Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: She's...

I knew it would be sad, being that it's a death fic and all that, but I didn't expect this story to get to me that much. It was all I could do not to cry... I felt so sorry for poor Clark. :-( When he's counting the hours and minutes, it just broke my heart. (which is a good sign in a weird way, cause it means I really got into the story)

I think it's a great story. Very well written and you did a wonderful job with all the characters. I would have loved to see more of a reaction from Lois' father, though... He somehow sounds like he doesn't care very much, I dunno...

Other than that little detail which bugged me, I really loved this story. Well done!

~Lara

Well, I knew what I was getting in to when I saw the warning, so I certainly shouldn't complain. And I'm not really, but I wasn't expecting the story to be so well written and so powerful. You were able to bring tears to my eyes, and that doesn't happen very often.

I watched the video before reading the story. The way you intermix flashbacks in the prose captures the feel of the vid very well. I know that many people do not like deathfics. I usually have to be in the mood for them or I will not read them, but this one was so well done that I would recommend it even to people that typically shy away from deathfics.

-Em

I'm one of those who doesn't dislike deathfics at all if they're well-written, add something to my understanding of the characters, and don't hit me over the head with a sledgehammer of gratuitous angst.

This story is a success in all three of those areas. It's beautifully written and very restrained. The most touching scene of all for me was the one with Lucy railing against Superman and poor Clark having to sit there and take it, unable to defend Superman and unable to feel what Lucy was telling him that he *should* feel. I hurt for him there. Small wonder that he distances himself from her family. He'd have felt they were harboring him under false pretences had he allowed himself to accept their comfort.

I also found myself grieving over the thing that *wasn't* there - the reverse revelation that should have taken place but didn't. Lois knew Clark's secret in the very end, but she died without ever being able to tell him that she knew. So he carries that guilt around along with all the rest, which was a pretty heavy load all by itself.

The fandom is full of 'what if' stories, and to me, this is a very logical one. What Clark did that day was incredibly risky, and he *didn't* have time to think it through fully. If he hadn't been able to revive her, I think his grief would have proceeded in just exactly this manner, with his memories eventually becoming his closest companions.

So sad. So very well done. My congratulations.

Caroline

I did not read the story or the feedback and I wont. Just thanking you for the warning.

I've been debating with myself whether or not to read this story and I've decided, for the moment at least, that I won't. I actually felt my stomach tying itself in knots as soon as I saw the title of this story appear in the fanfic folder. It's the same title as the title of Rachel's beautiful, harrowing video of Clark trying to live on after Lois's death.

I remember your heartfelt, moving comment on Rachel's video, Terry. You are such a thoughtful, insightful person, and these boards benefit so much from your presence. I'm glad you wrote a story on the theme of the video that moved you so much.

Welcome back with many more stories.

Ann

Man, I dove right into this one. This was just EXCELLENT! You sure know how to make a grown gal cry! Sorry I don't have more to say, I'm going to be late for work if I don't leave now.

I'm going to read it again in a few days.

The ending was particularly powerful. I liked the repetition and the emphasis on the passage of time. It makes me wish I had seen the video

Thanks, for the warning, Terry. I appreciate it.

In the MV She's, if I remember, it was Clark who was Lois's actual murderer. (don't know if that's the case in this story but am assuming so) Sort of like RL murders in North America - women are statistically more likely to be murdered by their husband/lover than by any other single source.

But I'm really curious about the reasons for this desire to kill off Lois Lane, not just in this fic but in others.

Is it to reflect on those real life stats with repsect to violence against women I mentioned above? Is it a desire to re-con Clark Kent's character and make him a villain rather than a hero? Is it a desire to get rid of Lois Lane and substitute a "Mary Sue" character? Is it a desire to trivialize Lois Lane as a character?

I know, in the past, some writers have argued that they wanted to explore the feelings of a character on the death of a loved one, but if that were all it was, then we'd see as many Clark death-fics as Lois death-fics. And we don't. I mean, just how often is it likely that Superman could escape K's lethal effects?

Anyway, very curious.

c.

CCMalo - No, I think you are confusing "She's" with another Rachel vid - "Always". In "Always" Superman kills Lois at the very end. In "She's", it shows Clark dealing with Lois's death and how sad he is (but it never insinuates that he caused it.) Flashbacks are shown in black and white, graveside pics are shown in color and at the end their two hands are reaching for each other (from ep "Meet John Doe") - Lois's is in black and white and Clark's in color.

Sorry I just had to point this out because "She's" is one of my fav vids by Rachel. So sweet, so sad, so moving.

I also like "Always" but for different reasons. I like the beats and the bizarre idea that Lois would push Superman too far one day...

Terry - I have skimmed your story and it looks wonderful, the parts I've read. I have yet to sit down and read it in depth because I haven't been ready to cry yet... and I know I will.

-- DJ

Terry, thank you for writing this story — it was incredible and just so well-written with such obvious reverence for the characters. Not once did it feel like you were torturing Clark for sheer entertainment value or allowing Lois to die for shock and awe. Instead, you gave us a gut-twisting, fully realized "what if" scenario that brought tears to my eyes more than a couple of times.

If I started quoting my favorite haunting passages, I'd just end up posting your entire story here all over again. But suffice to say that nearly every line was an emotional sucker-punch, in the best of heart-wrenchingly possible ways.

And for some reason, Sam Lane's retreat to a tiny island in the Caribbean got me right *there* — how his rare letters would be signed, "Sam, from Margaritaville." In that small aside, you gave us a glimpse of a broken father — one who can't bear to confront the death of his oldest daugher head-on, and instead dulls his grief by tending bar and drinking to forget, hundreds of miles from Metropolis and his memories of never being good enough to and for his family. I can see Sam in a garish Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts, leaning against his open-air bar on the beach, surrounded by laughter and paradise but tormented by thoughts of Lois' death and how it's so unnatural, children dying before their parents.

Yikes. I really need to stop rambling. So, the point is: Thanks again for writing this, Terry, and for sharing it on the boards.

DJ, thanks for clarifying about the videos - wasn't sure if my memory was right. Just remember that final scene with CK/S murdering Lois. "She's" was made after "Always" and I recall I took it as a sequel at the time, but have just checked back and Rachel didn't present it as a sequel, just as a Lois "death-vid".

lol - it's always the victim's fault. But the driving energy of those staccato beats did make for an exciting vid.

So I'm guessing Clark doesn't kill Lois in this fic, then.

c.

CC malo writes:
Is it to reflect on those real life stats with repsect to violence against women I mentioned above? Is it a desire to re-con Clark Kent's character and make him a villain rather than a hero? Is it a desire to get rid of Lois Lane and substitute a "Mary Sue" character? Is it a desire to trivialize Lois Lane as a character?

I know, in the past, some writers have argued that they wanted to explore the feelings of a character on the death of a loved one, but if that were all it was, then we'd see as many Clark death-fics as Lois death-fics. And we don't. I mean, just how often is it likely that Superman could escape K's lethal effects?
--

You raise some interesting questions. Now I don't believe in character death myself even though I adore dark angst fics (Why cut the suffering, when you could prolong it for both) But my personal preferences aside, I think the Lois death fic phenomenon comes from the reading of it as Clark's worst nightmare, his ultimate angst or something. I think the prevalent view of the characters seems to be that despite everything, it is Clark who is emotionally weaker.

I was reading some posts from long ago on death fic and someone mentioned that Lois had a greater chance of emerging from losing Clark than vice versa. So in that way it wouldn't be as interesting to read something like that, she'd just wake up and keep going. I personally think that's interesting in an out of itself (a note: doesn't Lynn have an excellent inc fic on a Lois that thinks she's lost Clark even though she hasn't?), but if the desire is to explore feelings of loss and one subscibes to these ideas then Clark would be the logical choice as target.

But if that is the "prevalent" view, why do people think that? I can think of as many instances in the show where we see Lois as emotionally vulnerable (weak?) as Clark. So *why* the view that it's Lois who has a greater chance of emerging from the loss?

c. (who is spending too much time on the computer today)

Terry, this was a very heart-wrenching piece. Certainly the whole freezing procedure was an incredibly risky undertaking. A million things could have gone wrong.

Like Caroline, my heart just clenched during the scene where Lucy is venting against Superman, and Clark just sits there and takes it, consumed by his guilt and his grief over Lois. And the thought that he would never heal...

Responding to the discussion:
Carol, I agree that we did in fact see more and more of Lois' vulnerable side. Perhaps it's because he seems to have fallen in love with her at first sight, and the knowledge that within his invulnerable body beats a very vulnerable heart. That he had saved himself for the one love of his life with whom he would be able to share everything.

And there were Myrtle's comments in "Swear to God, This Time We're Not Kidding". Her opinion hardly makes it an indisputable fact, but perhaps it has influenced, even subconsciously, people's views... You remember that she was originally going to sabotage Clark's wedding ring, and make him the victim. But then she changed her mind, and we get this exchange of dialogue (taken from the script)

Kathy

Remember, though, that Mrytle thought that Clark was immortal and so, of course she believed he would suffer more, because he would suffer longer. Also, how on earth does Volye know this??

True. But ... (you knew there'd be a "but" ) does that mean we are right to ascribe more importance to Clark's emotions just because he's invulnerable physically? Although that fact heightens the ironic contrast between his physical powers and his emotional "normality", it doesn't mean that we should take his emotional vulernablity more seriously than that of any other person.

Otherwise we'd be in the position of believing that Olympic athletes experience emotion more intensely than those who are physically challenged.

In VD, he says that, although he got quite close to crossing the intimacy threshold (such a coy expression ), the reason he hadn't was that "he kept asking himself if he was meant to have a life here". I'm not sure that's the same as "saving himself", although Zara, repressed romantic that she was, spun it that way.

I'll add in another example. Lois's grief over Clark's death in TGOM was much profound than was Clark's when he found out that the Lakes had killed Lois. So what are we to make of that?

c

Well, heh, just to throw my 2 cents in...

We didn't *see* Clark's grief. We saw Superman's. The writers never let us actually see Clark's grief. They only showed him to us as Superman. And Superman is a very public very visable person. He wouldn't be able to display his grief the way Clark could. He had to hide it somewhat.

I for one would have liked to see how *Clark* would have reacted, perhaps in private, at his apartment, or maybe talking to his parents.

So I kind of figure that's what I'm getting to see when I read story's like this one of Terry's.

But of course, opinions are like noses - everyone has one - and that's mine.

Carol, you make very good points, and I can't really say that I disagree with any of them. I postulated that vulnerability/invulnerability could be part of the reason why, but that certainly doesn't mean that it's correct. I agree, we should not view his emotional vulnerability as automatically greater than anyone else's. Truthfully, I had never really thought about the entire issue in any great depth, and I hope that others post here to share their thoughts and opinions.

With the bit about "saving himself", you're right that it was Zara's expression rather than Clark. I actually wasn't thinking of either of those examples from the show when I mentioned that, but rather the various fanfics that have taken the idea that Clark was a virgin and put that particular spin on it as the reason why. I suppose it appeals to the romantic in me. But admittedly it is more fanon than canon.

And the lack of air time devoted to Clark's losing Lois in DTOSC is a definite sore spot with me. I try to comfort myself saying that we only ever saw him coping with the news as Superman, so that he had to remain somewhat detached and emotionless, and that he couldn't give in to the grief that would have flooded him. Maybe I've just read too many stories, but I do feel that Clark would have been completely devastated under those circumstances, and that it was only his many years of concealing a part of himself from the rest of the world - and the public experience of acting differently as the superhero - that enabled us to see Superman as relatively calm. Angst-lover that I am, I would have loved to see more of Clark - as Clark, not hiding behind the superhero's facade - reacting to the loss of Lois, just as we saw Lois in TOGOM.

EDIT - I see that DJ slipped in while I was busy writing up this monster post and expressed the same thoughts on this.

Back to STG... I don't know how Voyle would know this any more than you do. I just remember that it was in the episode. But I am puzzled by your comment that Myrtle thought Clark was immortal and would therefore suffer more/longer. It's been a while since I saw the episode (hurry up, S.4 disks!), but I don't remember this aspect at all. Why did she think this?

Kathy

oops Mixed up 2 female villains there. You're right, Kathy! No idea why Myrtle thought what she did - only that she qualifies in the top 5 of tacky L & C villains. (which of course invalidates all her opinions )

btw, I think we do get a clue about the depth of Clark's feelings inTGoM when he's talking with Martha and Jonathan about having to give up Clark. His feelings range over a lot of things but he doesn't show much more grief over the loss of his relationship with Lois than with Jimmy. I was really disappointed in that. And what about his nodding off when Lois begins to admit her feelings to him at the end?

c.

This was such a beautiful, touching story. I almost didn't read it after I saw the warning, but I just watched this episode last night, so I decided to go ahead. I thought when watching the show that if Clark had thought about it more, he would have never put Lois in that danger. He would have done something else, anything else. The fact that he did what he did was, I think, the result of many days of stress and fear. So, if it had gone wrong, I can see how the guilt and sadness would have been overwhelming. Thank you!

For my own conscience, I need to say two things about this latest discussion about Lois deathfic. First, that I won't criticize Terri for writing his story, and that I don't for a moment doubt that he wrote it because he was so honestly moved by Rachel's video.

But the second thing I need to say is that I agree with Carol's views. I do think it's truly depressing that we see as many Lois deathfics here as we do.

I *think* - and I may certainly be wrong - that many, perhaps most, female LNC fans have come to LNC mainly because of Clark (make that Dean Cain's portrayal of Clark). I also think that many of Dean-Clark's female fans respond to their hero *precisely* because of the combination of physical strength and emotional vulnerability that he projects. Because it is this aspect of him that they love, they'll tend to see him as emotionally more vulnerable than the the TV series actually warrants. If you love a character for his vulnerability, you may want to create situations where you can explore his vulnerability as much as possible and make him as devastated as possible.

Also, if a female fan writes a story where she kills Lois and makes Clark devastated, I think that, perhaps, she can also imagine that her own story continues in such a way that she herself gets to console Clark for the loss of Lois.

All this leads to, I think, an LNC fanon with a somewhat exaggerated compassion for Clark and a lack of compassion for Lois. I don't mind any sort of compassion for Clark, don't get me wrong, but a lack of compassion for Lois pains and bothers me.

Ann