Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: A New Hero Part 4

I was afraid what the man would do...I'm going back to get a quote (sorry).

___

After the end of the part, you state:

Perhaps something could allude to the fact that it is Superman. A reference to his cape?

God and his red cape. Clawing at me ... to stop.

I'm going to go back and read part two and three as I can't remember what he was wearing earlier. For some reason I thought he was wearing a Superman shirt, but I guess if I read such a reference it was probably just about something Zared was remembering from the past. Gee I'm a spaz today.

To me, the story was relatively calm and then BAM such a fury of action. I guess the intensity of the man sort of outweighed the worries of being pregnant. I know being 17 and pregnant is far from calm (I was worried if it would happen to me when I was 21!), but I guess just comparing the two big plot twists is not something I should do. Oh dear, I have no idea where I was going with that. Sorry I just got back from the dentist and I'm out of it.

*thinking*

Hmm, I sat and thought about it and yeah, I was pretty shocked that Jenni got preggo. Geesh, feelings of shock don't stick to me to well do they - bad me. I was so very curious to see how they would build their life with/around this situation.

I'm totally pumped over what is going to happen to Jenni and her relationship with her father. Will he get angry at Zared for putting her in two situations he will not approve of? Will he somehow blame him for the shooting? Also, if the baby makes it through the shooting and surgery, will these two incidents cause the father to keep Jenni away from Zared? What a double whammy!

Wow - what is in me tonight? This is the longest post I've done in response to a story in well over a year.

Rock on.

Hi,

Great part. Jenni's father is not going to be very happy.


Let's hope people near Zared don't see the similarity.


Poor Jimmy, he had to do it or people will get suspicious.


Don't like the idea of Lois being dead.


More ASAP, please.

MAF

I'm going to start this with two quotes from the previous two feedbackers:

Sigh, couldn't agree more, Maria. But I'm so Lois-centered in my approach to Lois and Clark that I bore people out of their skulls when I go on about how writers don't treat Lois the way I want her to be treated (rule number one: don't kill her). I've said this a number of times here already, and I'll try to restrain myself, except that I have to add one thing. When Lois is absent from the story, when she is not the center of Clark's world, Clark himself gets uninteresting to me. Which I why I can't watch Smallville (where Clark isn't interested in Lois) or the cartoons (where Superman isn't interested in Lois).

Okay, time for the quote from the other feedbacker:
Yes, that's what I thought too. I found this part quite shocking, not really in tune with the previous chapters. The change from a tender B-plot heavy story about two teenagers in love, one of whom is Superman's son, to a horrible portrait of a totally crazy mass murderer, was too abrupt. Perhaps you should have hinted at the upcoming horror earlier in the story, to prepare us for what was to come.

Then again, I really can imagine a reason for not warning us about this murderer before, and that is that I think that the story is generally told from Zared's point of view. And again there is this business about him being a teenager. I've met many teenagers who have been very nice kids, but I swear they live all wrapped in their own teenaged world, where the things that matter are teenaged things such as wearing the right clothes, knowing what's going on in the right chat rooms, watching the right reality shows, going to the right parties etcetera etcetera. (Of course, these kids would say that I'm hoplelessly wrapped up in my own incredibly boring middleaged world.) Anyway, I can imagine Zared being wrapped up in his own teenaged concerns, and I can imagine that mass murderers on the loose is not the kind of thing that would much interest him. I went back and re-read part one of your story, and this is what Zared thinks about why Clark is injured and confined to Star Labs:
Typical! Zared is in no way callous about what has happened to his father, but he couldn't care less about the particulars about the man who actually shot his dad. This man just isn't part of Zared's world. Reminds me of when I was a teen, how I had absolutely no idea what exactly my dad did at work as an engineer. Somehow, I think Zared's reaction here is similar to my own - he can't really take an interest in his dad's job, which also means he can't take an interest in all the badguys out there whom his father tries to deal with in his "job" as Superman. (It's interesting, too, that Zared hasn't yet begun to think of himself as someone who will do exactly the same kind of "superhero work" as his father.)

Interestingly, Jenni, unlike Zared, certainly remembers having heard about the crazy mass murderer:
Yes, Jenni would have paid attention to these warnings, even if Zared hasn't. Because young girls do feel frightened and vulnerable when they hear about crazy men who attack women.

I was thinking about how Zared was dressed when he flew Jenni to the hospital. I think you should have repeated what his shirt looked like, because I had to spend quite some time locating this little snippet from part three:
Finally, I just assume that Jenni's baby is going to be all right, in spite of the fact that the crazy mass murderer shot her. Sure, a teen pregnancy means a lot of worries and troubles for years to come, but having the girl miscarry because of a horrible attack on her is not the best way to solve the problems.

As for whether you succeeded in making "the man" convincingly crazy... yes, I think so, but personally I'm not here to critique the gruesomeness of A-plots....

Ann

Hi,

I was thinking, if Clark is in Star Lab, Lois is dead and the Kent's are in Florida.

Who watching after the kids?

MAF

Thanks for everyone's comments. Yes, TOC and SuperRoo, I need to make another reference to the shirt Zared has on. I will add something.

I will also add something about 'God' being Superman - flying or the cape or something.

I am glad to see that you all think that I have successfully shown how teenagers act, even when they have gotten themselves in a very adult situation. They still haven't gotten any older and so still vacillate between mature and immature behaviour. I'm a nurse and I am so reminded of the time that a 13 year found herself pregnant and nonchalantly talked about having sexual relations and then, when faced with having blood drawn, she screamed and fought worse than most small children I have seen.

I have also worked with psychiatric patients and have seen disjointed thought processes among a few of them.

I have been a LONG time Superman fan - for many, many years before our favorite TV show aired, so I guess that's why I can write (and enjoy) stories without Lois. In our universe, Lois was Clark's first and only, but in the comics the idea of him having only had sexual relations with Lois is not present, but Lois is *still* the love of his life. There is that mermaid (among others).... but I never liked her. Lori Lemaris is her name for those of you who don't know the comics. A bit of trivia: When the DC world decided to take Clark's and Lois' relationship to more than just a little flirting, their sales soared, and Superman became more popular than he ever had. So, we aren't the only ones who love Lois....

More coming soon. Thanks

P.S.-- No one else dies!

Nancy

Nancy, I really wanted to write this as a private email, but I couldn't find your email address, so....

I'm a long-time Superman fan, too. I became a Superman fan in 1968 and a "Lois and Superman" fan in 1969. I love the idea that this most "perfect" of heroes should have a long-time, faithful, soulmate love for Lois Lane. I love how Lois has always been a part of Superman's world and how she's always ended up with him, in all his various incarnations. She was there when he made his debut, back in Action Comics #1 from 1938. When this 1938 "Golden Age" Superman was brought back to the comics in the 1970s, he married his "Golden Age" Lois. When the subsequent "Silver Age" Superman was retired in 1986, he married his Lois. In 1990, the revamped comic book Superman proposed to his Lois, and in 1996 of '97, he and Lois were married. And of course, back in the 1960s, there were various "imaginary stories", sort of what-if stories, where Superman also got married to Lois. Then there the first two Christopher Reeve movies, where Superman ended up making love to Lois, though admittedly that movie arc ended most unhappily. On the other hand, the new Superman movie, Superman Returns, has certainly brought back the idea that Superman and Lois belong together, though in a completely new way. And I haven't even mentioned the Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher TV show.

I love, love, love the idea of the constancy, the faithfulness, the inevitability of the relationship between Lois and Clark, or Lois and Superman. To me, that's so incredibly romantic and satisfying. And that, too, is why any Superman (or Clark) story where Lois is absent is nearly always disappointing to me.

However, your story doesn't disappoint me, because I'm fascinated and charmed by your portrayal of the two teenagers, Zared and Jenni.

Ann

i have that comic with the mermiad in it and i didn't like her either. classicalla

Wow, TOC you really know your Supes history. To tell you the truth, I had never thought of Clark without Lois until I read some of the fanfiction. I was absolutely indignant over the whole Wonder Woman affair. I promise, not all my stories will be Loisless. The next one will very much have Lois in it.

Nancy

After having read the comments and suggestions, I made a few changes to part 4. I hope it is easier to see that 'God' is Superman. I also made further reference to Zared's red Superman shirt. Let me know what you think.

I'm editing part 5 which is coming soon.

Nancy

I appreciate the changes, Nancy. Your story becomes much clearer now.

Ann