Chapter 4
As he headed up the stairs to Mayson’s floor at the hospital, a coffee in hand, he reflected on the past week which had been fairly slow at work, but not for his Super work as he’d been busy every day. Both he and Lois had been assigned to separate stories by Perry for the past few days, which surprisingly Lois hadn’t complained bitterly about. As an added bonus, he hadn’t had to dash off after a lame excuse which had eased his conscience that had been in overdrive after the initial conversation with Mayson. Working alone had its benefits but he missed Lois’ presence and banter, and he found himself in a quiet funk all week.
He’d visited Mayson regularly, always with a coffee, sometimes with a game, and conversation had remained light. He could tell Mayson wanted to ask more questions but was abstaining, and he too wanted to tell her everything, relieved that he had a friend who he could talk to without having to hide one part of himself. She’d ask politely about his reporting work, but was rarely interested in his work as Superman.
After knocking on the door and hearing Mayson calling out to enter, he stepped in, smiling at Mayson sitting in the wheelchair, before noticing someone else in the room packing bags.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I can come back.”
“Clark, it’s ok. Can you give us a moment?” Mayson asked the other woman in the room, who nodded and left them alone.
“Packing?” Clark tried to joke.
“Yes,” Mayson stated coolly. “I tried to call you at work but Lois informed me you’d left. Have you mentioned you’ve been visiting me?”
“Yes.”
“Every day?”
Clark slumped his shoulders. He had told Lois he was visiting Mayson earlier in the week but hadn’t given details about when and how often.
“That’s what I thought,” she said as she placed a few items of clothing in a bag. “I’m being discharged today. They’re sending me to a rehab facility until I can move enough to return home and I would prefer it if you didn’t visit.”
He stared at her dumbfounded. “Did I do something?”
“No,” Mayson stated shortly as she vigorously shoved a few more items of clothing into the bag. “And that’s why.”
“I’m not following.”
“Why are you here every day, Clark? Is it because you’re avoiding Lois?” Mayson stopped packing her bag, turning to face him. “I cared about you, a lot, but there’s no future between us beyond a friendship. I’m okay with that, but I need some time without you around to regain my equilibrium and heal, in more ways than the obvious healing. And I don’t think what you’re doing to Lois is right. If you want a relationship with her, you need to tell her your secret and let her make the choice. Trying to get her to fall in love with you first is wrong.”
“Mayson, I..”
“The other day when you were here after the rescue in Italy I could tell you were struggling. I see it in many first responders and it’s nothing to be ashamed about. You need someone to talk to, and I’m sure if I gave you a list of professionals you wouldn’t take me up on it.”
Clark shook his head. So far he had done fine talking to his parents, and nightmares eventually faded.
“I thought so. But I can’t be that person for you, the one you come and see when something awful happens. It won’t help either of us move on. How would Lois feel if she learned Superman was coming to me to unburden himself after a difficult rescue?”
Clark reluctantly admitted Mayson was right. Usually he buried himself in work, went for a fly, or stopped by the farmhouse when something was especially troubling. This week he’d found himself at the hospital with a board game needing a distraction. Talking to someone had been a relief and after he’d left Mayson’s room he’d tried not to think about what the alternatives could be.
Mayson wheeled over to him and took the coffee out of his outstretched hand. “Thanks, Clark. When I’m back at work, I’ll give you a call. You saved my life and I won’t forget that. As much as I wish things had turned out differently, you’ll be a good friend when we’ve both had time to heal and move on.”
Clark sighed. “You’re right and I’m sorry to have put you in this position-”
“In a way, I’m glad I found out now. As for Lois, that’s only my opinion. If that was me, I would…” Mayson sighed and shook her head. “But it's not. It’s your decision and I won’t say anymore. Bye, Clark, for now. Can you send Maria in when you leave?”
With that dismissal, Clark nodded and uttered a farewell. He then exited the room, feeling numb.
****
“Jimmy? Have you seen Lois?” Clark asked as he stood after the morning meeting. When he’d returned after stopping by the hospital the previous afternoon, she had left for the day and now she wasn’t here for the start of the day.
“Yeah, she was here really early muttering something about the assignment Perry had given her,” Jimmy answered as he gathered several photographs from the table.
“Which was?”
“That hot air balloon festival is starting this morning. Perry sent her to the outskirts of Metropolis at sunrise. I’m glad I wasn’t assigned as her photographer!”
Clark half-heartedly laughed at Jimmy’s comment. He hadn’t slept well, continually analyzing the conversation with Mayson, and while he didn’t need much sleep, he certainly needed to be top of his game when dealing with Lois. His late night musings had left him determined to tell Lois the truth about his dual identities as soon as possible. He hadn’t intended on telling her at work, but planning an evening where they could be uninterrupted was his intention.
“You ok, CK? You were zoned out for the meeting. You and Lois aren’t fighting, are you?”
“No,” Clark quickly assured Jimmy as whenever he and Lois disagreed about anything, Jimmy became anxious and either tried to fix the problem, or became scarce. “I needed to talk to her but I’ve got to get going.”
“Leave her a note. I’ll make sure she gets it.”
Clark quickly scribbled a note asking Lois if she was busy that evening and wanted to make plans before placing it on her desk. With a quick thank you to Jimmy, he headed for the stairwell and, after a moment's hesitation, headed down the stairs and out of the main foyer rather than taking the scenic route from the rooftop.
****
Clark took a breath and knocked on Lois’ door. It felt ridiculous being this nervous but there was a lot at stake.
“Hey,” she said breezily as she opened the door. “Come in.”
Clark stepped inside and handed Lois one of the take out cups he was holding. “I picked up a coffee for you.”
“Thanks,” she said as she sniffed the steam warily.
“Don’t worry. It’s decaf.” The last time, he’d brought rooibos tea and Lois had gagged at the first sip. She wasn’t a fan of herbal teas so he'd defaulted to decaf. “How was the rest of your day?”
As Lois began to answer, the timer on the oven began to beep and she walked over to turn it off.
“Are you cooking something?” Clark asked, confused as the oven wasn’t turned on.
Lois laughed. “No. I use the timer for the laundry. If I leave it in the dryer too long someone will take my nice clean laundry out and dump it on top of the dirty machines, or on the even dirtier shelves above. If I go down now, I’ll be there a minute before the dryer ends. Excuse me, I’ll be right back.”
As Lois left with her laundry basket, Clark took a seat on the sofa. This was the first time they’d seen each other in two days thanks to conflicting assignments. All day they’d passed notes under their respective keyboards, making plans to get together this evening. He’d hoped they could have dinner but Lois had a class in the evening and had eaten before, while he’d had a speech to give as Superman. He’d come to Lois’ apartment straight from the other side of Metropolis, other than the quick stop for a decaf coffee for her, and a tea for himself, to be here on time.
During his busy day, he’d been able to fly home and let his parents know what he was planning on discussing with Lois that evening. His dad hadn’t said much, but his mom had been supportive. Clark thought his mom likely agreed with Mayson’s view of everything as she’d disapproved of his inability to say no to Mayson, or commit to Lois.
He fidgeted on the couch, unable to decide if he wanted to leave the top button of his shirt undone or not. He’d left the Suit on underneath. He wasn’t sure if it was for his own peace of mind, or if he’d left it on to show Lois in the event she didn’t believe him.
He’d run through various scenarios of how to talk to Lois in his mind all day but he’d yet to say the words aloud. In her empty apartment, he hesitated, before attempting to do so.
“I’m….” he stammered, unable to say the words aloud. “I’m Superman,” he whispered instead. He cleared his throat and tried again, a little louder. “I’m Superman. Lois, I’m… Lois, there’s something I need to tell you. I’m…”
“Clark? Are you ok?”
He almost leapt off the sofa in shock as Lois entered the apartment. Had she heard him?
“Uh, yeah.”
“It sounded like you were talking to yourself.”
He tried to laugh in response but ended up covering it up in an awkward cough while Lois walked into her bedroom with the basket of clean clothes. She returned a few minutes later, picked up the coffee he had brought, and joined him on the couch.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
Clark almost spluttered out his mouthful of tea at Lois’ direct approach.
“I am a reporter, Clark. My job is to read people and you have been hiding something. You’re not that good at keeping secrets, maybe from others, but not from me, and something has been bothering you for… a while.”
“Oh?” he answered dumbly, trying to grasp at the words he’d wanted to say. He hadn’t planned a speech, and as he fumbled to start speaking, he wished he’d heeded his mother’s advice to do so.
“Yes, ever since that night.”
Now Lois was looking at her hands instead of him and he wondered which night she was referring to.
“That night we… kissed. I mean, we had a great first date until I ruined it by slamming a door in your face, but I apologized for that and I thought we’d moved past it. We kissed. And it was a great kiss…”
Clark couldn’t help himself, smiling briefly at that memory. “It was a great kiss,” he hastened to reassure her.
“A few nights after Mayson’s accident we had a good conversation and I thought we’d moved past it.” Lois turned and looked at him, placing one hand on his arm. “I told you this that night. You saved her life,” she stated. “If you hadn’t pulled her out of the car and called for help she would have died. I know you were in shock that night and I’m hoping you’re not still blaming yourself. There’s nothing more you could have done.”
She moved her hand from his arm and he immediately missed her touch.
“I thought you were feeling guilty about that, but then I wondered if it was something else. I know you’ve been visiting her regularly.”
“You do?”
“She called looking for you and I answered. I know she’s attracted to you and I know you have feelings for her. You have kissed her.”
“She kissed me. But how do you know that? It was at my house,” Clark asked, bewildered.
“That’s not the point. You kissed Mayson.”
“Mayson kissed me,” Clark reiterated. “Once. It never happened again.”
“But she was clearly interested in you and you didn’t tell her no.” By now Lois had shifted as far away from him as she could on her small couch. “You accepted an invitation to spend a weekend with her.”
“I didn’t go,” Clark interrupted quickly.
“I know. Jimmy said you stood her up, which doesn’t sound like the Clark Kent I know at all. But why couldn’t you just tell her no if you weren’t interested?”
Clark couldn’t stay seated any longer. He stood and took a few steps around to the open window and looked at the building clouds outside. “I don’t know,” he admitted.
“So you wanted to keep your options open?”
“No!” he objected, turning back to Lois. “Mayson was… is, a friend. There could never have been anything between us despite what she wanted.”
“Why?” she demanded as she approached him, her arms folded across her chest.
“You, Lois. Mayson is a smart and attractive woman, but she’s not you; not even close.”
“Oh,” Lois whispered, looking shocked at his admission. “Are you sure it’s just that?” she asked, her voice losing some of the anger it had held.
Clark hesitated. If he didn’t start the conversation he was dreading, they’d never get to it. “No.”
“Is this why you’ve been spending so much time with Mayson?” Lois asked, her eyes narrowing. “Does she know about whatever it is that’s eating at you?”
Clark nodded.
“Ok, well, you two can have your secrets…”
“Lois, I want to tell you, but I’m nervous. I’ve never really told anyone this before.”
“Besides Mayson.”
“I didn’t tell Mayson. She figured it out.” As Lois glared at him, Clark realized he’d said the wrong thing.
“It was the night of the bombing,” he hastened to add. “When I pulled the door off the car it got caught in my shirt and tore it.”
“Yes, I remember. The paramedic wanted to make sure you hadn’t been injured, but what does a torn shirt have to do with anything?”
Clark took a deep breath. It was now or never. “What you didn’t see was the Suit I had on underneath.”
“Suit?” Lois asked, looking confused.
“This one,” Clark said as he began to unbutton his shirt, exposing the shield and bright colour of the Superman Suit.
“This isn’t funny, Clark,” Lois said faintly as she took a step away from him.
“My shirt was torn revealing the Suit underneath. Before Mayson collapsed, she saw it; she discovered who I am.” By now his shirt was unbuttoned and untucked, but he didn’t remove it completely.
“Who you are,” mumbled Lois.
Instead of saying more, Clark removed his glasses, watching for the realization of his words to sink in.
"What are you saying?” Lois asked as she sank backwards onto the couch.
“Lois, I’m Superman," he said as he approached her and crouched down.
Lois reached out a hand as if to touch his shield, before pulling her hand back quickly. “All those times you run off…”
“I’m helping someone.”
“Your parents…”
“They found me in a field when I was about six months old, and adopted me.”
“All those times you’ve saved me…”
“You’ve saved me too. I was going to leave during the heatwave, but you found the true cause wasn’t my powers. You’ve dug a Kryptonite bullet out of my shoulder, that saved my life!”
Lois gasped in shock. “It is you! No one else would know that.”
Clark moved a little closer to her and Lois stretched out a hand toward him. Instead of touching the Suit, she gently ran her fingers down his jawline. Clark, trying not to close his eyes to savour the moment, reached up and covered her hand in his. “Lois…” He couldn’t think of anything to say, terrified of breaking the moment. As he gazed at her, he was aware they were both leaning toward each other.
A gust of wind caught the window, causing it to swing closed with a loud bang, breaking their eye contact. Lois snatched her hand back.
“I think it’s best you leave now,” Lois said coldly as she stood.
Shocked at the sudden change in the atmosphere, Clark watched as Lois retreated to the kitchen. He slowly buttoned up his shirt and collected his jacket, listening to Lois loudly cleaning the few dishes in the kitchen.
“Lois, please…”
“Please, go,” she said, not turning to look at him. “I need you to not be here right now.”
Clark, unwilling to push her into anger, let himself out, closing the door softly behind him. As he walked down the hallway, he could hear Lois turning the various locks. Once outside, he slipped into the alley and changed, flying quietly above the apartment, noting that the window she always left open for his alter ego was now latched. He didn’t stay, flying above the clouds and looking for something to distract him.
****
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