Strange Revelations 4/?
This is Part 4 of the Comedy Round Robin. The writers had great fun doing this and we all hope you find it entertaining and funny.
The Writers:
Ann (TOC)
Classicalla
Doc
LoisLane2
MetroRhodes
Edited by Classicalla
The usual disclaimers apply.
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From Part 3
He could finally make out a three-inch tall miniature Lois. "Oh no!"
"What did you *do*?!! she cried. "You are in big... uh little trouble, Mister!"
Suddenly, Lois gave a high-pitched squeak.... She dived straight into the box of chocolate ice cream instead, burrowing into it like a drill.
"Give me a super-duper-sized ice-cream! I'll have as many scoops as it takes!"
The shop owner got the largest cone in the entire Fudge Castle and started filling it with scoop after scoop. Vanilla.... Licorice Fudgecake.... Blue Moon Cheesecake... (20 minutes later) .... Beam Me Up Scotty.... Chocolate.....
"Help! Help! He...llblb!" Lois spluttered
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Strange Revelations Part 4: There Be Pirates Here, Captain!
He...llblbppbb!" Lois spluttered again, as she was being scooped up and placed as scoop number 246 in Clark's super-duper ice-cream cone.
"Lois! Darling! I've got you!" cried Clark, as he was balancing his precariously wobbling tower of multi-flavored ice-cream.
"That will be ยง793.95!"
"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, payment. Clark looked down at his super suit, then up at the tiny Lois who was still perched on her ice-cream throne, and back at the shop owner. "I don't suppose you could just send me a bill in care of Lois Lane at the Daily Planet? I don't exactly have any pockets, and you'd need a microscope to see her money."
The shop owner looked disgusted.
It had taken a few moments, but chocolate being chocolate - especially when one was coated in it - had finally performed it's magic! Lois suddenly expanded into her normal size.
The shop owner looked at her and said, "Lois Lane?" When she nodded, he said, "Pay up!"
"I'll get you for this Superman. When *Clark* and I get married you'll owe me, Mister. Boy, will you ever owe me!" Then she muttered softly so only he could hear, "No pockets, indeed. Ha!" She pulled out her Master Card and and gave it to the shop owner. "This had better be worth it..."
Suddenly, a beam from above enveloped Lois and Clark. Their outlines started shimmering, and the next moment they were gone from Fudge Castle Heaven. At the same instant, they materialized aboard the good ship, the USS Enterprise NCC-1701.
"There you are," drawled Scotty (who had suddenly forgotten his Scottish since Ann is writing his lines). "You, Superman, hae stolen meh kilt, ah believe?"
"Well, now, uh, Scotty, it's not my fault you left it here the last time the Enterprise visited this time period. I figured you could reclaim it in a couple of hundred years. How did you get here, anyway? Sling-shot around the sun? H.G. Wells? Mxyzptlk?"
"Gimme meh kilt, Mr. Superman!"
"Oh, okay. You are no fun at all! Here!" Clark handed the kilt back to Scotty. "Do ye think ye cud drap us off in Las Vegas, mon?"
"Nah wen ye mock meh, mon!" Scotty said indignantly.
Lois had recovered from her shock and was finally able to speak... "Scotty? Could I possibly meet Pavel Chekov?" Lois asked, giggling. "I just *love* his accent! Oh, and yours!"
"Ahem. Pardon me," Clark said, trying to regain lost ground. He tried to ignore Lois' last statement. 'Pavel? Really? No, focus, Clark.' "I wasn't trying to mock you, Mr. Scotty. Honestly. Now how about that ride?" Clark could fly them to Las Vegas, but how cool would a ride on the Enterprise be?
"Be rid of ye then, but yer nah ge'in' nae ride en meh magnificent ship." He was about to beam them to Antarctica when Jim Kirk walked in. Scotty nodded. "Cap'n."
"Mr. Scott, do you mean to tell me that you brought us back in time to reclaim your kilt?"
"Et's meh ancestral kilt, sir!"
Clark said, "I told you you could reclaim it in a couple hundred years."
Kirk seemed to have just noticed Clark and Lois. He flashed a big smile. "Well, well, what have we here?" He took Lois' hand and kissed it. "This little excursion might be worth it after all."
"If you want to stay in the future or not live on a beautiful Kentucky horse farm*, then you better not touch her again. If you do then you're dead, Jim." **
Kirk took no heed of the warning, and bent forward instead to kiss Lois. She, however, gave a mighty sneeze, and the Mxy-sparks in her lungs not only shrank Kirk to a puny three-inch size, but knocked him out as well. McCoy bent over him and felt for his pulse.
"He's dead, Spock," McCoy announced.
Spock sighed and gently applied a reverse neck pinch to his miniature Captain. Immediately Kirk stirred.
"Uh...sorry," said Lois. "I didn't mean to do that...not *exactly*."
"You shrank him, Miss Lane, but you did not kill him. Ever since that Tempus person conducted an experiment on Captain James Tiberius Kirk, he cannot kiss a woman without dying. Fortunately, my reverse neck pinch revives him. I have already revived him six hundred and eleven times," said Spock, haughtily and long-sufferingly. "It was only logical that I would do it a six-hundred-and-twelfth time, too."
"But noo the two of ye are oot uh here", said Scotty and opened a hatch beneath Lois and Clark. They fell out of the good ship Enterprise and started plunging towards the Earth.
As they began falling, Clark once again thought of 'Red'. Why did he keep getting these strange flashes?"
"I guess it's a good thing I can fly," Clark said as he caught Lois. "I've got you!"
"You've got me! Who's got you?!"
"Lois! Superman here. Remember?"
"Oh, yeah. I guess I thought I was Margot Kidder a minute. Besides it's hard to think when you've just had the wits scared out of you. Let's go to Las Vegas, Flyboy, but I've had enough of Elvis." She giggled. "How about one of those drive through places for a super quickie wedding?"
"Well, I can't change out of this Elvis suit," Clark reminded her. "Remember what I've got underneath?"
Lois grimaced. "Oh, yeah, right. I guess that wouldn't really work, huh? Okay, the First Chapel of Blue Suede Deliverance it is then. If we're going to get married with you dressed like that, at least you'll blend."
Clark set them down in the middle of the Vegas strip right next to Treasure Island. Unfortunately the pirates were in the middle of their nightly swashbuckling show and Lois and Clark were too close to the action.
One pirate came swinging by on a rope and swept Lois up in one arm. "Welcome to the Carribean, love," he said as they went flying through the air on the rope.
"Lois! Wait, bring back my fiancee'! I'm the only one who's supposed to scoop her and fly with her!" Clark yelled, frustratedly.
"Yer in the wrong show, matey!" He pointed across the street. "The Elvis impersonator show's over thar."
"I'll show you which show's the right show. Give me that woman!!
"Ye want her mate? Then you're gonna have to come fetch your bonne lasse," the pirate told Clark as he landed the two of them up in the crow's nest. He drew his fake sword in a show that he was going to challenge Clark for her.
"Excuse me! I demand that you take me back down there right this minute!" Lois screamed at the pirate. "I'm supposed to be getting married!"
"Married? Well why didn't you say so? We've got an ordained minister right here on board our ship," the pirate informed them.
'Only in Vegas', Clark thought to himself. "A pirate wedding? Well, why not?"
The minister looked somewhat untrustworthy, with a black patch covering one eye and a hook sticking out where his left hand should have been. He leered a little at Clark and Lois, then he called all the pirates to attention.
"Atten---hhhhttt!!!"
All the pirates stiffened and stood very straight.
"Ooooo-kayyyy!!!! Are we gathered here today? Mates?"
"YEEESSSSSS!!!!"
"To join this man and this woman?"
"YEEESSSSS!!!!"
"In holy matrimony?"
"YEEESSSSSSS!!!!"
"Okay! Do you, Elvis, take this Priscilla, to be your lawful wedded wife and all that stuff?"
"Yes! Eh, no! I'm not Elvis! I'm Superman! Eh, no, I mean, I'm Clark Kent!"
"Okay! Do you, Clark Superman Kent, take this Priscilla, to be your lawful wedded wife and all that stuff?"
"No! No, he doesn't! I'm not Priscilla! I'm Lois Lane!"
"Okay! Do you, Clark Superman Kent, take this Lois Lane, to be your lawful wedded wife and all that stuff?"
"Oh, I do. I really, really, really, really do."
"And do you Lois Lane, take Clark Superman Kent, to be your lawful wedded husband and all that stuff?"
Lois looked up at Clark lovingly. "Yes, I do. I really, really, really, really do, too."
"I now pronounce you man and wife. I really, really, really, really do." He threatened Clark with his hook. "Kiss her already, matey!"
Lois sighed into Clark's kiss. She looked up at him and said, "Maybe we can do something about that kilt-less Elvis jumpsuit now, eh?"
The one-eyed, black patched pirate said, "Well, I can see you two are in a hurry. Here's all your paperwork. Thar's a lovely pirate honeymoon suite in the hotel."
Seeing as how there was a Star Trek Convention in town, though, Lois and Clark had no luck what-so-ever in finding any kind of honeymoon suite....
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tbc
*William Shatner lives in the state of Kentucky, USA on a horse farm.
**Classic Trek-Speak: He's dead, Jim
For any of you reading this who aren't Star Trek fans:
--Kirk liked the ladies a lot and almost always made a conquest
--ST was famous for someone (usually Bones aka Dr. McCoy) often saying something like "He's dead, Jim."
