AN: I did it. And I was trying to avoid it. I wrote a TOGOM fic. I blame Bryan Adams. For the lyrics that inspired the fic, check the note at the end. Thanks to JadedEvie for the beta!
This is the second story in the Anthology series. You don't have to read the first as they're standalone stories.****
“Clark? Clark?”
He opened his arms in surprise as Lois engulfed him in a hug.
“You’re alive! How is this possible?” She squealed as she wrapped her arms around him.
“Lois, we need to talk.” He was not going a moment longer without explaining the whole truth to Lois. He’d been given a second chance and he was not throwing it away.
“Did Superman bring you back?”
Clark turned his attention to Dr. Hamilton who asked the question, and whom he had momentarily forgotten was still there, despite having just pulled him out of the concrete pool moments earlier.
“I’m so happy you’re alive! Thank goodness my work has finally come to something good!”
“Oh, Clark,” Lois interrupted Dr. Hamilton. “The Planet! We have to warn them. Capone and his gang are going to kill everybody that’s at the party tonight.”
“I, uh, have something I have to do,” Dr. Hamilton excused himself and Clark saw his opportunity to talk to Lois vanishing as others were in danger.
“Lois, you go ahead. I’ll meet you there,” he said, pulling away from her grasp. He would have to try and catch up with her later.
“Oh, no. Don’t even think about it. I’m not letting you out of my sight. Come on.”
He reluctantly followed, realizing this was not the time to talk if lives were at stake.
****
He was exhausted, but vibrating with life. He was alive! Even though he hadn’t died, it had felt like Clark Kent, for the briefest of moments, had. He’d been facing a future without everything he’d worked for; his job, the friends he’d made, the life he was making in Metropolis, and the partner that had become so special to him.
And that someone special was currently wearing his suit jacket, her ruined clothes having been disposed of after almost being buried alive in cement. Though his coat’s future didn’t look much better than her clothes, now that she had added cake to the splattering of cement that the coat had acquired when she’d hugged him.
He’d happily add a layer of cake to his shirt in exchange for another hug.
“Want a ride home?”
He gratefully accepted. He hadn’t slept and despite his elation at being ‘alive,’ it wasn’t enough to keep him going for long. He wasn’t about to try flying anytime soon since who knew where he’d end up if he nodded off mid flight!
They drove in companionable silence and he felt his eyelids drooping. Lois began to talk but he just couldn’t focus on her words, her voice lulling him to sleep. His next awareness was Lois shaking him awake.
“I’d leave you to sleep but you’d end up with a horrible kink in your neck if I left you there,” Lois said.
The drive couldn’t have been more than ten minutes at this time of night, especially the way Lois drove, but something had turned her tone a little cooler than she had sounded earlier. The memory of her excited squeal of delight and exuberant hug made him smile, and he missed what she was saying.
“I’m sorry?”
“We’re here,” she said with a hint of impatience. “Your apartment.”
As he pushed the fog out of his brain he realized that he was at his apartment building, and rapidly annoying, perhaps even concerning Lois.
“Would you like to come up?” he asked.
“I shouldn’t. You’re tired.”
“I’m fine, really. The nap helped.”
Lois snorted in disbelief and looked at him skeptically. “I’m covered in cake.”
“It’s ok. I have more suit jackets that you can borrow.” At least that remark earned him a smirk.
Given how enthusiastic she had been since he’d ‘returned,’ he was wondering if he’d missed something in the car while he’d nodded off, as she hadn’t let him out of her sight for long enough that something else could upset her without him noticing.
“Please. I’ll make tea and you can wash some of the icing out of your hair.”
Lois’ eyes widened and she reached for her hair, exclaiming as her fingers found the few clumps of icing.
“My Jeep!” She shrieked as if just realizing the toll this evening had taken on her clothes and the upholstery in her Jeep.
Clark wanted to laugh and he wasn’t sure if that was a result of how tired he was, or if it was really funny. But he knew that laughing would not help him convince her to come upstairs.
“I’ll help you clean that. For now, let's get you into some clean clothes.”
He opened the door and climbed out, his heart skipping a beat when he heard her unclip her seatbelt. By the time he got to the front door she was two steps behind him. Once inside his apartment he found Lois a towel and something to change into, and went to boil some water.
He stood in the kitchen dunking the tea bags in the cups over and over, reluctant to sit down in case he nodded off again. The longer Lois took, the more resolved he became. He’d almost lost this chance and he wasn’t wasting another moment.
He was trying to run through possible pathways of conversation to reveal his secret to her in a way that wouldn’t anger her, when she walked into the kitchen taking his breath away. Her hair was wet from the brief shower she’d had, and she looked incredibly sexy in a pair of his sweat pants and a t-shirt. His mouth went dry and he couldn’t find any words in any of the languages he spoke. Lois noticed and instead of being annoyed, she seemed to be pleased with his reaction given the slight smirk and unnecessary flip of her hair.
“Is that tea?” she asked with a smile.
He handed her a cup and they made their way to the couch, sinking into the cushions gratefully. That few minutes of sleep in the Jeep had helped, but he didn’t think he’d be awake for long. Despite his own desire for a shower and clean clothes, he had to talk to her now, before he lost his nerve.
“Lois-”
“Clark. Let me go first this time.”
He reluctantly acquiesced.
“I did a lot of thinking over the last few days and realized something, something I tried to tell you in the car.”
He had been right; he had missed something, which had annoyed her. He stayed quiet, letting her continue despite wanting desperately to interrupt.
“I realized that I was going to miss you more than I ever thought I would, that I would miss you for the rest of my life. It got me thinking that there had to be more to our relationship than just friendship.”
Clark could hear her voice choking up a little and grabbed the box of tissue from the coffee table, handing it to her. She accepted and dabbed at her eyes.
“I was suddenly faced with a future that wasn’t so planned and perfect anymore. There would be this big gaping hole in my life where you had been, and I couldn’t figure out where I should go from there.”
He felt his stomach twist. Lois was admitting to him that she cared for him in a way he’d longed for since he’d met her, but he realized the pain and trauma she’d gone through to get to that revelation was now based on a lie, and he felt the need to tell her now before he burst.
“But now you’re here, you’re really here.”
He was desperately tired, his mind full of what Lois had just admitted, along with the weight of what he had to tell her, but the sparks of delight that fired up and down his skin as she lightly plucked at the bits of cake and cement that were stuck to his shirt, just about short circuited his mind. He stared at her, his mouth slightly agape.
She ceased touching him and he could see doubt creeping into her expression as he remained silent and motionless. He reached out and gently captured her hand in one of his, watching as her downcast eyes returned to meet his.
“I am,” he said in response. “I am really here. But there’s something I have to tell you.”
“It doesn’t matter, Clark. I’m just so happy you’re here.”
She leaned towards him and moving on autopilot he reciprocated, their lips meeting in a passionate kiss. Within moments his fingers were threading through her hair, while his other hand reached for her waist, pulling them closer together. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening, right when he thought he had to give all of this up.
After a few more glorious moments of kissing Lois, Clark pulled back, leaving one hand at her waist, while tucking the mussed hair behind her ear with the other.
As he gazed at her, he felt a battle begin to wage within himself. He could just leave this moment the way it was, and spend a little longer kissing Lois Lane. They could end the night however they wished to, and pick up tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. At some point the perfect opportunity, once they’d had a chance to date for a while, would present itself.
No! No! No! He argued internally. He’d committed to telling Lois who he was so there would be no more lies. She’d asked him once tonight and he’d been saved answering by Dr. Hamilton. She would ask him again, there was no doubt about that, and he was not willing to build this relationship on a lie.
“Lois, there’s something we need to discuss before this goes any further.”
“Oh?”
He could see her walls starting to go up as she physically shifted backwards an inch and his hands dropped away from her.
“I’m sorry, Clark. You wanted to say something and I just barged ahead, said what was on my mind and moved on with what I wanted to do without considering you. I’m sorry.”
“No, Lois, that was great. Better than great. Amazing,” he hastened to assure her. “Anytime you want to continue, please, go ahead. There is just one thing I need to tell you first.”
“It’s bad, isn’t it? Did something happen when you came back from the dead? Do you only have a certain amount of time? Like an expiry date? It’s past midnight so you’re not going to turn into a pumpkin. How much time did Superman say you have left? Maybe Dr. Hamilton can help you? Or Dr. Klein! He’s a smart guy. I’m sure they can all fix whatever it is. We can head down to STAR labs first-”
“It’s not that. I’m fine. I’m just as good as before.” This was tougher than he thought it would be. Planning what to say in his head was much easier than saying it to her, knowing no matter what he said there was an excellent chance she’d be upset.
“When Dillinger shot me, it didn’t hurt-”
“I’m glad. I mean, that’s such a strange thing to say, but I’m happy that dying wasn’t painful. Oh, what am I saying, Clark, you must have been terrified.” Lois grabbed another tissue and wiped up an errant tear.
He took a deep breath and plunged ahead. “It didn’t hurt because the bullet didn’t pierce my skin.”
“What do you mean? I saw you fall to the ground.”
“I didn’t have any other option. If Dillinger realized he hadn’t actually shot me, there would be questions of how, and I was worried things could escalate.”
Chicken, he berated himself.
“If you weren’t shot, then why did you fall to the ground? You weren’t breathing.”
“I held my breath.”
Clark watched as Lois frowned while she processed the information.
“So, you’re saying you weren’t shot, but you faked being shot and pretended to die? Why didn’t you come find me afterwards?”
“They dumped me shortly after and I didn’t know what to do. I panicked.”
“But I could have helped.”
“I was afraid of putting you in danger. And there’s more.”
“Clark, whatever it is, just say it.”
His mind went blank. His hurriedly crafted sentences fled his mind and he was left staring at Lois, worry and trepidation etched into her expression.
“It’ll be easier if I show you.”
He started to undo the top buttons of his shirt before remembering he’d left the suit at the Planet. He’d been worried what the police would make of his miraculous appearance and hadn’t wanted anything that could possibly detract from the story Dr. Hamilton had started.
“What’s wrong?”
“I, uh… This is crazy. I left the suit at the Planet after Capone and his goons were arrested.”
“Suit…”
“Superman’s suit. Red, blue, big family crest on the chest,” he tried to joke.
“What did Superman do to you? Maybe when he brought you back there was some sort of mind trans… eek!”
Lois let out a little shriek as Clark scooted closer to her, placed one arm around her waist, lifted them a foot off the couch before gently lowering them down.
“I’m sorry, Lois. I’m so sorry. I wanted to explain this more eloquently, but I couldn’t find the words and the timing was never right.”
Her expression turned from a wide eyed look of shock and wonder to a frown of annoyance as she shifted backward again, jarring his arm loose and creating distance between them.
“You couldn’t find the words? The man with the amazing, encyclopedia-like memory couldn’t figure out how to tell me this secret?”
“I wanted to explain, tell you everything, but I was afraid. I’d finally worked out what I was going to say to you but we had to get to the Planet and since then, I’ve forgotten how to say what I wanted to say.”
“You forgot? Don’t you have a perfect memory?”
Clark sighed, removed his glasses, and ran his hands over his face. The brief respite the nap in the Jeep had given him was now wearing off. He could easily close his eyes and sleep right here, still speckled with cake and cement.
“I’m so tired,” he admitted.
“Tired? I’m so confused.”
Clark put his glasses back on out of habit, and stayed seated as Lois stood, her hands on her hips.
“You tell me you’re… well, you’re
him, and then you tell me you’re tired and you forgot what you wanted to tell me? This doesn’t make sense.”
She wasn’t yelling at him… yet. That had to be a bonus.
“I haven’t slept since before the shooting,” he admitted. It felt like a lifetime ago.
“Oh,” she responded, sinking back down onto the couch, albeit still out of his reach.
“I can go a few days without sleep, but eventually I do need to rest. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this tired.”
“I should go,” Lois hastily stated.
“No, stay.” Despite her statement, she hadn’t moved from where she sat and as tired as he was, Clark did not want to leave their conversation as it was.
“I’m sorry, Lois. I wanted to find a perfect way to tell you. You mean so much to me and I was afraid if I didn’t use the right words, or find the perfect time, I’d lose you forever.”
“Lose me forever?” Lois repeated breathlessly as she sank back onto the couch.
Clark shifted on the couch so that he was facing her. As much as he wanted to reach for her, he restrained himself, leaving his hands in his lap.
“Lois, I lo- care for you as a friend, and so much more. I want to repeat what just happened between us, but not under false pretenses. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long but always found an excuse not to. The time wasn’t right, there were people that could overhear, or I was just so afraid you’d walk away and never talk to me again that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to you.”
Clark paused and sighed. So far Lois hadn’t stormed out but his increasing exhaustion was making his usually clear thoughts muddled. He tried to gather his words before continuing, not wanting to say the wrong thing.
“When I was shot, that was the end of Clark Kent. Too many witnesses had seen him shot and dragged away, and there was no coming back from that. My parents tried to console me with the idea that Superman could still be around and see all of you, but it would never be the same. I’d lost everything.”
He could see the tears forming in Lois’ eyes and passed her another tissue. When she took it from him, she gently grasped his hand in hers.
Giving her hand a light squeeze, Clark continued, “I found Dr. Hamilton’s research and read through it. It’s feasible, but flawed. I was hoping that no one would investigate too deeply if Superman claimed to bring Clark back using that research. Now that the lab and all the research has been destroyed, hopefully no one will question it further.”
“Well, both Jimmy and Perry were taken in by that story. So was I.”
Clark nodded. “And I’m hoping you can forgive me for lying to you.”
“These last few days, thinking I’d never…”
Clark’s heart twisted as Lois fought back her tears. This was his fault. “I’m so sorry, Lois. I panicked, and a lot of people got hurt. I never wanted you to find out this way either. I wanted to tell you but I was scared.”
As he spoke, Clark found his eyes dropping to his hands, the guilt over the pain he’d caused Lois eating at him. When she grasped his hand in hers, he raised his gaze to her.
“Seeing you alive, and here… I can’t describe how overjoyed I was to see you walking towards me a few hours ago,” she said, her eyes sparkling with tears, but no longer weighed down with sorrow. “It’s like we’ve been given a second chance and I’m not going to waste this one. I’m here, with you.”
“Lois, there’s nowhere on Earth I’d rather be.”
She glanced over at the clock as the time ticked over to a new day.
“It’s a new start, a new day.”
Lois smiled at him shyly and before he could even imagine what their first day together would bring, she was kissing him again. He smiled into her kiss, living in the moment at last, without any secrets between them. There was nowhere else on Earth he’d rather be. Thank goodness for second chances.
****
The song that inspired this fic is a new song to me. Written for
Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron back in 2002, it never gets played on the radio, and I fell in love with it last year. It’s possibly one of my favourites. If you don’t know it, take a listen…
Here I Am by Bryan Adams
Here I am, this is me
There’s nowhere else on Earth I’d rather be.
Here I am, it’s just me and you
Tonight we make our dreams come true.
It’s a new world, it’s a new start
It’s alive with the beating of young hearts
It’s a new day, it’s a new plan
I’ve been waiting for you
Here I am
****
Feedback
