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Joined: Apr 2003
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166 |
Ehhh.... Clark! Dump her already! Lois awaits.
Great part!
I am wondering about something. Is Chad Wilson actually mentioned in LnC? If not, I'm a little curious as to why you didn't use an established character from the Superman Universe - like Pete Ross or the Eyrig guy or even Chloe Sullivan, for that matter (not really Superman Universe so much - just Smallville). It doesn't matter, I'm just curious.
More soon please....
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
This is a great part. I love that you mirrored the pilot so closely, but you gave Clark a confidence that we just didn't see that early in the show. And maybe since Lois doesn't work with Clark, she won't be adverse to dating him. Once he dumps Lana, that is. 
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
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Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41 |
Whee! Here we go with part 2! I wait outside the entrance to the airport, watching for Chad. I would have just flown directly to his apartment, but when I called him to tell him I was coming, he insisted on coming to pick me up at the airport. Of course he did. *g* I smile and wave at him when he gets close enough to see me. He pulls over and I throw my duffle bag in the bed of his truck. I open the door and climb inside; I’m greeted by one arm thrown around my neck in a mighty one-armed bear hug. Awww “Nah. I never get jet lag,” I tell him. Chad has no idea how true that is. I hold back a smile. *grin* “See, through my connections at the Star, I was invited to this big event tonight called the ‘White Orchid Ball’. OOOH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I cheer like I had no idea that was coming...  ) Hmm, that did sound promising. Well, why not, no sense in an invitation being wasted. Besides, these events usually held the promise of some great food... LOL! The man definitely loves his food.  Something in his manner or presence sends a cold chill down my spine. I’m not sure why I don’t like him, it’s just a weird feeling I have. Stick with your gut, Clark! I promise it's right.  She possesses an innate beauty with her hair swept up off her neck and wearing her off the shoulder gown just a little too well. I love this sentence! Especially the last bit of it. “Beautiful, isn’t she?” Chad asks me. I flinch a little bit at his unexpected voice. I was still attuned to the other conversation, so Chad’s speech accosts my enhanced hearing. Awwww. Interesting. So if I wanted to find anything out, I was obviously going to need to speak with Ms. Lane. Oh, what a terrible shame! *eg* “Boldness is a trait I find very attractive in a woman, Ms. Lane,” Luthor interrupts her.
Oh good grief. LOL I start to turn away... oh well, why not? Maybe I could get some information from her. YAY!!! She turns around to face me and regards me with a calculating gaze. “Mr. Kent, right?” she asks me. I love the calculating gaze. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asks, pulling back, trying to halt our dance. I don’t let her. I pull her back in and resume the dance. Good boy, Clark! “Uh, no. I’m not a big fan of the Star, Ms. Lane.”
“You can call me Lois.” YAY!!! But back to your original question, I’m at the Ball tonight because Chad had an invitation and brought me as his date.” I wink at her. LOL! If I didn’t have enhanced-hearing I would have never heard her, but as it is, I hear her mumble under her breath, “Yeah, join the club.” I smile to myself. All work and no play make Lois Lane a very... *intriguing* woman. What makes her tick? There has to be something besides work. Love this! And awww, poor Lois! (But lucky for Clark. ) “If he really didn’t want people in here, he would have locked the door. Right? I heard he was giving private tours earlier. I just missed mine and I’m catching up. Look, Kent, you don’t have to come. I didn’t ask you to.” LOL! I love this! Great Lois here. *g* I bend down to examine the collection more thoroughly feeling my heartstrings tug with slight regret at deciding not to take more of those trips I had planned after college, those trips to other continents, other countries, other cultures. I had taken a few, but not nearly as many as I had originally planned to. My plans had changed. I had chosen instead to be with Lana. Awwwwwww!  Poor Clark! Lana! Yikes! I’m going to have to cut this party short so I can get back to Chad’s place and give her a call. She’s going to be steamed. BOO!!!  Ms. Lane smiles indulgently at him while I roll my eyes. He’s not at all vain, is he? LOL! Nope. Not a bit. I then had to spend a significant amount of time recounting the events of my evening to Chad, particularly to console him after the rejection he’d received from Ms. Grant. Poor guy. Awww She’s not amused. “If we’re going to trust one another we have to be open, honest with one another. Willing to share everything.” Hee! ‘Is she really the one?’
Yes. Isn’t she? NOPE!! Remember that striking woman you met a few hours earlier? Looking good, DJ! I was especially taken with the interaction between Lois and Clark during their brief dance. Very well written!  I'm looking forward to part three! Sara
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Omg, dump her already. :p No really, I just hope Clark keeps examining his relationship because it really will be WWIII when he finally drops the bomb on Lana, so to speak. Lois was worked nicely into the story. I was wondering how that would happen at the ball since Clark didn't have any reason to approach her dance with Lex.
Jen
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
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I like this alternative beginning. It's not only logical but very interesting. And Clark, if you have to keep asking yourself "Is she the One?" she almost surely isn't. (I type from personal experience.)
I like that you're painting Lana as a bit controlling but not a complete witch. And the contrast with Lois will develop gradually. Right now, all Clark knows is that they're both attractive, driven, ambitious, and totally certain of their goals. Hey, maybe Lana and Lois aren't that different after all.
Yes, they are! (slaps forehead)
It's also interesting that Clark regrets not being able to travel around the world because of his relationship with Lana, although at this point in the story he'd never admit that. And the ironic part of it is, I think Lana has real, sincere, strong feelings for Clark. She just can't separate those feelings from her own personal goals, and that may be part of the reason she's trying to run Clark's life.
The first-person POV is cool, too. It's hard to pull off, especially for a longer story, and so far you're doing very well with it. Of course, Clark can see and hear a lot more than the average human can. I anticipate some cool action and some fascinating interpersonal interaction very soon.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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<DJ giggles gleefully> Look at all the yummy fdk. Yes, Maria, he does... as well he should, don't you think? Is Chad Wilson actually mentioned in LnC? No, he's not. I have seen all the Supermen movies and am a big fan of LNC, but I never really read the comics. So I wasn't familiar with any of Clark's friends from Smallville. Since I didn't *know* the characters, I decided to play the safe route and write one of my own. Hope you don't mind. And maybe since Lois doesn't work with Clark, she won't be adverse to dating him. Mrs. Mosley, I'm so glad you pointed that out. That was exactly the point I was trying to get across. How would Lois have reacted to Clark if he wasn't *working* with her? If there wasn't the "competition" there that she felt over her job and her stories. If she didn't see him as a "hack from nowheresville" but instead as an editor of his own paper who was impressed with her work? Hmm, we'll see... Sara, thanks for all that fdk. I feel like a glutton now. I love this sentence! Especially the last bit of it. Thanks! I liked that one in particular myself. Looking good, DJ! I was especially taken with the interaction between Lois and Clark during their brief dance. Very well written! I'm looking forward to part three! Thanks Sara! Glad I'm still captivating your attention with the 1st person. I promise more interaction between Clark and Lois in the upcoming parts. More WAFF. More angst. I'm not sure if I'll be posting part 3 tonight or in the morning. I'm trying to keep a steady pace with my beta reader and she's been really busy. 
Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Dec 2004
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Run, Clark, run! She’s stunning. She possesses an innate beauty with her hair swept up off her neck and wearing her off the shoulder gown just a little too well. She too seems to have an amazing confidence, but not arrogance. There’s just a certainty about her, as if she knows exactly who she is and what she wants. Awww! Hopefully meeting the lovely Ms. Lane will help Clark realize Lana really isn't the "one". Love that he's already questioning it. Great part!! Jackie
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
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Pulitzer
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/me waves tentatively... Clark, you're the most powerful man on the Earth. Don't be a super door-mat. :rolleyes: I had wanted to talk a little more with Ms. Lane about Samuel Platt, but she had gotten swept away by other members of the Daily Planet and I had left with Chad to come home. Yes, you wanted to talk about Samuel Platt. Right. Well, you know where Lois works, so, go talk to her! But now, finally, I have peace and quiet and I could devote myself to Lana, even though I was dreading it. Duh, Clark. What a shame! Remember: you're Superman! Oh, wait, you are not. Yet. :rolleyes: You're Lana's super door-mat. But Lois is gonna change that. Right, DJ? Her words cut me a little. If she’s upset about this, how is she going to react when I tell her about me, about the real me? Uh-oh. Don't do it, Clark! Nope. She isn't the one to you, Clark. Well, now that I've written my late, late FDK, I'm ready to part 3. Andreia 
"My wife's love is what unites Krypton and Earth in my heart. Without it, without her, I truly would be in hell."
~ Superman: Man of Tomorrow #15
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Columnist
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Columnist
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oh wow I am still laughing over the part where Clarks tells Chad that he likes him but doesn't want him as a date. This line had me laughing the whole evening. The dancing scene is perfectly written and the comments from Clark while Lex and Lois are dancing are cracking me up. Can't wait for the next chapter and I am so glad the others like the story as much as I do. Thank you for writting it. 
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Pulitzer
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Hi guys! Jackiek - thanks for the fdk! Gotta love Jonathan for putting that little doubt in his mind, don't ya? Andreia - So glad to see you here! Thanks for all your wonderful comments. Particularly this one: “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asks, pulling back, trying to halt our dance. I don’t let her. I pull her back in and resume the dance.
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I like this bold Clark. Hehehe... Thanks for pointing this out because that was something I was trying to do... show a different side of Clark. This Clark is different from the one we knew. He is the editor of his own paper. He holds a confidence (boldness) here that he didn't at this point in the series. He also isn't as timid obviously around women, he's got a fiance' for goodness sakes, so he knows a little bit about what he's doing. Either that or Lana just bullied him into it. Hee hee. So thanks for pointing out what you did. You may see Clark do some things that he wouldn't necessarily have done in the other pilot - but that's why this is a rewrite. Tahu - Hello there! I'm so glad you liked the part about "dating Chad". I had a blast writing that scene and am ashamed to admit that I was totally cracking myself up... and you're welcome - THANK YOU for sharing your idea with me that spawned this story. Thanks everyone!!!
Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Nov 2005
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Clark is doubting he and Lana are meant to be together.
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment. ~Robert Benchley
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Didn't mind the new character at all DJ - I was just curious.
I like it how you so wonderfully mirrored a bit of Smallville and you didn't even know it... Last season on 'Smallville', Clark is beginning to realize that Lana's not the one. (And so help me if they don't put Lois and Clark together eventually on that show, I may have to choke some producer some where...)
Oh, yeah, DJ, your beta's been busy all right... Sue, the evil nfic writer herself, may kill us all.
Bold clark? Sounds familiar DJ. Bolder! DJ! Bolder! (Just a joke referring to DJ's last story.)
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Pulitzer
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Thanks for the fdk vive60 I appreciate it - glad to know you're reading. Classicalla "Sue - the evil nfic writer herself, she may kill us all" - heh, you have no idea... Bolder? Sheesh! You all just want him to dump Lana and hook up with her in the next part don't you? It ain't gonna happen... at least not in the next part Plenty of WAFF though, if I remember correctly. I seem to have lost TOC on this part? Ann! Did I offend? Thank you again everyone. I loved each and every comment. I'll be posting part 3 in the morning.
Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Jun 2006
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Hi! I just got caught up with your story. I always love POV type fanfics. When I read them I feel I see everything through the character's eyes. It encourage me to identify with the narrator. I just love it!  EDIT: I forgot to ask in part 1, why Clark doesnt want to be caught eating a big sandwich except for Lana lecturing him about cholesterol. Doesnt Lana realized that it doesnt affect him? if they are in fact together and engaged, obviously she might have known that about him. I mean she knew if he was lying (given the smudge mayo on his chin). After all this time she should have known Clark still is as buff as always. You don't have to answer this. Its just one of my thoughts.
You're the icing on my cake.
What's that?
Chocolate, of course.
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Pulitzer
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Hi Spark! I'm getting ready to post part 3 right now. No, Lana doesn't know about Clark. He hasn't told her yet. His mother points that out in the second part - that maybe Lana wouldn't pick on certain things or cut him a little slack if he told her. Remember in this story he's not Superman yet. He only helps out when he can, so there's really no reason for Lana to suspect anything. It's not like she can look past the glasses to see the man in the Red and Blue suit... there is no man in the Red and Blue suit... yet.
Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
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Gaahh! I'm so late leaving FDK, aren't I, DJ? And I have very little time now. I just wanted you to know I'm still reading and very, very much enjoying this story. I just loved Clark's conversation with Chad! DJ, you write these two young guys so irresistibly well and charmingly. Just consider: “Well, I’ve got a proposition for you then.”
Proposition? I raise an eyebrow at him questioningly. Hah, good start! Let's see the ring first, Chad! I smile to myself. All work and no play make Lois Lane a very... *intriguing* woman. What makes her tick? There has to be something besides work. And Clark would love to be your... eh... lollipop.... Anyway, Lois and Clark go snooping around Luthor's inner sanctum... well, his moderately inner sanctum. I loved this little snippet: I see something that catches my interest almost immediately, an ornate and exquisite display of ancient weaponry – swords, pistols, even a primitive looking crossbow.
I bend down to examine the collection more thoroughly feeling my heartstrings tug with slight regret at deciding not to take more of those trips I had planned after college, those trips to other continents, other countries, other cultures. I had taken a few, but not nearly as many as I had originally planned to. My plans had changed. I had chosen instead to be with Lana. Yes, just think of all those things you should have seen, Clark, but you chose to be with Lana instead. And this is great: I turn around and almost run right into the tip of a sword that’s being pointed directly at me. The man holding the sword is Luthor, calm and cool as a cucumber. So that’s how he wants to play it huh? Two can play that game. “Macedonian,” I remark nonchalantly. Lovely!!!!! Anyway... a few more things happen with Luthor, though nothing serious, and Clark returns to Chad's place. He calls Lana and starts having doubts about their relationship: I frown at the phone as I hang it up. Something dad said to me earlier in the day comes to my mind. ‘Is she really the *one*? ...She expects so much from you.’ Is she really the one?’
Yes. Isn’t she? Beautifully written, DJ. And no, Clark, Lana isn't 'the one'. Okay, fascinating! Great Clark POV. Great charm. Clark is so innocently youthful somehow, as if he had never been seriously hurt here. So, by the way, is Lois, though she is perhaps more innocently youthfully confident, but whatever... Lovely premise! Okay, I know you have posted part three already... I'll post FDK on that one later, OK? Ann
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Pulitzer
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Hi Ann! With wonderful fdk like that, I don't care how late you are. I'm just happy to get it. Love their banter! It was such fun! I'm so glad you like Chad. Yes, he was my own invention and I thought he was pretty funny. lollipop.... Hmm, I've started a bad thing with my "food" theme haven't I? I'll post FDK on that one later, OK? Thanks Ann! Loved the fdk! I'm going to post part 4 in the morning.
Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
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