This is Part 3 of the Comedy Round Robin. The writers had great fun doing this and we all hope you find it entertaining and funny.
The Writers:
Ann (TOC)
Classicalla
Doc
LoisLane2
MetroRhodes
Edited by Classicalla
The usual disclaimers apply.
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From Part 2:
Dressed in a white rhinestone jumpsuit with fake sideburns glued to his cheeks and a ton of gel in his hair to imitate the King's cowlick, Superman flew toward outsize Elvis. As Clark came closer, he started buzzing like a mosquito - a large white mosquito - around Elvis' face to distract him. Elvis angrily swatted at the white insect....
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Strange Revelations Part 3L Big, Uh, Little Trouble
He continued swatting at the insect but it was to no avail. Roaring with fury, Big Elvis started chasing Little Elvis until the king-size crooner ran straight into S.T.A.R. Labs, or he would have if he hadn't hit his head on the door-frame and knocked himself out cold. (The earthquake resulting from his crash-landing on the floor measured 3.4 on the Richter scale.)
Several guards from STAR Labs quickly grabbed Giganto-Elvis and hauled him into the operating room where Dr. Klein stood waiting with a scalpel, a mega-sized power saw, and a jukebox playing "Heartbreak Hotel" over and over.
Meanwhile, Lois and Clark were waiting in the hallway outside, when suddenly the Metropolis Department for Pest Control broke into S.T.A.R. Labs with a fire hose and started hosing down the entire building with insecticide to kill the white Elvis insect which was reported to have made its way onto the premises.
The pest control supervisor yelled, "We gotta kill that insect! We can't let insects that large live! They'll take over the entire planet!!"
After making sure Lois was safely away from the mad pest control men, Elvisito* calmly walked over to the supervisor. "Uh, mister... you aren't going to kill me with that stuff. I can survive a nuclear bomb." Then Clark took off the sideburns, spun into his Superman suit, and starting laughing so hard that hair gel flew right into the supervisor's face.
After a few hours, a beaming Dr. Klein emerged from the operating room. In his hand was a huge darning needle with a length of rhinestone-encrusted silk rope dangling from the eye of it.
"I put the entire jukebox in his chest," said Dr. Klein as he started removing the Polynesian thimbles that covered each of his fingertips. He hadn't had any surgical gloves, but the thimbles had worked like a charm. "Not only did I put the jukebox in, but I got his entire collection of records into his chest and tummy, too. Actually, that took so much space that I had to expand Elvis slightly to house it all. He's now eleven-foot Elvis with a nine-foot waist. But Priscilla finds him so attractive that she hasn't stopped kissing him since he woke up from surgery."
From a nearby room emerged an incessant stream of Elvis ditties played so fast that they sounded like Smurf songs. "Elvis and Priscilla's kissing injects so much energy into the jukebox that it plays the records slightly too fast," explained Dr. Klein.
Suddenly, Lois jumped up onto her seat with a shriek as a stream of Smurfs ran out of the operating room and darted into a hole in the skirting board.
"Shrink me, shrink me!" Clark yelled as he crouched down to peer into the hole, "I have to get those Smurfs!"
"Clark, no! Get back here," Lois hollered. "Dr. Klein don't you dare shrink him - this is getting ridiculously out of hand! I mean, I love Elvis as much as the next person but we can't have him running around playing smurf music and attracting imps from other dimensions. Next thing you know Mxyzptlk will show up and that will be a nightmare," Lois said as she went over to both Elvis and Priscilla and effectively pulled their plugs.
Mere moments after the music stopped playing, Perry came running into the operating room. "Lois! What have you done? 'The King'!"
Before Lois could reply, a swirl of sparkling air appeared before them in the room.
"Uh, Lois, I think a certain imp from the fifth dimension may have heard you..." Clark said with a wearisome tone in his voice.
"Really?" said Lois, with exaggerated politeness. "An imp from the fifth dimension? What an honor, Mr. Imp. Delighted to meet you. I'm Lois Lane. What's your name?"
Clark said dryly, "Lois, you called him! You should know his name."
"You have to fool him into saying his name backwards," wheezed Dr Klein. His whispered injunction was loud enough to cause a mini-tornado to whoosh down the corridors of S.T.A.R. Labs, sweeping up a few smurfs and blowing off Mr. Mxyzptlk's hat. Clark quickly caught the hat and swallowed it whole.
The pest control supervisor had been sitting in the corner wiping goo off his face and lamenting over his failure to kill the white, red, blue Elvis - Superman insect, when he noticed the mini-tornado. He jumped up and yelled, "I'll kill that bug." With that he went off running towards the 'whoosh' of air.
Clark said, "He's really lost it, hasn't he? Now he's chasing air from Dr. Klein's wheezes." He stopped and smacked his lips. "Hmmm.. That was pretty tasty. You got any more of those hats Mxyzptlk?" He began licking his fingers.
Mxyzptlk looked around and saw the dead green Elvis, the now unanimated J cup... J cup??... Priscilla, the lady who was dressed in a white sequined jumpsuit with a yellow cape balancing a basket on her head, the blissfully happy last son of Krypton who was asking for another hat to eat, and finally Smurfette and the red and blue Papa Smurf holding hands, swaying, and singing, "Lah, lah, la-la-la-la, lalala, lah, lah....", and decided this place was too crazy for him. "Kltpzyxm!" With that he was gone...
Clark had a really big, silly, sappy grin on his face. "Anybody wanna go to the Fudge Castle? The ride's on me...." Then he succumbed to a fit of, "He he he, hehehe.. heheheheh...."
Lois looked at Dr. Klein. "Do you suppose that hat...."
"...do I suppose that hat has affected our young superhero adversely? Possibly, my dear, even probably. I think Superman is going to need a lot of tender loving care and that you are the one best suited to give it to him."
Lois eyed Clark appreciatively. "So... eh... Clark, what do you think you and I should do now?"
A huge grin settled itself on Clark's face, as he started to answer. But Dr. Klein suddenly looked alarmed. "My dear Superman, you can't *say* those things out loud here. This is the PG folder!"
"Oh... right. Okay I'll settle for a kiss then instead," Clark said, pulling Lois in for a soul-searing, mind-blowing kiss.
Lois melted into his arms and finally came up for air a minute or so later. "Uh, yeah, and besides, I wanna get married first...." she said breathily.
"Married?" Clark asked.
Lois looked at the lifeless form of the King, now covered by a sheet. Perry stood over 'The King' crying. "Yeah, in the Blue Suede Chapel Of Love. Come on, fly me to Vegas, first-class," she said, as she jumped into Clark's arms. "Then I can get to providing some of that tender loving care you were thinking about." She giggled.
"Oh, you mean..." Clark started to say.
"No! Don't say it!" Dr. Klein warned.
"That's right, I'm going to take this tube of very-stingy cream and rub it everywhere!"
The awful smell of Ban-Gey assaulted Clark's sensitive senses and quickly snapped him out of his hat induced euphoria. He made a face of disgust and poutingly said, "Lois, the only thing that stuff will do for me is repulse me. How could you? I was ready for Blue Suede Heaven." His pout had turned into a lower lip tremble and he seemed close to tears. He spun back into the sparkly white jumpsuit and took off. This time he didn't leave the red underwear on the outside of his clothes - he left them on the floor.
Lois found Superman floating at the counter of the Fudge Castle where customers were huddled in a corner murmuring about Superman's change of clothing and his very odd behavior. He was blubbering like a three year old that had lost his favorite toy. He was on his eighth triple sized banana strawberry split double split and was demanding his ninth, tenth, and eleventh. The counter beside him was broken and the poor server was practically cowering. "Yes, Mr. Superman, yes. Right away, Mr. Superman!"
Lois spun into Priscilla and snatched the three triple sized banana strawberry split double splits. She held one in each hand and balanced the third on her hip, where it wiggled suggestively.
Elvis-Superman stared at her. "Lois! How did you spin into Priscilla?"
"It was the kiss," Lois purred. "When we exchanged bodily fluids - or saliva, anyway - your spittle was full of magic sparks from Mxy's hat. I just licked those stars up. Ta-daah!!! Meet Lois-Priscilla-Myxette!"
Suddenly, Lois ripped open Elvis-Superman's shirt. "Ahaa! I knew it," she whispered seductively. "Underneath this white jumpsuit, you are wearing your blue Superman shirt and blue leggings, but nothing in between. You left your red briefs on the floor at S.T.A.R. Labs."
Clark looked down at the point of his anatomy where Lois' gaze was riveted. There it was again!! That flash of Red from his dream. He looked back up with a bananary grimace, "Jeez, Lois, I know you like tartan shorts, but there's no need to stare like *that*..."
"Uhhh... Superman, I said you didn't have anything on between the shirt and the leggings. Those tartan shorts must be *under* the leggings." She looked at him very seductively. "I can help you change if you like... Besides, I'd really like to know which clan pattern you are wearing. That could prove very interesting. Maybe I could get you to wear a kilt in the same pattern. You know what they say about be-kilted men."
"Uhh... I *am* wearing a kilt. Didn't I say that? Did I say that I was wearing shorts? I must be a little confused. Maybe that's what eating Mxy's hat does to you."
"Mmmmm, yes, you *are* wearing a kilt underneath your Elvis jumpsuit, Superman. And you know what a real Scotsman is supposed to wear under his kilt?"
"Ehmmm.... Nothing?"
"Lois, would you like to see? I could uh... ah... ah... ahhhhhchooooo!"
Clark sneezed on Lois, but unfortunately he had some left-over Mxy dust in his lungs, because when he sneezed on her, she disappeared.
"Lois? Lois!"
"Clark?"
He could hear her but he couldn't see her. 'What possibly could have happened?' Then he noticed some movement out of the corner of his eye. He focused very carefully and could finally make out a three-inch tall miniature Lois. "Oh no!"
"What did you *do*?!! she cried. "You are in big... uh little trouble, Mister!"
"Awwww, Lois. I think you are cute like that. I could carry you around in my pocket and have you close to my heart forever."
"You better fix it, mister! *Now*!!"
Suddenly, Lois gave a high-pitched squeak. She tried to dive into Superman's Elvis-costume, but unfortunately it was too tight, so she dived straight into the box of chocolate ice cream instead, burrowing into it like a drill.
The next moment, the door to the Fudge Castle was thrown open and Metropolis's finest, that is the Pest Control department, came storming inside.
"Where is she? Where is that Priscilla insect?"
Fortunately, the owner of the ice-cream parlour had had enough.
"That's enough! Out! And take that fire hose with you! I can't sell my ice cream if you guys spray it down with DDT!"
"Yes, and I can't have you spraying her down with insecticide either. That's my fiancee'. We're getting ready to head to Vegas!" Clark said, anguished. He was sticking his finger into each carton of ice cream, feeling for Lois.
"Hey! Get your fingers out of those! You're going to have to pay for those!" the shop owner cried.
"Okay, give me a super-duper-sized ice-cream! I'll have as many scoops as it takes!"
"How many scoops would that be?"
"Never mind, just get scooping!"
The shop owner complied. He got the largest cone in the entire Fudge Castle and started filling it with scoop after scoop. Vanilla. Strawberry. Raspberry. Toffee. Hazelnut. Lemon Cream. Caffe Latte. Licorice Fudgecake. Crême Brulèe. Blue Moon Cheesecake... (20 minutes later) ...Double Cream Espresso Decaf, Dragonfruit Delight, Flourodized Toothpaste Thrill, Rose Petal Boulevard Sunset, Tamarind Lasagna, Beam Me Up Scotty, Chocolate.....
"Help! Help! He...llblb!" Lois spluttered
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* Little Elvis in Spanish
