Previous Fic in Series: Dinner Conversation
Series ToC
A/N: Many, *MANY* thanks to KSaraSara who was far more than a beta reader and without whom this story would not have progressed beyond a half-coherent mental note. Thanks so much, KSara! <3
Worth Remembering--------------------------
Clark's doubts about this new therapy were not exactly alleviated when Dr. Klein pulled out an actual pocket watch on a long chain. The older man smiled and motioned for Clark to lie back on the overstuffed chaise lounge. If it weren't for the electrodes stuck to his head and the assortment of screens and beeping machinery all over the room, Clark might have forgotten that he was in a 21st century laboratory.
From her seat by the door, Lois smiled at him, probably trying to convey her confidence in this latest bid to jog his memory. At what point did optimism become denial?
"Now, think back," Dr. Klein told him, giving the watch a few dramatic swings. "What can you remember about…say…Superman?"
"Nothing, really," he replied. Of course, people had told him about Superman. Lois and his parents had told him he *was* Superman. Lois had even described finding him wandering around the city dump in the remains of his suit and cape earlier this year, but none of it rang a bell. Superman was someone else, someone he would never even meet.
"Try to imagine him," Dr. Klein prompted. "Imagine yourself in those blue tights, a red cape swishing around you…swish! Swish!"
Clark tried not to roll his eyes.
"You're in that bright, colorful outfit and you're floating…"
His shoulders tensed. Floating…
"...high above the earth…" Dr. Klein continued.
The tiny blue dot appeared in his mind's eye, so small and far away that he would never reach it alive. His limbs were immobile as he drifted, floating in the emptiness, unable to breathe…
"CLARK!" Lois's voice pierced the void as a pair of hands shook him.
"Oh, dear! Breathe, Clark! Breathe!"
He obeyed, sweet air filling his lungs once again. The emptiness faded, melting back into the tiny room at STAR Labs. Lois's hands were on his arm; he covered them with his own.
"Perhaps we should try that again," the scientist suggested once calm was restored.
Lois glared.
"I mean…differently!" he protested, raising his hands in defense. "It won't happen again, Lois; really!"
She searched Clark's eyes, every trace of anger now replaced with worry. He turned one of her hands over in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "We can try one more time," he said, softly. If there was even a slight chance of giving her back the husband she loved and the hero she adored, he needed to take it.
Her expression became unreadable, but she squeezed back briefly and returned to her seat. "Just be careful," she hissed through her teeth.
Dr. Klein nodded, and out came the watch again. "Okay. Clark, you're in the oxygen-rich atmosphere of Earth, floating at a safe altitude, surrounded by highly-breathable air."
Clark settled back onto the chaise and tried to imagine what Dr. Klein was describing.
"Picture Metropolis far—but not too far—below you! Imagine the freedom from gravity—er, while still being within the confines of Earth's gravity well! Think of…ooh, think of clouds!"
The scientist's voice droned on, but Clark managed to think about flying, what it must feel like, and what he might see. He tried to picture a bright blue sky with fluffy clouds, but his mind insisted on plunging everything into darkness.
"And of course, the suit: the bright, red boots…"
His flight took him above the clouds, and he found himself at eye level with such a pair of boots. Strange… Wasn't he supposed to be wearing them? As he rose, he realized that he technically was: a figure filled his vision, one who was identical to Clark in every way except for the garish outfit. Something about him felt…off.
"You're not me," Clark realized, looking the other man over. "Who…are you?"
The figure smirked. "I'm your enemy!"
"Enemy?" Clark echoed, his brows furrowing.
"I'm the most powerful being in existence!" the stranger cheerfully continued. He looked Clark over, his eyes seeming to appraise him and find him lacking. "And you…have outlived your usefulness."
"I have not!" Clark protested, though his heart began to pound. He glared at the being in front of him. "Who are you, really? Where did you come from?"
He faintly heard Lois calling his name in the distance, but the stranger suddenly laughed. "Catch me if you can!" he taunted, then vanished into the horizon. The sky grew darker still.
"Clark!" Lois's voice sounded close, now. "Clark, are you all right? Say something!"
She was close, and she was worried about him… He glanced up at the car he had just prevented from crashing. Of course: he had pretended to be hit. He stood up from the pile of garbage he'd landed in and tried to brush the filth from his clothes.
"I think I'm okay," he assured her. "What happened?"
His partner craned her neck, looking up at the sky. Daylight was slowly returning; Clark felt the brightness hit each eye in turn. "The sun just blacked out," she said. "But why?"
"I…don't know…"
She grabbed his hand. "Come on, we've got a story to write! You hear me, Clark?"
Before he could even respond, she was pulling him along.
***
They stood in front of the EPRAD Command and Control Center, shoulder to shoulder in the throng of reporters. The chief scientist had just finished speaking, and now everyone was shouting questions.
"Why is this happening?"
"Why wasn't this asteroid noticed sooner?"
"Is the Earth in danger?"
"Why isn't he responding?"
"Will mankind go extinct like the dinosaurs?"
The scientist held up a hand for silence. "I know this is alarming, but try not to panic. We will deal with this." As if on cue, the caped doppelganger from before suddenly dropped down from the sky, red boots landing on the platform behind him. "We have explained the situation to Superman, and he has agreed to attempt a head-on impact to destroy the asteroid. We anticipate total success."
A sense of foreboding filled Clark, and his arm shot up on instinct. "Doesn't that put Superman at risk?" he called out.
The stranger's eyes locked with his. He felt Lois's hand grab his own; she gave it a tight squeeze, probably grateful that someone else was concerned about her hero's well-being.
His double stepped up to the microphone. "If the Earth is destroyed, then I have no purpose," he explained. "I am the most powerful man alive, and what is the point of me if I can't be useful when my powers are needed?"
The words sent a shiver through him. Clark's conscience sharply reminded him that he should be the one risking life and limb for his homeworld, but even knowing this, he remained frozen in place.
***
"Say something!" Lois pleaded with the television as they stood around it with their coworkers, watching the result of his double's collision with the asteroid. "Anything! Please!" She choked back a sob. "Why isn't he responding?"
Clark put his arm around her. "It's okay," he murmured, "I'm here." Of course, he really was alive and well, standing next to her; not that he could tell her that. If only she could care for him as deeply and passionately as she did his alter-ego… Nevertheless, her tears were shredding his own heart to pieces. "Maybe his microphone just went out," he soothed. "I'm sure Superman will be fine."
He hoped it was true. In fact, Superman would return to the skies regardless of whether or not his double made it back to Earth. Though, if by some miracle the man were alive, Clark had a number of questions for him…
His conscience pricked him again for standing uselessly by while someone else did what needed to be done. He should be out in the harsh vacuum of space, not safe and comfy down here. He shouldn't be here at all.
***
He wasn't quite sure how he wound up wandering through the city dump. Most likely, it had something to do with his complete inability to say no to Lois or any of her crazy ideas. Her craziness must have once again paid off, though, because one of the heaps of garbage suddenly moaned and slid over to reveal a naked man underneath.
Clark gasped. "You!"
His double stood up from the refuse and blinked at him in confusion. "Do you know me?"
Clark hesitated. "Not…exactly," he admitted. "In fact, I was hoping that if I ever found you again, I could ask you who you are."
The other man seemed to think deeply. "I…don't know who I am…" he said. "Who are you?"
"I'm…a friend," Clark said slowly. He reached out a hand. "Come with me; I can take you somewhere safe."
***
"Clark!" Lois's irritation carried over the phone line as clearly as her voice. "I don't know what's going on right now, but we need you!"
"I'll be back in the office as soon as I can," Clark promised. He looked up, watching his new houseguest meander through the living room while pawing through all of Clark's things.
"Can you hear me?!" his partner demanded.
"Of course!" he replied, though in truth, he was only half-listening. His double had just picked up a delicate knickknack and was handling it far too roughly as he inspected it.
"Come back, Clark!"
"I…" Clark's vocal cords suddenly froze. He took a deep breath and forced the words out. "I…can't."
He heard her gasp over the line, and she seemed to talk to someone in the room with her for a while. "Why can't you, Clark?" she finally asked. "Why can't you come back?"
Before Clark could formulate an explanation that didn't involve amnesiac imposters of superheroes, the man in question suddenly fumbled and dropped the knickknack. It fell to the ground with a resounding crack.
Clark hastily hung the phone back in its cradle and ran to his double. The man stared down at the pieces on the floor, looking sheepish. "What are all these things?" he asked while Clark cleaned up.
Clark paused in his task of picking up the fragile shards. "They're…memories," he explained. "From places I've been, things I've done."
Less one, of course. He heard another crash. Make that two… Clark carefully deposited the pieces in the trash.
"You sure have a lot of them," his double said.
Clark shrugged. "Not really."
"Do I have any?"
He looked so lost and helpless that Clark almost couldn't bear to tell him what he now knew. "No. You don't."
His double looked confused. "I don't? Why?"
Clark shook his head. "Because…you're just a clone of Superman. You have his powers and his DNA, but… you're not him. You're not anyone."
The clone stared at him in shock. "I…I must be somebody, right?"
"I'm sorry," Clark said softly. "I wish you were, but you're not."
His double looked stricken. He stared at the floor for a long moment, then finally lifted his eyes back up to Clark. "But then…why did you help me?"
"What?" The question caught him off-guard.
"You know I'm not Superman," the clone explained. "You know I'm nobody. So, why are you helping me? Why do you even care?"
"Because…" Clark struggled to find words for what had been so obvious at the time. "...It's the right thing to do," he settled for saying.
"...Why?" the clone pressed, his confusion clearly shading into frustration, as though Clark had answered him in Chinese. "Why would caring be the right thing? I'm of no use to you!"
"Because it's not about how useful you are to people!" Clark finally snapped.
The clone stared at him in surprise, though whether it was at the words or the outburst, Clark wasn't sure.
He paced a few steps towards the door, then turned and sank onto the couch. "Helping people is…good," he explained, "but it's not how you get worth. You're valuable just because you're alive…because you're a person…because you're here."
His double tentatively eased onto the couch, beside him. "Do you really believe that?" he asked, the hope in his voice unmistakable.
"It's the truth," Clark said quietly. "Life is precious. You'll still be worth caring about, even if you never become the person people think you are, or who you want to be."
For a while, they sat together in silence.
"Will you remember me when I'm gone?" the other man finally whispered.
"What?" Clark stared at him in confusion.
His new friend looked up at him with eyes full of regret. "I'm dying," he said softly. "I don't remember how long I have, but…I'm in pain. I think…I think it might be soon."
Clark's jaw fell open. He reached to cover his hand with one of his own. "I'm sorry."
"Will you remember me?" the man pleaded. "Will I be worth remembering?"
"You are," Clark promised, "and I will do my absolute best."
***
His last request had been a viking funeral. Neither of them knew where he had learned about the custom, or why he felt so drawn, but it only felt appropriate to grant a warrior's send-off to someone who had fought the very cosmos on Earth's behalf. They were halfway to the sun when the man finally shuddered in Clark's arms, his lips forming a soundless message that was swallowed by the void, and then expelled a final breath.
The light grew brighter and more intense as Clark pressed on, until finally it was blinding. He raised his hands to shield his eyes. Wait…hadn't he just been carrying something? He looked down at his blue-tinged fingers. They were empty. He was alone, and the hose of his breathing apparatus drifted in front of him, disconnected. Lois's voice called to him from the heart of the sun.
"Lois…"
He felt her hand wrap around his, and he took in a deep breath of air.
She brushed his hair back from his face. "Clark?"
He turned towards the sound, his eyes still struggling to adjust to the lighting in the room. Dr. Klein had somehow procured even more machinery and set up a few strange devices right by Clark's head.
"Can you hear me?" Lois asked, her eyes full of worry.
He covered her hand with his own. "Yes," he rasped out, all of his muscles stiff.
She flung herself onto his chest. "Oh, Clark! Don't you ever—I-I shouldn't have—oh Clark!!"
"Shhh, Honey, it's okay…" Clark reached up to stroke her hair. "It'll be okay."
She sniffled. "No more."
"What?" He stared at her, confused.
"No more trying to get you to remember," she explained, "not if this is the cost. From now on, we'll just…work with what we've got." She buried her face in his neck, leaving him stunned.
"But I'm not worth—" he began, and then suddenly recalled the conversation with the clone from his dream. He closed his eyes, trying to remember the details before they faded.
"Clark?"
He looked up into her worried face. "Lois, will you help me keep a promise to someone?"
She frowned in confusion. "A promise? To who?"
At that moment, Clark felt extremely stupid, but he plowed on. "It was just a dream," he admitted, "but…there was a clone of Superman…and an asteroid…and…I told him that his actions weren't what make him important…I promised I'd remember…." He trailed off, his face feeling warm. Lois was staring at him, and he couldn't read her expression.
She covered her hand with his own. "It's okay," she said softly. "I'll help you remember that."
Clark smiled, relieved. Even though none of it was real, he would keep his promise.
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