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License To Love

Part 5:

After her fight with Clark, Lois had cried herself to sleep. When she'd woken up the next morning, her eyes had still been puffy. She had splashed her face with cold water and applied her make-up more carefully than she usually would. When she'd been done, the visible evidence of last night had been less pronounced, less likely to incur the curiosity of her fellow reporters.

Unfortunately, it took more than restoring her outer appearance to get her through the day. Her emotions were a confusing jumble, a complete and utter mess. She wanted to be angry with Clark, and she was. Furious! Mad! Livid! But at the same time, she couldn't be all those things. The baffling truth was that she was aching for him just as much as she was aching for herself.

It would have been so much easier to deal with her own feelings if he'd just been another jerk who had broken her heart. Someone who'd made her believe that he loved her when all he'd really wanted was a notch in his bedpost.

But even though Clark had behaved much like one of those jerks, she knew that he'd done it because he really loved her—to the point of sacrificing his own happiness because of some dumb notion that he posed a threat to her. And that was just as incredibly sweet as it was annoying as hell.

Lois needed someone to talk to because all these emotions were threatening to tear her apart. But the only person she could think of who had a prayer of understanding her, was Martha Kent. And while she was sure that the older woman wouldn't mind lending her a sympathetic ear, it was likely that she was dealing with someone else's problems.

At least, Lois desperately hoped that Clark was with her right now, seeking her advice rather than closing himself off. Out of the two of them, it was quite obvious who needed Martha's assistance the most.

The two women had forged a friendship while trying to get the man they both loved to talk about his past. They had mostly succeeded in getting him to open up about his feelings and fears. But whenever they asked specifics about his time at Bureau 39, he simply clammed up. He never revealed anything but the barest details concerning the exact content of his nightmares or the effects of the green crystal. All Lois knew was that Trask usually taunted Clark and tried to kill him by exposing him to the stuff.

What he'd told her about yesterday's nightmare had been much more than he'd revealed in a long time. And she wished that he'd stayed to actually let her in so that she could help him. But he'd run and now she was left to deal with her own emotions.

Lois made it through most of the day by throwing herself into her work. She even volunteered for a press conference that was bound to be boring, just to keep herself occupied. She met with every source she could get a hold of. As long as she was out chasing stories, she managed not to think too much about last night's devastating end. But it was a lot harder not to get distracted while she was supposed to be typing up her articles in the newsroom.

She had hoped that Clark would call. But if he had, she had missed him. Whenever the elevator dinged, she would look up, hoping that Clark had decided to drop by after all. But of course he didn't. And with his current state of mind, it wasn't likely that he ever would.

Not after she had called him an idiot.

Lois' heart clenched in despair. Her only hope was that he'd already been too far gone to hear her. After the parade of federal disasters that were her love life, it was just her luck that the one decent guy on Planet Earth was a superpowered alien with some serious trust issues.

The afternoon turned into the evening and she still wasn’t closer to a solution to her problems. But quite honestly, she was reluctant to call it a day, because being left alone with her broken heart was not something she was looking forward to.

A voice next to her pulled her from her musings. "Earth to Lois.”

She looked up, slightly irritated, and found Jimmy standing in front of her desk.

He smiled. “Everything okay? I called your name like three times.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Lois all but snapped. “What’s the matter?”

He grimaced. "There's an apartment building on fire in Midtown. Perry wants the two of us on it. Now.”

Lois frowned. “Apartment building fire?” she echoed.

How had she missed that? Was she already losing her edge? Damn Clark Kent, indeed.

"Don't worry."Jimmy held up his hands appeasingly. "Perry only just heard about it. I managed to convince him that you’d need a photographer.”

Lois got up with a jolt. This was just what she needed. A story to chase that would keep her thoughts from drifting back to Clark over and over again. She grabbed her coat and her purse.

“Let’s get going,” she said excitedly.

Jimmy seemed slightly taken aback that she wasn’t arguing his presence, but obviously decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Together, they headed straight for the elevators. Only minutes later, they were out on the street and hailing a cab. They were lucky to get one quickly and soon they were on their way toward Midtown.

While they were sitting side by side in the back of the cab, Jimmy was surreptitiously eying her now and again. “You sure, you’re okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Lois replied defensively. “Why shouldn’t I be?”

“You kind of look like you’re a little lovesick,” Jimmy said quietly.

She stared at him, completely thrown off balance. “I do? What makes you think that?”

He grimaced, already seeming to regret he'd said anything but realizing it was too late to back out. “Been there more times than I care to count.” His expression turned sympathetic. “Am I right?”

Lois let out a huff. Just this morning she had cursed her fate that she didn’t have someone to talk to. But Jimmy? He hardly seemed like a good choice.

If Jimmy caught up on her reluctance to share her problems, he ignored the notion. “That bad, huh?”

“Worse,” Lois heard herself say without consciously deciding to.

“Is it this Clark guy I met during the Lex debacle?” Jimmy asked warily. The muscles in his forehead twitched as if he was trying very hard not to frown. "I think you… uh…mentioned him once or twice since then."

“Uh huh,“ Lois rubbed her forehead. "Look, Jimmy. I don't mean to be rude, but this really is none of your business."

"I know, and I'm sorry I brought it up." He cringed, looking rather embarrassed. "It's just - I don't know how you see it - but I consider you my friend. And I haven't seen you this upset since I started working at the Daily Planet. Shortly after Claude."

Lois raised her brows in a questioning look.

Jimmy bit his lip and cast his eyes down as if he was hoping for the earth to swallow him. "Cat might have mentioned him."

Lois rolled her eyes. "Of course she did."

"I realize I'm sticking my foot deep in my mouth, huh?" He chuckled uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "I… what I mean to say is that if you need anyone to knock some sense into him or get him to take a hike, I… I'd gladly help."

"That's sweet, Jimmy." Lois couldn't help but smile.

And for a brief moment, she allowed herself to indulge in the mental picture of Jimmy trying to knock some sense into Clark. It did wonders for her foul mood. She laughed and gave Jimmy's hand a quick squeeze.

Suddenly, she felt a lot more comfortable around him. "Thanks, but I'm pretty sure I can deal with him on my own. He's not really a jerk, you know? Though he could most definitely use someone to set him straight." She heaved a sigh. "But if I were you, I wouldn't risk a fight, Jimmy. He's not the violent type. But if he was, you'd lose."

Before Jimmy had a chance to say anything else, the cab slowed down and pulled to the side of the street. Lois looked outside, spotting the flashing blue and red lights of police cars securing the street.

"We're here." Lois fumbled for her purse and paid the driver.

As they were getting out of the cab, Lois realized it was already getting dark.

Thick clouds of smoke were rising from a large apartment building on the end of the street. Flames were leaking out of several windows. Fire trucks and ambulances were parked around the building. Some of the firefighters were spraying the building with water, while others went inside, trying to get the people out who were trapped by the fire.
Lois felt her stomach clench in dread. With the blazing inferno raging in the upper half of the building, it didn't seem likely that they would be very successful. She looked around.

Some EMTs were taking care of people who had managed to get out on their own. Others were waiting at a safe distance, staring at the main entrance. Now and again, a firefighter helped someone outside. The firefighters who went inside took turns, giving each other time to get their bearings before they entered the building once again.
Lois and Jimmy looked for people they could interview. They talked to residents, EMTs and firefighters, took photos and watched with a mix of awe and despair as the emergency services fought against the odds.

Though, strangely enough, the odds didn't actually seem that firmly stacked against the firefighters as Lois had first believed. It looked like most people, who were living on the upper floors, had made it far enough downstairs to be fairly easy rescues before they had collapsed. And even though the fire hoses appeared much too short, the raging flames died much more quickly than Lois had expected they would.

The fire seemed under control by the time Lois reached a pay phone to call in her story. As she waited for someone at the city desk to pick up, she spotted a firefighter leaving the building. His stance was vaguely familiar.

Lois didn't leave him out of her sight as she rattled off her story. There was something about the man that piqued her curiosity. He seemed nervous, constantly looking around. One of his colleagues slapped on his shoulder and he gestured toward one of the fire trucks that were standing at the far side of the building. The other man nodded. Then the firefighter walked off, heading for the truck.

But before he reached it, he slipped into the shadows of another building. Lois hurried to finish her call and hung up. She followed the mysterious man, running as fast as she could without making too much noise with her shoes.

The man before her took off his helmet and mask. Then he shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped his things into a tight bundle. He stuffed them into some kind of duffle bag that he hung around his shoulders. They were broad and muscular. As far as Lois could see in the faint light of the street lamps, his hair was short and dark. The feeling that she knew the man increased with every second that she followed him. The way he walked, avoiding the light as best he could, trying to become one with the shadows.

“Clark?” Lois didn’t raise her voice, speaking just loud enough that only he would hear her.

The man whipped around, staring at her with wide eyes. For an agonizing moment she thought that he’d run again, and she cursed her fate that there was literally nothing in her power to stop him. But then he visibly relaxed and waited for her. His lovely features were covered in soot, still she could see a faint smile playing around his lips.

“I should have known you’d be here,” he said softly.

It was so good to hear the low rumble of his voice again. He'd been gone for less than a day, still she'd missed him. And until now, Lois hadn't realized just how much she'd yearned to see him, how much she'd feared that he would stay gone.

Now, he was here of all places.

“Clark, what are you doing -” She interrupted herself. The implications of his presence hit her with sudden clarity. “Wait a moment. You helped all those people downstairs, didn’t you? You put out the flames.”

His eyes widened again until he looked like a deer in headlights. “You… they noticed?”

She could sense his panic. So much pain was hidden in his gaze that it took her breath away.

Lois shook her head. “No one suspects a thing." She wanted to do something to comfort him beyond what words could offer. But after last night, she wasn't sure how he'd react. "They’re talking about dumb luck. But with you here, I surmise that luck has very little to do with what happened here.”

He relaxed somewhat and nodded sadly. “Too many people didn’t make it downstairs before they passed out. I found a lot of them still high up in the staircase. Some were still in their apartments. Most of them were unconscious.” He harrumphed uneasily. “And I…uh…knocked out the people who weren’t.”

“Could have been falling debris,” Lois suggested with a mischievous smile.

“I guess so.” Clark sounded incredibly guilty, despite the fact that he’d just saved the lives of so many people. He looked at his feet and let out a huge sigh. “I could have done so much more. But if I had, then perhaps someone would have started to suspect that something strange was going on.”

Lois' need to pull him into a firm embrace turned overwhelming. It took a conscious effort to hold herself back.

“You did great,” she said instead. “And I’m very proud of you!”

“You are?” Surprise was written across his face.

“Yes, of course,” Lois insisted. She gave his appearance a thorough once over. “So that was the plan you didn’t want to talk about? Using your powers to help people, dressed up as a firefighter?”

He nodded. “I've also got uniforms of a police officer and an EMT." His voice was barely above a whisper, as if part of him was ashamed of the deception. "It’s killing me to listen to the cries of people in need of help, knowing that I could make a difference if only I weren’t such a damn coward.”

“You're not a coward, Clark.” Lois couldn’t stop herself any longer. She reached out and cupped his cheek. For a wonderful moment the magic was back.

Then he pulled back, an apologetic expression on his face. ”Don’t, Lois. I’m dirty and I smell atrocious.”

Her throat constricted and, suddenly, she felt tears prick in her eyes. She was helpless against it, though fighting tooth and nail to keep them at bay. She didn’t want to cry. Not now, not when he kept pushing her away. She was angry with Clark, and it just wouldn’t do to collapse in front of him, because that wasn’t the Lois Lane she wanted to be. She gritted her teeth, preparing herself to give him a piece of her mind, and at the same time knowing very well that all that could leave her throat now were heart wrenching sobs.

She saw him swallow. He cast his eyes down. “I’m so sorry about yesterday. I know I shouldn’t have run. That was a pretty stupid thing to do.”

“Yes, it was,” she managed hoarsely.

“I was freaked out of my mind,” Clark admitted softly. “That’s… that's no excuse for the way I treated you, but -” He took a deep breath. “Do you think we could talk now?”

She desperately wanted to. Now that he was with her and willing to talk, she didn’t want to leave him out of her sight. But then she remembered Jimmy and that he was going to be worried when she just left without saying a word. She couldn’t do that to him or Perry for that matter.

“Before we can talk, I need to find Jimmy and get back to the Daily Planet,” she said.

Clark nodded. “Then later, perhaps? I have another few hours left before my nightshift at the docks starts.”
“Later,” Lois agreed. “You could pick up some take-out and come to my place.”

“How about you come to my apartment as soon as you’re done at the newspaper?” Clark suggested. “It’s closer and I’d rather we start as soon as possible. This might take a while to explain.”

Lois couldn’t quite hide her surprise. It was a rare occasion that he invited her over. She had only seen the place two or three times since he'd rented it. Her heart fluttered excitedly. Oh, she hoped he was willing to give them a chance.

***

A little over an hour later, Lois knocked at Clark’s door. While she had touched up her story before submitting it for printing, Clark had obviously used the time to shower. He looked clean shaven and smelled of soap rather than soot as he let her in. The tight-fitting jeans and a dark blue shirt looked really good on him. He'd rolled up the long sleeves and now they revealed his muscular forearms. Lois' mouth ran dry and it took a conscious effort not to ogle him as she stepped inside.

The last time she'd seen his apartment, it had been very sparsely furnished. He'd had a small kitchenette and a table he'd bought from the previous tenant. He’d still been living out of an old suitcase, and his personal belongings had fit into a single box.

Now, there was a comfortable looking sofa taking up most of the small apartment. One corner of the room was occupied by a desk. Right next to it was a bookshelf and a dresser. A bed was still noticeably missing. But then Lois spotted a rolled up tatami mattress in another corner of the room.

Though Clark had done nothing to make her feel unwelcome, Lois desperately missed the comfortable atmosphere of their friendship. Meeting him did not usually feel this awkward.

She plastered a smile on her face, trying her best to settle for a casual conversation. "I love what you did with the place."

Clark looked around, seeming a bit overwhelmed with the compliment. "Thank you. It still doesn't quite feel like home but I'm getting there. Something seems to be missing, though I don't know what that would be."

Seeing Clark standing in his own apartment like some piece of seriously misplaced luggage, Lois had a fair idea what he was missing - roots. But that wasn't something he would just grow if she told him that, so she kept the thought to herself.

"I got us some Chinese take-out," Clark said, his voice strangely formal. He pointed at the table that he'd set with a nice white tablecloth and two plates. A bamboo container was sitting in the middle of it.

Lois eyed him curiously. "Authentic?"

Clark stuffed his hands deep into the pockets of his pants and shifted from one foot to the other. "Quite. I hope you don't mind?"

"Why would I?" Lois wished she could just tear down the invisible wall between them. "Is it the same place you got the food from when we still barely knew each other?"
He nodded. "It is. You told me you loved the food. And I figured, I'd have some groveling to do."

A tentative smile spread across his lips, tearing a crack into his tight barrier. Lois stepped toward, determined to use any opportunity she got. She reached out to touch his shoulder, ran her hand down his arm, guiding him to pull his hand out of his pocket so she could take it in hers.
"No need to grovel," Lois said softly.

She placed a soft kiss on his knuckles and lightly stroked the back of his hands. She saw him stiffen. Her heart clenched in a strange mixture of sympathy, despair and fear.

"You were scared, I get that," Lois said past the lump in her throat. "What I don't understand is why you aren't afraid of hurting people when you knock them out, but you're terrified of kissing me."

He hung his head and gave her a self-conscious smile. "Because I'm pretty good at knocking out people. Kissing wasn't part of the training."

Clark stepped back. Lois felt her throat tighten even more. She didn't want him to retreat back into his snail shell. But to her surprise, he didn't let go of her hand. Gently, he guided her toward the table.

His expression turned wry as he pulled out a chair for her. “Scardino's James Bond analogy only goes so far."
Lois sat down, feeling a bit dazed by his admission. "So, you have never kissed anyone before me?"

Clark shook his head, taking a seat across from her. He unpacked the bamboo containers, seemingly completely engrossed with the task. Lois swallowed hard. She shouldn't be surprised. After all, she had kind of known what Clark's past had been like, though he hadn't divulged much detail about his time at Bureau 39.

Clark looked at her, and already Lois felt herself drown in the dark pools of his eyes.

"I wasn't terrified of kissing you," he said quietly. "What scared me was the intensity of the emotions running through me. They made me lose control of my powers and that can never happen."

Lois reached for his hand. "You floated a few inches above the ground. I'd hardly call that losing control of your powers."

Lois could feel his hand twitch as he, successfully, fought the impulse to pull it back.

Clark's lips became a tight line. "You don't understand, Lois. It's been many years since I lost control to even that extent." He took a deep breath. "And I haven't been floating in my sleep since I was eighteen. Trust me, this is bad."

He averted his gaze and pulled his hand back after all, retreating in on himself. His jaw tensed and his motions looked meticulously controlled as he apportioned rice on both their plates. Then he handed Lois a spoon to help herself to some of the various dishes he had brought.
Lois frowned as she heaved some food on her plate. "I still don't quite understand why you're so worried. This might be something like sleepwalking. Sometimes that's caused by stress. Your life changed completely during the past year. That's bound to have some side effects."

Clark's jaw tensed even more. "It's not just a stress reaction, Lois. It might have been some kind of sleepwalking when the floating first started."

He let out a slow breath and gritted his teeth. His gaze fixed on her with an intensity that sent a shiver down her spine.
Clark's voice was strangely hollow as he spoke again. "When Bureau 39 discovered that I had developed that particular nightly habit, they put a stop to it."

Lois blinked. Her mouth went dry, because she dreaded the answer. "How?"

Clark cleared his throat. "They exposed me to the green crystal every time I would float while asleep."

Lois stared at him. "It makes you lose your powers, doesn't it? But… but they could have killed you!" A shudder ran through her body.

"Losing my powers isn't the worst this stuff does to me," Clark replied grimly. "It hurt when Luthor shot me. But that was nothing…nothing compared to the pain this crystal inflicts on me. It's like every cell in my body is on fire." His eyes widened slightly. Hastily, he reached for his glass as if he hadn't meant to say that much.

Lois clapped her hand in front of her mouth. Her stomach clenched with guilt as she remembered how she had accidentally exposed him to the green crystal. That he'd exposed himself because her actions had almost resulted in blowing his cover. He hadn't mentioned it again and she'd really never dared to ask.

"Oh my gosh," she whispered. "Clark, why didn't you tell me how much I'd hurt you then? I'm so, so sorry."

His stern expression softened as he met her eyes and reached for her hand. A surge of electricity ran through her. His touch still held the same magic and in this very moment he no longer appeared withdrawn. His gaze flickered with barely concealed emotions, a raw need that she hadn't quite expected.

"Don't be," he said warmly. "You didn’t mean to hurt me, I know that. Besides, if you hadn’t opened that box, maybe I wouldn’t have needed rescuing after Luthor had shot me." His lips curled into a slight smile. "And I’d still be a lot unhappier than I am now. So, actually, I owe you a debt of gratitude, even though it was a painful experience at first.”

He bit his lips as if, once again, he feared he'd said too much. His cheeks were flushed as he reached for a pair of chopsticks and started to eat like he’d lived in China all his life.

Lois was still reeling with what he’d just told her about his past. “How often did they use that crystal on you?”

Clark grimaced. “Regularly. They discovered it was a good way to discipline me. Every time I’d lose control over one of my powers, they exposed me. I did everything I could to avoid that kind of pain.” He put his chopsticks down as if her question had made him lose his appetite.

Lois felt her own stomach tighten. She wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to reveal all those things, if it was too painful for him to relive them.

But before she had a chance to speak, he continued. His eyes didn't meet hers, his voice was flat, almost mechanical. “But when I could perfectly control my powers they worked at making me control my reaction to the green crystal. The first time I was exposed, I passed out after a few seconds. Now, when I’m not exposed for a very long time, I can channel my powers and decide which of them stays with me and which I lose.”

Lois gasped like someone had punched right into her stomach. She was feeling sick at the thought of what these people had done to Clark. In her mind, it had only ever been Trask who had abused him. She was sure Clark had wanted her to believe that for some dumb and utterly selfless reason. But now it became obvious that this level of control had to have taken a lot of training. She didn't want to imagine how many times he’d found himself writhing on the floor in agony, before he’d perfected that ability. Lois felt like crying.

“That was the reason I could suffer a split lip from fighting with the Shamrock of Horrors,” Clark added. “That’s what I did after I had cut myself with the crystal, when you thought I was passing out. I willed my strength to return when my body would much rather have healed the wound.”

He cleared his throat and picked up his chopsticks to resume eating. Lois wanted to say something comforting, but found that she just couldn't. Feeling completely dazed, Lois started to eat as well, more for the lack of anything else to do than because she was hungry. And somehow the food didn’t taste quite as delicious as she remembered. She was quite sure, though, that it wasn’t the cook’s fault.
An uneasy silence settled between them. Lois watched the man on the other side of the table with a mixture of amazement and horror. No wonder, he’d been so withdrawn when she’d first met him, no wonder he freaked out when he lost even a small fraction of control over his powers.

Her voice was hoarse as Lois finally found the strength to speak again. “So, you still think it’s not possible for us to be more than just platonic friends?”

Clark looked up. He rolled his chopsticks between his fingers and his lips curled slightly, his smile trapped somewhere between awkward and embarrassed.

"I… don't know," he said with some difficulty. "When I was a kid, my powers would show up when I was emotional. I set things aflame when I was angry, crashed things when I was giddy and heard things when I was afraid."

“And the flying?” Lois asked gently.

Clark shifted his position and shrugged. “I never knew what caused it. That was the last power to manifest itself. I’d already managed to control all other powers. The few times I'd woken up to find I'd been floating in my sleep, I didn’t think too much about the emotional component, to be honest.” He cleared his throat. “Bureau 39 wasn’t the right place to be emotional.”

He studied his chopsticks with an intensity that suggested there was something he wasn’t telling her. Lois watched him, torn between the desire to ask him what was going on inside his mind and the fear that he’d once again clam up if she did. The silence stretched out uncomfortably.

Finally, Clark looked at her again. His voice was rough. “Mom thinks there is an emotional component to the flying.”

Lois raised her brows. “What is it?”

He bit his lip and replied with a helpless shrug. “It’s only a theory, Lois.”

“Please, Clark, tell me about it,” Lois begged. “If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that your Mom is generally right about what’s going on with you.”

Clark let out a brief chuckle, but sobered quickly. “It’s not easy for me to say.”

Lois leaned back in her chair. “I’m ready to listen to you all night.”

He pursed his lips. “My shift starts in two hours, I don’t think we have all night.”

Lois rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on, farmboy, stop stalling.”
A furious blush tinted his cheeks. His voice was barely above a whisper. "Mom suggested that the flying might be linked to erotic feelings, that it first happened when I was having…uh…" He blushed furiously, obviously fumbling for the word before he ground out. "...wet dreams."

Lois stared at him, slightly surprised by his sudden frankness.

Clark couldn't quite look at her as he continued. "She thinks I lost control, because being with you in that way - kissing you - overwhelmed me." He raised his eyes, his voice low and strangely hoarse. "She thinks it doesn't have to mean I'm dangerous when I'm…uh… aroused."

Lois didn't know what to say. She felt a flutter of excitement in her belly. And try as she might to suppress it, that tiny flicker of hope turned into a hot flame.

Lois thought that Martha's assumption sounded plausible. So there was a chance. She wanted to believe that, really had to believe that because her heart didn't want to accept the other possibility. But Clark didn't seem at all convinced. And that scared the hell out of her. After all, if he wasn't willing to at least give it a try, what could she do about it?
Lois' aching heart was desperate to see a glimmer of hope somewhere in his eyes. But if it was really there, he was trying hard to suppress it.

"You don't believe that?" she asked softly.

And her heart was beating like mad, fearing that he'd just nod, and at the same time hoping he wouldn't.

"I don't know what to think," Clark replied with a shrug. "Can't say that I have much experience with kissing or even erotic fantasies for that matter. I don't remember having any of those fantasies until fairly recently." He flinched a bit and his cheeks seemed to adopt an even deeper shade of red, and she noticed that his eyes had flitted to her chest for half a second before he studiously avoided her gaze.
Lois' heart went out to him. After what Clark had just told her about the treatment he'd received, it wasn't at all surprising that his subconscious had blocked out such dreams. If they had actually been the reason he floated, that was.

Clark's voice was hoarse as he continued. "What scares me the most is that the kisses we shared already evoked such intense feelings. I don't know how I could possibly handle more than that. All I do know is that whenever you touch me intimately -" He cringed visibly as he started to fumble for words. "Not that you actually did touch me, not really anyway."

Lois couldn't quite bite back a chuckle and immediately felt guilty because of that. "It's okay, Clark. Relax. You don’t have to weigh your every word."

She wanted to lay her hand on his and give it a comforting squeeze. But would that rather scare than reassure him? Lois wasn't sure. And the longer she hesitated, the more awkward touching him seemed. Why was this so utterly difficult?

His expression turned self-conscious, his voice slightly husky. "You only leaned against me, and that was so much more intense than anything I experienced the few times I touched myself." He cleared his throat uneasily.

Lois' eyes widened. "The few times…?" She gasped. He couldn’t actually mean that he’d never… "You’re telling me you didn't even experiment during puberty and later on?"

Clark shook his head. "Not… much," he whispered, completely flustered. "I was almost under constant surveillance. It's not something you feel comfortable doing when someone is watching you, is it?”

He met her eyes, but quickly averted his gaze, clearly too mortified by his own admission to say anything else.
Lois grimaced. “I guess not.”

She ran a hand through her hair, completely befuddled by his revelation. At least now, she understood why he was so scared of his reaction to her. She’d tried to force him through puberty in just one evening. Of course that had been too much.

She took his hand in hers. And once again she felt his heat radiate through her. With every second she touched him, she felt more aware of his presence. The urge to touch more than just his hand was strong. A slight tremor ran through his body and Lois wondered if he felt the same way. He probably did, though he still wasn’t looking up. No matter how hard she tried, he was still not completely letting her slip through his barriers. And that hurt more than words could express. But she wasn’t going to give up on him. Not yet, not ever, if he’d let her.

“We will go about this slowly, Clark,” she promised with all the conviction she could muster. “No more sudden attacks like the other night. Now that I know what’s worrying you, we can gradually explore intimacy together. Until you feel comfortable to go the whole way.”

He slowly raised his eyes to meet her gaze and ran his thumb across the back of her hand. “That sounds good.”
Lois wanted to close her eyes to savor that bit of contact. But she couldn't stop looking at him. The dark pools of his eyes were worth getting lost in.

Clark sighed. “Still, I have to admit I’m scared. Eventually, we’re going to reach the point when we couldn’t possibly do a test run that wouldn’t endanger you." He reached out to cup her cheek with his free hand. "I can’t hurt you.”

Lois laid her his hand on his, holding it in place. She turned her head just enough that she could kiss his palm. “You won’t hurt me, Clark. I’m sure of that.”

For a moment, they looked at each other, transfixed. Then he pulled his hand back.

Clark closed his eyes and rubbed them with his free hand. His expression was sad when he looked at her again. “How, Lois? How can you be so sure about that?”

“Because I trust you,” Lois said firmly, willing him to hear her, to trust her. “And even if you may think otherwise, trust has never come easy to me. The men I’ve met in my life have hurt me. She paused to make sure he was looking at her. “I know without a shadow of a doubt that you’re not going to be one of them.”

“But I’ve already hurt you,” Clark muttered. “By running off last night, for instance. I’m doing stupid things all the time.”

“Everyone makes mistakes, once in a while.” Lois gave him a self-conscious smile. “I did, too, when I was trying to push you into something you weren’t ready for.”

He still looked doubtful, but there was also something more in his eyes, the flicker of hope she’d seen the other night.
His attempt at a smile looked rather forced. “So, where do we go from here?”

“How about we go out on a date tomorrow evening?” Lois suggested. She smiled at him. “Dinner and a movie?”

“I’d like that,” Clark replied, his voice slightly rough. “Very much.”

There was an endearing blush on his cheeks. And the husky tone to his voice made her dizzy. Lois felt her mouth go dry and her knees weak. Right at this moment, she wanted nothing more than to pull him toward her and kiss him senseless. But unfortunately, she suspected that this move would backfire, and painfully so.

“Then it’s a date?” she asked.

Suddenly a million butterflies were fluttering through her stomach, though she desperately tried to tame them. It would hurt too much, if he backed out again, so she’d better not get her hopes high.

“It’s a date,” Clark confirmed.

A beautiful smile spread across his lips. And for the first time this evening, he let her see all the thousand watts he was capable of. Her need to kiss him was now overwhelming.

She picked up her chopsticks and continued to eat, before she did something to ruin the progress she’d made. Her time to kiss him senseless would come.

*Just you wait, Clark Kent,*she thought to herself.
And part of her wondered if she shouldn’t at least be a bit worried, because her own history with relationships was hardly something she should brag about.

To be continued...