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Toomi8 Offline OP
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Feedback thread for the last half of the story!

Chapter 4 is here.

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Ack! This didn't go as planned. Poor Clark. This is a really difficult week for him. I'm glad that he and Mayson are talking again. Now he only has to beg Lois' forgiveness. Great chapter.


It's never too dark to be cool. cool
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Toomi8 Offline OP
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Chapter 5 is posted.

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Toomi8 Offline OP
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The final chapter is posted here.

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Such a good story ^_^
Betaing it was such a treat!
I really wish Mayson had been treated better by the writers. There was such missed potential there. Glad we got to see a bit of it here.

Can't wait to see your next story laugh

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Great last chapter. I'm glad Lois and Clark made up and Mayson is on the mend. Thank you so much for sharing.


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Toomi8 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Blueowl
Such a good story ^_^
Betaing it was such a treat!
I really wish Mayson had been treated better by the writers. There was such missed potential there. Glad we got to see a bit of it here.

Can't wait to see your next story laugh

Thanks again for the great beta! I'm glad you liked the fic.

smile1


Originally Posted by bakasi
Great last chapter. I'm glad Lois and Clark made up and Mayson is on the mend. Thank you so much for sharing.

Thanks for reading

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Hi!
I really liked this story. I thought that Mayson made a lot of good points with regard to her treatment by Clark. The original storyline did not paint Clark in a very good light, as you noted. He was indecisive and inconsiderate. More than once, as you showed, he could have been honest with Mayson but he didn't and that didn't reflect well on him. I found your Mayson to be a more complex character than on the show but they really didn't take the time to develop her. Even with the way he treated her and her dislike of Superman, she was intelligent enough to know that keeping Clark's secret was the way to go. What made me like her more was when she told Clark she didn't want him to visit her anymore. It showed some fortitude on her part, considering how she'd thrown herself at him previously. That may have been because she now knew Clark was not the kind farmboy of her dreams, he was also Superman who she did not like and who acted outside the law, at least as far as she saw it. Alternate stories like this allow authors to explore a character and flesh them out and that was the most enjoyable part of your story.
Thanks for writing and sharing your story.
Ray

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Hi Toomi!
Part 4.
Quote
Yes,” Mayson stated coolly. “I tried to call you at work but Lois informed me you’d left.
Yeah, that’s gonna be an issue down the line.

Quote
Trying to get her to fall in love with you first is wrong.”
Makes one wonder if Clark might not also be a bad boyfriend, perfectly suited for Lois’s streak of Federal Disasters.

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No,” Clark quickly assured Jimmy as whenever he and Lois disagreed about anything, Jimmy became anxious and either tried to fix the problem, or became scarce.
Poor guy, always worried mommy and daddy are getting a divorce.

Quote
But why couldn’t you just tell her no if you weren’t interested?
He likes the attention. It’s also why he dresses so flashy.

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What you didn’t see was the Suit I had on underneath.” “Suit?” Lois asked, looking confused.
Yes. Black painted leather.

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As he gazed at her, he was aware they were both leaning toward each other. A gust of wind caught the window, causing it to swing closed with a loud bang, breaking their eye contact. Lois snatched her hand back.
Great work! Very movie-like.

Quote
As he walked down the hallway, he could hear Lois turning the various locks
That’s not against him. She didn’t lock the window.

Quote
flying quietly above the apartment, noting that the window she always left open for his alter ego was now latched.
Okay, now that’s bad.

See you in a moment!

wave Michael


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Hi Toomi!
And now for Part 5
Quote
and he’d found his note to her crumpled in the trash.
To continue from part 4, yes, that’s bad.

Quote
Lois hadn’t covered for him as the news of Superman’s rescue was all over the news.
LOIS: He didn’t need me in the year prior either.

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“Thanks, Clark, but I already ate.” “Oh. Can I buy you a coffee?” he asked as he followed her outside. “I, uh… I don’t think so. Not right now.”
Maybe he should pick her up a Daniel instead?

Quote
There was a pause while they held each other's gaze before Lois looked away. “We need to talk and I thought somewhere we couldn’t be overheard would be ideal.”
Still not found all the surveillance devices Lex had planted in her apartment?

Quote
“It’s just that… you’re him, and he’s you. I’m not quite over that yet and if the other you flys me away somewhere, I won’t be able to think straight.”
MARTHA: Jonathan, now there’s two of them!

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How would you have continued this?”
Kids? College graduation?

Quote
Great. You weren’t even planning on telling me. I’m just the afterthought.”
No, not telling her was always on the forefront of his mind.

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but I couldn’t figure out how without making you upset or mad.” “And I’m mad?”
He already said he doesn't know how to prevent that.

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“I’ll let you know if I stumble onto something.”
“Help, Superman! Help!”

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“You can’t be tired, and you’re not that fond of my driving skills,” Lois quipped as she started the engine.
He’s not worried about getting hurt. Just about her hurting innocent bystanders.

Quote
“But I’d rather drive back with you for an hour than fly home alone.”
Awwww…

The empty parking lot was inspired! Your Mayson and Lois sure don't let Clark off easily clap
Looking forward to getting to the conclusion. Am thinking…tomorrow-ish?

wave Michael


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Hi Toomi!

Part 6 – the grand finale!
Quote
What are you doing here?” Lois hissed as he scooped her into his arms. “Lois, I asked you to stay away from this place.” “But this is where the story is!” she objected while she kicked her legs in futility.
laugh

Quote
“Not tonight. There’s no activity and from what I’ve been able to see, the container has been emptied and I have no idea where the drugs have gone.” “Oh,” she commented, relaxing into his arms. “Where are we going?”
Awww, she’s adorable!

Quote
“You should shower,” Lois remarked. “You still smell like the fire from earlier.”
Look who took those past days to adjust to the new norm.

Quote
“I do, I’ve just been busy the last few evenings keeping a certain reporter out of the middle of a large drug deal.”
laugh

Quote
“Does this mean I’m forgiven?” he mumbled, briefly breaking the kiss. “Not yet,” she whispered as she kissed him again. “That might take a lifetime.”
Cute!

Thanks for sharing an adorable what-if on Mayson’s impact on Lois and Clark smile1

wave Michael


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Toomi8 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Darth Michael
Thanks for sharing an adorable what-if on Mayson’s impact on Lois and Clark smile1

wave Michael

Thanks for reading and the wonderful comments smile1

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Thanks for reading and the wonderful comments
You're welcome!
wave Michael


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Toomi!!!!

It’s a crime that I somehow managed to not read the second half of this story!!! But I’m caught up now and GAHHH!!!! The emotions here were just SO awesome!! I loved having Mayson tell him straight up how his behavior affected her (and was affecting Lois too). And Lois’ reaction too was good! It was a great choice to have this all in Clark’s POV because GAHHH… there are so many emotions and thoughts and everything he had to deal with, and you did it so well! clap clap clap

Thanks for sharing!!!

Sara smile


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