Chapter Eighteen
Memories Can Be Beautiful....

Clark wandered round the living room of the house Jor-El had brought him to. The young superhero had spoken with his mother for a few minutes, reassured Clark he would see him very soon, then flown off once again. Left alone with Lois, Clark felt her gaze follow him as he studied the layout of the room, letting his glance stray over the various ornaments on shelves and tables, and the pictures that adorned the walls.

Wonderingly, he was reminded how Lois had done the same in his little cottage just a short time ago, though he owned only the odd nick-knack and definitely no pictures. Yet she'd seemed just as interested in his things, as if she could learn something about him from the place he lived in.

Now he employed the same tactic, discovering with a feeling of pleasure that he approved of the room's decor.

"It hasn't changed much in the past four years," Lois said, sensing his thoughts. "I mean, I've had the wallcovering refreshed and stuff, but I stuck with the same color scheme. It might sound sad, but I couldn't bear to change what we chose together."

He glanced over at her, gently smiling. "Not sad. I think it's kinda sweet... and I like this room. Thank you."

While he'd been talking he'd come to rest in front of a tall cabinet where a number of strange glass ornaments were displayed. On closer inspection these oddly shaped objects turned out to be awards....

"Kerth Awards," Lois explained, "for Journalistic achievement."

Clark looked closer, noticing some had Lois' name on them, while one bore his own name and a couple had Lane and Kent proudly etched on their surface. He was not wholely in tune with this guy called Clark Kent, but since he'd won an award, he guessed he must have been fairly successful at his job. Still, seeing both their surnames linked together like that warmed his soul.

His gaze drifted over the other shelves, to a delicate silver figure of a young girl in a gymnastic pose mounted on a wooden plinth. He lifted it up carefully and read the inscription, his heart lifting instinctively with pride at the name Sara Kent.

"Sara? Your... our daughter?"

"Yes," Lois took a few steps closer. "You encouraged her to take up the sport years ago. You'd be proud of her, Clark. She's very good... and she doesn't use her powers... not that she has the full range of superpowers yet. Just a few."

His hand lingered reverently on the tiny statue as he set it down. He nodded, but didn't speak, unsure that he was ready for a discussion on 'superpowers' just yet. Restlessly, he passed on to the wall which was covered with family photographs and walked slowly down the line, hoping for some glimmer of recognition, but felt the inconvenient stirrings of another headache instead. Disappointment surged through him and he couldn't suppress a sigh.

"Does anything seem familiar?" Lois asked, her voice edged with dejection, anticipating his answer.

"No, not really," Clark replied, turning quickly to her and hating the tears which he saw shimmering in her eyes before she had a chance to compose her expression into one more hopeful.

"Try not to brood about it," she said, with forced optimism. "They put you through a lot to erase your memories; we can't really expect too much too soon. Why don't I make us some Ooling tea.... You do like Ooling tea?"

Her tentative question brightened Clark's expression and he was glad to be able to offer her one small consolation. "As a matter of fact, I do."

"See, there you go, they couldn't make you change your taste in tea!" Outwardly she laughed, but inside her heart was aching.

He looked so lost, walking slowly around a home which was clearly alien to him, and a sense of deja vu overtook her. They'd been here before. The first year they'd been partners at the Planet he'd lost his memory and she'd taken him to his apartment, hoping against hope to jog his memory, yet he'd remained oblivious then too... at first. But this time was so much worse; he had a much longer journey to take to return to her.... further even than the reaches of outer space and the Nightfall asteroid.

She had to escape, if only for a few moments, before she depressed him further by breaking down into to a whirlpool of gut wrenching tears... and she'd promised him she was strong enough to endure. "You continue exploring and I'll go make us some tea." She waved her hands airily in the general direction of the pictures. "If you have any questions just store them up till I get back...."

Then she was gone, leaving Clark alone and feeling bereft. Yet he couldn't blame her, he knew she'd gone off to cry. He wanted to comfort her, but didn't quite know how... and yet Marje had told him to be brave, so he found himself following in the direction she'd gone. He passed through what was obviously the dining room and saw two sets of doors at the other end. One was the entrance Matt had brought him through from the back patio when they'd arrived, and the other was a set of white swing doors.

He headed towards them, discovering his process of deduction had been correct, as he heard muffled sobbing from beyond the barrier of the doors. He quickened his step and pushed into the kitchen. Lois was standing with her back to him, hovering over a stove, waiting as a brightly enamelled kettle came slowly to the boil.

"Lois?"

She swung towards the sound of his voice, and displayed ingenuously to him the tears that coursed ceaselessly down her cheeks.

"Oh, Lois," he whispered, shaking his head sadly.

Neither knew who took the first step, but, instantly, they were locked in each other's embrace, sharing their tears and their turbulent emotions, and so they remained, until the shrill screech of the kettle broke the spell.

Lois stood back and gave him a teary smile, as she swiped at her damp face with her hands. "Would you look at me, bubbling like a brook. You'll be wishing I never talked you into coming home...."

"No, I never would wish that," Clark reassured her, feeling a twinge of regret that Lois had stepped out of his arms. It seemed his body recognized Lois, if his mind did not. "And, you didn't talk me into coming home. I made that decision myself.... OK, with a little prompting from Mac and Marje, but they just reminded me I was being an eejet!"

"You do know, you're going to have to teach me a new language if you start talking like Mac, though I get the general drift of that one. They were right too!"

"They very often were. Which I have to tell you can be very annoying at times. But dinn'ae worrrry aboot a language barrier, I've been told I've nae got the tongue fer speaking Scots," he parodied laughingly, and normality was once again established between them while Lois put the final touches to their mugs of tea.

"Why don't we make ourselves comfortable in the living room for a bit, while we drink this," she suggested. "There are actually a few things I have to tell you before the family arrives." Again her heart lurched at the flash of fear she saw in his face. "Clark, I'm sorry. Maybe it's too quick to introduce you to the family. I really should have considered...."

"No, Lois, it's fine. Remember the band aid theory?"

"Yes, but you... we're all tired. It could have waited till morning."

They'd reached the living room and Clark sat down on the nearest couch, and was a little hurt when Lois chose to sit opposite him... and yet, that wasn't such a bad thing. He could watch the emotions play out on her lovely face. Somehow he knew he would never get tired of watching her.

"You might not have noticed, but here it is morning," he pointed out, with a nod towards the two large windows, where sounds from the busy street were mutedly intruding on their conversation.

Lois nodded. "To tell the truth, I'm not sure what time it is... or even what day it is... and, right now, I'm not sure that it's important. But we do have to establish some facts before the kids arrive."

Clark laid his mug cautiously on the coffee table and sat back slowly, trying to play for a little time to banish his panicky misgivings. Yet time was something he didn't really have as Matt would probably be arriving home any moment with the rest of his family. Right! The band aid theory it would have to be.

"I guess we can expect Matt to have them back here any time now," he started the conversation casually. Excitement tightened his stomach, but it was overlaid with the fear that he would disappoint those who were hurrying to meet him. Yet he managed to find another smile for Lois, hiding his anxieties fairly well, he thought.

Yet not well enough from someone who obviously knew him inside out. "Actually, not too soon. For one thing, I already called Martha... your mom, and asked her to give us some time to ourselves. She understands completely and even though Matt will be champing at the bit to get back here, both your mom and dad know how to placate him. We have a little time, so please, try to relax." She accompanied her plea with a tender glance. "Oh, and once they do leave your parents' place, they have to drive over. No super flying...."

"Too many passengers, or no cloud cover for Jor-El?" Clark mused, gazing out the windows at the expanse of clear blue sky, framing the rooftops of the houses opposite. For the first time in many years, he felt a little envious of the birds.

"Neither. Not really. It's because of Victoria." Lois noticed Clark's eyebrows lift in question; so many of his habits had remained the same. It gave her hope for their future. "Vicky was very young when you disappeared and she didn't know your secret... about Superman, I mean. And when Perry came up with the excuse why both Superman and Clark Kent disappeared at the same time, we all felt it was better to let Vicky believe the story. I suppose we were all struggling to come to terms with losing you, and it just seemed like another mountain to climb to explain the truth to a four year old child. So, we put it off till later...."

"Only later it just seemed to get harder?" Clark suggested with a wry grin. "I'm not sure why I find that familiar, but I do."

Lois leaned forward on the comfy cushions of the couch, wishing she'd taken the seat beside Clark, but not sure what excuse she could give for changing places. "Take it from me, if anyone should understand that, it should be you. But yes, there just hasn't been an appropriate moment, or even the need to sit Vicky down to explain... not when Superman seemed gone forever... though Matt and Sarah don't agree. Their powers started to kick in when they were twelve or so, but that still gives me a few years to have that chat with Vicky."

"Victoria is how old?"

"Eight... but she'd remind you she was eight and three quarters That is very important for an eight year old, you know."

Lois and Clark exchanged grins and a wonderful warm feeling invaded Clark's body. "I don't know exactly, but I'm glad you told me... and I'll remember."

There was a moment's silence, though not an uncomfortable one, then Clark pushed himself up from his seat and edged round the table, sitting down by Lois' side.

"But Superman is still gone, Lois, and might always be."

It seemed Lois was pleased by Clark's move because she slipped her hand inside his. "We spoke about this in China, and it really doesn't trouble me. But we do need to re-establish Clark's return from the dead, and we'll start with our family and then our friends. The public can wait till later."

"Lois, what excuse did you come up with... to explain why Clark went missing?" He nervously played with Lois' fingers, but wouldn't look at her face. Somehow he knew this story was going to disturb him....

And, obviously, so did Lois, as she moved closer until their shoulders were touching. "We didn't say anything, not right away, but people at the Planet were already beginning to question why you weren't at work... so Perry went with the first thing that came to his mind... and we stuck with that. There was still a chance you'd come home... but Perry's reasons would have fitted in with that too, so we chose to publicize the fact that you'd gone with Superman to report on the massive earthquake and that both of you had disappeared."

"I guess it worked," Clark said sadly. "And you and the kids needed that protection. If it had ever gotten out that Clark and Superman were the same person, you'd all have been in danger from any lunatic who wanted revenge... or worse...." He shuddered, and Lois tightened her grip on his hand.

"We knew that. I always knew that. Right from the start...."

Clark bent his head to stare into Lois' face. "Yet it never stopped you. You are a remarkable woman, Lois Lane." His hand came up to cup her cheek, and he tenderly traced the faint lines that the years had etched around her eyes. "I think it will be my greatest pleasure to learn to know you all over again."

Clark's gaze was hypnotic and Lois whispered, almost afraid that sound would destroy this moment of shared wonder. "To fall in love with me all over again?"

"No."

At Lois' wide-opened stare of shock, Clark couldn't help but give a tiny teasing grin. But his face quickly stilled into earnestness.

"It's too late for that. I'm already hopelessly in love with you... all over again. I think part of me never forgot... only I was foolish enough to believe it was a dream. Can you forgive me, Lois? For leaving you alone? For not fighting my way back to you?"

"Clark, there is nothing to forgive. It wasn't your fault... and I once read that where there is love there is no blame." Lois turned on the sofa until she was facing her husband... her love. "We 've been given a second chance. Please, I don't want to spend our time speaking of recriminations or despair. I want us to be happy again, Clark. We still have mountains to climb, but we can do it together."

"I was right. You are an amazing woman. Are you sure you weren't the one with superpowers in this partnership?" Like a bee to the honey-pot, Clark was drawn to explore Lois' lovely mouth with his own, yet their voyage of discovery was, for the present, doomed to failure. Disappointedly, he pulled back. "But, speaking of mountains, I think our first is about to arrive...."

Clark just had time to stand, and Lois just an instant to wonder how he had known the others had arrived outside, when the door burst open and Sara and Matt almost fought to be first into the room. A smile turned up the corners of Lois' mouth, but it wavered slightly as she felt Clark tense up. He was standing so close to her back that she even sensed his breathing quicken. Without a word, she pulled one of his hands into her own and held on tightly.

“Matt, no fair!” Sara hissed, pushing at her brother. “You've already met Dad again....” Sara's voice faltered as she caught sight of the man standing by her mother. Abruptly, she halted while the rest of the family crowded in behind her, then they too stood frozen in shock, gaping at the person they'd thought was lost to them forever.

The fraught situation troubled Lois, as she felt Clark's hand begin to tremble in hers; one of his attacks could be imminent and she opened her mouth to say something... anything which would relieve the tension, but someone else got in before her.

“Dad?” Sara asked tremulously. This man looked a little differently than she remembered, but he appeared so sad... so scared, and she wanted, more than anything in her life before, to banish those fears. “Daddy!” Her voice was soft yet her tread quick and sure as she crossed the space between them and, when her mother moved out of her way, she threw herself at her father, never doubting that he would catch her. “This is the best ever, Daddy. You've come home.”

Clark was rather taken aback by the joyous onslaught, but his arms, of their own violation, encircled the girl's lithe form. Her head fitted just beneath his chin and he thought she might be tall for her age.

Watching, Lois smiled through her tears and forced herself to speak. “Clark, this is Sara our oldest daughter....” She finished on a gulping sob.

For a moment, Clark rested his cheek on his daughter's smooth hair, breathing in her fresh scent. The pain in his temples roused, but he wouldn't allow it to encroach on this meeting. Lifting his head, he stared down into her raised face, into her soft brown eyes... so full of expectation, and his resolve faltered.

“I'm very happy to be home, Sara... but, I'm sorry.....”

“You don't remember. I know. I've been told.” Sara finished for him. “But it doesn't matter. We can make new memories.”

How had he missed the fact that Sara's eyes were also full of kindness and understanding? “Yes, I'd think I'd like that,” he said, deciding that Sara had her mother's eyes.

Unknown to Clark, however, Lois would dispute that fact. Of all her children, Sara most reminded her of Clark. Meanwhile, she'd placed her hand on his shoulder, drawing his attention to the others who still stood close to the door.

“And Matt, whom you met earlier when you arrived with Jor-El.” Lois shot Clark a quick glance, hoping he'd follow her lead and realize that if Vicky didn't know he'd been Superman, she was just as oblivious to her brother's secret identity. “Though you didn't get much of a chance to say hello.”

Matt was perfectly accustomed to playing the game in front of his younger sister and he sauntered across the floor and stuck out his hand to his father. “Hi again, Dad. It's really great that you're here, but I guess you're feeling pretty weird, so we'll talk more later,” he said, taking hold of both his father's hands and shaking them thoroughly, when what he really wanted to do was give his dad another hug... but he'd already had his turn in Jilin and there were others waiting to welcome Clark home. “You have to say hello to Grandma. Come on, Grandma.” Matt gestured for his grandmother to join them, too young to appreciate that equal measures of disbelief and hope had rendered Martha incapable of movement.

Yet Lois had been studying her parents-in-law, afraid that this moment would perhaps be too overwhelming for each of them. Martha and Jonathan weren't getting any younger and both had taken Clark's loss very hard. If it hadn't been for the fact that she'd needed their help to raise the children, Lois sometimes suspected that Jonathan, at least, might have given up... perhaps even the indomitable Martha.

Lois was also puzzling over the question of her youngest child's behaviour. Why hadn't her ever-inquisitive ball of energy not come running into the house demanding to meet her father? Surprisingly, it appeared Vicky was hiding behind her grandparents.

But Lois' mind was distracted when Martha took a few steps into the room and the lighting revealed her face... pale, drawn... yet awestruck, her gaze totally transfixed on her son.

Martha's hand went to her mouth, muffling the words she repeated over and over, reverently, like a prayer. “My boy... my boy!”

It was Jonathan who brought Martha to Clark's side and who spoke first. “Matt here tells us you've lost your memory, Clark, but you'll always be our son. Nothing can ever change that fact... and we want you to know how proud we are of you... and how good it is... so good it is to see you again. Welcome home, son.” Clearly, Jonathan had run out of steam and he could only stand and stare, his big chest heaving emotionally.

But Jonathan's silence freed Martha from her trance and she raised her hands to grip Clark's arms, almost as if she were checking to make sure he wasn't a mirage. “Oh, Clark, you've made us happier than we ever dreamed possible... you always did. I know we might be strangers to you, but I'd really like to give you a hug... if it wouldn't upset you?”

The ache in his head was easing under this gentle woman's gaze. He couldn't exactly say he recognized her, but as with Lois, he felt a connection....

“I think I'd like that too,” Clark ventured, and that was the only encouragement Martha needed.

Leaning up, she stretched her arms around Clark's neck and buried her head against his chest. Within seconds, she felt Jonathan's big arms wrap themselves around both herself and Clark. Her body shook with the force of her sobs, yet her heart sang with elation. This was her son's homecoming... this was the best day of her life.

Yet there was one small person in the room who wasn't quite so sure this was a good thing. Victoria Kent had halted just inside the door and had used her grandparents as a shield while she'd taken stock of this stranger who was supposed to be her father. He didn't look like her father. Of course, she'd only been four when he'd gone, but he didn't really resemble the dad she knew from her vague memories... or his photographs.

Back then, his hair wasn't gray, nor so long, and he'd been strong. Strong enough to lift her clean to the ceiling and swing her round like she could fly. This man didn't look like he could do that. He was too thin, but she had to admit she'd grown some too. These days, she'd probably be too heavy.

Now that she'd lost the protection of her grandparents' bodies, she sidled closer to the posts at the foot of the stairs and continued to watch the proceedings. It looked like the rest of her family were prepared to believe this man was Clark Kent... and she wanted to believe it too... really she did, but Lois Lane's reporter's instincts ran thickly through her veins and she needed proof.

“Victoria!”

Her mother's voice sounded near to her ear and she turned her startled glance towards her mother, who had crept up to the other side of the stair rails while she'd been engrossed in studying this Mr Kent... or whoever he was.

“Aren't you going to come and say hello to Daddy?” Her mother's voice was cajoling, her eyes sympathetic.

“I don't know,” Vicky stuttered, sounding a little petulant, though inside she felt only confusion. “And I don't know him.” She pointed to the man who stood in between her grandparents.

“That is your father, Victoria,” Lois said kindly, walking round the stair's foot and sitting on one of the lower steps so she was eye-level with her daughter. “I know this must be hard for you, because you haven't as many memories of your dad as the rest of us. But I wouldn't lie to you about something so important.”

“Then where has he been all this time... and why doesn't he know me either?”

This time it was Martha who answered as she turned to face her grand-daughter, but kept her arm firmly round her son. “Oh, sweetie, we tried to explain. Some bad men captured your dad and held him prisoner. Then they hurt him and took away all his memories. It's not his fault that he doesn't know us....”

“He doesn't even know himself,” Sara added her opinion, somewhat impatiently. She couldn't wait to begin the process of getting to know Dad again, and Vicky's suspicion was only getting in the way.

“And how could he come home if he didn't know where his home was?” Matt pointed out reasonably. Sometimes he had a soft spot for his little sister. “If Jor-El hadn't recognized him and brought him back, he'd still be lost in China.”

The youngest Kent considered that information for a second or two and decided her sister and brother might be right this time round. It was enough to draw her from her position by the stairs. She sensed her mother rise and follow her as she walked towards the stranger.

“Are you my fa...” but for a budding investigative journalist that was perhaps giving too much away. Uncle Perry had told her to always keep the subject 'all shook up', whatever that meant. Uncle Perry was always quoting Elvis when he wanted to make a point... so she decided to be direct. “Are you Clark Kent?” she asked, folding her arms and staring belligerently up into the stranger's face. He looked tired, but she thought she caught a twinkle in his eyes.

Clark regarded the flaxen-haired girl who stood her ground so staunchly before him, while wondering, vaguely, which part of the family her fairer coloring had come from. His natural instinct was to search his mind for a memory of this child, but he knew that down that path lay only searing pain. Besides, Victoria had probably changed some over these last years. His best plan was to accept the present and move on from there, but whatever he chose to do, he decided he better do it quickly as her frown showed she was obviously growing impatient.

“I wish I knew the answer to your question, Victoria. I think I might be, but I honestly can't be sure.” Clark felt a stab of dismay as he saw his daughter's face fall. “I wish I could tell you more about myself.” He ended forlornly.

“You got my name wrong,” Vicky informed him.

“Oh, I'm sorry.” Clark brightened, thinking he'd made only a very small mistake. “I guess you're called Vicky?”

Vicky's fair brows drew down in a deeper frown. That wasn't exactly the answer she'd been hoping for.

“Vicky,” Lois laid her hand on her daughter's shoulder. “This is your daddy, but he's ill, and even though you want him to remember, it's impossible for him to do so now. But we're going to visit Uncle Bernie tomorrow to see what he can do for Daddy and soon they'll be other doctors coming to Metropolis who are going to help too. Please, Vicky, can't you just believe what we're telling you and not give Daddy a hard time?”

Some seconds of silence filled the room while Vicky thought about her mother's words. Finally, she relented just a little. “Did these bad men hurt you a lot?”

Clark dropped to his knees in front of his small daughter, wanting desperately to reach her and yet he had no frame of reference... only his intuition. “They tried very hard, but you know, I don't think they succeeded as much as they hoped. I might have forgotten your name... all of your names.” Clark let his gaze shift over the rest of his family before coming back to rest on Vicky. “But they couldn't make me forget how to love... and I think... no, I know that when I look at you, I love you very, very much.” His voice was full of awe as he raised his hand towards Vicky's face, but didn't allow it to touch her... not yet. “Do you know what I would like a whole lot?”

Vicky shook her head, her bottom lip trembling.

“I'd like a hug from you. I'd like that more than anything in the world. Do you think you could find one for this stupid lunkhead who's forgotten all the most precious people in his life?”

All the members of the Kent family held their breath as they waited for Vicky's reaction. They understood how a rejection would slay Clark to his very soul. Yet they needn't have worried. Vicky was Lois to a tee... with a fiery exterior, but with the bravest, most loyal heart of any of the family.

“I think I could do that,” she said slowly as her arms rose to lie on his shoulders and she stepped into his open arms.

So he'd forgotten his special pet-name for her... along with all the other things... but it was just a name. The closer she'd got to his face the more she'd recognized him. There was that little mole just above his lip.... Sara had one just like it. And when he'd asked for a hug, his eyebrows had quirked the way they always had.

Yes, this was definitely her daddy. He stood and hoisted her high, laughing up into her face.... She'd been wrong; he was still strong enough and, once again, she felt she was flying.

*****

tbc