyone that marriage was no magic guarantee of forever. But she had been his wife. And she had loved being his wife.
She rotated her hand, watching the light glinting off the diamond, trying to imagine wearing it every day again, and felt a heaviness settle in her heart. She had given up the right to wear these rings when she told him it was over. When she signed the papers despite all his broken-hearted begging. She had been his wife once, and now wasn’t. She didn’t deserve to wear them.
“Lois?” Clark called from the bedroom.
She hurriedly removed the rings and laid them back in the drawer, closing it. “In here! Just getting changed.”
She exited the closet, walking through the bathroom, and joined him in their bedroom. Their bedroom. Her heart squeezed with happiness.
He stood just inside the doorway of their room, with his arms in the air, a sheet of paper in each hand. “Pick a hand,” he said playfully.
“What am I picking?” she asked, suspiciously.
“Your parental duty. JP needs a parent to come speak for career day, and Mattie’s class is doing a bake sale to fund...I honestly have no idea.”
“Oh, no way,” she said. “Dibs on career day.”
“Eh, eh, eh. Pick a hand,” he teased.
“You aren’t seriously going to force your daughter to try to sell my baking.”
He waved the papers at her, trying to keep a straight face.
“Can your mom come visit and do it? When is it?”
“You want to fly my mom here just to get out of bake sale duty?” he said, with a laugh.
“Absolutely,” she said with zero hesitation.
“Mattie can probably do the baking herself. You just have to supervise and sign up for a shift to help out at the bake sale.”
“Oh, god. That’s even worse. No way.”
“Pick a hand,” he prompted again, his eyes dancing with amusement, not even trying to hide his smile anymore.
She rolled her eyes and sighed, then gave him a smile.
“Fine,” she said, reaching for the paper in his right hand.
He lifted it out of her reach, and handed her the paper in his left hand instead. “You’re spoiled. And you’re lucky I love you so much.”
She glanced at the paper he’d handed her and saw it was the sign up for career day, then wrapped her arms around his neck. “Very lucky,” she said, tilting her face up for a quick kiss.
“Good thing I didn’t marry you for your kitchen skills,” he teased.
“Good thing,” she agreed, trying to hold on to the lightness she had felt just a moment ago.
“Hey, you okay if I run back to my house for a few minutes. I need to water the plants, check the mail...you know. I should probably grab a few more things while I’m there and bring them over. I won’t be gone long. I’ll be back to help with bedtime.”
“Of course,” she said, nodding.
He kissed her on the cheek, and she stepped back, letting him go. She watched as he walked down the hall and jogged down the stairs, then she turned and picked her phone up from where she’d left it on the bed, opening the calendar and entering JP’s career day. She was looking for a pen to fill out the volunteer form before she forgot when Mattie appeared in her doorway.
“Where’s Dad?”
“He went back to his house for a little bit,” Lois said absently, searching through her nightstand drawer for a pen she swore she’d had the other day.
“Why?” Mattie asked abruptly.
“Umm. He needed to check the mail, water the plants, you know.” Lois gave up on the pen and looked up at Mattie whose eyes were narrowed with suspicion. “It’s not a big deal, Mattie. He’ll be back soon. Do you need something? Can I help you?”
“When is Daddy going to sell his house?”
Lois was taken aback. “I don’t know. It’s kind of complicated, Mattie,” she said, too tired to try to explain housing bubbles and the real estate market.
Mattie huffed, then turned and walked away, and Lois rolled her eyes. If this was ten, she was already dreading the teen years.
***
“I have an idea,” Clark said slowly, as he climbed into bed beside her.
She looked at him with raised eyebrows, waiting.
“When I was at the house earlier, I was thinking about what a pain it’s going to be to get it ready to rent. There’s just so much stuff that we don’t need. We’re going to have to sell all the furniture. And then we’re going to have to deal with renters. Finding them, screening them, fixing damages….”
“We don’t have to rent it,” Lois said. “But what are you going to do? We’re going to have to deal with it eventually.”
“I was also thinking about what you said about my mom coming here to help with Mattie’s bake sale.”
Lois started to protest the non sequitur, and Clark held up a hand, silently asking her to give him just a minute to tie the thoughts together.
“You know I’ve been worried about my mom spending so much time alone in Smallville. And I’ve been wanting her to spend more time out here. She misses the kids so much. And if she came more often or for longer visits, she really would be a huge help to us. We could use help with stuff like bake sales and babysitting when our work schedules overlap.”
“Clark, you don’t have to sell me on having your mom visit more often.”
“I really wish she would move out here,” he said softly.
“I can’t imagine your mom ever selling the farm and leaving Smallville altogether,” Lois said gently. “That’s her home.”
“I know, but...what if she had two homes. What if she had the farm and a home here. She could come and go as much as she wanted, stay as long as she wanted without feeling like an imposition-”
“Oh, Clark,” Lois said softly, understanding finally. “It’s perfect. It’s brilliant. I love it.”
“You do?” he asked, relieved.
“Of course, I do. Can you imagine having your mom two streets away? The kids could walk over and see her anytime they want? They can keep their bedroom furniture in their rooms and have sleepovers.”
“Yes!” he said, getting excited. “Exactly. I’ve brought up the idea of moving a few times, and she always seems wistful about it. Ruby Irig moved to Kansas City last year, to be closer to her son and her grandkids. And my mom talks about her all the time, how nice it is for her to be there for the kids' games and recitals, and how they have family dinner every week. But she always comes back to not being willing to sell the farm.”
“But she wouldn’t need to sell the farm if she moved into your house,” Lois agreed. “And she wouldn’t have to make a full-time commitment. She could go back to Smallville as much as she wanted, or split her time between the houses.”
Clark nodded. “You really don’t mind?”
“Why would I mind?” she asked, genuinely confused about what possible downside there could be to this plan.
“We’ll have to carry both mortgages indefinitely.”
Lois laughed and waved a hand in the air. “Is that all? Clark, we’ve been carrying these two mortgages for the last four years. So we just keep paying what we’ve been paying this whole time, but I get you back where you belong and your mother two streets over? Yes, please.”
“Every time I think I can’t possibly love you more, you prove me wrong,” he said, threading his fingers through hers and lifting her hand for a kiss.
“What time is it in Kansas?” Lois asked, already excited. “Can we call her right now?”
Clark laughed and picked up his phone and hit the speaker phone button.
“Mom,” he said when she answered. “Lois is here too. We have some news...and a proposal for you.”
Saturday November 15, 2008
A sudden blast of cold air made Lois shiver. She stirred, slowly coming back to consciousness. She reached out an arm, but Clark’s side of the bed was still empty.
“I’m right here,” he whispered from the balcony doorway. “Sorry, I woke you. It’s freezing out there.”
He came to her side of the bed and crouched down next to her, stroking her cheek, his hand warm on her cool skin. Her eyes fluttered open and she saw he was still wearing the suit.
“What time is it?” she asked, shifting her gaze to the clock on her nightstand. 5:46. “Are you just getting home? Have you been out all night?”
He nodded. He had left shortly after dinner — Mattie smiling broadly when Lois told her casually that he was out at a rescue and would be back eventually — and had still been out when she put the kids to bed. He had been back shortly after that, just long enough to help her tidy up the kitchen and choose a movie before being summoned yet again. So she had shelved the movie and read for a while instead. She hadn’t seen any breaking news alerts, so she figured it was nothing too serious, and went to bed early expecting he would join her before long.
“Is everything okay?” she asked, stretching and starting to wake more fully. She searched his face for signs of stress or grief.
“It’s fine. I haven’t done much patrolling lately, and it was just one of those nights where it catches up with me. Nothing big, just lots of little stuff.”
She reached out and stroked his arm. “Go change and come to bed.”
He kissed her on the forehead and stood. She yawned and rolled over, waiting for him. When he slid into bed, she snuggled against his side, resting her head on his chest. He stroked her hair, and she closed her eyes and sighed contentedly.
The next thing she knew, light was pouring through the windows and she was alone in bed again. She wondered for a moment if he’d been called out yet again. Then she looked at the clock. 9:08. There was no way the kids were still sleeping.
She got out of bed quickly and rushed through her morning routine, pulling on a robe while she brushed her teeth.
She followed the sound of their voices to the kitchen, where she found Clark flipping pancakes while Mattie whisked eggs and rambled about her art project for the upcoming Art Night program at their school, and JP sat at his feet crashing matchbox cars together. She paused, overwhelmed by her love for them.
JP spotted her first. “Mommy!” he cried, jumping to his feet and running toward her.
“Gentle,” Clark reminded softly.
JP’s pace slowed and he hugged her tight around the waist without knocking her off balance.
“Thanks, buddy,” she said softly, bending to hug him back.. “That’s such a nice hug.”
She smiled at Mattie and ruffled her hair, then leaned against the counter next to Clark, so close they were touching. He leaned forward and kissed her sweetly.
“You should have let me get up with them so you could sleep in,” she said softly, stroking his cheek
He shrugged. “You looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Clark,” she started.
“Stop worrying,” he interrupted gently. “I’m fine.”
After breakfast, Lois emptied the dishwasher while Clark helped the kids clear the table. When the kids were finished, he sent them upstairs to play and then wrapped his arms around her waist at the kitchen sink, where she was running water to rinse the breakfast dishes and hand wash all the pots and pans.
She tilted her head to the side, offering him her neck, and he obliged with a series of nibbling kisses before pulling her backward, away from the sink, and streaking around the kitchen at super speed, finishing all the dishes and wiping down all the counters.
“Done,” he said with a mischievous grin, wrapping her back in his arms and kissing her neck again.
She twisted in his arms, reaching up to stroke his neck and giving him a mock annoyed look. “I was doing that,” she said.
“You’re welcome,” he teased, and Lois smiled but felt a strange, unexpected twist of concern that she couldn’t quite place.
“I’m going to the grocery store in a little bit,” Clark said, releasing her. “There’s a list on the counter if you want to add anything.”
“Don’t do that now,” she countered. “We have plenty of food for the weekend. Just relax. I’ll go tomorrow.”
“It won’t take long. I just want to grab a few things for dinner tonight.”
“Ok,” she conceded. “We need milk. I’m going to go get in the shower.”
She was halfway through her shower when Clark poked his head in the bathroom door. “I’m leaving. I’m taking the kids.”
“Why? Are you a glutton for punishment?” she asked, only half joking. As far as she was concerned, one perk to their shared custody arrangement had been the ability to grocery shop on days when the kids were with their father.
She heard him laugh. “Something like that.”
When she was dry and dressed, she found herself drawn back to her jewelry box, sliding open the bottom drawer and retrieving the rings again. She slid them on and held out her hand.
She could just wear them. They didn’t have to do it all again. No more proposals. No more weddings. They could do as Kate said and hire a lawyer to draw up whatever papers they needed to protect their family, and she could wear her rings, and they could celebrate their anniversary as if they had never stopped, and that would be that. She would have everything she said she wanted. She would be his wife in all the ways that really mattered. Just not legally.
So why did it hurt so much to imagine that?
Her mind slid back to the first time she’d worn both of her rings. Standing in the living room of Clark’s old apartment, examining her hand just as she was doing now. The way he had wrapped his arms around her from behind, his lips soft on her neck. “Hello, wife.”
The pain in her heart twisted and burrowed. She pulled the rings off and put them back in the drawer, closing it and leaving the closet quickly, forcing her mind anywhere else.
She found herself in JP’s room, making his bed and tossing toys into the toy box. A blue plastic storage bin sat open beside his dresser, full of winter clothes she still hadn’t gotten around to sorting. His drawers still held t-shirts and shorts, most of them too small for him as well as inappropriate for the weather.
She dumped the winter clothes on the bed and set the empty bin beside them. Then she opened a drawer and started sorting, making a pile on the floor to donate and folding up and storing the summer clothes that might still fit him in the spring.
While she worked, her mind wandered, but she kept it firmly away from thoughts of weddings and marriage. Eventually she started mentally outlining the next chapter in her book, and before she knew it, the drawers were empty, and she was ready to sort the winter clothes.
She found a pair of jeans he’d worn earlier in the week that fit him well and started comparing them to the others, weeding out pairs that were obviously too short and setting aside the rest to be tried on.
She was so lost in her own thoughts that it barely registered when Clark and the kids arrived home.
“There you are,” Clark said from the doorway. “I figured you’d be in your office. What are you doing?”
She gestured to the clothes all over the bed. “Sorting. He’s been dressing out of a storage tub for weeks. I need to get these clothes swapped.”
“Let me,” Clark said, reaching for the pants.
She pulled them back, her brow furrowing. “I can do it.”
“Of course you can do it,” he said with a grin. “But I can do it faster, and then you don’t have to.”
Something wasn’t right, but she still couldn’t put her finger on it. She knew he was being sweet and thoughtful, but something about his offer sat wrong.
“Come on,” he teased. “Might as well earn my keep.”
“That’s it,” she said suddenly.
“What’s it? What’s…what?” he fumbled, clearly confused.
“That’s why it’s bothering me. You keep doing things for me. Making fancy dinners. Getting up with the kids. Cleaning the kitchen. Grocery shopping. Offering to sort the clothes. I couldn’t figure out why that would bother me when you are just being sweet. But it just felt wrong. At first I thought maybe it was just triggering some of those feelings from after JP was born, when it felt like you thought I couldn’t handle anything.”
Clark put both hands in the air and shook his head. “I swear, that’s not-“
“I know, I know,” she said, waving him off. “I knew that wasn’t it. It didn’t feel like that. It just felt…off. And I just figured it out.”
She took a deep breath and set the pants down, stepping over to him and sliding her hands around his neck, waiting until his eyes were on hers. “Do you know how much I love you?” she asked quietly.
“Of course,” he said softly, his lips curving into a smile.
“Do you? Do you really? Do you know how desperately I’ve missed you? Do you know how unspeakably happy I am that you are home? Do you know I’ve dreamed of this for years? Do you know I never believed I could have this again, and I still cannot fathom why you would wait for me all this time? Do you know I’m scared to even say that out loud because I’m afraid you’ll realize I don’t deserve you back and you’ll leave? Do you know-”
She didn’t get to finish that next sentence because his lips were on hers.
When he pulled back, she could see the tenderness in his eyes as he cradled her cheek. “Lois, I will never leave you. What is this…”
“Clark, for reasons I will never truly understand, you’ve spent years waging this quiet little war to win me back. Slowly breaking down all my walls. And part of how you got past my defenses was by doing things for me. Thoughtful, sweet things. Picking the kids up on my day and bringing them to me when I worked from home so I didn’t have to stop working. Bringing me dinner to the soccer field. Fixing stuff around the house when it broke. And I think somewhere you got a wire crossed, and you think that’s how you won me back. And now you think you have to keep reminding me of all the ways you can make my life easier, all the reasons why it’s good to have you around.”
His gaze slid from hers and she nodded. “Yeah. That’s what I was feeling. That’s why it felt wrong. The truth is, that all those things you did for me -- all the favors, all the gifts -- those aren’t what made me change my mind. Those were just excuses to spend time with you. Being with you, that’s what changed my mind. Clark, I love the way you love me. You have always been so sweet and so generous. But you do not have to convince me that I want you here. I want you desperately. More than I’ve ever wanted anything. And that has absolutely nothing to do with chores or the myriad of ways you make my life easier.”
His eyes met hers again. “Making you happy makes me happy.”
“I know. And that’s one of the many reasons I love you. I’m not saying you can’t do nice things for me. I don’t even think you could stop that if you tried,” she teased. “I’m just saying…I don’t need you to sort these clothes for me. But I would really love it if you would sit here and talk to me while I do it.”
He smiled at her, a wide true smile. “I can do that.”
“Good.” She kissed him again, then stepped back over to the bed and cleared a spot for him. “Sit.”
***
“Mattie, the answers to all these questions are in the text. You aren’t even trying.” Lois handed the half-completed worksheet back to Mattie, who was sitting on a barstool at the kitchen island with a social studies book open in front of her, and walked to the refrigerator.
“I am trying! It’s not my fault this assignment is so boring.”
“Just finish it, and then you can do whatever you want,” Lois said, pulling out a bottle of beer and closing the door.
“Why can’t I do it later?” she whined.
“If you want to go to Hannah’s tomorrow, you need to get your homework done tonight,” Lois said, walking through the kitchen and back into the living room. “I’m not going to fight with you about homework tomorrow night. Just do it, Mattie. If you spent half as much time actually doing it as you’ve spent arguing with me, you’d be done by now.”
Lois handed Clark the beer and smiled as he tugged her down next to him, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “Stop arguing with your daughter and watch this game with me,” he murmured, nuzzling her cheek and kissing her.
“I’m not sure that will be any less painful,” she said wryly, looking at the score.
Clark laughed. “There’s still plenty of time.”
She snuggled into his embrace as, on the screen, the Midwest quarterback fired a pass deep into the pocket, straight into the waiting hands of a running back, who took it into the end zone easily, cutting Oklahoma’s lead in half.
“See, what did I tell you,” Clark teased. “Have a little faith.”
Clark’s phone buzzed repeatedly, and Lois laughed. “The boys liked that.”
Clark picked up the phone and tapped in the code, pulling up the group text and holding the phone where she could read it with him. Sure enough, there was a series of celebratory messages along with a little trash talking about the Oklahoma defense.
“It was a perfect throw. Even Charlie could have caught that pass,” Clark typed.
Lois couldn't help but grin. Charlie and JJ had been Clark’s best friends and roommates as well as fellow receivers during their years on the field. Their friendly competition had propelled them to division champs their final year, and they still never missed a chance to give each other grief.
Lois secretly loved that Clark still talked to his college roommates regularly. JJ lived on the west coast, and she’d only met him once, at his wedding, but Charlie lived in Chicago, and came to Metropolis for work a couple times a year. He and Clark always made it a priority to hang out when he did, and she’d spent considerably more time with him over the years.
“Haha,” Charlie replied. “Look who’s here. I figured you’d be too busy bonding with that hot wife of yours to grace us with your commentary.”
“Hot wife?” JJ replied immediately. “Did she finally take his dumb ass back?”
“Oh god,” Clark said, closing out of the text app and setting the phone on the end table.
Lois turned to face him, unable to stop the laughter at the blush creeping across his face. The phone buzzed again, and she laughed even harder. “You want to check that?”
“Nope,” he said. “I’m good.”
The phone buzzed again, and Lois laughed even harder, snuggling back into her previous position with her head on his chest.
Another buzz, and Clark sighed and shook his head in humiliated resignation as he reached for the phone. He tapped in the code, and brought the text chain back up. He scrolled past four more messages from past teammates demanding clarification about whether Clark had finally persuaded his hot wife to take him back, along with a reply from Charlie confirming that Clark had moved back in.
“Sorry, Kent,” Charlie wrote. “Didn’t realize it wasn’t common knowledge yet.”
“About damn time,” JJ replied. “Maybe now he’ll stop mooning around all lovesick.”
“My hot wife is sitting right here and can read all of these messages. So thank you very much,” Clark typed, hitting send and laughing self-deprecatingly.
“Oops,” Charlie replied. “Hi, Lois.”
“Whoops,” JJ added. “Uhh. Disregard that last message. Clark definitely hasn’t been moping pathetically for years. Nope. Not at all.”
A cascade of LOLs and hahahas followed, and Lois laughed along with them. Then she leaned back, tilting her head up to look at him. He met her gaze and laughed, still clearly embarrassed but giving in to it. She reached up and stroked his cheek, then curled her hand around his head and pulled him down for a kiss.
The playful kiss turned needy fast as the words “my hot wife” flashed in front of her eyes repeatedly. She couldn’t deny the thrill she felt every time he called her his wife, but she ached for the time when the title was more than just symbolic.
Clark pulled back and looked at her, feeling the shift in her mood and checking in. He stroked her cheek and kissed her gently, tenderly, soothing her.
They separated again, and he kept his hand on her cheek, his gaze on hers. “What’s happening in your brain?” he whispered.
She shook her head, not ready to talk about it.
“Done!” Mattie exclaimed.
“Let me check it,” Lois said, her voice wobbly. She took a deep breath and pulled herself out of his arms, standing. She felt his eyes on her as she made her way to the kitchen.
“Come on,” Mattie whined. “It’s fine! Why do you always-”
“Mattie,” Clark said, his voice low and warning. “Watch how you talk to your mother. That’s enough.”
Mattie huffed and rolled her eyes as Lois pulled the worksheet from the counter and skimmed it quickly.
“Number six is wrong. This answer doesn’t even make sense. Try again.”
“Oh my god!” Mattie burst out, balling her hands into fists and slamming them down on the counter.
Her right hand landed on her pencil, and she and Lois watched as it crumbled to sawdust. Mattie looked up, silent and wide eyed, terrified by what she had done. Lois reached out immediately and put a hand on her arm. “It’s okay, sweet girl,” she whispered.
“Clark? Can you come here, please?” Lois called.
His head snapped up at her tone, and he was beside her in a second. She nodded at the obliterated pencil on the counter and his eyebrows crept up. “I guess it’s a good thing we had that talk when we did,” he said softly. “Come here, Mattie-girl.”
She collapsed into his arms, and he held her tight. “It’s okay. Let’s go outside for a bit and have a chat, see what we can do.”
“I have to fix number six,” she said, pulling out of his embrace and reaching for the worksheet.
“It’s okay, Mattie,” Lois said. “Leave it. We’ll fix it later. Go get a coat and go with Daddy.”
“I don’t need a coat,” she said quietly. “I won’t be cold. I’m never cold.”
Lois took a deep breath, taking in that information. “Okay. That’s fine. Go ahead.”
