Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: Zared, Part 2

I felt Lois's absence very acutely in this chapter. To me it's quite painful to see so much of Clark and nothing of Lois, and it sure didn't get better when Clark didn't seem to be missing or grieving for Lois at all. He seems to have moved on, not in the sense that he has found himself a new love interest, but in the sense that he appears to have put his life with Lois beind him. The fact that he could get over Lois so easily is depressing. Or could it be that you are just holding back a lot of information about Clark's feelings, so that you can sort of spring Lois's death on us as a surprise later?

Well, there was one oblique reference to Lois's death(?) in this chapter:
It makes me wonder how old Zared was when Lois died. He must have been quite young, perhaps just barely a teenager. He does, after all, have at least two younger siblings. They, of course, would have been even younger. What a tragedy. It makes me wonder what Lois died of. For some reason, seeing that Lois and Clark have at least three children and Lois is dead before the oldest one has turned eighteen, I wondered if by any chance she might have died in childbirth. Well, probably not, but the thought occurred to me.

Anyway, this brings us to Zared and Jenni. Zared should definitely, definitely have told her about his powers before making love to her. Now she is pregnant with a super-child, and she doesn't even know that her baby is going to be different. Also, this pregnancy could put her at greater risk than if she had been expecting a "normal" baby. (Are you quite sure that Lois didn't die in childbirth?) Clark's words to Zared sounded ominous:
Right, he should have told her yesterday, and now she has to see Bernie as soon as possible.

I liked Clark as a father in this chapter, even though I didn't like him as a widower. As a father, he was very caring and supportive of Zared. I also found it quite touching that Zared was able to cry in front of Clark. That speaks of a high level of trust between father and son. I liked it very much that Clark wasn't angry at Zared, but that he was instead committed to making the best possible thing of the situation.

I like Zared, too. I can sympathize with his teenaged confusion - now he wants to talk to his dad, now he doesn't want to - and I can sympathize with his youthful earnestness. I like the way he is vacillating between mature and rather childish behaviour. I very much like it that he's so in love with Jenni.

I'm looking forward to your next chapter.

Ann

Thanks for your comments, Ann. I appreciate that. Actually this story came about after having written a couple of other stories, but this one seemed to be coming together better, so that's why I chose to post it first. I posted it first because I was feeling rather brave, and it had taken me a long time (years) to get up the guts to actually post one of my stories.

This is more Zared's story, so that's why not a lot of Clark's feelings are noted. And, yes, I'll admit that Lois is dead. It didn't start that way with the other stories (or ideas for subsequent ones) that I had written, but then I decided I wanted to explore what would happen to Clark if he found himself as a single father. That came about from a couple of single mothers I know that found themselves in similar positions.

And, you are *incredibly* perceptive, because originally I had thought that Lois would die in childbirth, but after I had thought about it, I wasn't sure that I wanted to do that. But now that you have mentioned it, maybe I will go back to that premise. It opens up a whole line of new ideas.

But like I said, this is more Zared's (and Jenni's) story, so I'll leave that for later.

Again, thanks! Part 3 coming soon...

Nancy

Okay, I decided to peek in and see what this was.

It was better than I was expecting. In fact, it was interesting.

And AAaaawwwwww.

Yes, Lois was absent, but I didn't feel the "dead" vibe, maybe because I am oblivious and very dense. If Toc hadn't spelled it out, I don't know if I would know. You may need a WHAM warning, you know.

One thing that made me balk was Zared's name. An article on Mary Sues mentioned that these characters who plague bad writing have unusual names, and I was afraid this would be the case here, since I've never known a person named Zared.
Is it a real name? Or is it meant to be Kryptonian-ish?
If neither, you might want to consider changing it, since *shallow QotC moment* it almost scared me away.

But, like I said, I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the story here, and it did capture my interest. I would like to see more.

Oh, and as to the telepathy, you said you would put it in <these things>, but in part 2 at least, it was all in "quotes". This confused it with the dialogue and made it harder to read. Do you have a Beta yet? (This is not a volunteering, by the way, I'm just asking).

I like the characters, and the way this is being done. The part about the embarassing telepathy moment was funny, especially since if it happened while Lois was alive, I can just guess what happened.

So, write on!

Hi,

Great part.

Thanks for everyone's comments. I'll look at part 2 and fix the telepathy issues. Parts of the conversation were *meant* to be spoken aloud though as Zared is very skittish about using his telepathy. I do have a beta, but she's not the huge fan I am and so would probably miss the telepathy issue.

After TOC noted the lack of Clark thinking anything at all about Lois, I'm going to add a sentence or two about that. I'll probably leave that until the story is complete.

And, yes, Zared is irresponsible. He's only 18 and has a lot of conflicted feelings about being a future superhero. I like the way TOC put it:

____________________________________________
..... he is vacillating between mature and rather childish behaviour.
____________________________________________


I had not planned on using the name Zared originally. He originally had the name Lo-El (after Lois), but then I thought that his obvious English name would be Lowell and I didn't want to use that. Then his name became Zar-El (after his biological mother, Lady Zara - and, no, she and Clark never had sexual relations). Then I was at a loss as to what his English name would be. The name 'Clark' seemed like it should be a name for any future children of Lois and Clark. I also felt that way about Jonathan and naming him Sam or Samuel also didn't seem right since he wasn't the biological son of Lois. I already had tentative plans for 'Jimmy' and 'Perry'. So, to find a name, I went to the internet to peruse names. I was only looking for typical English names and was very surprised to find the name 'Zared'. When I saw it, though, that became his name. I believe it is of Hebrew origin. If the name is really putting people off, though, I'd consider changing it to Kal-El after his father. I don't know if Cal or Calvin really fits his personality, though. Let me know what you think. I'll also change the title.

Thanks again for everyone's input. I've got part 3 ready, but it's a lot of fluff, so I'm going to extend part 3 to include part 4 also. I'll also add a wham...

Nancy

So, Lady Zara is Zared's biological mother? That was unexpected, indeed. After all, you started your tale like this:
So Clark is Zared's biological father, but Lois was his adoptive mother? That is as if Jonathan Kent had used artifical insemination on another woman to make her the surrogate mother of his and Martha's child. Hmmm. I prefer it that a child lives with both his biological parents, or that both his parents are adoptive parents, like the Kents. Then again, there are certainly many children who live with one biological parent and one step parent. But why wouldn't Clark and Lois have a biological child? Is it because of what they said in "Family Hour", that Clark and Lois are incompatible? Hmmm. I really, really don't like that idea, so you can imagine what I like best about the new Superman movie! But Nancy, you really need to tell us more about Zared's parentage in your story, and I expect you will.

And as a Swede, I have no idea what makes American names "acceptable" or "unacceptable". I mean, if everybody accepts that a most famous young woman should be named Paris Hilton, why shouldn't Clark Kent's son be named Zared Kent? If Zara is Zared's biological mother, the name makes good sense. Tell me, though, Nancy. You didn't decide that Zara would be Zared's mother just because you didn't know what the boy's name would be if Lois was his mother?

Ann

Well, this discussion is to difficult for me.. I guess I'll just stick to reading the story, I like it btw

Actually, I have a whole other story explaining Zared's heritage. As soon as the current one is completed, I'll post that one.

I really did struggle with the name, though. Zara was his mother well before his name - any version of them - was chosen. I guess I could have used Ching?

I considered the names, Kal-El, Calvin, Kal, Jor-El, Jorge, George, Jonathan, Jon-El (I think that's been used before.), Samuel, Lane, Perry, Jimmy or James, Clark, Jerome, Rome, Roman, Lo-El, Los-El, Lowell, .. Well you get the idea. A couple of those names *are* used in my other story.

As I said in my last post, though, finding the name Zared really was a pleasant surprise. I also had never heard of it.

I'll give you a little (or maybe big) spoiler. Clark knew absolutely *nothing* about Lady Zara being pregnant.

Thanks again, Nancy

Just want to add my two cents here, Nancy. Surely Zared is a better name than Kal-El? Kal-El Kent? Kal-El definitely sounds stranger, more otherworldly, to me. Besides, Kal-El really is Clark's name, and I don't think it would be right to give that name to his son.

Ann

Thanks for everyone's suggestions. I have a made a few changes to part 2. Added dialogue is in italics.

Nancy

Hmm...So it *is* a real name? Okay then. I was just concerned because it sounded made-up to me. I have nothing against the exotic. The important thing is that your story is good enough to be able to carry these kinds of things.