Dinner had passed entirely too quickly for Clark’s taste. Once they had gotten over the awkward first part of the conversation, he’d enjoyed himself immensely. And the way Lois had kept smiling at him, he was sure she had enjoyed herself, too. But eventually, they had to leave the restaurant, because they needed to be at the theater in time to see the movie.
Clark wasn’t even sure he wanted to spend the rest of the evening in a dark room, unable to see Lois’ face. Though the prospect of having her snuggle to him and rest her head against his shoulder had its own merits. While he waited for Lois to return from the restroom, he allowed himself to indulge in that particular daydream.
A moment later, Lois joined him. “Are you ready?”
Clark nodded. “As ready as I’m ever going to be.” With a wistful last glance at her lacy shoulders, he watched Lois as she wrapped a scarf around herself.
The night air was cool as they stepped out of the restaurant. An unfamiliar chill ran through Clark when a strong gust of wind hit him. He looked at Lois, who had just a flimsy scarf to protect her.
"Are you warm enough?" he asked.
Her nod was less than convincing. Clark slipped out of his jacket and gave it to her.
"Thank you. But you don't have to do that," Lois held out the jacket for him to take back.
He held up his hands in refusal. "I want to. And I don't really need it."
That was only half true. The cold was bothering him, but he didn't feel as uncomfortable as Lois looked. Besides, the chills running up and down his spine could very well be a result of his recent exposure to the crystal. He knew he was still running a low grade fever and his bones and muscles were a bit achy. But all things considered, he felt great. Of course, Lois' presence was a huge factor in his general sense of well-being.
She put on his jacket with a grateful smile. "The movie starts in about forty-five minutes. That should be more than enough time to walk the distance."
Clark stiffened. "You really want to walk? Don't you think that's a bit risky? The shortest way to the movies is awfully close to Suicide Slum."
He cringed. How had he missed that? When they'd arranged their date, Lois had briefly mentioned that the movie theater wasn't far from the restaurant and they'd be quicker walking than waiting for a cab. Had he been so busy with his hormones that he hadn't wasted a thought on the exact location of that theater?
Lois laughed. "Relax, you big worry-wart. It's not that dangerous. After all, we won't be walking through Suicide Slum, just past it. Come on."
She patted his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his waist. And for a moment there, Clark forgot why walking the distance was a bad idea. Having Lois so close was wonderful. Tentatively, he laid his arm around her shoulder. She didn't pull back. Instead, she leaned into his embrace and rested her head against his body. His heart rate went sky high. With a sly smile, she looked up at him. Quite obviously, she was aware of her effect on him.
A mischievous twinkle appeared in her eyes. “And with you around, I should be safe enough, don’t you think? I'd love for you to hold me while we walk."
Clark felt his resistance waver. What was going on with him?
She winked at him, her voice turning playful. "Unless you want to take me flying, that is. Now, come on.”
She pulled him with her. A bit reluctant, he fell in step beside her. Clark gritted his teeth, watching her surreptitiously as she displayed her more daring side, heading for the darker parts of town without wasting a thought on the potential risks. Clark clenched and unclenched his free hand, trying to keep himself from suffering another panic attack.
Already, he was bathed in cold sweat. How was he supposed to reply without lying? How could he explain his worries without revealing what he'd done to himself? She'd be furious with him and rightfully so.
Lois seemed to notice the change in his demeanor. Again, she looked at him, this time a little worried. Clark felt his chest tighten. Why hadn't he taken Lois' uncanny instinct for secrets into account?
Her expression relaxed and she gave his arm a gentle squeeze. "Don't you worry, I was kidding about the flying. Though I wouldn't mind if we'd do that again some time."
Her smile looked wistful.
Clark couldn't quite stifle the breath of relief.
"We will," he promised affectionately. "Soon."
A whiff of her perfume filled his nose. As he thought about flying with her, he was acutely aware of her body in his arms. He had fond memories of the few times he'd taken her with him into the solace of a world that, until he'd met her, had only belonged to him. He loved to share that experience with her. But always he'd been scared of the intense feelings her presence had evoked. He'd wanted to take her more often, but hadn't really dared for fear of making a fool of himself. For fear of overstepping a line.
Now that they'd both admitted their love for each other, he wanted to share all the wonderful things with her. She'd helped him through so much pain. She deserved the perks of being his friend as well, actually, she deserved more than that. She deserved honesty. And yet, in a way, he was lying to her.
For a while they walked in silence. Clark was so deeply lost in thought that he hardly noticed that their easy conversation had come to an abrupt end.
However, there was no way Lois could mistake this for a comfortable silence. “What is it, Clark?”
He blinked in confusion. “Huh?
“Back in the restaurant, you seemed so relaxed, so completely at ease with yourself that I was getting envious.” She let out a brief, self-conscious chuckle. “But now you’re back to being stiff and brooding.”
He grimaced. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to be better company.”
She shook her head. “That’s not what I’m asking of you. I admit that I liked this more easygoing Clark a lot. Which doesn’t mean I don’t like you as you are. I am in love with you, brooding or not, but-”
He couldn’t help but smile. “Lois, you’re babbling. And just for the record, I’m not brooding.”
“Could have fooled me,” she whispered. As they turned a corner, she suddenly stopped. “Is there something you’re not telling me, Clark?”
His heart missed a beat. She faced him, looking at him intensely, as if she could see right through the thin veneer of casualness he’d tried to wrap around himself. What had he been thinking? Of course she’d notice that something was off, that he wasn’t quite himself this evening. He opened his mouth to offer an explanation, but no sound came out.
“Is it the movies?” she asked. She took his hand in hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t you want to go? I mean, I could understand. It’s usually loud and your hearing is much more sensitive than mine. Besides, there usually are many people, and I know that crowds make you uncomfortable. So maybe, going to the movies really was a bad idea. I just couldn’t think of something better on such a short notice.”
She looked decidedly unhappy, and his stomach curled into a tight knot. He’d been so preoccupied with his own insecurities and bad decisions, that he hadn’t thought about Lois’ concerns. He wanted to slap himself. After all, she had occasionally mentioned her former relationships, and had freely admitted to him how nervous she was about dating him. He wasn’t the only one who was scared, though she was afraid for slightly different reasons. Even so, she put so much trust in him - and he didn’t repay her with the same level of trust. Again, he was hurting her, though he’d promised himself not to do that.
“It’s not the movies,” Clark said quietly. He reached out, cupping her cheek with his free hand. “I’m looking forward to that - you don’t know how much.”
That at least, was true. The knot in his stomach tightened. He realized that he couldn’t leave her guessing if he didn’t want to ruin this evening. But as soon as he told her, the evening would most likely be ruined anyway. He’d been such a fool to believe that there was a simple solution to his problems. So what was he going to do? Pretend that everything was fine?
Clark plastered a smile upon his face and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, feeling like a traitor as he did so. “Let’s get going.”
Once again she snuggled her body against his as they walked on, either believing in his act, or just going along with his deception. It was wonderful to have her so close, but he couldn’t really enjoy it, not anymore.
Clark bit his lip and cleared his throat. “There is something I should tell you. When I came home this afternoon…”
“One more step… an’ yer dead meat,” a voice slurred in the dark. The man sounded awfully drunk.
Clark froze dead in his tracks, his arm around Lois grabbing her more firmly. He felt a jolt go through her body as she stopped beside him. His heart was racing. He spotted the blade of a knife reflecting the light of a street lamp. The point of the blade was only inches from Lois’ belly. And there was a second knife, just as close to his own. He raised his arms. Two dark, hooded figures stepped into the light. Both were tall and broad shouldered, one was rather hulky, the other one a bit leaner. A match for Clark's size, for sure.
“Your wallets,” the gruff voice said. “And no playin’ the hero. I know how ta use that blade.”The men smelled of cheap booze.
Clark felt his heart stop. This couldn’t be true! The one evening he was without his powers, and they ran into thugs. He eyed Lois, who clearly didn’t look as scared as she should be. Though she knew Taekwondo, those were long blades. And the hooded guys looked as if they actually meant business. The fact that they were sorely drunk, didn’t make them less dangerous, quite the opposite. They were both listing to the side, constantly trying to keep their balance. One false step and Lois could be hurt badly.
If only he could do something to get rid of them. Like using his heat-vision. Clark willed his eyes to heat the metal. Nothing happened.
He’d thoroughly taken care of his powers. For Lois’ benefit. It was so absurd it would be funny if this wasn’t so deadly serious.
“C'mon, we don’t have all night,” the hulky man complained.
“Gimme that wallet, buddy, and nothin’ happens to the babe.”
Through his dark hood, Clark could see how the hulky one appraised Lois. The blade inched dangerously closer to Lois’ belly. She yelped, now clearly as scared as he was. Clark’s blood ran cold.
“Unless, you want something to happen, honey?” the hulky one leered. “That guy any good? Me, I know how we can have a little fun.”
Clark’s eyes widened and he grabbed Lois to pull her back, trying to shield her with his body.
“We should just give them what they want,” Clark whispered. “It’s only money.”
Lois stared at him, slightly taken aback. But then her expression changed drastically, and she fumbled for her purse. Clark felt a slight surge of relief and reached for his own wallet. A pang of guilt mixed into the relief. Did Lois think that he was giving into their demands, because he was not willing to risk his secret to keep her safe? God, what had he done?
“What’s takin’ ya so long?” the larger of the two complained.
“Here,” Clark said. He handed them his wallet. “Take it and go.”
The lean one grabbed the wallet, but his knife was still mere inches from Clark’s skin. He, too, eyed Lois appreciatively.
“Let’s take the chick, too,” he whispered suggestively.
The hulky one reached out to pull Lois toward him. Clark’s heart hammered in his chest. And all of a sudden, he didn’t care that he was powerless. He gave Lois a hard shove, pushing her out of harm’s way. Then he launched an attack on the drunken thugs. He rammed his elbow into the belly of the lean one and turned to kick the larger one. Though he hit his legs, the large man merely staggered back, not falling to the floor.
At least, the two thugs seemed to have forgotten about Lois. They focused their attack on Clark. He managed to dodge their knives and landed a few punches and kicks on his attackers. But though both were as drunk as a fish, they weren’t easy to defeat. Clark, too, got hit a couple of times and staggered back. But his fear for Lois was helping him to keep the upper hand.
One of the knives clattered to the floor, and with a hard punch to the jaw that almost broke his fist, Clark managed to knock the lean one out cold. Completely enraged, the hulking one threw himself into Clark and pushed him to the ground. His fists rained down on Clark, who struggled against the weight keeping him down. He couldn’t lose this fight. Too much depended on it.
After long moments of fruitless struggle, Clark managed to land another punch in the man’s face, who tumbled to the side and went out like a light.
With some difficulty, Clark got to his feet. He was panting and his whole body ached. His lower lip was split and felt swollen. He was pretty sure that he'd be sporting a black eye. As he straightened his stance, a sharp pain shot through him. He clutched at his right side and doubled back over.
“Clark!” Lois cried. Instantly, she was at his side, helping him up. “What’s the matter?”
He gritted his teeth against the pain coursing through him. Black spots were dancing before his eyes. Had they cracked one of his ribs? He looked at the hand he was pressing onto his side. It came away bloody. The large guy must have stabbed him with the knife. He groaned.
“Oh, god, you’re hurt,” she whispered. She sounded scared and confused. “But…but how?”
Clark let out a low moan, feeling even less like explaining than before. “Long story.”
The black spots were accumulating and he felt his vision gray on the edges. Suddenly, there was another feeling in his side - his invulnerability kicking in. His body wanted to heal. His knees buckled as the sensation became stronger, unwilling to support his weight. Clark staggered and reached for Lois to support himself. Clearly, his body was tapping into his last reserves in order to heal. He couldn’t let that happen, or they'd be stuck on the fringes of Suicide Slum.
“We need to get away from here,” Clark whispered urgently.
Panic was taking hold of him. He needed to move while he still could. Clark took a tentative step forward. His head was swimming with the effort it took to keep his body from taking over. He set his jaw firmly and made the next step and the next, clutching one hand firmly against his aching side.
Lois touched his free hand, trying to hold him back. “You’re bleeding.”
“I know.” Clark hung his head.
His attempt at a wry smile turned into a grimace. He looked into her worried face, once more trying to smile for her benefit - a real smile. But it faltered quickly as he felt his strength run out of him. It was becoming harder to fight against his body’s urges.
“Come on,” he begged. “I need to get home.”
Lois sounded quite alarmed. “Why aren’t you healing?”
“Because I think… I’m going to pass out… if I let myself heal,” he grunted. Concentrating hard he made a few more steps. “And this isn’t the best place… to pass out.”
Lois rushed to his side. “This is insane, Clark. You can barely stand on your feet. And you’re going to bleed out. You need to let that wound heal. These guys are out cold. There’s no one to watch you.”
“You…. don’t… understand,” he ground out. It became harder to speak, the more he focused his remaining strength on the single task of walking. “If I heal…. I won’t be… going anywhere…for a while.”
Lois followed him. He was vaguely aware that she searched her purse. Then finally she spotted a neatly folded handkerchief in the breast-pocket of his jacket. She pulled it out and firmly pressed it to his side, trying to stem the bleeding. Clark hissed in pain as her hand made contact with his skin.
“I’m not… staying here… and let them come back for you,” he muttered. He leaned his forehead against hers, trying to breathe through the pain.
"Of all the stubborn fools I've met, you really take the cake,” Lois grumbled. "Why on Earth didn’t you say anything? And who did this to you?”
She took Clark's arm and laid it around her shoulder. He couldn't reply, afraid that his concentration would waver until his healing body rendered him helpless.
She gave him a stern look. "If someone has gotten hold of this damn crystal, we should have been investigating instead of going out. What if it's Trask?"
Lois sounded at the verge of panic. Clark felt his gut twist. He hadn't meant to scare her. How had this gotten so out of hand? She needed an explanation, before she imagined all the worst things. But he really didn't know how to put this in just a few words.
He shook his head, then opened his mouth.
She broke him off, before he had a chance to make up his mind. “Save your breath and lean onto me. You look like you’re going to keel over any minute.”
“Am not,” he protested.
“Sure you are,” she fumed. “Now let’s get going. To my place. It’s closer.” Her jaw worked. "I still can't believe you kept this from me. But we will get to the bottom of this, I promise you that."
“No need,” he admitted quietly. "I did this."
***
[I]<I did this>[/]
The words rang in her ears. She couldn't believe he had said that. It couldn't be true! Lois was stunned speechless. She felt numb all over. His quiet admission had hit her hard, like a blow to the head that left her dizzy and disoriented. Surely, he hadn't meant it, he wouldn't….
But then flashes of when she'd first met him, their first few hours together appeared before her mind's eye. A pale, bleeding, totally-out-of-it Clark, who had felt cornered enough to hurt himself. And she realized that, although Clark had changed a lot during those past six months, he was still the same man. A man who'd go to extremes, if he perceived some kind of threat to his loved ones.
He'd exposed himself then to keep his secret and thus his parents safe. And he would totally expose himself to keep her safe. That realization was so mind blowing, so humbling, so - there wasn't even a name for the emotions raging within her.
It took a while for her mind to settle enough that Lois felt capable of speaking again. And the part of her that regained control first was the very angry and very scared Mad Dog Lane. She wanted to launch into a rant, wanted to bite his head off because he was doing such a thing to himself, to her, for reasons that were beyond anyone's comprehension but his own.
But before she could open her mouth, a loving Lois woke from her stupor. And she realized the last thing Clark needed right now was a piece of her mind. Her heart twisted as she took note of his state.
Clark didn't look good. His complexion was ashen, as far as she could tell in the faint light of the street lamps. He was stumbling, rather than walking. At least, he was no longer bleeding as badly. His whole body was rigid, tense with the effort it took not to lean on her too heavily, not to appear in any immediate need of help. To the casual passerby it might seem like he was just drunk, instead of bleeding and beaten to a pulp.
If anything, she should give her support.
So, Lois remained quiet, while the Mad Dog inside her continued to rage. However, the Lois who loved the man beside her dearly, was ready to forgive even his most lunkheaded behavior.
Lois' emotions were in a jumble. She was scared for Clark and extremely worried. His breath came in panting gasps, interrupted only by low moans of pain. Part of her simply wanted to call 911, but she knew that she couldn't do that to him. Telling herself that he'd heal sooner or later only helped a bit in settling her fears. She tried to convince herself that he'd been in worse shape after Luthor had shot him, but right now that seemed hardly possible.
Another part of her was completely outraged. What had possessed him to expose himself to that awful green crystal? She'd thought they had worked their way past his strange notion that he might be a threat to her. They'd had dinner and intended to watch a movie. What sort of imagined disaster had he tried to prevent?
Mad Dog Lane wanted to ask him that. But the loving Lois noticed that Clark was completely engrossed with the two tasks of appearing relatively unharmed and moving forward. He'd stopped speaking a while ago and it was doubtful that he'd even hear her rant in his current state of pain and sheer concentration.
She had to admit that he did an amazing job of covering up his condition. Probably no one but her would even realize how much he was hurting. And somehow, having to watch his quiet ordeal added both to her anger and her despair in equal proportions.
A pang of guilt shot through Lois as she realized that once again he was in such a bad way because of her. Granted, it was his own fault that he'd been without his powers. But there was not a doubt in her mind that he'd exposed himself because he'd wanted to keep her safe. And he'd launched into a fight he'd been sorely unprepared for, to keep her out of harm's way.
And instead of helping him fight the bad guys, she'd unceremoniously landed on her butt after he'd shoved her out of the way, too dazed and freaked to step in. And not at all expecting that he might get hurt, even though she knew him, as well as the dark corners in his mind.
Clark's steps were getting slower, and gradually, Lois felt more of his weight on her shoulder. He hadn't been kidding when he'd told her that he wouldn't have made it back if he'd have used up his energy to heal. And with the beads of sweat running down her own spine, she was sure that she wouldn't have managed to help him, if he'd been any worse off, than he was now.
A strong surge of love went through her as it dawned on her how deeply he must care for her, if he endured all this pain for her sake. Still, the Mad Dog in her wanted to give him a strong knock over his thick and stubborn head.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of stumbling through the night, they made it to Lois' apartment building. She felt like fainting with relief.
"We're almost there," Lois tried to encourage Clark as they climbed the few stairs.
He nodded meekly, swaying on his feet as she pulled out her key and opened the door. His skin was deathly pale. Beads of sweat were covering his forehead. His lips twitched in a small, rueful smile.
"I'm so… sorry," he rasped.
The Mad Dog Lane side and the loving Lois settled for a reluctant truce, allowing her to keep her tone mostly neutral. She couldn’t quite hide her anger though.
"Come on in, there's enough time to be sorry, later," Lois said gruffly.
They took the elevator to get upstairs. Clark was leaning his back against the wall, looking as if he was indeed mere moments from passing out. But somehow, he managed to stay awake through the ride. As they reached her floor, he staggered out. Lois helped him to her apartment.
She breathed a huge sigh of relief, as she closed the door behind them. She thought she heard one from Clark as well.
"Now let's get you to the bed," Lois ordered.
"I can't….take…your bed," he protested weakly.
"Oh, will you shut up?" she grumbled. "Of course you can!"
The way to her bedroom had never seemed so long. Every single step was a struggle. Slowly, Clark walked, half-dragged by Lois, until they were close enough for him to sit down. With a low moan, he lowered himself to the bed and stretched out. Instantly, his eyes fluttered shut and his expression, that had been tense with sheer concentration, relaxed.
Anxiously, Lois sat down next to him. "Are you going to be okay?"
He didn’t reply right away. Was he unconscious, already?
Then Lois heard another low moan. "Gimme…a few…minutes."
Clark went awfully still. His labored breathing evened. Lois watched him, her heart beating madly in her chest. The seconds dragged on painfully slow, while nothing happened. The breath in her chest hitched until she felt like she might suffocate. Fear held her heart in an icy grip. What if he didn’t heal? What if she lost him? She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to push that awful thought away, as if the worst couldn’t happen as long as she didn’t think about it.
But Lois couldn’t close her eyes for long. She needed to know. Hastily, she searched his chest, abdomen and face, hoping to find some sort of hint. Then, eventually, finally, Lois spotted the first signs of his amazing healing ability. His split lip knitted itself together. The black eye faded and the swelling receded until his skin looked once again smooth. She peeled up his blood soaked shirt, revealing an angry looking bruise, where only seconds earlier the stab wound had been. Lois waited for it to fade completely.
It didn't.
Renewed fear took hold of her. Panicked, she glanced at his chest, her heart missing a few beats before she recognized the steady rise and fall. Her heart resumed beating madly.
He seemed okay, so why didn't he heal completely?
The question was already on her lips. But Clark was fast asleep. Lois fought the urge to touch him, to reassure herself that he was still breathing, still warm and alive. She shouldn’t wake him. He needed as much rest as he could get. She tried to tell herself that he’d be okay. After all, this was Clark. But he lay so still and the bruise looked just as angry as it had before.
She just had to know.
With one trembling finger, Lois traced the line of his cheek.
His eyes fluttered open.
"Hi," he said softly.
A smile played around his lips, but it faded quickly as he looked into her serious face.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Lois whispered.
She felt a bit guilty, but also incredibly relieved that he was able to talk to her again.
He shook his head almost imperceptibly. "I wasn't sleeping.”
Lois studied him intensely. “How are you feeling?”
His voice was hoarse. “Better. Weak,” he admitted. His expression turned rueful. “If you have the urge to strangle me, now would be a good time. I can’t put up much of a fight.”
The loving Lois ran her hand along his jaw and down his neck until she reached his arm. She stroked it lightly. But she wasn’t alone. Mad Dog Lane added a quiet warning, as she spoke. “I’m not going to strangle you.”
“But you’re mad,” he guessed. His eyes met hers for a brief moment, before he averted his gaze.
“Yes I am,” Lois replied. Mad Dog roared to life. “How could you do that to yourself, Clark? After everything we talked about? How could you expose yourself to this awful crystal?”
He stared at the ceiling. “I’m so sorry. That was a very stupid thing to do. I shouldn’t have put you in danger by robbing myself of my powers.” He swallowed hard. “That was irresponsible, and I’m deeply sorry. You almost got hurt because of me.”
He turned his head to look at her, his eyes so full of sorrow and guilt that it broke her heart. She wanted to be angry at him and shake him until his bones rattled, if that would help to knock some sense into him. But she was talking to the world’s biggest lunkhead, and most likely also the cutest.
“I wasn’t talking about me, Clark,” she corrected him gently.
“You were the one who did get hurt. You saved me from those thugs, even without your powers.” Anger and worry seeped back into her voice. “What I can’t believe is that you deemed it necessary to get rid of them in the first place. And look at you - you still haven’t healed completely. Why is that anyway?”
“No energy left,” he admitted quietly. “I must wait for the sun to come up. Then I can recharge. Until then, all I can do is rest. In this state, I’d never have made it back here. And I doubt a cab driver would have taken us home. They’d have been too worried that I might throw up on the backseat or they'd have called 911 straight away.”
“No wonder,” Lois folded her arms in front of her chest. “You still look like you need a doctor.”
Clark stiffened. “I don’t.”
She let out a low groan and rolled her eyes. “Relax! I’m not going to call one.” Lois gave him a stern glance. “Besides, you still owe me one hell of an explanation, and I’m not going to get one if I have them ship you off to the hospital.”
He heaved a sigh. “You’re not going to let me off the hook, are you?”
Lois shook her head firmly. “Nope.”
Clark nodded, resigning himself to his fate. “I didn’t think so.”
He attempted to shift his position, but his arms trembled too much to support his weight, so he gave up. Slowly, he let out a breath.
“When I got home this afternoon, I was pretty… uh… worked up.” A furious blush crept across his cheeks. “After the past few days, I’ve been thinking so much about you, what it felt like to kiss you. I could barely think straight and so I went into the shower to… you know.”
He winced and lifted a trembling hand, vaguely gesturing toward his midsection. His gaze rested on her, as if he was begging her to understand what he was talking about without the need to spell it out. She had a fair idea what he’d been doing in that shower and gave him a nod to show that she’d gotten his meaning.
He clenched his hands into fists and he swallowed hard. “Once I was finished, I spotted a cracked tile.”
Lois blinked in confusion. That was it? A cracked tile? She didn’t believe it. Surely, there had to have happened more than that?
"So?"
His jaw ticked. "I...I was leaning against the wall, and... I think maybe I cracked it when I..."
“But Clark, your shower isn’t exactly new,” she argued. “There are several cracked tiles on that wall.”
“I know,” he said tightly. “But I just wasn’t sure if that particular crack had been there before.”
Her eyes widened as she realized that he was actually serious.“So you just decided to almost kill yourself, because there’s a cracked tile in your bathroom?” Mad Dog gave a roaring howl. “Have you lost your mind?”
He closed his eyes. His voice was flat. “I knew you were going to say that.”
“What else could I possibly say, Clark?” Lois huffed in frustration and threw up her hands. Mad Dog had taken over completely. ”That it’s all right? That I’m okay with you hurting yourself? Because I’m not. Anything but that. While you were fighting those thugs, I thought you were playing along, pretending to take some blows to protect your secret. And then those guys were out cold, and you doubled over, bleeding all over the place. You scared the hell out of me there.”
She was panting, at the verge of crying, really. Her throat felt so tight, her heart beating so hard as if it wanted to burst out of her chest. A cracked tile couldn’t seriously be the reason he’d risked everything, his life, their future. She closed her eyes, feeling as if all those emotions were rolling over her like giant waves in a raging sea.
“I’m sorry about that,” he whispered, desperately. “You have every right to be mad.”
His dark brown eyes were reflecting the pain in his own soul. And once again the loving Lois managed to tame the Mad Dog, who just wanted to get up and storm out of her own apartment, because she wasn’t sure she could take any more.
He cleared his throat, his embarrassment audible. “I didn’t plan on getting attacked, when I decided to use the crystal.”
His voice broke and for a moment, he just looked at her, his eyes so unhappy and so full of love that Lois managed to regain control of herself.
He closed his eyes. “I just wanted to be me tonight, just enjoy this evening, without constantly worrying whether I can kiss you or embrace you.” His lips became a tight line, and his voice was laced with all the anger, despair and frustration he felt. “I’m so sick of being scared of this, of being afraid to show my feelings for you. There are so many emotions coursing through me and all I’m doing is putting a tight lid on them, lest this all ends up in a catastrophe. And even so, it almost did.”
Lois reached for his hand and took it in hers. "Oh, Clark."
She didn't know what else to say. This was so utterly crazy and at the same time so incredibly sweet.
His jaw worked. "I thought I could learn to deal with these emotions first, before I threw my powers into the mix of things I have to control. That I could gradually adjust, until I was sure you're safe with me."
Lois frowned at him, Mad Dog Lane creeping back up on her. "Exactly how many times were you planning on exposing yourself?"
"As many as it takes?" Clark replied with a helpless shrug. "I promise, I had no ulterior motives for tonight. Just to kiss you, if you'd like that."
Lois rolled her eyes and let out another annoyed huff. "I didn't assume you did this just to get me into bed. I know you're not like that.” She shook her head, unsure if she rather wanted to laugh or cry. "Which is why I understand you even less. I get that you were trying to protect me. But pray tell me, from what? Getting a hickey?"
"I didn't just do it to keep you safe," Clark muttered. "I did it so I could give this a real chance, give us a chance. When I spotted that cracked tile, my first reaction was that I needed to call off the date." He took a deep steadying breath. There was something defiant about his tone of voice. “I did it, because I wanted to go through with this date, without freezing up, without being terrified of what might happen to you if I got lost in the feeling of your lips on mine.”
The loving Lois felt her heart go out to Clark. She could imagine the inner battle he’d fought over this. The Mad Dog still barked her anger, raging inside Lois. But she also wailed in despair, unsure if she still wanted to fight against Lois’ more forgiving side. The anger slowly subsided, giving way to more tender feelings. Tears slipped down Lois’ cheeks and she bent down, resting her forehead against Clark’s.
“Sometimes, you’re such an idiot,” she whispered, so gentle and lovingly that it hardly sounded like an insult.
