Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Strange Revelations - Part 10/11 - If 42 Is The Answer.... (Borgie Killer...)

This is Part 10 of the Comedy Round Robin.
The Borg have finally arrived....

The Writers:

Ann (TOC)
Classicalla
Doc
LoisLane2
MetroRhodes

Edited by Classicalla

The usual disclaimers apply.

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From Part 9

Granny was looking after all twenty-four little Kentlets (that is, she was looking after all of them except Krypto, who did pretty well on his own). Granny had grown eleven pairs of extra arms, so that she had one arm available for each little Kent baby. (Granny had also grown one unmatched extra arm, so that she could hold her favorite coffee-cup in it. She didn't need Lois' nylons to filter her coffee, as the invigorating drink was constantly dripping from a tap at the end of her broomstick.)

"Granny, I forgot your big white pill this time," Lois confessed with blushing cheeks. "So how many babies am I going to have this time?"

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Strange Revelations Part 10: If 42 Is The Answer Then Uplets Must Be The Question (Borgie Killer, I Can Fly!)



"Why, dearie, you're expecting octuplets this time! Oh, I'm so happy for you!"

"Eh... I'm happy too, Granny.... But last time you said I was having quintuplets, and then it turned out I was having twenty-five! So now, if I'm having octuplets, does that mean I'm having sixty-four new babies? Tomorrow?"

"Oh no, honey, don't worry! Granny is looking after you better than that. No, there are only eight of the octuplets, not sixty-four. 'Course, you're expecting triplets on top of the octuplets, and those triplets have trebled, so that there are nine of them. All in all, you're having seventeen new little Kentlets! Isn't it adorable?"

"It *is*, Granny.... So when am I having them? Tomorrow?"

"Oh no, dearie. You have your hands full with your twenty-five ones - eh, *I* have my hands full with your twenty-four ones!" Granny giggled and used twenty-four of her twenty-five hands to lift twenty-four little Kentlets out of their identical cribs, while Krypto hopped and bounded around her, yipping happily.

"No, dearie," Granny continued, you're not going to have your seventeen ones for a long time. How about... when all twenty-four of these little ones have finished college?"

"Isn't Krypto going to college?" Lois looked disappointed, and Krypto yelped unhappily.

"He's going to the doghouse, but there is a college there too, don't worry," said Granny. "He'll learn everything about down boy, heel, sit, fetch, seek, fly, and play dead."

"Okay," said Lois doubtfully. "But are you saying that I'm going to be pregnant for, what, twenty years? Am I going to be a walking walrus for two decades, then?"

"Oh, no, dearie! You are hardly going to be pregnant at all. You are only going to be itty bitty pregnant for twenty years, and then, presto, on the night after the twenty-five-uplets graduate you'll swell up, and the next day you'll have the seventeen little newbies!"

"Wow," said Lois, impressed. "I already have twenty-five babies - well, twenty-four babies and a doggie - and I'm going to have seventeen more! So how many kids will Clark and I have all in all then? Forty-two?"

As Lois spoke, a deep, deep rumble resonated through the earth. It resonated through the heavens. It resonated through time and space.

It was the universe itself that was doing the resonating.

"Not bad," said a deep, deep, deep, deep voice. It was the universe itself that was speaking. Or rumbling. "'So how many kids will Clark and I have all in all? Forty-two?' That was one of the best attempts ever to find the Ultimate Question to the Ultimate Answer, which is forty-two."

Clark, Lois, Granny, Krypto, the 24 uplets, and Ms. Naughty Toc, who came running from balcony, were all speechless - stunned. Naughty (as Clark so 'lovingly' called her) was rendered so stunned that she didn't even try to squeeze that lovely Super behind.

In unison, they all (even the Kentlets) cried, "Forty-Two?!!"

The voice answered, "Forty-Two!!" It rumbled again. "It will be so! Make it so, Jean-Luc! Make it so, Picard!"

Suddenly Lois' belly swelled out so big that she couldn't stand up and Clark had to help her sit down.

They both said, "Granny?!"

"Well, dearies, the voice has spoken! Make it so!"

Suddenly, Captain Jean-Luc Picard appeared as if from nothingness (transporter, don't you know..). "Forty-Two, Forty-Two, said the voice, said the voice. The Borg are coming - led by HamBorg! Led by HamBorg! The Borg are coming! It must be so. It must be so." Then he smiled and said, "Well, get with it Lois. We'll need those seventeen-uplets. Right away! Right away!"

All those present, thought, 'Hmmm... So that's where HamBorg disappeared to....'

Finally Classic Metro BlabRat, er, RatLat, er RabMab, er MabLat, er MadRat, er what the heck - somebody came out on the arm of Krazy Kat and she was purrrrring happily. She said, "What's the commotion about boys? You are interrupting our happy interactions." She didn't bother to listen for an answer. She just dragged poor WhatHisName back to the bedroom.

The very proper Englishman* playing a Frenchman* said, "Well, umm.. yes... ummm..."

Clark and Lois yelled, "What?! Say it!"

As Granny cooed and rocked the uplets and Krypto relieved himself on Picard's boot, he said, "One of the forty-two will have to interact with the Borg, because *I* refuse to be Locutus again!"

Lois, who was now once again in labor, said, "You *will* not use one of my children. Go your way, Picard, Picard. Go your way!"

Krypto ran around and around his mom and dad. "Let me help. Pleeease? Me, me, me! Me! Please me! I'll kill the Borgies."

Picard looked at him. "Oh, please! A dog whose favorite flavor of ice cream is Bitch Frolic Doggie-Doo is going to kill the Borgies.. er Borg?"

Excitedly Krypto answered, "I'm a special doggie. Borgie killer! I can *fly*....."

What nobody knew, especially not the Borg, was that they were not the real Borg at all. No Sireeee. It's one of the best-kept secrets of the universe! The *real* Borg was Sweden's greatest sports star ever. *The* Borg. The *Bjorn* Borg. Or, if we are going to be nit-picking, *Björn* Borg. Winner of Wimbledon five times in a row, from 1976 to 1980. Famous for his double-handed backhand, his unkempt stubble, his shoulder-length blond hair restrained by a headband and his ice-cold unruffledness on court.

Krypto, despite being quite a bird-brain of a dog (after all, he had hatched from an egg - and by the way, we may return to the bird later) was nevertheless sufficiently attuned to the universe to know that the so-called Borg from Star Trek were not the real Borg at all. Krypto figured out that the best way to attack the Star Trek Borg was to attack them/it with the real Borg. The Bjorn. The Björn. Actually, the real Björn was not such a frightening opponent anymore. After circa forty-two wives, two kids and a mortgage, Tennis-Borg was getting slightly unstrung.

However, Krypto flew like a flash of canine lightning to Björn Borg's home outside Stockholm. From there, Krypto retrieved a wooden Borg tennis racket, a blond wig with a headband and a bucket-full of tennis balls. Thus armed and attired, Krypto the Tennis-Borg sizzled at light-speed into space to meet the Borg head on. When he came within range, Krypto started bombarding the Borg ship with aces and mean double-pawed backhands, shaking his blond tresses menacingly at the enemy.

Granny came to Krypto's aid, holding all the remaining twenty-four uplets in twenty-four of her hands and transporting all the Kentlets into space on her broom. All the little babies wore Tennis-Borg wigs with headbands and all held miniature tennis rackets in their hands. When they reached their destination, the twenty-four little ones began barraging the Borg ship with forehands and stop volleys.

However, Krypto the Super Dog and his twenty-four sibling uplets were not quite enough to stop the Borg ship. That's why Lois had to give birth to the seventeen little ones right away. Lois panted and groaned and pushed out one new Kentlet after another. As soon as one was out, he or she was attired in a blond headbanded wig and armed with a tennis racket, whereupon the the little newcomer was placed in his or her own broom-bassinet and sent into space to join the mighty tennis match in the sky.

Finally, after number seventeen was finally out and dispatched to join the fray, the forty-two Kentlets were finally able to simultaneously serve forty-two super aces which sent the Borg ship tumbling into the mother of all black holes, namely, the singularity at the dawn of time which exploded and turned into the Big Bang, which then gave rise to life, the universe and everything.

"Forty-two!" rumbled the universe. "I told you forty-two was the answer!"

Fortunately the Borg got stuck in the singularity and will be stuck there for all eternity. Finally! No more Borgies.. er Borg to deal with. After having forty-two wives, Björn Borg could be stuck there, too. Who knows? Only a tennis match will tell!

Perry couldn't help but think about Piggy Priscilla / Miss Piggy and Elvis. How they must be upset over poor little HamBorg. No great loss, though. He was a Borg after all. Come to think of it with 136 little Piggy's left, they probably aren't missing them at all. Perry chuckled and took a drink of coffee. He had the only supply in all of Metropolis, New York City, and Gotham City. He was keeping it well hidden.

All the little blond Björn impersonators (impersonators because no one could play tennis like Björn) frolicked and played on their way back to earth. All forty-two of them...

Bernie, Bernard, Bernette, Bernice, Bernadette, Wisteria, Jor, El, Lara, Zara, Sara, Ching, Ling, Lucy, little Lois, little Clark, Lane, Jerome, Teri, Dean, George, Cain, Tanaka, Superbubba, Krypto, Hatcher (the name was now available again since the previous Hatcher was now Krypto), Kal (that name was now available because Naughty's mouse was hurt and deleted him and changed him into a her named Wisteria), Mark, Ghent, Lola, Brook, Chloe, Claire, Jon, Zared, Jama, Lara, Jenni, Hannah, Meowoof, Caitlyn, and Batman.**

Ms. Naughty Toc happily assisted in the care of the twenty-five-uplets and sixteen of the seventeen-uplets. She really didn't like Caitlyn at all though since Caitlyn kept scaring her after the little accident with the semi...***

"Oiiieeeee!" yelled Caitlyn as she made hair-raising dives on her super-pram-broom down at Toc.

"Caitlyn, deaire," said Granny. "Be nice to auntie Toccie, darling, or else I'll take that broom away from you, hmmmm?"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" roared Caitlyn. Everybody sighed and agreed to let her keep the broom.

"Oh, well, I suppose the exercise will do Toc good," Granny observed.

"I don't know," said Clark nervously. "It will be harder to protect my behind from her if she is in good shape."

"Then we'll both be in good shape, Clarkie-boy," Toc panted. "We'll be real shapely. Your behind and me."

"Toc!!!!" said Clark, horrified. "You promised not to tell!!!!"

Suddenly and for no reason, a yellow brick road opened up before them. And the next moment, bathed in a soft, rich, glorious, technicolor light from 1939, Judy Garland came walking down that road towards them.

"...over the rainbow, blue birds fly," Judy Garland sang. "Birds fly over the rainbow, why then, oh why can't I?"

"Dunno lady, p'raps because you got no batrope? 'Sides, us Robins ain't blue!" And with those words, Robin, dressed in a glorious red sleeveless belted shirt, a green short-sleeved all in one piece bodice, a yellow cape, green gloves and little green elfin shoes, came swinging down from the nearest skyscraper on a batrope.

(Well, we promised you a bird, didn't we?)

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhh!!!!" yelled all the little Kent-lettes at the sight of him. Well, these li'l girls might be only one day old (or two), but they were old enough to know a cute little hunk when they saw him.

"Robin?" said Clark, in a fatherly voice. "Shouldn't you go back home to Batman?"

"Ugh, old Bats has locked himself in the Batcave with Catwoman, Batwoman, Batgirl, Catgirl, Vicki Vale, Bicky Snail, Brucetta, Waynetta, Alfredianna and Robin! A girl Robin! His Girl Robin! And he says I can't come in! And since I heard you have a Batman here ...."

"Ga-ga-ga," said baby Batman Kent.

"Okay, you can stay," said Clark with a sigh.

Since no one could help Dorothy on her journey to Oz on the Yellow Brick Road and everyone except that red and green bird had ignored her, she just hopped back on it and went her way. She thought perhaps no one had noticed her supreme beauty because of the forty-two uplets.

Baby Batman Kent looked at at Robin and thought he must be about the most handsome young man in the world. *She* prayed and then said, "Gwanny, gwant me a wich! Give me the knowledge and the body of a young lady. Make me the same age that he is." Granny smiled sweetly at the baby girl. And so on this *night* with a *wing* (of Granny's wand) and a prayer she grew into a beautiful young woman."

"Hey, there handsome. My name's Batman." She give him a beautiful Lois type smile. "Wanna take me out on the town for the *night*? I can fly so I'll provide the *wing*. Batman and Robin began a long beautiful relationship.

And Batman was so glad she beat that desperate little Wisteria who was just one step behind her. Ah, well, Wisteria would have to find her own little red and green bird. Better yet, she'd better not look at *any* birds. She could end up with some *knight* with a *wing* and a prayer, too.

Poor little - er, big Wisteria (She had made the same wich to Gwanny only Granny didn't wing her wand. She waved it instead and Wisteria just missed getting Nightwing.) Wisteria just kept desperately looking for a man - almost any man.

"Granny, granny, I wanna wich. I wanna wich!" Lola cried out when she saw how happy Batman was.

Granny was about to wave her magic wand. Then a real *wich* actually appeared... out of the porthole that the yellow brick road had opened up.

"Who killed my sister? Who killed the witch of the east. Was it yooooou?" she said, pointing at Lola.

"WAAAAAAHHHHH! I don't like 'da wich! WAAAAHHHHH!"

Clark and Lois decided it was *really* high time for them to devote some quality time to being parents to their uplets. So they took a long, leisurely walk around Hobb's Bay, pushing thirty-seven prams between them.

"Thirty-seven prams?" said Clark. "Who are missing? Okay - one accounted for," he added, as Krypto hopped and bounded around him and jumped up to lick his face.

"Well, Batman is with Robin," Lois observed. "And Caitlyn is chasing Toc. Wisteria's off somewhere, too. I don't know about that girl - she's desperate somehow."

"So who is still missing, then?"

"Lola, I think," said Lois. I think I heard her cry something about an evil witch - do you think she and Granny have had a falling-out?"

"Could be," Clark agreed. "It's fun being parents, isn't it?"

"Hmmmmmmmmm," Lois purred and beamed at Clark, looking absolutely blissful.

"But I've been thinking," Clark said. "We need more space now that there are forty-four of us. Our apartments really won't do anymore."

"Yeah, especially since I guess we'll have to have four more uplets," said Lois. "Two more boys and two more girls. After all, what will our parents say if we have no kids named Martha, Jonathan, Ellen and Sam?"

"Four more kids, then," Clark agreed. "This all kind of feels like a dream doesn't it, Lois?" Dream? When would he figure that dream out? "So how do we get ourselves a bigger place to live?"

"Land, Miss Teschmacher, land!" It was Lex Luthor's ghostly voice that echoed down Hobb's Bay.

"Land!" Lois exclaimed. "Clark, I've got it! You know that enormous pile of stuff that came out of my purse, and is still clogging up Hobb's Bay?"

"Yes....?"

tbc

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*Patrick Stewart, who plays Jean-Luc Picard, is British. Jean-Luc Picard is French.

** Mark, Ghent, and Lola are characters from MetroRhodes' story Novel Idea.
Brook, Chloe, Claire, Jon, Zared, Jama, Lara, Jenni, Hannah, Meowoof, and Caitlyn are characters from Classicalla's story A New Hero

***Caitlyn is a character in A New Hero and Toc, among others, has expressed her dislike of this character. This is in reference to a special mini Tank ending that was created just for her and a few other Caitlyn haters....