Hello out there foLC friends!
This is my first ever fic (was just going to try my hand at a ficlet... but it had its only plans when I got started!).
I want to thank SuperBek for being brave enough to BR this story! She was instrumental in fixing readability by adding breaks, catching my outdated grammar formatting, and adding some really helpful sentence re-writes and additions! And the title!! I couldn't have done it without her!
Nor could I have written this at all, without the truly amazing support and encouragement of this community. Thank you, also to QueenoftheCapes for the "Lois and Clark on a Game Show" plot bunny and LauraHex, bakasi and Demi for fleshing out
The Dating Game setting! Thank you, also, brave reader!! I hope you like it!!
Summary: Superman has agreed to be a guest on the show
The Dating Game and Lois has pulled some strings to make sure she's a contestant. But she may not be as much of a shoe-in as she thinks when she sees who she's competing with! Lois is not one to back down from a challenge, and Superman isn't in the best position to help her out of any jams. There's only a partial wall between Superman and Lois, but they may as well be miles apart. Will they make it through the hour-long taping?!
The Dating Game: Super Edition!By KateSO
“I am an alien from another planet.
“On our date, where would you take me to show me the true gems that this world has to offer? Bachelorette number 1?”
Bachelorette #1 began to answer the question, her voice laced with a dreamy quality as she contemplated the various options into the microphone in front of her. “Maybe the Louvre in Paris? Or the Sistine Chapel? Oh! If you haven’t been already, the Nobel Peace Center in Oslo has the entire library of Nobel Peace prizes awarded since 1901. That would be a good place to start, before flying us above the clouds for a better view! But, I guess you get that view of the world all the time, I mean, of course you would. Why wouldn’t you have seen that view a million times by now.” She added the last bit with what Superman thought sounded like an embarrassed self-admonishment.
Lois. Understanding dawned at once. So, at least there was an upside to this predicament he’d let himself be wrangled into.
He knew he could just X-ray over the partition any time and see exactly who was on the other side, but he didn’t cheat at games as a rule. Anyway, there would probably be enough clues, ones he couldn’t very well block out, that would give away the identities of the three women sitting on the other side of that wall, if he already knew them. Their voice, the distinct sounds they made as they shifted in their seat or tapped their foot absent-mindedly, their heart rate when asked certain questions or when speaking to certain people. Though he was Superman right now, not Clark, so all three contestants would likely have elevated heart rates. That and the fact that this whole thing was being broadcast nationally as one of the most popular game shows on TV,
The Dating Game. The ratings would most likely be through the roof for this episode, he considered with amusement. He really hoped all the prizes and proceeds generated from his appearance on the show were going to charity like they’d promised him. You never could tell with these TV networks. One day they’re baiting you with a great TV show that tells a unique story with an amazing cast, and the next day they’re cancelling it and ripping it all away without so much as a half-hearted apology...
Suppressing a frown, he wondered if it had been such a good idea to agree to this after all. He thought of Lois sitting in the first chair, directly next to him on the other side of the wall.
Well, we’ll soon see, won’t we? …...................................................
“And Bachelorette number 2? Same question.”
Lois thought she could see the mocking amusement in Bachelorette #2’s expression, as though she was thinking,
She’s going to take Superman to a museum on their date?! How perfectly Lois.She knew the contestant sitting next to her well, and, well, she wasn’t particularly fond of her, either; she knew the feeling was mutual.
“Oh, honey,” Bachelorette #2 began to say in a sultry yet patronizing tone, “if you want gems, you’re in for a real treat. We could stop at Mazik’s Jewelers downtown first, but a trip to the honeymoon suite at the Lexor Hotel would be way more...mmm...productive. I can show you
way more gems than what you’ll find at any old jewelry store.
Enormous ones too, by the looks of it...” She trailed off in a soft but aggressive purr.
Lois rolled her eyes as far back in her head as they would go. Whoever was responsible for Cat Grant being a contestant had never been on the receiving end of Lois’s wrath, she was sure. If they had, they would have known better. But as it was, they would be bent and bloody once she was through with them.
…......................................................
Superman shifted uncomfortably in his seat, diverting his eyes to the floor to avoid embarrassment. He cleared his throat, as if the sound could dispel that last remark from who he knew could only be the former gossip columnist for the
Daily Planet. He continued, begrudgingly, now having identified two out of the three contestants. He wasn’t sure whether that was preferable to strangers for this event or not. At least Lois was there. All the same, he began to hope things would start to move a little more quickly. How many questions was it that he had to get through? Better to move things along he thought, somewhat wryly.
“Bachelorette number 3? I pose you the same question.”
Bachelorette #3’s answer came in a sardonic tone. “I can think of a few gems at the Metropolis Hall of Justice I’d like to refer you to.”
Superman balked audibly. “Pardon me?” He’d hoped his cordial demeanor would have garnered him a friendlier response.
“Never mind. Ca-can we just move on?” Bachelorette #3 scoffed.
Perplexed, Superman looked to the show’s host for assistance.
The host of
The Dating Game smoothed out his charcoal grey bowtie as he beamed down at Superman from atop his elevated platform. He flashed a smile at the audience and chimed away musically, “Oh boy, seems like we have a fiery group of ladies with us tonight, Superman.”
Superman chuckled good-naturedly, but, in his distraction, let the sound lilt with concern as he continued to try and process the response of the third contestant. He knew from the deep and smoky tones of contestant #3’s voice that it was none other than Mayson Drake sitting in the final chair.
He recovered quickly and fixed his expression to something more neutral. This was going to be a long hour.
…...............................................
“Alright, next question,” Superman continued, sounding unperturbed and his usual down-to-business self. But Lois could swear she had heard a near inaudible sigh escape his lips just now. The thought of this pleased her. So far, she had been the only one to offer real, and if she did say so herself, enticing answers, particularly given what she knew about Superman’s interests. She knew him way better than Cat did, and what on Earth was Mayson Drake even doing here? Regardless, she didn’t feel the slightest bit threatened by her competition in this race.
Although…when she thought about the less-than-admirable way she’d secured this spot, she felt a mere modicum of shame... There was the article she had promised to write about the completely fabricated “good deeds” this TV station was doing for charity; she would find a way to weasel out of that one, or better yet expose the whole station for fraudulent activities if she could! Then there was the old woman she’d accidentally sort of bumped into on her way to the phone booth the instant she’d found out about the taping. It had just been a tap, really, nothing to get up in arms over. She’d been meeting with Bobby Bigmouth, who’d made an off-hand comment about the TV station looking to do a publicity stunt and save their increasingly declining viewership by inviting Superman onto an episode of
The Dating Game. She hadn’t even bothered saying goodbye, and everything that had happened after that was a bit of a blur as she’d raced to connect with a very old and not-so-solid contact at the TV station. It had taken a lot of embarrassing groveling and many pleading promises before she got the spot.
But the effort had all been worth it! And now she was here, a night alone with Superman clearly in sight.
Maybe then she could get him to explain just what he’d meant that night after he’d stopped Metallo. That was all still a confusing jumble in her head, and she was going to get answers.
Oh, but Superman was about to ask the next question! She needed to be ready with a well-crafted and maybe more flirtatious reply? Her answer to the first question had been, she thought, appropriately contemplative and a bit wistful, but maybe she needed to up the ante in playing coy. She had to best Cat. Had to. But, did she really want to do so by stooping to Cat’s level?
I’m not short enough to stoop that low. The internal dig made her smile. No, no that wasn’t her style. She was smart, sophisticated, and already had an edge just by being her brilliant self. Whatever answer came to her on the fly, she was sure that would be the right one. But, if she
could be just a
little playful, that couldn’t hurt her chances. Could it?
“I see so much of the violence and evil in the world. What’s one thing you could describe to me that would recharge my spirit and my faith in the good people of Earth? Bachelorette number 2?”
Cat’s eyes did a dance, her toothy smile gleaming in the stage lights. She didn’t skip a beat with her answer. “Oh honey, I know a thousand ways I could recharge your spirit,” she replied in her most bedroom-y voice, finishing by blowing a kiss into the microphone and winking at the camera.
If the winner of this contest was determined by an audience vote, Cat was sure to be the fan favorite by a landslide. Lois was very glad it wasn’t.
Lois had unconsciously shifted her seated pose from professional stick-straight spine and chin up to its current side-lean, her chin resting on her hand. Her eyes widened in surprise at Cat’s response, and she couldn’t stop herself from muttering under her breath, “Oh for God’s sake.”
Lois recognized her faux pas at once; she’d shown her hand, and now Cat wasn’t going to let a chance to give her sass get away.
“Hey, quiet from the peanut gallery, grown-ups are talking,” Cat taunted.
Well, she wasn’t going to stand for that.
Let’s see if she can find anything quippy to say about this! “Superman? I can tell you about all the responses
I get from people about how
you’ve changed
their lives. How you never hesitate to always go the extra mile. I’ve seen you rescue frightened family pets from apartment fires and take the extra time to save toys meant for orphans from burning in a car wreck. I’d remind you about how people look to you as a symbol for hope and decency. You, just by being
you.. .you recharge
their spirits. You give people hope when they’ve all but given up, and that hope makes them push themselves just a little bit further than they thought they could go. You’re a national treasure, and you give so much to others. And you give so much hope to me. I’d be lost without you.”
Lois remembered the audience was there, as they gave one collective “Awwwwww!”
….......................................
“And I...” Superman began, but then caught himself. “Uh, thank you, Bachelorette number 1. That is...great...to hear.” His voice was heavy with bit-back emotion.
And I’d be lost without you, too, Lois, he wanted to say, echoing all the emotion she had delivered her words with. However, he stayed quiet for a moment.
Her words had touched him in a way he wasn’t allowed to express right now. He longed to show her just how much they meant to him, to see the look of awe and sincerity plainly in her deep eyes, to touch the soft skin of her face with the lightest pressure imaginable... He hadn’t imagined he would feel this lost, having her on this silly show with him, asking her questions but unable to look at her. But didn’t Lois always manage to take his breath away?
He wasn’t sure he wanted to ask the third contestant the same question, but he did anyway, just to be fair. “Bachelorette number 3?”
“Can I pass?
Yeah? Pass.”
Her refusal ellicited an eruption of “Oooooh”s and a lone contemptuous whistle from the audience.
Superman felt his eyebrows bolt towards his hair line.
What is Mayson even doing at this event? She hates Superman. He tried for polite, but barely masked skepticism still crept into his response. “O...kay?”
……………………….
Lois had been thrilled to discover she was contestant number one on the show today.
The first chair! she’d thought excitedly. Maybe that was a bit silly, but she liked the idea of getting the first opportunity to answer Superman’s questions. To be sitting the closest to him of all the women, him sitting just on the other side of the set wall...separated by a few mere inches of plaster... If these other two didn’t totally screw it up for her!
So she had been a bit rankled when Superman posed his second question directly to Cat and not straight back to her. Even though she tried to rationalize that the normal format of the show allowed the questioning bachelor or bachelorette to pose their predetermined questions to any of the three contestants in any order they chose—there were no enforced rules about who got to answer first or whether they would even get the opportunity to all answer the same questions!—she didn’t like that. Not one bit. She thought there should be rules and that those rules should work in her favor. She was first, after all, so it was only fair.
Cat had definitely enjoyed being asked that second question first, she thought, replaying Cat’s antics to the audience in her head. Her mind drifted again, and she wondered how in the heck did Cat, of all people, worm her way onto this lineup anyway? Hmm, there were maybe...a few illicit tactics Cat might have used to get her way. TV execs couldn’t be trusted, after all. The whole industry was a cesspool! Cat certainly fit right in. For all Lois knew, Cat was a part of the TV world now, digging her dirt for
Top Copy or some other debased and generally meddlesome daytime TV program for bored housewives with no lives of their own and nothing to do but watch trash.
Come to think of it, she hadn’t seen leopard hide or slinky tail of her former bullpen colleague since they rebuilt the Daily Planet and made upgrades. She’d thought that no Cat was a
definite upgrade; not that she told anyone at work that. She may have mentioned it smugly to her fish. It was especially a boon since she and Clark were getting closer...or working more closely, or well, working with their desks closer together, or well... She wasn’t really sure where
that train of thought had come from.
But not having Cat constantly clawing at him every day had eased her tension a bit, she had to admit. But
why? Why was
she here?
Now? When Superman was so close! So...so close…
….........................................................
“Question three.” Superman eyed the onlooking crowd, who hung on his every word.
This question should be a fun one, he thought, keeping an impish grin concealed at the back of his throat.
“I can take us anywhere in the world on our date. Where would you want to visit for dinner?”
…................................................
Was he going to jump around with who got to answer first again? Or would she get to start this one off? Oh, she’d dreamed of this exact scenario so many times, she knew she’d have a good answer for it! Lois held her breath in anticipation.
“First Bachelorette?”
Yes! “Hmm...” She took a minute to really soak in the question and imagine the night. Wrapped up in Superman’s arms, feeling the heat from his body radiating around her, the wind softly kissing her skin, their eyes making lingering contact periodically...so wrapped up in each other that they hardly knew where they were going, or what was up and what down, or what day or what time zone or... Coherent thought ceased momentarily as Lois spun a fantastic daydream filled with clouds and kissing and...
She suddenly remembered that there was a room full of people and TV cameras waiting for her to answer.
“Paris? Hawaii? Fiji? Some remote island that no one’s ever been to but us...”
That was enough flirt, right? She drifted off again into her fantasy, and her ability to any more form words was lost.
The host’s suave, boomy voice interjected for the first time in what felt like a while. “Superman?”
Why is that guy here? Lois thought, still far away.
Why are any of them here? There shouldn’t be anyone here but us... Again, the theatrical voice cut through her reverie. “Superman? Do you care to respond?”
What was this? Had Superman gotten caught up in her fantasy too? If only...
Oh, Lois, get real! But he
did hesitate to say anything for a while, and she hadn’t hallucinated the host prodding him to continue.
Superman’s response was a dallying “Uh, yes, that sounds nice. It would be a busy night, for sure.”
She could hear a warm smile in his answer and unconsciously gave a dreamy one in return.
“Bachelorette number 2?” he asked after another long moment, sounding to Lois like he didn’t really want to ask Bachelorette #2. Or maybe she was just hoping he didn’t want to.
Cat gleefully shared her kittenish musings. “Ooh, maybe Japan for some sushi? Or Mexico? Could be reeeally spi-cy!” She did a shoulder shimmy and shot pointed fingers at the sky with the last word. She was really playing it up for the audience.
Could she be more over-the-top? Lois couldn’t keep her eyes in her head.
“Or...Amsterdam? But what’s the point? I’d settle for the observation deck at the top of the Metropolis Trade Tower and late-night room service!”
Lois’s toes curled as the audience cheered and wooed at Cat publicly soliciting Superman. Audiences were vacuous!
Why even bother with a mattress, Cat, seeing as how you already are one! Lois thought with annoyance.
The last thing Superman wants is to be hauled off to your lair and have some torrid hot talk. Why are you even HERE? Don’t you have some bottom to go feed on or garbage can to go crawl back under? She fumed quietly, but knew she needed to keep herself in check.
Don’t want to go looking like a raving lunatic in front of millions of people on national television. She did have a reputation to uphold and a responsibility to the world that she reported for. It would not do well for her take a flying leap at her shameless, tacky, oversexed ex-coworker, much as she might want to in this moment.
Keep it together, Lois, she repeated as she breathed an exasperated sigh.
How much longer was this game show anyway? She could make it until the end...couldn’t she?
…………………………
Superman noted how the host appeared delighted at the turmoil clearly brewing in the contestant pit. “Watch out, Superman, you might be what’s for dinner with this one!”
An appreciative audience chuckled and jeered in anticipation.
He cleared his throat and gave a pained smile to the host.
“And you, Bachelorette number 3?”
Mayson’s voice was filled with complete exasperation now. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to go anywhere I couldn’t get to under my own steam. I don’t need some over-pigmented aerial taxi service to deliver me to some remote, albeit beautiful, dream-land destination.”
Superman bit back what would have been a belabored groan as the audience had a field day, bursting forth with woahs! and oohs! They sounded to him like a 4th grade class’s reaction to a teacher scolding a badly behaved student. He perched, carefully, on the edge of his seat.
This thinly veiled disdain had gone on long enough as far as Superman was considered. He was here for a good cause, after all. Not to be Mayson Drake’s personal punching bag for the day. He attempted his approach with the utmost tact, even if she wasn’t capable of the same courtesy at this moment.
“I’m sorry, I’m confused. I can’t help but sense some hostility from you. Have I done something to upset you?”
“Yes, you have,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Well...would you please explain why you appear to be so upset? Maybe I can...”
“Stop! Hold it right there, because you’re not worming out of this one. Do you call this...” Superman couldn’t help but notice the small reflection of the camera monitor in an audience member’s glasses, revealing that Mayson was gesturing with her arms to indicate the set. She continued, her voice acidic and dripping with sarcasm. “...this...
game show and this blatant display of arrogance and
self-importance part of your do-good campaign? Is
this meant to shake criminals out of the walls or ensure that the citizens of this city are safe? Because
Superman is keeping an ever-vigilant eye on their safety whilst also securing himself a date for Saturday night on a national television game show?”
“This is for charity, I...”
This conversation is derailing faster than a train car heading for a traffic jam! Superman thought.
But at least that
I could handle! “Oh, yeah, it’s real
charitable to sit there all smug and self-righteous, letting senseless women fawn all over you. This one’s practically throwing her garter belt over the wall at your head!”
“
Hey! Watch it blondie!” Cat hissed, her voice barely audible over Mayson’s continued tirade.
“You are a sideshow, not an enforcer of the law. I’d like to see you take off the cape and go after these guys, then we can all see what you’re
really made of. Maybe here is right where you belong, finally. You know what, I can’t sit here anymore. I don’t care if the president of the United States asked me to do this as a favor. I’m
outta here.”
The host called out to her in an uncharacteristic, un-boomy voice, “Wait! Wait Miss...you...you can’t go before...”
But Mayson had already taken flight from her seat and was attempting to exit off her side of the stage. There was a guardrail preventing her from doing so, however, so she stormed straight ahead into the audience and up the stairs to the studio exit. All heads and cameras turned to follow her as she went, save for the one camera instructed to stay on Superman, who was watching her go in bewilderment.
Should he follow after her? Would that derail this whole mess? It had never bothered him before when he’d had to leave abruptly in the middle of a function to tend to someone in need. But it was clear that she didn’t want his help right now. Should he fly off to change and try to calm her down as Clark? Would that make sense? What would he say? Attempt to plead Superman’s defense? She had a knack for always making him feel like he was on trial. But wasn’t he innocent until proven guilty rather than the other way around? Not that Mayson was really playing fair. He’d tried defending himself to her before with no sign of budging on her end. She’d even said similar things to him about seeing him fight crime without the cape, which, of course, was kinda funny in a way. A darkly ironic way. But he couldn’t tell
her that.
And then there was Lois, sitting just on the other side of the wall, the music of her heartbeat so close to his ears, her warmth nearly perceptible through the thin layers of sheet rock and wood framing… He could pierce the material with his pinky as easily as poking a hole in a tissue, and she would be right there, looking at him with those luminous brown eyes, smiling at him with impossibly velvety soft lips…
No, he would stay here. But oh, for all that was holy, how much more of this could he endure?
The host, clearly thrown but determined to be the showman that he was, attempted to shake off the crowd and cleared his throat loudly. He put on a wide, toothy smile and made his voice drip with syrupy sweetness. “Well, we’ve certainly got a memorable show here today, folks! Superman, you old dog you! You do not disappoint! Quite the heartbreaker here, folks! They’re dropping like flies out there! It looks like you have one less choice to make.”
The clamorous volume of the audience receded back to rapt attention, and quiet chuckles could be heard in response to the host’s joke. All eyes were once again trained on the man in the red cape.
“So, Superman, how are we feeling?”
“Uh...” Superman wasn’t sure how to respond, but he knew he really,
really wanted to be done with this as fast as possible. This would be a great moment for someone to call for help. Maybe in Philadelphia. Or China. Somewhere that would take him far, far from Metropolis. “Yes, it would appear so. I’m okay to proceed.” He reassured the audience with a quick smile and slipped back into his more stoic demeanor. He was sure he could make it through two more questions.
“Alright, Bachelorette number 1. If you were a superhero, what would you call yourself?” He began picturing Lois in a spandex suit like his. Pink, maybe? And he quickly dismissed the thought.
Stay focused, dream all you want later. This thing is almost over. Lois sounded unprepared for the question. “Well, I don’t know,” she started.
Perhaps he should have given her more time to think through her answer. But he’d heard how her breathing stuttered and caught when he’d asked Cat to answer his second question before her. He’d only meant to be helpful to her. He knew Cat’s answer would be nothing more than tawdry tripe, nothing that he had the slightest interest in. So he’d thought Lois would appreciate the moment to craft a response worthy of a Kerth award, but her intentionally interrupting Cat to deliver what wound up being such a moving answer... It was more worthy of a Pulitzer. Lois always did do her best work under pressure, he thought admiringly. So really, she ought to be fine with the pressure on now.
“...I think a superhero’s name should come from the people they help. The people who see them in action. I’d want someone who held me in the highest regard to decide what name should define me, because they’d have the best perspective of my abilities and what name would comfort them most in their sincerest hour of need. Or would ring true as a bastion of hope.”
Just like she did for me, Superman thought, his reverence clearly showing in his momentarily unguarded eyes. He never would have come up with Superman on his own, giant “S” or no. No, it had been much better that she had named him; it had given him purpose and created an image to uphold. She was responsible for so much of who he was, who he had come to be. He had so much to be grateful to her for. And he could listen to her words all day; it was clear how brilliant of a writer she was. He couldn’t help but be in awe of her, again reflecting back effortlessly the emotions that she had delivered her answer with. Her words struck him with such force, and she was so close...
But his reverence was short-lived as Cat cut into the moment like a Ginsu knife.
“I have to agree with you there, Lo—uh, sweetie. I
am a superhero; my powers only activate in the bedroom though, and, uh, I have been called many, many names.”
“Yeah, Super Strumpet for one!” he heard Lois chide viciously. He groaned inwardly.
“You take that back!”
“I
will NOT!”
The sound that emanated from the audience was deafening as bedlam broke out on the stage. Cat and Lois had risen to their feet, all decorum having flown out the window. The tops of their heads skimmed the partition wall, and he was sorely tempted to take a peek. If only, he told himself, to ensure there was no need for him to intervene. They began arguing over each other, not even bothering to listen to the other’s continued insults before volleying their own next string of clever invectives. Superman grimaced, horrified but powerless against the might of this escalating media circus.
It was almost comical to see the host lose his cool at the unhinged display unfolding on the usually manageable stage before him. “Ladies! LAY-DEES!” the host called desperately over their continued back and forth name-calling, trying to reign them in. “This is
The Dating Show, not some salacious mudslinging talk show! I urge you, please be respectful and remain seated, or you’ll both be disqualified!”
…...................................
Reluctantly, Cat and Lois quieted down long enough to hear the end of their host’s plea. They shot daggers at each other and begrudgingly settled themselves back into their seats. Lois’s signature under curled, shoulder-length hair had flown into her face amidst her tirade. She carefully smoothed it back into perfectly parted curtains as she warred with her expression, sure she probably looked as though she still had a reproach or two Cat had not heard yet that she was dying to share. Cat tugged at the thigh-grazing hem of her sleeveless, body-contoured lime green dress while tossing her long auburn hair behind her and sat down. She looked far less rattled than Lois felt, this incident apparently being something she’d dealt with before.
The host, still visibly flustered but steadily regaining his poise, addressed them both. “Now, may we proceed, ladies? Peacefully?”
Lois looked up at the host’s booth, partially visible above the partition. “I’ll be good,” she replied with a resigned sigh.
“She started it,” Cat remarked with a ring of teenage bitterness, and then smirked.
Hmmf! Lois scoffed silently.
She’s finally gone full regression. Though you’d have to first be emotionally mature in order to regress, and I don’t think that applies in her case. Lois shot Cat a dirty look but knew better than to open her mouth now.
…...............................................
The host, exasperated and barely able to keep up his effervescent persona, turned back to Superman. “If you please, Superman,” he pleaded over his forced smile, “your final question for these two, uh,
lovely... ladies.”
Superman was pretty sure this guy hadn’t ever endured this much drama on this set before. He almost felt sorry for him.
“Yes,” Superman began, grateful that this debacle would be over soon so he could go back to saving lives, or something. Anything, so long as it wasn’t this. “Uh, okay. Final question. If I were an ordinary man with no superpowers, would you still be sitting here trying to win a date with me?”
He didn’t even get a chance to choose who to pose the question to. Not that it mattered much. There was only one contestant’s answer he needed to hear for this particular question.
“Would you still have those buns of steel?”
Of course it was Cat who chimed in first. Boy, she just wasn’t going to make this easy for him. And not that he had any clue as to what Lois’s response would be. A sweet one, like her others, or a bitter pill for him to swallow? He’d had an easier time swallowing C-4 than he’d had with swallowing the bitter pills Lois had handed him in the past. But he had to know. He just had to push past Cat’s incessant pestering first.
“Uh, yes,” he responded reluctantly, adding a nervous laugh.
“Well, then sign me up!” Cat cackled out, doing another overplayed shoulder shimmy for the audience, complete with an added eyebrow waggle. The audience hooted with approval.
Superman gave another shy smile and paused, hoping that was the end of Cat’s tauntings. He wanted to give the audience a chance to settle down before giving the floor to Lois. This question wasn’t one he’d written in preparation of this event originally. He’d only added it after Lois mentioned she’d scored a spot as a contestant. Maybe it had been a foolish move to put her on the spot publicly like this, but it was too late to turn back now. He leaned in closer to the microphone, all his super-senses trained on Lois.
“And you, Bachelorette number 1?” It came out almost as a whisper. His eyes grew soft and hopeful as he waited for her response.
He wanted to say her name, say it with a caress around it. Could she hear how he’d tried ever so subtly to wrap the “one” with warmth, to hold it so delicately, without giving too much of himself away? She could always read him so well; sometimes he wondered if she knew him better than he knew himself. Would she know with this one utterance what she meant to him?
…………………
It took Lois a moment to gather herself. Was she hearing things? There was something so soft, so vulnerable about the way he spoke to her just now.
He knew it was her, right? How could he not? He knew her voice. He probably knew the sound of her heartbeat so well by now... Was it discernible from Cat’s? From the people in the audience? God, she nearly forgot there
was an audience. And cameras. What was the question? Her thoughts were all jumbled now.
Uh, would I want to date him even if he was an ordinary man? Right? Well, duh, of course! Without question. I would just know it was him, she thought.
There was no mistaking him. Not his face, his incredible musculature, the indescribable way he smelled—the way the wind and clouds seemed inextricably tied to each strand of his hair...like no mortal man could smell.
But, most importantly, there was no mistaking the way he made her feel. She was sure she would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was him; there was this electricity between them, after all, this magnetic current pulling them towards each other. She could feel it now, sending pulsing waves that sunk deep down into her skin, straight through to her core. Her very essence called out to him. Every cell in her body screamed his name and demanded to connect with his, in even the slightest touch of her hand on his arm. Every step closer she took towards him invited another and another, no distance seemed acceptable to keep. And she would take ten thousand steps, halving the distance every time, if that’s all she could do, until there was no possible way they could ever be separated. Not by space, not by time—those things didn’t exist when they were together.
She was sure these feelings weren’t one sided, that he had felt them too, at least to some degree in all this time they’d known each other... But…she had to stop. Even if that were true, he’d just told her he didn’t want to be romantically involved. The other night, after he defeated her sister Lucy’s idiot-turned-cyborg boyfriend, he’d intimated as much, hadn’t he? He’d seemed to push her towards Clark, almost like he was...conceding? His words had been heavily laden with so many mixed emotions it was hard to tell what it was he meant, exactly. Was he sad that he felt he had to push her away? But, he’d also seemed so adamant about Clark, like he had some stake in that, too. Like that’s what he really wanted.
And she wanted...what, exactly? She and Clark had gotten so much closer recently, their friendship-turned-complicated-relationship becoming as equally convoluted as that of her complicated-relationship-turning-friendship with Superman. It was nearly identical in timing, when she thought about it... As Clark grew closer, Superman grew more distant. And as the electrical tug still felt strong for Superman, she had to admit it was growing in intensity between her and...
Dammit, she had to answer the question!
“Unequivocally,” she managed to choke out after what seemed like a miles-long pause. “I would know it was you; there’s no doubt in my mind that I would. I’d be here, holding my breath and hoping against hope that you’d pick me.”
Her heart was racing now, fighting to be released from her chest. It ached to throw itself over the partition and into Superman’s lap, crying out, “Take me! I’m all yours!” in a tiny voice suited for a disembodied organ. Only...only this was all futile if he didn’t want that. If he didn’t want her heart. If he wanted her to give it to Clark. Clark, who she would do anything for. Her best friend in this otherwise untrustworthy world. Her rock through the storm. Clark, who she would catch herself admiring for his physique when he was otherwise engrossed in a file or getting her coffee. Clark, who...
“And, what if I was someone you already knew?” Superman interrupted her train of thought so entirely.
“Huh?” was all she could manage as a response. Had he...? What...? What did...? Did he just...?
“Well, I’m so sorry to cut you off, Bachelorette number 1, but it’s time for Superman to make his decision!” The crowd rallied appropriately into cheers and applause as the show followed the familiar format.
The host bounded down with unbridled enthusiasm from his perch and over to Superman. Lois imagined Superman rising as he approached, and she listened as the two congregated by the front of the stage, just to the edge of the partition. So close now.
“Now, Superman. You’ve heard from these, well, these two contestants. You’ve asked probing questions, and no doubt created fully detailed character profiles on them. And it has been drama filled, if I do say so myself. A tough choice for any man, but you make the tough choices every day, don’t you, Superman?”
“That’s an understatement,” she heard Superman reply with a modest chuckle.
Lois could only imagine what his face looked like now, his eyes sparkling, flashing the audience that thousand-watt smile. What could he have been trying to say? If she could just get a moment alone to collect her thoughts... All this pressure and overstimulation was worse than if she’d woken up with a bad hangover in the lobby of a casino. TV was hell!
“We don’t normally do this but, being that you’re a special celebrity, what do you say audience? Which woman should the Man of Steel choose?”
Lois wished she could see through the wall, desperately wanting to peek. She’d seen this from the host before; he was probably standing there, theatrically cupping his hand around his ear, indicating that the audience should call out their answer. And Superman...was probably standing there politely, maybe with a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
She’d never before wanted Superman’s X-ray vision more than she did right now.
Cat, loving every second of the suspense, blew sultry air kisses to the audience and waggled her eyebrows over lusty eyes. Lois squirmed in her seat and tried to smile, but it probably came out looking more like a grimace.
The audience erupted into shouts, the large majority cheering “Two! Pick Bachelorette number 2!”
Lois began to curl in on herself, wanting to crawl under her chair and hide. Maybe she could still be an award-winning journalist for the
Borneo Gazette. The gut-twisting pangs of utter embarrassment began their silent implosion on her, until she heard a faint but audible “One! Bachelorette number 1!” And then more than a few distinct “Lois Lane! Pick Lois!” The cheers steadily picked up until there were equal calls for both women, maybe even more “Lois!”
Oh, oh, poor, unrecognizable Bachelorette #2!
Lois slowly straightened herself up as she heard it, a smile creeping onto her face and becoming more pearly with confidence by the instant. Cat, she was glad to see, was looking ever so slightly worried. This made Lois smile wider. She was going to get to the bottom of whatever it was Superman was trying to tell her, but first she was going to enjoy watching Cat eat a big spoonful of crow.
“Ooh, it’s sounding pretty neck and neck out there! So, moment of truth, Superman.” At his words, the crowd’s chanting died down to murmurs, and finally, they were silent. “Who’s it going to be? Which lucky lady have you decided to whisk away on your romantic date?”
Lois held her breath. She was mostly confident that she knew what his answer would be. But it felt safer not to breathe at this moment.
“Well,” he started. “Being me, you understand, there are no guarantees that I will be available the day this date is meant to occur.” This is not where Lois saw this answer going. “And, I understand that, as a celebrity on this show, I can choose someone to go on this date in my absence.”
It clearly was not where the host thought this answer was going either. “Uh, uh, yes. That’s correct. You are allowed to do that as...as a celebrity guest.”
“Great,” Superman continued, “then I would like for Clark Kent to take my place. So, I’ll be picking this date based on who I think he might match best with.”
Lois’s mouth actually fell open. Great, slack jawed on television. What was he
doing?! The heat of her anger began to rise under her collar. But then she realized there was another feeling brewing inside her more overwhelming than anger... It was dread. What if he didn’t pick her? She didn’t want Clark going out with Cat! She’d finally disappeared from their lives, slunk away sinuously into the shadows in true feline nature. Her memory was a mosquito bite, itchy and annoying at first, all but forgotten once it scabbed over and healed. She didn’t want Cat back in their lives to start fouling things up all over again. Lois needed Superman to pick her. She needed this date to be her and Clark!
She sat up straighter as another realization hit her. She...much preferred the idea of this date being with Clark to Superman. Clark was warm, and kind, and...and real! He had flaws and imperfections, and he made her feel like she was the one who was flawless, rather than her feeling hopelessly inferior to Superman’s obvious perfection. Not that he flaunted his sterling attributes, he just
was. But...but what if Superman
wasn’t perfect? What if his perfection was all in her head, wrapped up around a symbol and an idea and a costume? She couldn’t believe she’d been so quick, so eager to accept him as this defectless, infallible god. She was Lois Lane, after all. She had even said to Clark on his first day at the Planet, “It’s my business to look beyond the external.”
Hah, all I’ve done since Superman showed up is look at the external! Some investigator I turned out to be, she thought morosely. But he’d snapped his fingers and given her a chance to take off her blinders. To finally use her prized journalistic skills and do what she said she intended to do all along. To see what she’d been so vitally missing all this...
“I pick...”
Her thought process stuttered. Her mind reeled, and her heart skipped a beat.
“Bachelorette number 1.”
Her heart slipped back into a normal, albeit highly elevated, and healthy rhythm. She WON! She yelped in delight, the biggest smile plastered on her face. She grabbed Cat by the arm absentmindedly in the excitement. The audience cheered wildly, and red, yellow, and blue spotlights flashed around the room dramatically. She could barely hear the audience over the sound of her own heart pounding in her ears. Relief washed over her, all her doubts erased. And, one way or another, she was freshly determined to finally get the answers to all her many questions.
Cat’s playful façade finally faltered. Her shoulders slumped, and her face fell.
Better luck next time, Cat. Only there won’t be a next time, Lois thought smugly. The cat woman was way out of her league on this one.
“Bachelorette number 2, if you could come out here and say hello to Superman? Show him what he’ll be missing on his date.”
Cat perked up at the host’s suggestion and re-donned her easy-come-easy-go attitude. She rose out of her chair, maybe with a little less bounce than she’d shown earlier, and she smiled wide and wandered around the partition to the other side where the host and Superman were. Lois could only imagine what she was doing over there now, what displays of affection she was bestowing onto Superman, the host, and likely any male on set with a mild pulse.
But that didn’t matter. Lois had won. And she was going to revel in that feeling for a few moments longer before she got back to unraveling this latest mystery.
“Superman, meet Bachelorette number 1! Come on out here, honey,” the host called to her. Still beaming, and slightly dazed from all the noise and the lights, Lois leapt from her chair and walked around to the other side of the partition.
There was Superman, in all his primary-colored glory, beaming brightly at her. She practically ran at him, but remembered to keep it professional and managed to rein herself in to go give him a hug. She worried that it might be awkward hugging him in front of all these people, that he might be stiff and business-like. But her fears melted away the instant they embraced. His tightly muscled arms wrapped warmly around her, and the electricity between them thrummed as strongly as ever under the surface. She dared to reach up and kiss him lightly on the cheek before pulling away. She looked into his liquidy chocolate eyes and found something that made her breathe catch in her throat. No matter how many times they had been this close, he could still take her breath away.
She managed a breathy “Hi,” and smiled up at him.
“Hi Lois,” was his warm reply.
She lingered there for what seemed like an eternity, her eyes locked with his in some unbreakable gaze as though they'd both forgotten time existed. Was it always like this, or was it just her imagination hoping that was true? Finally, after what must have been several long moments, the host cleared his throat, and she realized she should probably be greeting him as well. She was so unwilling to sever the connection for even a moment, but her thoughts intruded, reminding her not to be quite so obvious.
She regained her composure and her motor control and turned to accept a handshake from the signature grey-suited host of
The Dating Game. Once pleasantries had been exchanged, she walked back over to stand next to Superman. She had a lot of questions that demanded answers. However, she decided on a cagey approach, not wanting to play her hand too soon (a hand she was currently bluffing she even had, but he didn’t know that. Good thing X-ray vision was no good for reading her mind!).
“So...” She’d seen the end of these shows before. The guy would stand against the wall, the girl carefully tucked under his arm as the two of them chatted away. She guessed this wouldn’t exactly be the stance they would take here at the end of the show, but she wagered it wouldn’t be too bold to stand close, to brush against his side. She moved in and breathed quietly, hoping he could super-hear her over the din of the chittering audience and crew.
“‘What if you were someone I already knew,’ huh?” she quoted verbatim.
“You still haven’t answered the question,” he said, and she could swear there was a hint of mischief in his voice. His eyes certainly seemed to sparkle when he looked into hers, momentarily making hers glaze over.
My pupils must look like milk saucers, she thought when her mind cleared a moment later.
Must be at least partly why my vision goes blurry when I’m in his presence. That doesn’t explain the weakness in my knees though...unless irregular breathing is causing the oxygen to be cut off from my brain, also explaining why I can’t think straight sometimes... Wait, what if that’s part of why I struggle to see past the exterior with him, because infatuation is literally turning my otherwise brilliant mind into mushy gushy useless grey matter?! I wonder...if I begin to see Superman more clearly as our relationship wanes, and Clark more moony-eyed as our relationship grows... What will I start to see then? When this fog clears... “Care to drop me any hints?” she asked, trying deliberately to bring her senses into clarity. She would force her body to cooperate.
“Are you suggesting that I haven’t already?” he countered. He seemed so perfectly composed to her. So sure of himself.
Breathe, Lois, you can do this. She would will her body to cooperate. However, maybe she needed a minute to arrange the events of the day. No, of the month. No, of the last going on three years of her life. A little fresh air might be just what she needed to arrange this massive jigsaw puzzle. She narrowed her eyes at Superman, but couldn’t wrangle the smile threatening its way across her face. She studied the smile now playing across his face, too, but it gave nothing away.
Boy, he really was something.“Ms. Lane?”
Yet another interruption to her mental connection process. A production assistant was wanting her to sign some documents and go over the details of her date, now scheduled to take place with her partner, Clark Kent, and not he-who-looks-good-in-spandex.
Oh alright, she thought, sighing inwardly as she gave Superman a weak shrug and followed the production assistant to a desk behind the set.
I’ll do anything to get out of here and go find some place I can think. Maybe she’d go back to the Planet—her sanctuary, her kingdom where she reigned supreme. She had work to do, and she did her best thinking there in her trusty old desk chair with a cup of hot coffee and a view of her partner.
…..............................
The audio cut and the credits rolled across the screen as everyone shook hands with the host, hugged Superman, eyed each other suspiciously (and then managed pained cordial smiles and tepid hugs), and wandered off stage. The host managed to pull Superman aside for one last quick question. The set had mostly cleared out by now, but he leaned in and whispered low anyway so only Superman could hear,
“So, you can tell me. Did you peek through the wall during the show? You saw everything that was going on, didn’t you?”
Superman leaned back and smiled broadly, all tension gone from his face. “No, I would never peek. That’s not something Superman does. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”
And with a flash of his cape, the Man of Steel was gone. He had to go find Lois and figure out the particulars of their date. She would have a lot of questions, and, though he knew in the end how little good it might do him, he wanted to give himself ample time to prepare his answers.
…....................................
The End
FDK: The Dating Game: Super Edition! (1/1)
