[Chapter 7: Memory]Superman, or Kal-El apparently, stayed on the couch, not quite sure what to do as Lois dashed to the door. He still felt out of it and that was before including his lack of memories.
"Perry, thanks for coming," she said as two men entered her apartment.
"No problem, honey. This is Dr. Ngo. He and I go way back. He works at Metropolis General and is essentially their head-trauma expert. I was lucky enough to catch him on his day off," Perry said, going behind her as she closed the door.
"Even if it wasn't my day off, I would have come. The world owes a lot to Superman," Dr. Ngo said.
Dr. Ngo was a middle-aged, asian gentleman. He was in casual attire but his posture was rather regal. He carried a large briefcase, and Kal-El suspected medical equipment was within.
Perry and Ngo immediately spotted him sitting on the couch beyond the entry room and both straightened before Lois led the way.
“Superman, this is Perry White and Dr. Ngo,” Lois introduced.
He tried not to appear too self-conscious as he nodded in greeting. “Hi.”
He inwardly winced. He doubted ‘Superman’ would greet anyone like that.
“How are you feeling?” Perry asked as he looked at him in obvious concern.
“Tired, but better than earlier,” he answered honestly.
“I was told you were confused before and were bleeding from your ear. Would you mind if I took a look at you?” Dr. Ngo asked, slowly stepping forward.
Superman felt a sudden rise in apprehension and he had no idea why. He suddenly felt hot and wanted space.
“What are you going to do?” he asked. His breathing quickened.
Lois moved past Ngo and stopped by the couch. He felt relieved by the buffer she unknowingly created just by her presence.
“Check your vitals and responses. I suspect you have a concussion, which, considering what happened, makes a great deal of sense. If you do have a concussion, I want to make sure the symptoms are not getting worse."
Well, that didn't seem too difficult.
"Alright." He took a deep breath, and he suspected they all took note of it.
"Would you prefer they leave the room?" Dr. Ngo asked.
"No! No. They can stay," he said. He clasped his hands in front of himself and looked at them all apologetically.
"You can relax, son. We're all here to help," Perry assured.
Kal-El focused on him, and he was struck by a sensation of familiarity. Just like Lois, he knew he knew this person. He looked at Ngo and felt no familiarity at all. He turned back to Perry, who was looking at him with some growing concern.
"I know you, don't I?" Kal-El asked.
As soon as he asked, he wished he hadn't. Perry looked like he had been punched in the gut.
"Of course, Superman. Do you . . .?" Perry looked uncertainly at Lois who sighed softly.
"He doesn't remember anything, Perry," Lois supplied. "Nothing about himself, either."
"Do you know who the president is, Superman?" Dr. Ngo asked.
"President Daniel Smith," he said.
"What did you do this morning?" he asked.
"I have no idea," Superman said. "Lois said I went into space and hit an asteroid."
"Dissociative amnesia. It's where you forget things about your life, and it can be all encompassing or only in certain areas," Dr. Ngo explained. "It typically occurs after an experience of overwhelming stress, such as a traumatic event like war, abuse, an accident, or disaster. Considering recent events, I think it's fair to say you're suffering from a generalized case of dissociative amnesia because of your impact with Nightfall," he said, turning to Superman at the end.
"What can we do?" Lois asked before Kal-El could ask for information about 'Nightfall'.
"Keep him around people and surroundings he should know, discuss his life with him and be patient. Basic 'talk therapy' typically helps," Ngo said.
"So his memories can return?" Perry asked.
"Most cases of dissociative amnesia are relatively short. Often, memories return suddenly and completely, although it can come in bursts over time. Memory recovery can be triggered by something in the person’s surroundings or in therapy," Ngo explained. "So the outlook there is very good, and the fact he felt he knew you, Perry, that's certainly a positive sign."
Lois and Perry sighed in relief as Ngo took a moment to get his stethoscope, otoscope, blood pressure cuff, and penlight out.
Kal-El took off the gray shirt Lois had given him, figuring it would help Dr. Ngo examine him faster.
"Alright, take a deep breath for me please," Ngo said, beginning the physical examination.
Superman did as instructed.
"How's your eyesight? Blurry or double vision? Spots?" Ngo asked as he moved on and used his penlight.
"It was hard to focus earlier, but that's gone away," Superman said, now following Ngo's finger with his eyes.
"Your responses are all good, now for your ears," Ngo said, quickly moving along.
After checking his blood pressure, he was done. Kal-El put the shirt back on, relieved.
"Well, I did see some blood in the ear canal, but couldn't see any damage or swelling indicative of head trauma. I suspect your abilities lend you some superior healing on top of your strength and such," Ngo said thoughtfully. "How does your head feel?"
"Better. The floor doesn't feel like it's tilting anymore and it doesn't hurt as much or feel as . . . heavy?"
"Pressure anywhere?"
"It was here, but it's just here now," he said, pointing near the top back of his head before sliding it over a bit.
Ngo hummed in thought. "If you were anyone else I'd take you in for an MRI or a CT scan, but I'm not sure we'd get any useful images," Ngo said with a frown. "However, the rate of your improvement assures me we don't need to see anything and that helping you recover your memories will be more productive than having you travel to the hospital and undergo a scan that often takes several hours."
Scans sounded horrible. He was really glad he managed to avoid them.
“Oh, and you can sleep. I know the common belief is that you can’t let someone with a concussion sleep, but I’m confident you’re on the mend and that sleep is safe for you. And actually, it’s probably the best thing you can do for yourself at the moment,” Ngo continued.
"Alright. Thank you, doctor," he said, grateful.
"It's my pleasure, Superman."
"Well, I think all things considered you're better off staying with Lois, Superman," Perry said. "Other than Clark Kent, she knows you the best as far as I know. Unfortunately, Clark is out of town, but I can try calling him if you wish."
"Okay," he said. Maybe Clark could tell him more about his powers.
"Alright, we have a plan. Do either of you need anything?" Perry asked, looking at both him and Lois.
Superman shook his head.
"No, Chief, we're set, I think, but what are you going to do? I mean, with the fact he's back. . . ." She looked uneasily between them and Kal-El was confused.
"I think we can say that Superman made it back and sent the Daily Planet a message, asking us to inform the world of his return while he focuses on recovering. We can leave it vague, saying that's all he really told us," Perry said, looking questioningly at Superman. "And actually, we should call the Superman Foundation first."
Confused but confident Perry knew best, Kal-El nodded, giving permission for that plan.
Lois sagged in relief before looking at Dr. Ngo.
He lifted his hands up in surrender. “Doctor-patient confidentiality. I was never here, but I can come back if you need me,” he said.
Lois smiled and Kal-El was again struck by how beautiful she looked.
“Thanks," Lois said.
“Of course.”
"Okay. We'll head out now, but don't hesitate to call me if you need anything or if you need to talk to Dr. Ngo," Perry said.
"Yes. And try not to force yourself to remember. Everything is still in there. It’ll come,” Ngo advised.
“Thanks again,” Superman said.
“No, thank you, Superman. You’ll understand when you remember, but it’s a great honor to be able to help you. Let me know if you ever need me again,” Ngo said, before stepping back with Perry.
Lois escorted Perry and Dr. Ngo out and closed the door behind them. Kal-El tried not to look too relieved when Lois turned back around and faced him. Just her and him. He felt so exhausted, and not just physically. He was ready to sleep.
“You take my bed, it’s much more comfortable and it’ll take me time to bring out the inflatable mattress,” Lois said, taking charge, which was alright with him.
If he hadn’t been so tired, he might have pushed back on taking her bed, but he really just wanted to rest.
“Okay. Thanks. Sleep sounds really good,” he admitted.
She led him back to her room and he slid into bed soon after.
“Are you thirsty or anything?” she asked.
“No thanks, I’m fine,” he assured.
“Okay,” she said, pulling back and turning off the immediate light.
“I’m going to clean up and then I’ll just be out there if you need me,” she said.
He was so tired and already slipping into dreamland that he barely managed to hum his understanding.
O o O o O
Lois quietly fixed coffee the next morning, not wanting to disturb Superman. Kal-El. He was still sleeping, which she wasn’t surprised by.
She called Perry and gave him a quick update. He immediately reassured her that she didn’t need to bother coming in for work. She was both relieved by and uneasy with the impromptu day off.
She was grateful to be able to continue helping Kal-El, but what if he remembered?
Of course, she wanted him to remember who he was, but she was afraid of what he would do if his memories all came back in her presence. Or worse, if only the worst memories returned.
Hopefully her help since she found him would help ease whatever anger might still be there.
She looked at the muted television currently on LNN as she quietly stirred her coffee.
The Daily Planet had already written the article with news of Superman’s return. The world was now rejoicing.
Perry hadn't been able to reach Clark or the Kents. He would try again later in the day and get back with her. She wouldn't be surprised if they were out celebrating with the rest of the world.
Kal-El had done it. He had saved them all. He had saved his home.
She smiled softly as she brought the mug up to her lips.
"Urgh." She grimaced and quickly put it down, nearly gagging at the smell.
She looked down at the light brown fluid. Had the milk gone bad? It should have still had a few more good days.
Before she could think on it further, she heard Superman coming down the hallway.
"Uh, Lois?" he asked, uncertain.
"Morning," she said with a smile.
He had combed his hair back and was looking much more like himself, sans suit.
"Morning," he returned, before looking at the clock behind her. "But it's 12:20."
"Close enough," she said, for a moment allowing herself to briefly forget what she had done months before as he smiled at her. “Are you hungry? I did fix coffee, but I’m afraid the milk went bad.”
“I’m okay. I don’t think I’m hungry,” he said with a shrug.
“Well, you did once tell me that you don’t need to eat, but you like to,” she said thoughtfully.
“I don’t need to eat?” he asked, baffled.
“That’s what you told me,” she said. “I think you must get everything you need from the sun.”
Superman frowned, obviously troubled.
“I know you must have a lot of questions,” she said. “Why don’t you sit and I’ll try to answer what I can.”
He joined her at the table in the chair right beside her.
“What would you like to know?” she asked once he had settled and turned to her.
He looked down at his hands and gave a shaky breath before glancing up at her.
“Am I human?” he finally asked.
That had not been the first question she had expected, but she supposed she should have.
“Well, no. You’re Kryptonian. You’re from the planet Krypton,” she explained, not sure what else to add. She wished she knew more.
“I’m . . . an alien?” he asked, his expression too blank for Lois to discern just yet.
“Technically, I suppose, but I don’t know of anyone who views you like that, at least in a negative way,” she said.
“Mr. White mentioned someone named Clark who knows me the best, so does that mean there’s no other Kryptonians we could talk to?” he asked.
Lois couldn’t help but bite her bottom lip before reaching out and placing her hand over his.
“You’re the only one on Earth, as far as I know,” she answered softly.
“Oh.”
The only word Lois could think of to describe Kal-El right then was ‘forlorn.’
“But you did tell me your parents . . . um, Lara and Jor-El, left you something. A globe. Clark will know more about that because he kept it for a time," she said, hoping he wouldn’t inquire too much about that fiasco.
"Lara and Jor-El," he said slowly. "And my name is Kal-El. I wonder if El is like a last name?"
"I could see that being the case. I also know your crest, the 'S' shield, is sort of like a family symbol. I saw a picture of your father once and he wore the same thing," she said, latching onto that fragment of a memory after seeing how much Superman was seeking any bit of information about his past.
"Really?" he asked, a glimmer of excitement suddenly in his voice.
"Yeah. I'm sorry I don't know more," she said, wishing more than ever before that she had inquired more about his family when she had had the chance.
She squeezed his hand.
O o O
Kal-El looked up from her hand on his.
"That’s okay, I’m glad to be told this much. And . . . thanks,” he said, meeting her eyes.
The second that passed seemed to span a full minute instead of a blink. He could hear her heartbeat and it was a balm to his soul as he breathed in the smell of vanilla and honey that seemed to be all over her.
In his mind’s eye, he could feel her hands on his back before sliding up onto his shoulders. He felt her warmth against his bare skin, her lips on his flesh and her fingers in his hair.
What he had remembered before, that had been real – he knew that now. They were together.
Was she afraid of telling him too soon? Afraid it would ruin their relationship?
He leaned forward, compelled to get closer as he looked deeper into her eyes.
Their lips barely met and bliss instantly surged, but before it could become more it was abruptly cut short with a gasp.
He opened his eyes to find Lois suddenly on the other side of the table away from him, breathing heavily and flushed. There were tears in her eyes.
He straightened and stood up, backing away from the table to give her more space.
“I–I’m sorry! I remembered something. I-I thought we were — I’m so sorry,” he stammered.
He had felt so high for a split second that this low was violently stifling.
He didn’t know what to do as she began to cry, covering her face with her hands.
“Please, I–I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said, feeling shredded.
“It’s–you didn’t do anything, I just can’t,” she said between shuddering breaths. “I care too much about you to repeat a horrible mistake.”
“What?” he asked, feeling struck.
She saw his face and hurried back toward him, tears on her cheeks. She stopped an arm’s reach in front of him.
“I . . . a few months ago, I . . . you. . . .” She closed her eyes and forced herself to calm down, if only a little. “I took advantage of you. There was a compound, a pheromone that, well, took away your self control, your inhibitions . . . and you came to me. I didn’t stop us. I didn’t make any serious attempt to stop things,” she said, not meeting his eyes.
She was so ashamed.
She then told him what had happened from the beginning. Told him everything.
She remained standing in the middle of her kitchen as he stepped back and silently sat down in his chair.
Confusion was only a fraction of what he was feeling.
He knew everything she had just confessed was the truth, but even now he knew he still loved her.
However, he could also now feel a distant twinge of deep hurt.
What she had done had hurt him. He could recall the sensation in that moment, even though he couldn’t remember the circumstances around it with any real clarity.
But he also knew there was more. More that had come after. It was the only thing that explained why his feelings felt so layered.
And why he loved her more.
“Did you . . . did you talk to me after that day?” Kal-El asked in the silence that was threatening to drown them.
“No. I didn’t have any right to try. I was certain it wouldn’t help anything,” she whispered. “But . . . but you did send me a letter through Clark, just before Nightfall.”
“What did I write?” he asked.
She gave a muffled sniffle. “I haven’t read it. I’m too afraid to. You should hate me.”
He took a deep breath.
“Lois,” he whispered. “Look at me.”
Lois slowly lifted her face, her eyes red-rimmed. She forced herself to meet his eyes.
“Read it,” he said. “I don’t remember what I wrote, but I know I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. I really don’t think you have anything to fear.”
“It’s . . . it’s in my nightstand,” she managed.
“Go read it,” he encouraged. “Go read it now. I’ll be here.”
She looked back down, giving a grateful sob. “Okay.”
She walked out of the kitchen, leaving him alone. Alone with his thoughts and the cold coffee.
O o O o O
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