Since the series is on tv again and I had the chance to once more watch the first season , I couldn’t help but wonder how much Clark can bear. Confessing his love for Lois and being asked to contact Superman only seconds later must have been quite hard. Especially considering the fact, that for Lois these are two different men. I imagined Clark to react totally different to Lois rejection in the season final. So let’s see what he does this time.
Disclaimer 1: Despite the suggestive title, my story is very far away from death fic. It’s not even WHAMmy.
Disclaimer 2: English is not my first language, so please forgive me for possible grammar disasters.
Disclaimer 3: This is my first fanfic, so I really need comments. Please!!
The characters in this story don’t belong to me, I only borrow them and have no intention to earn anything but comments and hopefully encouragement.
Suicidal despair?
Clark stood there, frozen in front of the park bench not able to say anything.
*This wasn’t true!* he hoped that his ears betrayed him for the first time in his life. But they never had and certainly didn’t start it right now.
Lois watched him expectantly, waiting for his nod telling her, Superman was almost on his way to her apartment. But she wasn’t going to get it.
“Oh, I understand.” Clark said with a joyless laughter that sounded unusually rough for him. “How can Mr. Hack-from-nowheresville even consider having a chance compared with Superman. Or with the wealthy Mr. Luther. What could *I* actually offer?” He glanced at her with disappointment and wished that he had never become the man of steel. Why had he encouraged her so much while wearing the suit?
“You get that wrong, I’m not attracted by his powers. It’s the *man* inside the suit I’ve fallen in love with. His bravery, his honesty, his moral standards. If he didn’t have powers I would love him just the same.” Lois replied softly. “It has nothing to do with you being human.”
All of the sudden Clark went pale and Lois could see that he was fighting with tears.
“Oh, Clark, I’m so sorry.” She tried to soothe him.
“Do you really believe, what you just said? You would barely notice him, if it wasn’t for the spandex and his ability to lift rockets into the orbit.” he blurted out. Hot rage of despair was burning inside him. Why didn’t she see that Superman wasn’t for real and that her future fiance was evil? He wanted her to notice him, he wanted it so badly, that he feared to hurt her by accident. This was getting dangerous. But his rage hadn’t yet subsided.
“Clark, there’s jealousy speaking.”Lois remarked matter-of-factly.
“I’m not jealous!” he growled with anger.
“You’re irrational at the moment. I love Superman, I really do.” Lois interjected, but Clark wasn’t finished yet.
“How dare you ask me to contact Superman, while you know quite well, that I love you? I have feelings, did you ever think of that?” he continued with a husky whisper. Lois saw tears glistening in his eyes. Suddenly all he wanted was to leave the park. “Just go to your beloved, rich devil and see where it leads you! Even Superman won’t be able to save you from his hell! I can’t bear this anymore...” He turned around and ran away.
“Clark...”, Lois screamed behind him, but he ignored her. Had he ever felt such burning pain in his heart?
The whole day was a catastrophe. The Planet had been destroyed and his last hope of winning Lois over had died just minutes ago. She was going to marry Luther, because Superman would never throw himself into a relationship with her. His broken heart couldn’t bear it. He felt nothing but pain burning inside him. Of course he knew that only Superman was able to save Lois. It was important to spare her from being Luthers wife. But the burning pain disabled him, made him weaker, than the chunk of kryptonite had months ago.
He didn’t really know where to go now. He felt like flyingin order to forget about everything that mattered beneath the clouds. But seeing the suit right in this moment was hard enough. It didn’t matter, he would close his eyes until he was alone.
Clark searched for a hidden place. As soon as he reached a group of trees that would cover him, he changed into Superman and then took off into the skies. He flew as fast as he could and headed for the arctic. He needed its solitude.
* * *
Lois still sat on the bench, shocked by the unexpected outburst of her mild-mannered partner. She had never seen him this furious and bit her lip. She hadn’t thought a moment about the effect her question had on Clark. Asking him to get Superman usually was the easy way of contacting the hero without being in danger. Now she noticed how rude it had been to him. She was sorry about this, but she couldn’t change it anymore.
She needed to talk to him, because he was her best friend, and she didn’t want to lose him. But he needed some time on his own, she was sure about this. Talking to him right now wouldn’t help, because he wouldn’t listen. She decided to walk over to his apartment in the evening. She would apologize and ask him for forgiveness.
Lois stared at the park around her, but wasn’t aware of it. She noticed neither the lots of people wandering around, nor those playing with their children or throwing balls for their dogs. Nothing of this was important to her, just the very hurt expression she had seen on Clarks face. She knew that Lex waited for her answer to his proposal, but she couldn’t think about this right now. Clark had called him a devil. She had never understood why he hated Lex so much. But she felt, that there was more about it, than jealousy. It frightend her. She didn’t even worry how to contact Superman now that Clark refused to do it. He was her partner, her friend, how was she ever going to fix this?
Sitting on the bench wasn’t going to help in any way, so Lois decided to leave the park.
She headed for nowhere specifically.But soon she noticed, that her steps took her to the Planet.
The windows were all damaged and the once so strong building resembled only slightly to its former appearance. The globe was gone and now the debris of her dreams looked so naked. Tears filled her eyes, as she remembered how she first entered the building. She had been full of fear and expectations. Then she saw Clark and herself coming out of the doors, arguing about stories.
She remembered him teasing her, always being patiently listening to her babbling. He was so kind and caring. He understood almost everything, and in return she had been so mean. Of course she hadn’t meant to be cruel to him, but that knowledge wasn’t enough to ease the thought of what she did to him.
No, she didn’t love him, she told herself. But his friendship was something she would miss badly.
Why did he have to mess this up by telling her, that he loved her? Was it true, anyway? He hadn’t been affected by the pheromones months ago. Did he say it, because the mere thought of her possible marriage with Lex Luther scared him? The man he hated more than anyone in the world?
But Lois knew better. Clark was in love with her, he had told her the truth. Even the best actor would never be able to lay all those feelings in one single glance. She had seen it in Clark’s eyes for a short moment. That caring, dark brown eyes she could never forget.
He loved her, deep and honest, and certainly more than Lex did. How could she even dare to think, that he had been lying. And how could she accuse him of messing things up, when she had done that herself.
“Oh, Clark,” she whispered. “I am so terribly sorry.” She felt an unfamiliar pain in her heart.
She looked one last time at the building that once had been the Planet. Then she decided to leave and go to her appartment. She would wait some time there and then visit Clark’s apartment. They needed to talk.
