Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Federal Disaster (33-34/37)

banner by CarrieRene

Chapter 33


The room was dark and she was cold. It was night, which confused her. Shouldn’t it be day? She’d thought it was day. Lois looked for the light switch but couldn’t find it. Why wasn’t it there? It had always been there. Frantically, she twisted around, trying to see through the curtain of darkness that was suddenly her apartment. Her furniture wasn’t in the right spot and her window…where was her window?

Before she could process anything, a loud wrenching sound caused her to turn. She tried to scream but no sound came out as her door was flung open and a figure entered cloaked in the same darkness that seemed to be trying to consume her.

Lois couldn’t see his face, but she knew who it was. She had always known. He was in her every nightmare. In every shadow. The root of every part of her fear. And he was here in her living room — her living room that wasn’t her living room, holding a gun in his hand — the only thing she could see in the inky blackness.

“Did you think you could just kill me Lois?” he asked, his voice silky smooth. This wasn’t the voice of the man who'd panicked and fallen through a window. This was the voice of a man who had nothing to fear. A man holding a gun in a room with no window and no way out. “Did you think it was that easy? I’m here. I’ve always been here.”

“Cl…Cl…” She couldn’t speak. Why couldn’t she speak? She tried to run, but her feet wouldn’t move. They felt weighted down, as if the air itself had mass and was forcing her to be still — rooting her to this spot.

Making her a victim.

“He’s not coming,” Lex hissed. “He’s not coming and there is nowhere for you to go. You can’t even scream. Now close your eyes and say goodbye.”

The glint of the barrel of the gun caused ice cold fear to shoot through her. She opened her mouth and tried to force out a scream — to yell for Clark as loud as she could, but she could only watch, helpless as Lex’s finger started to squeeze the trigger.

Before the bullet could hit her, she felt something close tightly around her, holding her in place. She tried to move, tried to shake it off, but it wouldn’t budge. Her apartment disappeared. She panicked, and this time when she opened her voice to scream, an ear shattering cry erupted.

The arms encircling her — and they were arms — only tightened around her. She thrashed around desperately trying to escape, but the arms held tight.

Seconds felt like hours as she fought and soon she could hear a voice. It sounded both distant and right beside her. It was soothing, calming and familiar.

Clark.

And suddenly she understood. She stopped fighting. She felt her body go limp with relief as she began to wake up. The arms that held her were Clark’s arms, and the voice that spoke to her was his. She’d know that voice anywhere.

Just as that realisation came to her, the words made sense. Lex was gone. She was in her bed. She was safe, and Clark was holding her.

“I’m here, Lois,” he whispered, his voice urging her to believe him…to hear him. “Lois, wake up. Please. Whatever you’re dreaming, it’s not real.”

“I…I’m awake,” she mumbled, opening her eyes as full consciousness returned to her. The blackness was gone, replaced by the light emanating from the lamp on her bedside table.

She found herself laying on her side and Clark encircling her. They were still naked, and the feel of his warm skin pressed against her added a feeling of security that she couldn’t even name.

She rolled over to face him and looked into his worried eyes staring helplessly back at her. Her nightmare had frightened him too, though she suspected that was because a nightmare was not something Superman could fight.

“I was…trapped…” she managed to say, swallowing the tightness in her throat and forcing the tears down that suddenly threatened to spill over.

“Was it…” he hesitated, and Lois wondered if he was afraid to even say the name out loud lest he somehow summon him. “Was it Lex?”

She nodded, not wanting to say the name either. He was dead and yet something inside her warned her that saying his name could somehow bring him back to life. She didn’t want to think of Lex while laying naked in Clark’s arms. She especially didn’t want to tell Clark her dream. Didn’t want to relive it or think about it, and yet she felt the words spill from her as hot tears slid down her face and panic filled her chest, threatening to suffocate her once more.

“He was here and the window was gone and you weren’t there and he had a gun and I couldn’t scream, Clark, I tried and I couldn’t move and I couldn’t scream.”

She shook her head, trying desperately to banish the memory of the dream as well as the memory of the actual event that had spawned it. He had been in her apartment and she had faced him. But the window had been there too, and Lex had fallen out of it. He was dead. Or he was supposed to be. Why did he feel more alive now than ever?

Words continued to tumble out of her, fast and furious. She wasn’t sure she was making any sense and yet she had to say them, had to get them out or they would choke her.

“...said he was here, that he’s always been here. Even dead, he’s here in my mind. I can’t get away, I couldn’t escape I…the window was gone and you were gone and I needed you and I couldn’t move and —”

Suddenly, his lips were on her, and he was kissing her — fiercely and with a deep sense of desperation that Lois matched. She could feel Clark’s fear and the deep, primal need to protect her. His arms wrapped around her and she felt his fingers wind through her hair, his body pressing against hers like a shield. She whimpered against him, as he deepened his kiss, tasting the salt of her tears as they rolled down her face. This kiss in its near wild ferocity about something completely different.

“Safe,” he murmured between kisses, “safe. I’m here. You’re safe. You’re home.”

Home.

He was right. She was home, but it had nothing to do with the walls surrounding her and everything to do with the man who held her, and kissed her with a passion and love that she’d never known could be real. He was here. He always had been. And even if dream Lex had been right, that a part of him would always be with her, so too would Clark. He would be here every night to banish the nightmares, to kiss her and chase her demons away.

She pulled back, gasping for air, and pressed her head against his chest, the scent of his body comforting, as she convulsed into sobs once more. She wasn’t sure why she was crying now, she only knew that she needed to — that it was the only way to purge all the emotions that ran through her.

Fear. Rage. Weakness. Strength. Love.

Love. She’d hold onto that. Cling to it…to him, when everything else failed.

Clark held her steadfastly in his arms while she rode the tsunami of emotions until she was completely spent. Even then, he continued to kiss her gently and run his hands through her hair and down the small of her back.

“He’s gone,” he promised her. “Dead. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“We thought he was dead before,” she hiccoughed. “We thought we…I…was safe. And then he was back and —”

“But he’s gone now. I promise.”

“How can you be sure?” she asked, grabbing for the toilet paper to wipe her tears and face. She could feel the puffiness in her eyes and knew she must look a fright.

“After you fell asleep, I flew by the morgue where they took his body and scanned it. He’s dead and his body is securely guarded. I came back just before you started making noises in your sleep. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let you alone like that. I just needed to be sure.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she said, reaching out and touching his face gently to reassure him. She realised that when he returned, he’d removed his clothing instead of putting his boxers on and climbed back into bed with her. She felt her heart clench slightly at the knowledge that he’d seen her in distress and had held her — skin to skin — to reassure her. “There are times when you’re going to need to leave in the middle of the night. I understand, and I am so grateful you checked to…to see…”

“I had to,” he replied grimly. “I had to be sure. After last time, I…Lois, I’m scared too.”

She wasn’t sure why, but somehow knowing that he was just as frightened helped. The bad guy was dead. They’d finally made love. Things were supposed to wrap themselves up into a nice tidy bow. This was supposed to be the happy ending, and yet, Lois knew it wasn’t that simple. Things were never that simple.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “for…scaring you and for…” she trailed off, unable to articulate how she was feeling. They’d made love for the first time that night and then this…

“You have nothing to apologise for,” he said. The look in his eyes was fierce and loving. And she knew he had understood what she was feeling, even without the words. “Earlier, when we made love it was perfect. But these feelings are yours and they are real and I’m here.”

“I thought I was okay,” she admitted, feeling ashamed for reasons she couldn’t understand. “I thought…he was gone and that was it. We could move on. A fresh start, but…it’s going to take a while, isn’t it?”

“I think it is,” Clark acknowledged. “And I don’t know how to fight an enemy that isn’t there. I want to take all this pain for you, but I don’t know where to start.”

“Start with this,” she said, taking his hands and wrapping them around her waist. She didn’t think she would ever tire of feeling his hands on her body. “Start by holding me, and never letting me go.”

“Always,” he vowed, kissing her with aching tenderness. “You have me…body, mind and soul.”

She was able to sink back into his arms, feeling the depth of his love covering her, forging her armour, preparing her for the fight ahead.

“Don’t be scared,” she heard him say before she drifted back into sleep. “There’s two of us now.”

Chapter 34

Morning dawned, and Lois woke to the feel of Clark’s body behind her, his arms wrapped around her tightly. The memory of both her nightmare and their lovemaking returned to her, and she fought to think of the pleasure of the latter as she listened to Clark’s steady and even breathing. His hands were settled on her hips and his breath felt soft against her neck.

She felt Clark mumble something and tighten his grip on her body. He was waking up, ever so slowly. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the feel of him, the scent of him, the way his weight leant her comfort and gave her strength. Nothing could touch them here, in this place. She was strong on her own, but he made her stronger. Being with him was stronger than her alone.

“Good morning,” she heard him whisper as he gently kissed the back of her neck. She felt a shiver run through her body, and the nightmare evaporated like smoke. She was suddenly very aware of the fact that, though Clark was not completely awake, parts of his body were.

“Good morning,” she replied innocently, arching her back ever so slightly. He gave a quiet groan. “Something wrong?”

“Only that you’re killing me,” he said softly, though she could tell he was enjoying it.

“Should I stop?” she asked, coyly, enjoying the feeling of power she seemed to have over him.

“Do you want to?” His voice was husky.

“Don’t stop,” she begged. “Never stop.”

****
Though neither of them particularly wanted to get out of bed, Lois knew there was a possibility that Henderson might have more questions for her about both the attempt on the President’s life and Lex’s death. Clark also had to go into the precinct as Superman and give his statement in order to fully exonerate Lois, which, though Henderson had all but promised was a sure thing, still made her a bit anxious.

It was with this in mind, that they both dressed reluctantly. Despite the morning’s lovemaking, the nightmare she’d had was still with her. Clark made a simple breakfast for the two of them, and Lois marvelled at how much better she’d been eating since he’d started living with her. They ate in silence, both without looking at the window that Lex had fallen out of. She wasn’t sure when she’d feel comfortable opening her curtains again, but she knew she couldn’t keep the window closed forever, given Clark’s need to fly in and out for Superman rescues.

She did the dishes and chewed on that thought for a bit as Clark called the newsroom. She could hear half the conversation as he did so and from the sounds of it, Perry had been informed via Henderson about what had happened. Lois couldn’t help but think that telling Perry about Lex’s attack wasn’t strictly necessary to the case and wondered idly if he’d done it for her so Lois wouldn’t have to.

When Clark hung up and headed back into the kitchen, she had just finished drying the dishes and putting them away.

“Perry says to take our time,” Clark told her. “He even understands if we can’t make it in at all.”

“I have to go in,” Lois replied, biting her lip and sneaking another glance at the window. “I don’t think I could stay here and look at —”

“I know,” he admitted, rubbing her shoulders absently. “Do you want to stay at my place for a few days? Or however long it takes to…”

He trailed off and Lois understood why. What could he say that wouldn’t sound cliched or ridiculous. Until she ‘got over it’? Until she forgot? She shook her head.

“I have to face this,” she said, her entire body feeling heavy. “I can’t hide at your place, or in my room. But at the same time, I don’t…”

She looked down, and tried to stop her hands from shaking.

“Don’t what?” Clark asked. Lois’ throat felt tight and she had trouble swallowing as she turned around and looked up at him.

“I don’t want to see the sidewalk where he…where he fell.” She drew a shaky breath. “Do you think Superman could fly me to work before he goes to give his statement to Henderson?”

“Of course,” Clark replied, and Lois’ heart was instantly lighter for it. She knew she hadn’t killed Lex, but she also knew that if it meant her life or his, she had been willing to. That knowledge combined with the site where he’d fallen made her heart race with anxiety. She would look eventually. She had to. But not now.

“We should get going,” she said softly, still staring into his deep brown eyes. They were full of concern as well as love. She knew it was likely eating him up inside not being able to do something or fix things because that was his way. But some things couldn’t be fixed. At least not right away.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay at my place for a few days?” he asked, gently cupping her cheek with his hand. She instantly wanted to forget the world and just get lost in the depths of those brown eyes. “It’s not running away, Lois.”

She shook her head, and stepped back away from him, breaking the spell and brushing away a stray tear that had escaped down her face. She wasn’t sure why, but his worry as well as the tenderness in his expression made her want to cry.

“I don’t know what I want,” she finally admitted. “I know that I don’t want to see that sidewalk every day or look out that window or…” she trailed off and took a deep breath trying to steady herself. “But a wise reporter once told me that I can’t run away to your place whenever things get difficult.”

“I wish I’d never said that,” he muttered as he ran a hand through his hair. A flash of anger shot through his eyes but she knew it wasn’t directed towards her. “I didn’t mean —”

“I know you didn’t,” she assured him. “I know.”

And then it dawned on her. Something that had been hovering in the back of her mind for a while now. Something she’d been thinking about ever since she’d seen him at his parent’s farm. This wasn’t his home, anymore than his apartment was hers. He could live here — and would do so quite happily if she asked him, but it would never truly be theirs, and she wanted that.

Her apartment was full of so many memories of her life before Clark. She’d moved in straight out of college when she’d first started working at the Planet. She’d been dead broke for the first few years, sometimes surviving on nothing but minute rice, but she’d done it. She’d made it. She’d built a home for herself, and it had been a good home.

But it was hers. Filled with memories of a life that didn’t involve him. She wanted the two of them to find something that wasn’t already filled with memories — a blank canvas that they could decorate with their life together and fill with a whole new life. She wanted it now more than anything and not just because it meant not staring at that window every day or the sidewalk below.

“I just…don’t know what to do,” Clark said helplessly. This time she reached out and touched his face, bringing him closer for a long, deep kiss.

“I know what to do,” she told him breathlessly after they parted. “Move in with me.”

“I thought…” he looked confused. “Isn’t that what we’re already doing?”

“I don’t want you to live in my apartment,” she told him. “And I don’t want to live in yours. Those were both spaces for two people that don’t exist anymore. I want to find a place with you. A new place. One that we can grow old together and maybe even…maybe even one day start a family together.”

“You…you mean that?” Clark looked so hopeful, it would have been comical had it not also been so heart wrenchingly sweet. “We’ve never talked about kids…”

“I know,” she said with a sigh. “There were lots of things that I was afraid to talk about. Afraid to think about. I was so convinced that even allowing myself to have this, that wanting more would somehow ruin it. And while I admit that the idea of being a parent scares me to death, it’s a fear I will gladly confront if it means I get to do it with you. What do you say? Will you live with me in a place we choose together? No more practice.”

“A thousand times yes,” he murmured, leaning down and kissing her with aching gentleness. “I am so in awe of you, do you know that?”

“And I am in love with you,” she said with a soft laugh. “I can’t wait to look for houses together. In the meantime you should probably…”

She made the spinning gesture and he immediately did so, scooping her into his arms. The familiar rush that always filled her whenever he held her took hold, and she wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her into the sky. She knew not to look down. There was nothing for her there.