Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Federal Diaser (9-10/37)

banner by CarrieRene

Chapter 9

Lois was shaking as she drove home. She had no idea if it was from anger, or from the fact that deep down inside she feared that Clark might be right. Either way, she hadn’t liked hearing it pointed out to her so plainly — not by him. It meant that he was starting to see the thing she most feared the most.

She was bad at relationships. She’d desperately hoped that wouldn’t be the case — that because all the other men she’d been with had been liars or worse, that Clark would be the exception. That through sheer force of will and the fact that she loved him, she could stop the cycle of self-sabotage she’d create for herself and others around her. After all, this time she’d picked someone good. Someone who wasn’t going to leave her or steal from her or worse, try to control the free world like some sort of megalomaniacal Bond villain.

She’d picked Clark. A man who was literally a symbol for truth, honesty and goodness. If she couldn’t make it work with him, then something inside her was fundamentally broken.

And if that were true, what did that mean? Was she destined to repeat the mistakes of her parents? Doctor Frisken didn’t think so. She seemed to think that if Lois simply communicated her fears to Clark that they could work things out. And oh, she wanted to believe she was right. After all, therapy and healthy communication were tools she’d never seen her parents use. Maybe their relationship hadn’t needed to go the way it did.

But then…Lois had the opportunity to communicate with him tonight. She could have gone back to his place and talked to him — really talked to him about what was bothering her. But instead, she’d asked for space, which was really just code for wanting to run away.

One argument, it seemed, had been all it had taken for Lois to want to retreat. And she didn’t know what that meant, but she was certain it wasn’t good.

She arrived home and made her way up the steps to her door. Her hands trembled as she placed the key in the lock and went inside. She dropped her things by the door, locked it for good measure and made her way into the living room, sitting down on her couch and putting her head in her hands. She wanted to cry but for some reason the tears wouldn’t come.

She felt more drained than she ever had in her life.

Her conversation with Clark replayed in her head on a loop along with his vehement reaction to Lois wanting to visit Lex Luthor in prison.

It wasn’t as if she wanted to see him. Far from it. The idea of looking that monster in the eye and remembering that she’d almost married him almost made her physically ill. She’d never been such a poor judge of character than she had been with Lex, and it still haunted her to this day.

And yet, she also knew that Lex, in his own twisted way, had loved her. It was that sick obsession that she knew could be her way in — her way of taking back some of the power that Lex had stolen from her. If she could use him the way he’d used her, she could find out exactly what he was planning and stop him.

She knew it in her bones, and yet when she’d brought it up, Clark had all but forbidden her to go. She’d baulked at that of course and they had fought. And honestly, she wasn’t sure who was at fault. She just knew this was something she had to do.

And yet she couldn’t forget the look of fear in Clark’s eyes when she had suggested going, nor the plea in his voice when he’d told her not to. She knew his response was coming from a place of love, misguided as it was.

She also knew she couldn’t enter into a marriage in which anybody told her what she could and couldn’t do. Not even Clark.

So where did that leave her?

Alone, for one. Heartsick and so very, very tired. And also, determined to go to the prison in the morning.

The worst part of it was, she wasn’t sure if this was yet another method of self-sabotage or if it was the right thing to do. She only knew that there was a threat against the President of the United States, that she was an investigative reporter and that it was her job to pursue all angles, and that Lex Luthor was the key.


She took a deep breath and stood up. Her stomach growled at her and she realised that she hadn’t eaten much that day. She couldn’t even remember if she’d eaten the sandwich that Claude had delivered.

Claude. There was another fly in the ointment of her life. Where he fit in, she wasn’t sure anymore. He’d attempted to be kind to her today. She didn’t know if he’d meant it or if he was simply playing another angle. She couldn’t be sure, and frankly given her track history, her own judgement where men were concerned – Clark notwithstanding – was pretty awful. Either way, she couldn’t worry about his intentions right now.

She placed a call to the pizza place down the road and sat down to wait. As her food arrived, it occurred to her that between Claude and Lex, only Lex’s feelings had been genuine. That thought only made her feel worse. That a psychopath could find it in his heart to love her, but Claude hadn’t, brought the hurt back all over again.

How had she managed to find Clark? How had she managed to keep Clark? What would happen to their relationship tomorrow when she went to the prison?

She sighed. Normally, she would share these thoughts and fears with Clark. It surprised her just how close she’d gotten to him — how vulnerable she had allowed herself to be with him. And how much it would hurt if she lost him.

She found her way to the couch and flicked through the channels absentmindedly while she ate slices of a pizza that she didn’t remember tasting. She wanted to call Clark. Desperately. But she knew she couldn’t do that.

He would ask her to promise him that she wouldn’t go to the prison tomorrow. And the one thing she didn’t want to do was lie to him. It was better that he didn’t know. Once she got the information they needed, she hoped to be able to use it in order to smooth things over with Clark. Whether it would work was anyone’s guess, but at this point she was operating under the ‘it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission’ mindset.

She’d never been good at asking permission.

Eventually, she found herself glancing up at the window, surprised to see the sun had set and it was now dark. Looking at the clock confirmed that it was indeed very late. Her whole body suddenly ached with weariness, both from the day and from what tomorrow would inevitably bring.

A visit to Lex Luthor and a confrontation with Clark. Mix in a little Claude and poof. Recipe for a terrible day.

She padded into her bedroom and climbed into bed, pulling the covers over her and wondering what it would be like to go to bed like this with Clark every night — his arms holding her tightly and his kisses banishing all her fears.

Or would it be like her parents — nightly fights with one of them routinely banished to the couch? Lois wanted to believe the former, but she feared the latter.

One thing she was sure of, though, was that she wanted him with her tonight. She wanted him to remind her that she was loved and wanted and that she was worth loving. She knew he would be here in ten seconds if she called.

She fell asleep with that thought in her mind, both reassuring and frightening in equal measure.

****

Lois arrived at the prison the following day feeling equally determined and terrified. She had called and left a message with Jimmy as to her whereabouts, which would obviously get back to Clark and Claude eventually. Doing so felt somewhat cowardly, but it had been necessary if she wanted to avoid the argument and/or appearance of Superman that would inevitably follow.

Sometimes it was a pain in the butt having a fiance that could literally get to your location within seconds.

She entered the prison and showed them her press pass. She tried not to notice the raised eyebrow that followed when she announced that she was there to interview Lex Luthor for a story she was writing. It was no secret what had happened, after all, so she was grateful at least that nothing was said.

She was led into the prison and handed a visitor’s pass. A list of rules followed with regards to what she could or couldn’t do when speaking with Lex. She was mildly shocked to find out that she hadn’t needed to use her press pass at all to get in — he’d apparently put her down on his list of approved visitors. The thought made her nauseous.

The guard eventually stopped in front of a door and told her that Lex had already been moved into the room inside. She’d be allowed to speak with him alone, as long as he was chained to the table. She felt both reassured and terrified at the prospect of facing him even with a guard right outside the door.

“Whenever you’re ready, Ms. Lane,” the guard said with a gesture towards the door. “A tap on the door will let me know when you’re finished.”

She nodded, took a deep breath and entered the room.

The man that sat in front of her came as a bit of a shock. Oh, she'd seen him once following his resurrection. He'd lost his hair because of the regeneration process and had looked very much a shabby version of his formerly wealthy and polished self. So much so that part of her had felt sorry for him. That pity had been short lived when he’d attempted to take her hostage and run away with her in order to rebuild his lost empire. He'd been delusional enough to hope that she would eventually fall in love with him, if he kept her captive long enough. It took a double-cross by his personal assistant Nigel, and Superman for him to finally end up in jail.

Now, despite the fact that his hair had grown back, he somehow seemed smaller. The orange jumpsuit and prison number where a three-piece designer suit would normally be somehow diminished him in a way that made her feel safer.

He was just a man.

She allowed her nerves to settle and sat down opposite him. He smiled and something in that twisted smile brought the nerves back tenfold.

“Hello, Lois,” he said softly. “I’m so glad you came to see me.”

“This isn’t a social visit, Lex,” she said coldly. “I’m here for information.”

“Yes, I know,” he replied, that silky smoothness never leaving his voice despite his circumstances. “I’ve been expecting you.”

And it made sense. She hadn’t thought anything of it a few moments ago, but the fact that he’d been moved here before she reached the room suggested he’d known she was coming. She felt nauseous again as she realised Clark might have been right after all.

She fervently wished he was sitting here next to her, helping her get the information she needed. She was suddenly not sure she was emotionally capable of thinking straight and worried she would make a mistake somehow.

Nonsense, she told herself. He’s in here, you’re out there. He can’t hurt you. He’s in chains. Ask your questions. Be methodical. You’re Lois Lane.

Her pep talk worked and she forced herself to look at Lex with renewed detachment.

“How could you be expecting me?” she asked, forcing her voice to sound as neutral as possible.

“Oh, come now, don’t play stupid,” Lex said, the glint in his eyes reminding her what he was fully capable of. She suppressed a shiver. “It doesn’t suit you. You’re here because you believe there will be an attempt to assassinate the President of the United States. You’ve discovered that the gentleman who used to reside in the cell next to me is an accomplished sniper, and you believe I had something to do with his release and thus the threat against the President.”

Okay then, she thought to herself. Cards on the table. Fine.

“Are you behind it?” she asked, allowing a hint of detached curiosity to seep through. She knew that Lex had an ego the size of Canada, and if she could get him thinking she might be impressed, he could let something slip. As it was, she was still mildly unnerved that he seemed totally in control of the conversation despite being the one in prison.

He sat back and smiled a little wider. He was enjoying this. Lois wasn’t a violent person by nature, but she suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to punch him in the face. After everything he’d put her through, for him to sit there, smiling as if this was some sort of game…

It is a game, she reminded herself, and he wins if you play it. Stay calm, and don’t play.

She squared her shoulders and met his smug expression head on.

“You didn’t answer my question. Are you behind this?”

“Now how on Earth could I be behind it?” he asked innocently. “After all, I’m in prison.”

Lois suddenly understood the rules of the game. He was giving her clues — daring her to work it out. He knew how much she loved a challenge which meant…

She suppressed another shudder as she realised that this was a form of intimacy for him, like some kind of twisted foreplay — and she had to participate if she wanted her answers. She almost stood up to leave right then and there. To be a part of it, felt like a betrayal to Clark, especially since he hadn’t wanted her to come in the first place. And yet, she wasn’t the one whose life was at stake. Swallowing the bile that threatened to rise in the back of her throat, she plastered a smile on her face and softened her tone.

“Preston Mills’ conviction was overturned by a higher court,” she said, “and I know you once had at least a few judges in your pocket. You could have orchestrated his release.”

“And why would I do that?” he asked, his smile growing wider and his voice deepening the way it used to do in intimate moments when they were dating. “If I had those sorts of connections, why not get myself out of prison instead?”

“Because you clearly need him,” Lois said and she knew she was grasping at straws now. She had no idea why Lex would go to such lengths to get a sniper released but not himself. But it all came back to the President. For some reason, he cared more about the President’s death than he did about his own freedom.

Unless…a horrible thought occurred to her.

“How long have you been planning this?” she asked, a slight tremor of fear sneaking into her voice, unbidden and unwanted. “Have you always been able to…get out if you wanted to?”

“You mean my connections?” he wondered, a hint of pride in his voice. She’d figured out at least part of it, and he wasn’t the least bit worried. On the contrary. It only made her more frightened, and she forced her hands not to shake. “The fact that I could have just as easily gotten that same judge to overturn my own conviction?”

“Then why didn’t you?” she countered, unable to keep the anger out of her voice. He was winning this game, damn it. She never should have come. “Why sit in this prison cell for so long if you could so easily get out?”

“Because,” he replied, sitting forward now. His eyes narrowed and his voice hardened, and there was no mistaking the threat in it now. “I get my conviction overturned and you, your irritating Mr. Kent, and the blue menace in spandex would work tirelessly to find a way to put me back here. And one day, I might run out of judges. My power is limited, I’m not ashamed to admit that. But I also know that when I do walk out of here, it will be with the full knowledge that nothing and nobody can send me back.”

“How can you possibly be sure of that?” she asked, her mouth dry. The look in his eyes was pure madness, and she couldn’t shake the terror that had settled inside her. She’d almost married him.

“You have the information you need, Lois,” he told her softly. “I think this interview is over. Please let the guard know I am ready to return to my cell.”

He waved a hand as if to dismiss her and Lois felt a surge of rage overtake her. This entire interview had been on his terms and now he was telling her to leave? She might not be able to punch him, but she sure as hell wasn’t about to go quietly.

She leaned forward so that their faces were inches from each other and grabbed his collar. His eyes widened in surprise. He hadn’t been expecting this. Good.

“You like to be in control, Lex,” she said calmly. “But there are some things even you can’t control. And I know what this is all about.”

“Oh?” He sounded confident but there was a short flicker in his eyes that told her she’d gotten under his skin.

“You’re still under the delusion that someday I might have feelings for you. That I might love you. You think that you need to rebuild your empire and then you’ll win me back.”

“It’s possible,” Lex said, his voice finally wavering. “After all, you loved me once.”

“No, I didn’t,” she said flatly. “I never loved you. I couldn’t love you. You had me fooled into thinking you were a good person for a while, but even then I didn’t love you. But you know who I do love? Clark. And there is nothing that you can do that will ever change that. Even if you get out of here, even if all your plans succeed, the one thing you can’t control is me. And until the day I die, I will always see you as a vile, pathetic, cowardly little worm.”

She let go of his collar and stood up. Lex looked shaken for a moment, then pulled himself back together, the mask slipping into place like a familiar piece of clothing.

“I’ll get the guard now,” she said softly. “Thanks for the information.”


Chapter 10

Lois exited the prison trembling and shaken. She’d only managed to get ten feet from it, before she heard a familiar whoosh behind her. She turned to see Clark, still in the suit as he ducked into an alleyway and exited it dressed in his work clothes. He took several large steps towards her, his expression unreadable but intense.

Before she had a chance to say anything, he grasped her shoulders, his voice laced with fear.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

Surprised by his arrival, and still heavily affected by what had happened in the prison, she shifted away from him and took a step back. She hadn’t meant to, but the anger at having been duped by Lex Luthor, coupled with the fact that he’d all but begged her not to go there in the first place, was all sorts of confusing.

She didn’t know who she was angrier with — herself for allowing Lex to make her feel vulnerable, Clark for being right about him, or Lex for still having the ability to terrify her. It was perhaps a combination of all three, but looking into Clark’s worried brown eyes, she could feel herself unable to stop the tidal wave that she was about to unleash on him despite the fact that she knew it wasn’t fair.

“I’m fine,” she snapped. “I didn’t need a rescue. You shouldn’t be here.”

“Neither should you!” he shot back, and she could see he was trying to control his emotions, which for some reason only made her angrier. He should be mad at her! He had every right to be mad at her! He’d told her not to come here. “But since you are, I thought you might want some back up from your partner.”

“Oh come off it, Clark,” she retorted, wanting to get a rise out of him for reasons she didn’t fully understand. “You wanted to say I told you so. You wanted to…”

“What?” he interrupted, and the expression on his face – a mixture of anger and terror – froze her in her tracks. “See you get hurt? Is that what you think?”

“I was perfectly safe in there,” she responded, choosing to ignore the look in his eyes. She turned instead and began to walk quickly towards the parking lot, knowing she couldn’t walk faster than him but determined to make a show of it anyway.

“There are other ways he can hurt you, Lois, and we both know it,” he said slowly. She swallowed and refused to look at him. If she did she might fall apart and she didn’t want to fall apart. If she fell apart, it would mean Lex Luthor had won. She wouldn’t let him win.

“Yeah, well I’m not that fragile and I would appreciate it if you would stop treating me like I’m made of glass.”

“And I would appreciate it if you would actually treat me like your partner and take my concerns seriously,” he replied and the hurt in his voice felt like a knife to her own heart. “I would have backed you up in there, even if I didn’t want you going. We’re supposed to be a team. I mean we’re talking about you going all by yourself to see…”

She rounded on him, unable to handle the fact that she’d managed to hurt him this way on top of everything else.

“What, Clark? My ex-fiance? A mass murderer? What bothers you more?”

“That’s not fair,” he said and she knew she’d gone too far but couldn’t seem to rein herself in. It was like someone else had taken control of her body and was doing their best to lash out at the one person who was supposed to be there for her at all costs. The sane part of her sat helpless and trapped, unable to stop it.

They reached her Jeep and Lois got inside, unable to look at Clark for fear of what she might say next. She had no idea why she felt this determined to be hurtful. Was she testing him? Pushing him just to see how much he would take before walking away? She didn’t like the thought.

Clark opened the door of the passenger side and got in. Lois still couldn’t look at him but she knew he was looking at her, and the feeling caused a lump to form in her throat, though she knew she wouldn’t cry in front of him. Not right now.

They drove to the Planet in silence, Lois keeping her eyes firmly on the road and pretending to listen to the radio, which was stuck on some oldies station. She could almost feel Clark’s desire to reach out to her and she silently begged him not to. She needed her anger right now. She needed it to prevent herself from collapsing entirely. She needed it to stay strong.

As they pulled into the parking lot of the Planet, Clark spoke, his voice sad and resigned.

“Are you going to tell me what you learned?” he asked tentatively. “I’m assuming he told you something.”

“Nothing useful,” she muttered, though somehow deep inside she knew that wasn’t true. Lex had controlled the conversation, that was true, but somehow she knew that if she thought about it rationally, she’d be able to figure out where he’d slipped up. Rational thinking where Lex was concerned, however, would require help from her partner and she wasn’t ready to ask for that yet. She wasn’t sure she would ever be ready for that.

They lapsed back into silence as they rode the elevator up, and Lois could feel keenly the absence of his touch. She suddenly realised that apart from when he’d grabbed her outside the jail, he hadn’t touched her once.

Once inside the bullpen, Lois was able to school her expression into one of businesslike indifference. Clark, however, did not have the same talent at hiding his feelings. She felt a strong urge to protect him especially since Claude had likely noticed his upset. He sat waiting for them at her desk.

“Did you discover anything while speaking to Mr. Luthor?”

Lois shook her head, making a show of tidying some papers at her desk. When she was alone and had some time to think she would go over the conversation with Lex in her head again. Something he’d said had been helpful even if he didn’t know it, she just couldn’t figure out what it was. Especially with Clark and Claude in the same room in front of her. She felt like she was stuck in some kind of bizarre twisted parody of A Christmas Carol with the ghosts of her relationships past, present and future all in one day.

“Perry knows what’s going on,” Clark supplied. “He thinks we should loop in the police. I managed to talk him out of that, but I think that maybe we should talk to someone. I don’t want to go to the President with this just yet until we know something more definitive.”

“Is there anyone in the police force you trust?” Claude asked. Lois thought for a moment, then she and Clark looked at one another at the same time. Clearly, they were still in sync as far as work was concerned.

“I’ll speak to Inspector Henderson today,” he agreed with a nod. “I’ll make sure he knows only to involve those he feels can be trusted. With Luthor involved, we have to assume anybody can be corrupted.”

Lois winced at his words, though she was certain that it hadn’t been an intentional dig. Anyone can be corrupted indeed. Focus, she reminded herself. Then, looking at Claude, something dawned on her.

“Why France?” she wondered. He looked a bit surprised and she suddenly felt a whole new suspicion overtake her. Claude was the one who came here with news there was a plan to assassinate the President. What if he was somehow working with Luthor? It seemed awfully odd that high levels of the French government had an interest in seeing the President gone.

“I beg your pardon?” Claude’s confusion looked genuine but Lois no longer trusted her ability to read people. Lex had that effect on her.

“Why did he choose to bring the French government in on his plans?” she pointed out. “The assassin is from the United States.”

“Well the trade talks are the perfect opportunity to…”

“But he could have organised that without your government knowing,” Clark interrupted, and Lois could tell he was thinking along the same lines. “So what does your government stand to gain?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know,” Claude admitted. “I don’t know Mr. Luthor as well as…well, perhaps you could help me discover that, Lois.”

Clark frowned and took a step forward shaking his head. She could tell he was about to object and normally she would agree with him, but suddenly the thought of spending time with Claude wasn’t all that horrible. After all, if Claude did have something to do with whatever this was, she was the best person to sniff it out. She would need to gain his trust in order to do that. And for that to happen, she needed Clark out of the way.

“That sounds like a great idea,” she said hastily before Clark could speak. He gave her a surprised look, then saw his expression turn to sadness, which he tried to cover up quickly. “Clark, you liaise with Inspector Henderson. Let him know everything we do, including Luthor’s involvement, such as it is. Claude and I will look into a potential connection between Lex and the French government.”

“I don’t think this is such a good…”

“Did he ever mention any business ties with France?” Claude asked her, already in the swing of things. Lois tried to remember.

“It’s been a while,” she admitted. “I know he mentioned…honeymooning in Paris, but that could have just been him trying to be…romantic.”

She could see Clark flinch at her words and then begin to gather his things to leave. She felt terrible but she knew this was the best way to make Claude think that she believed him completely. Still, as he grabbed his coat and began to leave, Lois stood up and chased after him.

“Clark, wait…” she said, touching him gently on the arm. He turned and she was shocked at the anger she now saw in his eyes. It was the same anger she’d been trying to provoke in him outside the jail. Oh, God, what have I done?

“It’s okay,” he said, though the coldness in his voice told her it was anything but. “Go back to Claude. There’s work to do.”

“But Clark, I…”

“Lois, please,” he said, and her heart broke just a little bit. “I…I need some space.”

****

Lois went through the rest of the day in a complete daze. Though she’d gotten what she wanted, she feared it had come at a terrible price. Clark was gone for four torturous hours briefing Inspector Henderson, and when he did return he barely spoke to her. She watched out of the corner of her eye as he pretended to write his notes down. At one point he’d had to leave for a rescue and didn’t even bother to come with an excuse. Why would he? It’s not as if they’d been behaving like partners at all that day.

In the meantime, Lois and Claude had made no progress. It was looking less and less as if he were some sort of diabolical plant and more and more like there was a legitimate connection between Lex and the French government that they had yet to discover. That sort of research was going to take time and the talks had already begun.

Given that they had no idea on what day of the talks the assassination was supposed to happen, nor did they have any reason to arrest or hold Preston Mills beyond their word, Lois was feeling the pressure. She desperately wished Clark was next to her to bounce ideas off of. It was turning out that she and Claude had almost zero working chemistry now that she was no longer infatuated with him. She remembered thinking at the time how well they worked together, but now she understood that they had never had the magic that seemed to exist between her and Clark. And though Claude was intelligent and a good thinker, what she thought had been magic had simply been her naivete in thinking that he saw her as an equal.

Towards the end of the day, they had agreed to split up and go their separate ways. It was going to take some digging to figure out whether Lex’s former business partners had ties to the French authorities.

She realised with a start that she’d had the chance to do both of the things that Doctor Frisken had asked her to do – talk to Claude and confide her fears to Clark and had done neither. Instead she’d only alienated Clark further and shut Claude down the moment the opportunity for a talk arose.

Should she book another session with Doctor Frisken? No, there wasn’t time for her to be sitting on a therapist’s couch when the President’s life was at risk. At least, that’s what she told herself. In reality she didn’t want to admit to her that she had failed so utterly and completely.

Eventually, the day came to a close and Lois hoped she could try to repair the damage she’d created with Clark. She got up, and looked around, expecting to see him. He’d left his desk a few minutes ago, she assumed, to go to the bathroom. She waited and eventually after about fifteen minutes went by, she realised he wasn’t coming back. Either he’d gone out on another rescue, or….

No, she didn’t want to think that. She didn’t want to think that he’d given up. She needed to be able to fix this. Clark was supposed to be the one who stayed.

And yet, she had tried to push him away. Maybe he’d simply taken the hint. Damn it!

She pulled her coat on and headed for the elevator. She felt tears threaten and didn’t want to fall apart in the middle of the bullpen.