Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Travelers (1/1)

OK, so this is kinda silly, but...the bunny jumped aroun in my head and wanted to be let loose. So here we are. Hope you enjoy.

***
Clark Kent sat at his desk in the Daily Planet bullpen, very focused on finishing his article about the deficiencies at the (frankly quite demolished) Midtown Middle School. That's why, super-hearing or not, he didn't immediately notice the stranger coming towards his desk.

"Excuse me? Clark Kent?"

Clark jumped and turned around. The man opposite him looked somewhat inconspicuous - but there was something about him...Clark couldn't quite place it. Somehow he didn't seem to fit in. (This impression may have been contributed to by the end of a towel sticking out of the leather bag he was carrying. Well, that really wasn't Clark's issue to worry about.)

"Yes, That's me. Can I help you?"

"Oh yeah, sure, I hope so. Um, the name is Prefect. Ford Prefect."

Clark blinked. "...Like the car?"

"Oh congratulations, people tend not to notice that. Um, well, what can I say, so my research on this may have been a little inaccurate. It happens to the best of us."

"...I do not quite understand...?"

Ford shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Where were we? Ah yes, right, I could use your professional opinion. You see, I'm a colleague of yours, Mr. Kent. As in, a fellow reporter. But I'm working in the travel department."

Ah, Clark thought, that might explain the British accent. "Well, I'm happy to help if I can. I assume you've come to me because you've heard that I've made a few trips to more distant places myself in the last few years?"

For some reason the person he was talking to seemed to be amused. "Well, that's certainly one way to put it."

Now Clark was a little confused. "What do you mean?"

"Oh dear, I forgot half of it. So, the guide I work for is a bit...special because, well, I'm a field repporter for the Hitchhiker's Guide."

OK, so Clark wasn't very familiar with hitchhiking - that was never really necessary, given his abilities. But before he could say that, Ford clarified:

"That is, the Galaxy Edition."

"Never heard of it."

“Nobody is perfect,” his interlocutor grumbled to himself. "Anyway, I was hoping that you, as a local off-worlder, might be able to contribute some perspective? I mean, I've been trying for years to get the editors to expand on the Earth article and that "mostly harmless" isn't a sufficient description. Well, with Superman now making things more interesting, I wanted to try again..."

Clark internally cringed. The man in front of him was clearly crazy and he didn't really understand half of what he had just talked about. Still, the implication Mr. Prefect had just made was...worrying.

"Mr. Prefect, I know we're sometimes said to have certain, ah, visual similarities, but I'm not Superman?" (and why did that sound like a question? Damn Clark, you need to get better at this!)

The latter seemed amused by this statement. "Yeah, nice try, but my Sub-Aether-Sens-O-Matic clearly identified you as a Kryptonian. Not that I'm judging. Some people can't even get along well with their own species, so with other races thrown into the mixture it isn't getting any easier."

Well...damn. Apparently the guy wasn't completely crazy after all, or if he was, he was good at guessing. Apparently unaware of his inner conflict, the other man continued babbling:

"Not that it was immediately clear that you were a Kryptonian. I mean, at first I thought you were just a human with good flying skills, but the other powers shown kind of put paid to that theory..."

Clark knew he shouldn't do this but couldn't resist. "Humans can't fly, sir!"

Ford broke into a manic smile. "Not by default, that's true, but there are always people with talent. I have this friend, Arthur, who did it quite well a few times as long as he didn't concentrate on doing it right, and his ex-girlfriend was a total natural talent in flying..."

OK, that guy was really nuts. Clark was thinking about how to get rid of him and at the same time prevent him from spreading his dangerous theories about Clark and Superman. He decided to let him continue talking while he texted Lois to call the nearest mental hospital.

"So, if you are indeed an intergalactic hitchhiker, then you've been to other planets, right?"

"Oh sure. I'm not exactly from around here, but I kind of like Earth...mostly, come by every now and then. Oh, just in case you're interested, I've been to Krypton too...a few times .You can't get past it in 200 years. Quite a nice planet. A little too cold for my taste. Oh, that reminds me, my semi-cousin once got into a lot of trouble with some senior elder...something about a Concubine...well, whatever. Anyway, it's a shame it exploded. Although, you never know, maybe we can find a solution for that?"

Clark just stared. He had never told the world of Krypton's fate. It made it easier to sell the narrative that he was from another planet when it seemed like it still existed and people could fill in the rest for themselves.

He deleted the unfinished text message to Lois.

And, wait, what was the last bit?

"...What?!"

Very eloquent, Clark.

"Oh, I don't make any promises. But considering the Earth blew up before, and, look, we fixed that... Sure, it's not that likely, but I could ask Zaphod if he lets us lend the Heart of Gold, it's definitely worth a try..."

Clark was still completely lost - but he was starting to realize that he was apparently presented with the real deal here - and maybe if he got on good terms with this guy, he could find other Kryptonians or even save his species from extinction. That was definitely worth an interview.

Sighing, Clark leaned back in his swivel chair. "OK, fire away. So what would you like to know?"

***

So...uh...thought? Let me know what oyu think!

In line with the new tradition, FDK can go right here. Let me know how much I screwed this one up :-)

So long, and thanks for all the fic!

This was an absolute delight from start to finish, and thank you so much for sharing it! Poor confused Clark. I bet he doesn't even know where his towel is.

😆 Hilarious! Thank you for sharing!!

Oh, I just wish I had read the Hitchhiker's guide. So some of the fun is lost on me. But nevermind, this was great

This is hilarious, just like the books! Never travel without a towel. Thanks for making me laugh!

Hi BlindPassenger!

But you’re okay, right? It didn’t turn out to be an Alien situation?

And I’m jumping at HGWells.

Still Wellsing it.

Ooooh…I understand. I should keep calm, then? Since he already brought the towel?

No idea if that’s from Guide or not. Been way too long. And I only know the movie / basic plot. Sorry!

Oh, he’s … um…temporally traveling.

See? Only…does HG have time traveling? Also, HG with both in Hitchhiker’s Guide and Herbert George. Fun!

If he had a car, he could get familiar with female hitchhikers?



Shhhhhh!







But it states that Lois Lane is frequently flying off buildings and out of planes and landing safe and sound…?



Okay? Also…/points at Peter and Wendy Darling/

Oh? That’s not nice, Clark.

Hey, that’s “professional caregiver”.

/points at backup disk/

Hmm…what if they stored backups of planets in disk shape for easier storage? Could explain Flat Earth theories

Just a lot of fun indeed.

/see above/

Also, very cute. I had fun. Not your usual fare. But very weird fun

Michael

Hi QOTC,

Oh glad you enjoyed it so much, I was afraid it would come out as a total mess lol. Poor Clark indeed, he's going to be even more confused in the future, I'm sure.

As for the towel...didn't he lose that in the Apollo Hotel during the pilot? I believe to remember so...

Thanks for commenting!

Hi Bek,
So glad you liked it. Getting so many positive reactions tells me I did better than I thought with this weird crossover. Thanks for commenting!

Hi Barbara,

Oh well, yeah...I'm afraid quite a few of the allusions and in-jokes, as well as some of Ford's rants, don't make a whole lot of sense if you are not familiar with the HGG. It's a eally fun read, though quite crazy. I read the first book and listened to the existing german audio-drama-version of the first foru novels (If you're interested I can send you a link). I'd say the first two are quite ufn, the third and fourth then get quite messy and somewhat lengthy tbh.
Anyway, I'm happy to hear that it's still likeable even if you don't understand what's going on half of the itme (which, admittedly, is probably how Clark is feeling). That said, if you have any specific questions about something alluded to here, feel free to ask.

Thanks for commenting!

Hi Songbird,
Oh wow, thanks! I don't think I'm anywhere close to the books, neither in writing style/quality nor on the level of craziness.
Well, what's to say, towels are important, aren't they? :-)
It's been a pleasure!
Thanks for commenting.

Hi Michael,
Nah, I'm good, As said, it's been a bunny, not a raccoon.
ROCKET: Don't call me an alien...no, wait...

Haha good guess. To your credit, you inserted the British accent before I mentioned it, so that's some score points for you!
Aah, but Wells is arguably not exactly someone on whom the term "inconspicous" would fit...

Yeah, no panic. He's just on a stop-by. And, you know, never travel without a towel!

Yep, Ford Prefect is Arthur's BFF and expository sidekick who introduced him to the greater universe besides Earth when it got boom'd!
Also too bad, don't know the film but, as I heard, is by far not on the level of the books. I'm afraid some of the allusions/jokes/ramlbings will be lost on you then.
I read the first book and listened to an existing (german) audiobooks versoin of the first four novels (I can shoot you a link should you so wish). I'd say the first two novels are good even though quite crazy. Three and four are less so - they're gettign too messy in the absurdity department for my understanding and have some lengths, stilll some fun though..
And nothing to be sorry about, I firmly expected some people would be lost in the sauce wit this one (just like Clark), but I felt like I had to write it anyways.

Yep, that's what the definition of hitchhiking is: temporally traveling with someone else.

Depending on which HG you talk, yes and...yes, sort of, but not via the book...

See, just had the same thought!
And, you know, fun fact: "The Time Machine" is, even if the title may imply otherwise, actually not much about the time-traveling itself. It's rather a criticism of social circumstances in England around the time it was written. The Lc authors didn't make a whole lot of homework there....

Some like these...?
LOIS: Let's swap seets, farm boy! I'll show you the appropiat edriving speed in the city!
CAT: Could I join you for a ride? You will not regret it...
MAYSON: Clark, your driving abilities are...expandable. I'm afraid I have to arrest you for breaking a few laws on the way.
...

Shhhhhh!
Well, what can I say, subtlety is not exactly his strong suit. Just look at the very typical name he chose for his undercover visits.

I mean, come on, everyone who would have closely observed the crazy stuff going on on this planet for the last few decades wouldn't call us harmless...

There's a backstory for that!

Well, that's Clark for you. He can't resist to edit a colleague's copy.

But it states that Lois Lane is frequently flying off buildings and out of planes and landing safe and sound…?
ULTRAWOMAN: Hi there...
(LOIS: ...Wait, what do you mean sound? I'm *not* screaming for Superman. No, you must have hear...somehting else. Yeah, a cat, that must have been it!)


Like a certain reporter who has a talent for getting into trouble...
LOIS: Oh come on now, Clark is a little clumsy, but he's not that bad...

OK that's mostly an insider you won't get without knowing at least up to HGG Part Three. Um, long story short, in HGG, one can "learn" to fly if they are so distracted that they forget to fall. And, yeah...that happened to the MC. Also, he has a GF in part IV, Fennchurch, who, for some reason, is bad at staying grounded. The couple caused some confusion for everyone in the british media and aircraft industry.

CLARK: Being Superman means saving everyone. Even if that means saving them from themselves. Oh, AND it includes saving Superman's alter ego from getting exposed, too!

ZAPHOD: Given my position as President of the Galactic Union, I felt it necessary to check out how far it is with the professionalism of the Kryptonian caregivers. It was just a misunderstanding!

SLARTIBARTFAS: No, I'm busy. I have no time to build you another Krypton! And I'm not allowed to give you the hard-drive copies of the construction plans either, they are property of the Magratean Planetary Construction Inc.
(Aaand I realize you probably don't get that referrence either...ah, too bad)
SLARTI: Oh and also, of what use would be a planet without any Kryptonians to populate it?
/forshadows ER pointing at Lois/
Ah, that still wouldn't be..a whole lot if they aren't super busy. And since we'd have half-Kryptonians then, would that count?

Actually, Jokes Aside, the implication is they could bring back the actual Krypton, including all of its inhabitants. They somehow did that with Earth in Part IV. Though I have to admit, I kinda didn't get how exactly the timey-wimey worked out there, though I'm not even sure IF it was actually explained... (maybe the ship with the infinite unlikelyness-drive was involved? Not sure...)

Well, I tried. And I didn't even brought Lois in for more shennanigans.

"Very weird fun" is a very fitting description for that book series, indeed. Same goes for writing this one. It just...wanted to be done. And goo to know you enjoyed it, even if you didn't get all the in-jokes.
Thanks for commenting!
Nick

Hi Nick,
glad I could entertain


He could be trying to fit in this time around? Wearing a Big Apricot t-shirt and a baseball cap.
I can get a lot from pop-culture knowledge and inference
also nitpick: that's temporarily not temporally.
TEMPUS: I knew that the British dude had a weird accent. I never thought he meant "temporally" literally.
Yeah...Then again, they did introduce the concept of Utopia into the story.

Hence the laughing. But like in a zoo, as long as we're kept behind a glass wall, the feces we sling at the audience are kept contained.
Also, she does have her filled out ten-rescues-get-the-elenth-one-free loyalty cards. She's still hoping to get the hidden price for collecting ten filled out loyalty cards which earns her membership in the mile-high club.
Aaaah...which is also why Lois always falls, because she's such an inquisitive person, she couldn't let the falling slide.

Not the names, but the HGG movie did have the Earth assembly line featured.
Ooooh, nice one. But wouldn't an Adam-Eve situation kind of hamper the gene pool?
yeah, I guess she's just not as important as Clark is to the story.
LOIS:

/points above/ I probably a lot of them. Just maybe not the extra layers?

Michael

PS: added the missing closing-quotes in your reply.

QUOTE
<glad I could entertain

He could be trying to fit in this time around? Wearing a Big Apricot t-shirt and a baseball cap.>
Uh...that's a weird imagination. Also, isn't, in the LC universe, MP not the substitute for NY, and rather placed somewhere around Delaware? (I think to have read about that somehwere), so not sure if the Apricot thing would still apply...
QUOTE
<I can get a lot from pop-culture knowledge and inference >
Yeah, guess that helps... Ultimately, that pretty much was how I came to it. I just wanted to know what everyone was talking about.
QUOTE
< also nitpick: that's temporarily not temporally.
TEMPUS: I knew that the British dude had a weird accent. I never thought he meant "temporally" literally.>
Ah, English and its adverbs...must love them...
QUOTE
<Yeah...Then again, they did introduce the concept of Utopia into the story.>
True...but that's an entirely different Wellsian novel not related to the Time Machine one, and not even set in the future but a parallel dimension. The society in Time Machine one was, in fact, more of a dystopia
QUOTE
<Hence the laughing. But like in a zoo, as long as we're kept behind a glass wall, the feces we sling at the audience are kept contained.>
And same goes for a travel guide: So long as you have no personal exposition, you're safe.
QUOTE
<So, next time, the crook should gag Lois before throwing her out of an airplane?>
If they want to be succesful in their assasination attempt...probably?
LOIS: I have no time for gags. I'm a no nonsense reporter. And regardless of what some people might claim, my life is *not* a sitcom!
QUOTE
>Also, she does have her filled out ten-rescues-get-the-elenth-one-free loyalty cards.>
...How useful exactly are these though when Superman doesn't take payment? Or is she keeping them in case Waldecker is ever stepping up as temporary stand-in?
QUOTE
<She's still hoping to get the hidden price for collecting ten filled out loyalty cards which earns her membership in the mile-high club.>
Ah, so that was were the "super date in the clouds" took place?
QUOTE
<Aaaah...which is also why Lois always falls, because she's such an inquisitive person, she couldn't let the falling slide.>
LOL Exactly. Lois is too much fact-based. Clark's the one for the "soft and feely" stuff.
QUOTE
<Ooooh, nice one. But wouldn't an Adam-Eve situation kind of hamper the gene pool?>
...which is why it wouldn't work well, as I pointed out just in the next line... Also, no fancy powers, which'd be a downer! Lois loves her personal flights!
QUOTE
<yeah, I guess she's just not as important as Clark is to the story.>
Indeed. It's just a ficlet. And I really didn't knew how to work her in well there. Also, it's kinda vague in the timeline so...not even sure if she "knows" at that point...
QUOTE
</points above/ I probably a lot of them. Just maybe not the extra layers?>
I'd definitely say you did quite well!
Nick
PS: Ah yeah, I probably screwed that up..I tried a different approach this time. Better?

Yeah, works better. If you could add an extra line break before starting a new block, that would be best, if you want to optimize

No, in LnC it's placed in New York. We got various maps of New York, the coast, etc.

Just like Lois.
TEMPUS: You could also hate them. Just like Lois.

You meet one tribe of cave dwelling cannibals and go straight for "dystopia"...

RomCom, actually.

We don't talk about this on the light side of the boards.

oh, and I got an audible subscription, so... thanks, I'm good, actually

Michael

I’m in the same boat as bakasi here, not having read the book before, but I know a decent amount of the pop culture references from it! As soon as I saw the time traveler had that towel, I knew it was a Hitchhiker's crossover!

Cute and clever even though I’m sure I didn’t catch half the references! 😆

Sara

Interesting fic. For some reason, it makes me wonder how the number 42 could help Clark in the future.